Chapter 24
Twenty-four
-GRAYSON-
I’ve made my way to Maude’s treehouse all by myself.
I spoke to Stellan along the way who warned me not to be judgemental, and for the second time I wasn’t sure what he meant.
I saw that flying woman again and passed that blue hippo I’d seen before.
This time he was playing chess with a meerkat who wore a stylish gold-rimmed monocle.
He used it to study the board before each move.
I really want to live here. It’s wacky and surreal and still feels more like home than the mortal world.
Would Milo ever move here? The surprise I’ve organised with Penelope will help him forgive me, but curing his mum will be the icing on the cake. And then we can choose our own treehouse in this trippy realm.
I’m at Maude’s front door, and this time, the tree she lives in waves at me. I knock. She lets me in.
A large woman in a black dress and beanie stands when we make our way into that room where Maude and her cat once cast the spell of knowledge on me.
“I’m Doris,” she says. I shake her hand. “I love the vest you’re wearing. Is that the one Penelope made for you?” She eyes Maude who shakes her head.
“Yes, it is.” I turn, showing it off. “Penelope has good fashion sense.”
“Well, I guess it’s okay,” Maude grumbles.
“It’s perfect,” Doris assures me. “Maude, you have to give credit where credit’s due.”
“As I was saying before Grayson arrived”—Maude’s obviously keen to change the subject—“the main trick I learnt at the convention is a better way to conjure cobwebs. It’s a lost art. They had it down pat in the 1600s.”
“How often do you need cobwebs?” I ask.
“Grayson, haven’t you thrown a Halloween party?” Maude gestures for me to take a seat. We all sit. “Or more to the point, have you ever been to a Halloween party that wasn’t decorated with cobwebs?”
I shake my head.
“Well, imagine a room where your guests stride through the web to get to the drinks.”
I cringe. Maude smirks. Doris starts laughing.
“Okay, you got me,” I say. “Very funny.”
“Anyway, Grayson,” Doris begins, “I’ve heard you have a problem with a zombie.”
“I think so,” I reply.
“What do you mean you think so, Grayson?” Maude asks. “You seemed pretty certain when we spoke on the bus. You said she looks creepy unless she eats.”
“Yes, that’s a zombie,” Doris confirms.
Maude’s talking cat bolts in and rests its paws on my knees. It barks. I jump, causing the cat to lose his grip. It barks again.
“What the...?” I crouch and caress the top of his head.
“Thank you,” he says. I expect him to purr but quickly realise that won’t happen. He pants like a pup instead.
Doris grins at me. “Maude told me she wanted Tinkles to be more loyal. She was sick of his smartarsed comments.”
“Tinkles? The cat’s name—”
He barks again.
“Sorry. The dog’s name is Tinkles? I think of—”
“Someone tinkling on the ivories of a piano.” Maude’s sudden interruption gives me a totally different mental picture than she intended. But I don’t think she’d appreciate a joke about the dog-cat marking its territory on a musical instrument.
I turn to Maude. “You said a magic spell can’t be cast on a person who’s been dead for a while. I’m confused.”
“Would you like a cup of tea?” she asks.
“Yes please.”
And with a twirl of her finger, a delicate teacup and saucer appear, and I’m holding them although my hands were helping me express my feelings a moment before.
Maude and Doris have cups of tea too. I sip. The drink is sweet but it doesn’t taste like it’s been enhanced with sugar.
“It’s honey from argumentative bees.” Maude gives me a wry smile. “Who knew angry bees make the sweetest honey.”
I think she’s joking because this doesn’t taste like honey. But I’ve never considered the temperament inside a beehive, so what would I know.
I place the tea down next to me where I notice a Witch and Warlock fashion catalogue.
“That is from the convention,” Maude tells me.
I open it, then show the witches a photo. “A vest. Just like the one Penelope made me. Except in red.”
Doris gives Maude the triumphant look of someone who’s won a debate. “Penelope has an eye for fashion. Like I said, Maude, credit where credit’s due.”
I flip a few pages and see a wizard in an autumnal green suit, a witch’s dress inspired by sexy lingerie, and a really cool punk cape with zips and metal spikes.
I like the latter but I’m not sure a cape is my style.
But the ornamental glass devil on the shelf is nodