Chapter Thirteen
Loki
I’d only been to Loki’s place of work once before, to support him during a holiday art auction a few Christmases ago. While Tyr had always been more left-brained—a meticulous master planner, with everything in his life organized to the point of insanity—Loki and their baby sister Hel had been more right-brained. Art had been their outlet, and while Hel’s creations could either be sweet children’s illustrations or Gothic visions dark enough to give you lifelong nightmares, Loki’s had always been more of the hyper-realistic style, with people rather than landscapes being his favorite element to draw.
With a talent like his, and the world he’d grown up in, it was no wonder Loki became a tattoo artist at the most famous tattoo studio in North America, if not the entire world.
“Welcome to House Of Payne. Do you have an appointment?”
I gave the Rockabilly woman a smile, admiring the cherry-red of her hair that matched the cherries hanging off her earlobes. “Actually, no, I’m not here to get any ink. I texted one of your tattooists earlier to let him know I was headed his way. He told me to show up at one, because he thought he’d be done with his session by then.”
“Gotcha.” The woman plucked up a tablet. “I’ve got the schedule open right here. Who are you waiting for?”
“Loki Colgrave.”
“Loki, right. Yep, he should be wrapping things up any minute. Do you want to wait upstairs in the breakroom? I can have his wife, who’s working security here, keep you company.”
Ha. Subtle. “Loki and I grew up together, and I’d love it if Alice could keep me company. I haven’t seen her since the day she gave birth to their daughter Catherine last winter.”
Something relaxed in the other woman’s expression, and she gave me a brilliant smile. “Great to hear. If you’ll wait just a moment I’ll go ahead and page—”
“Ginger.” As massive in height and breadth of shoulder as Tyr ever dreamed of being, Loki came down the metal and glass-brick staircase that led into the open reception area where I was. “Damn, girl, it’s been too long. Where’ve you been hiding?”
“Vixen’s Den, where else?” He had the Colgrave look—hammered-gold hair, Viking-square jaw, and his eyes were a shade or two lighter than Tyr’s, almost like a tiger’s. When he gave me a brief but fierce bearhug it was like slipping backward in time. “It’s good to see you, Pokey.”
“Pokey.” The Rockabilly woman snorted, then cleared her throat. “Yeah, I’m totally not going to spread that name around.”
“Great.” Loki rolled his eyes before settling on me. “So what brings you to my neck of the woods besides trying to destroy my badass rep with lame childhood nicknames?”
I took a deep breath and plunged in. “About six years ago, your brother Tyr had you run a guy out of town, a guy I was falling in love with. Does the name Jake Anderton ring any bells?”
In a heartbeat, Loki turned to the woman at the desk. “Scout, how much time do I have before my next session?”
The woman, Scout, flicked a scarlet-tipped finger over her tablet. “Roughly ninety minutes—enough time to get the numbness out of your hand, grab some coffee and clean up your booth, anyway.”
“There’s a diner across the street,” Loki said to me, grabbing my arm. “We can talk there.”
“Or, you can talk right here in front of me,” Scout called after us as Loki hustled me toward a revolving door. “I totally won’t spread around any of this amazingly yummy tea, Pokey.”
Yeah, the diner was an awesome idea.
While The Mad Cow was a worrisome name for a diner, I took comfort in how crowded it was, and it took nearly ten minutes before we were able to grab a booth near the back. Overhead, music that could have been played at a Halloween party whispered below the general din of a crowded space—“Time Warp” or something like it. The diner’s windows had been painted with Halloween-themed cartoony pictures as well, including a spooky tree looming over a graveyard, dancing ghosts and a bunch of laughing jack-o-lanterns.
Mouthwatering scents of frying hamburgers, French fries, grilled onions and strong coffee perfumed the air, and suddenly I realized I was starving. I ordered a cheeseburger with a side of autumn-themed sweet-potato fries, and a pumpkin-spice latte with tons of whipped cream. Loki, the party pooper, ordered nothing more than a couple slices of pumpkin pie and black coffee, then gave me a hard look when the server sped off with our order.
“Okay,” he began, lacing his hands in front of him. “Tell me what you know.”
“Not much. Just that the guy I was falling for dropped me like a hot rock, and Tyr admits years later that he was behind Jake leaving. I just want to know why.”
“Ask Tyr.”
“We’re in a weird place, and I’m not sure I fully trust him.” There. I said it. My mind was a hopeless tangle of confusion and emotion, and I needed clarity from someone who was on the sidelines to help me figure it all out. “I’m not mad about this, if that’s what you’re worried about. I mean, I’m not thrilled about it, but it was six years ago, and if Jake had truly loved me, he would have manned up and fought like hell for me.”
“I don’t think he knew how. Not against Gravedigger might, anyway, which means he was never going to be a good fit for you, Ginge. You might think it was all lovey-dovey at the time, but I guarantee you, that uptight preppy douche would’ve bored you out of your goddamn gourd within six months. He wasn’t right for you.”
That shouldn’t have been his call to make, or Tyr’s, but at the moment I had other fish to fry. “So, who is right for me? Because Tyr thinks it’s him, or at least that was the impression he gave when he said the only babies I’m ever going to have in my lifetime are his.”
“Hot damn! About fuckin’ time, too. Alice and I are three ahead of you with Cyrus, Alex and Catherine, so you guys better start screwing your brains out and get this baby train rolling.”
I stared at him. “I had no idea the Colgraves were so baby-bonkers.”
“I’m pretty sure Hel isn’t, but for the men in our family, it’s all about making that next gen, you know? I wanted a good half dozen but Alice is drawing the line at four, which I get. Catherine’s birth wasn’t the easiest, so I’m ready to count my blessings exactly as they are. I never knew I could be this happy.”
As our drink order arrived, I couldn’t help but smile at my friend. Back in the day, Loki had been as wild as his namesake, so seeing him as a settled family man who was clearly gaga in love with the woman he called Stems made my heart sing. “I’m so happy for you, Loki. You deserve all the good things in life.”
“So do you, and so does my brother. You guys went through the worst kind of hell growing up, with Uncle H pitting you two against each other the way he did. He did it because it hurt both of you, but I think he also did it because he was probably scared shitless over the possibility of you two combining forces against him.”
“What do you mean?”
“There’s a reason why a massive chunk of Chicago Gravediggers jumped ship and went over to Tyr’s new chapter of the Gravediggers, Ginge. You were only eighteen and Tyr was twenty when he, shall we say, took care of Popcorn like it was fucking nothing, and you sliced up my worthless cousin Marvel nine ways to Sunday. After that night, everyone looked at you guys differently—like the two of you were something special together. Unbeatable. It’s like you became as much of a power couple that can exist in the biker world.”
I scoffed and sipped my hot drink. Mm, yummy . “No way.”
“I’m being as real as I can be on this, so you’d better listen up. You know that old saying about throwing a person to the wolves, only to have them return as leader of the pack?”
“Yeah.”
“That night, my uncle was stupid enough to throw you and Tyr to the wolves in the Rumpus Room. The two of you walked out of there as leaders of the pack, and by damn, Hades knew it. Respect for him nosedived while the exact opposite happened for you and Tyr, because you didn’t just survive that night, Ginger. You beat Hades at his own game. You made that bitchy cunt look fucking small .”
Without thinking about it, I smoothed a hand over my sweater-covered, scarred forearm. “What I wouldn’t do to beat that bastard right now.”
“With you and Tyr finally getting together, you are . That’s the ultimate victory over Hades and his never-ending petty bullshit, and everyone knows it.”
“I’m… not sure we’re actually together ,” I said carefully, feeling my way as our food arrived. “Here’s the thing, Loki. I’m having trouble trusting your brother for a lot of reasons, most of which can be laid at Hades’s feet. I get that, and I swear I’m trying to work my way past it. But there’s also Tyr’s behavior, which seems so out-of-character that I can’t help but question what his real motives are.”
He glanced longingly at the fries mounded on my plate next to the juiciest cheeseburger in the world. I nudged my plate toward him and grinned when he happily grabbed up some fries. “Tyr’s always been weird, Ginge, and I can say that because I’m his brother. What kind of behavior’s got you in a twist?”
“It’s just the sudden change in it, I guess. I mean, until last week we were cold-war frenemies, at least in my mind.”
“Not in Tyr’s.”
I picked up my burger dripping with cheese, grease and all the universe’s condiments, and pointed it at him. “You don’t know that.”
“Oh, I do, but at the moment I’m more interested in this change in behavior. What kicked it off?”
Of course he asked a question just as I took a monster bite of my burger. Typical. “I cut my hand and bled all over the place. I also kind of freaked out, because I hate the sight of blood. He kissed me in lieu of a smack in the face, and then… I don’t know. I guess it’s like he said, the genie can’t be put back in the bottle once something like a kiss happens.”
He nodded while inhaling the piece of pie in front of him. “Sounds about right.”
“He’s never shown any interest in me as a woman. Yet come to find out, the man owns the Vixen’s Den property and my loft. More than that, he’s basically catered to my every whim when it comes to those properties, and I never even knew it was him making all my wishes come true.”
“Shit,” Loki muttered, piling more fries onto his now-empty pie plate. “I didn’t know about that.”
Join the frickin’ club, pal . “I tried dating the tattooist next door to Vixen’s Den. Days later the poor guy gets evicted because of it. That was another thing that may have sparked the change in Tyr—me, going on a date. But what the hell else am I supposed to do? I’m going to be twenty-nine in a handful of days, Loki, and I look around and see that everyone has someone to love in their lives—a significant other, kids, whatever. Me? I have no one, because Tyr chases everyone away. I’d think he wants me for himself, but he never approached me until I was freaking out over losing a pint of blood. So why now, when he’s in a war with Hades? Why not ten years ago when I lived with you guys after my mom died?”
“Beats me.” He shrugged before downing his coffee. “Maybe he knew you needed some serious time to heal after losing your mom. Or maybe because Hades made you hate everything about Tyr and you needed time to just decompress. Or maybe it’s the curse that’s got him all fucked up.”
He said that last bit as though talking to himself, so I wasn’t sure I heard him right. “Sorry? Did you say curse ?”
Loki rolled his eyes. “It’s a family legend dealing with first-born sons or whatever. It’s stupid.”
I leaned forward, my half-eaten burger forgotten. “Tyr mentioned before that he thought we were cursed, so lay it on me, Poke. I want to know.”
“It’s stupid,” he said again, quickly cleaning both the pie plate holding the pilfered fries and the second plate of pumpkin pie. Like all Colgraves, his metabolism had to be god-tier. “Our grandfather, Titan Colgrave, was in Europe—drafted during the Cold War and hating every second of it. One night, he got drunk at some local tavern, got in a fight, and broke up the joint because, well, that’s what Colgraves do.”
“This is my not-surprised face,” I couldn’t help but drawl.
His grin was wicked. “What can I say, we are who we are. Anyway, this pissed off some rando villager Titan thought looked like a Gypsy. She yelled at him in a language he didn’t understand—because Europe, obvi—and Grandpa Titan chose to believe it was a curse, instead of the European version of ‘ get outta here, you goddamn drunk ,’ which is much more likely. Like I said, stupid.”
I didn’t know whether to laugh or stare, so I did both. “You’re kidding me.”
“Nope. You gonna eat that?”
I looked down at my half-eaten burger and pushed the whole thing in front of him. “What did Titan’s vivid imagination decide the curse was about?”
Loki made a sound of appreciation after biting into the messy burger. “Something about first-born sons losing everything they love before they die miserable, lonely deaths by scabies, or whatever. Titan seemed to have an irrational fear of scabies. I don’t even know what the fuck they are.”
“You must have an iron stomach,” I remarked as I watched him devour the burger, shaking my head in wonder. “You’re able to talk about scabies while eating literally everything in sight.” But then, that was Loki. Nice to see some things never changed. “And as for the Colgraves being cursed, that kind of stuff only works if you believe in it. You know, making it a self-fulfilling prophecy, or whatever. Tyr’s too smart for that.”
“You’d think so, since he’s always been the down-to-earth, pragmatic one. But I remember when our dad told us the story about the curse, Tyr announced he’d never love anything, so the curse would end with him. That’s why I said what I said—maybe it’s all that stupid curse shit that has Tyr all fucked up.”
Tyr announced he’d never love anything.
The words seemed to echo in my head until they filled me with such a sense of loneliness it was a major task not to sit there and bawl my eyes out. I shook my head again, trying to snap out of it. “Well, I for one don’t believe in curses.”
“Good for you.”
“I do believe in making sense of what’s happening between Tyr and me, and that’s my sticking point. Until last night, I never would have imagined us being… you know, together.”
“What happened last night?”
“He broke into my apartment, tied me to the dining room table and fucked me like I’ve never been fucked. Oh, and he ate my dinner, too. Must be another Colgrave thing—eating other people’s food.”
Loki’s cheeks bulged with the final bite of burger as he froze, staring at me. He looked like the badass-biker version of a chipmunk. “What the fuck.”
“Don’t talk with your mouth full. I’ll tell Alice.”
It took him a couple seconds for him to swallow. “So… okay, you need to help me figure this out. I don’t get how you’re not crystal clear on his motives. I don’t think my brother could be any fucking clearer than that.”
“What if… what if it’s like you said—that Tyr knows how both the Chicago Gravediggers and his own chapter of the Gravediggers look at us as a so-called power couple? Hades is notoriously unstable, whereas Tyr is the opposite of that. With me officially by Tyr’s side, we would present a rock-solid, stable platform that represents the future of MCs in all of Chicagoland. On the other hand, Hades, old and alone, with no heirs and fucking insane, is shown to be a relic of the past. If you’re trying to win a war, weakening your enemy by any means necessary—while strengthening your position—is the way to do it.”
“So you’re thinking Tyr decided to bang you because of the war between him and Uncle H?”
“Yeah. I mean, the timing of it all… Doesn’t that make sense?”
“Holy fuck, no, it doesn’t,” he shot back, staring at me incredulously. “Sure, bikers like to have stability in their club, and their leadership. But we’re not talking about some Old World monarchy that’s strengthened by arranged marriages, Ginger. We’re talking about badass bikers who don’t give two shits about who Tyr decides to make his ol’ lady.”
“Then why is Tyr doing this now ? How can I believe this isn’t somehow tied to winning the war against Hades?”
Loki blew out a breath, pushed all the empty plates to one side, and leaned across the table. “Look, I don’t know why Tyr’s chosen now to make a move on you, okay? I only know you mean one helluva lot to him. In fact, I think you’re the most important person in his life.”
I snorted. “Never in a million years.”
“Yeah, well, when I tattoo a woman’s face on a guy’s ass, it usually means he loves her.”
“ WHAT ?”
The diner’s volume decreased dramatically at my screech. Loki sent a bland look around the room before reaching for his glass of water. “Way to keep it cool, weirdo.”
I couldn’t seem to get my jaw rehinged. “You didn’t.”
“I did. Check it out the next time you’re enjoying nakey-time with him. If you’re not tied up again, that is. Not to brag, but it’s some of my best work.”
“I just…” Nothing worked. My brain, my mouth. Nothing. Well, my heart was racing a mile a minute, but that only made things worse. “Th-that’s… this is…”
“Holy shit, I’ve blown a circuit in you.” His delighted chuckle earned him a dirty glare from me, before he leaned over the table once more. “Look, Ginger, when we were growing up together, all my siblings and I wanted was to protect you from the monster that was our uncle. But for Tyr, that need to protect you became an obsession that never died. He would do anything for you. Anything . I’m sure of it.” When I could only shake my head, he sighed roughly and rubbed the back of his neck. “Serious question, okay? So think carefully before you answer.”
And that wasn’t intimidating at all. “Okay.”
“Are you too fucked up in the head to make babies and a future with Tyr? Because if you are, you need to let him know right now, so that the both of you can be free.”
Free? Free of what? “I-I don’t know.”
Loki looked at me for a long moment. “Don’t let Hades win on this one, Ginger. He wants to annihilate Tyr, he always has. And you not being able to get past all the poison Hades created between you… well, that just might do it. That might seriously fucking end my brother in a way I can’t explain. I do know that no other woman would ever be allowed to have his babies—create his family—other than you. So whether you want to hear it or not, here it is. Everything is all up to you now, Ginge. You need to get your head out of your ass and decide if the past is strong enough to take away an amazingly beautiful future that you could have with Tyr, or if you’re the one who’s strong enough to fucking go for it. Right here and now, on this very fuckin’ day, that monumental decision is all. Up. To you .”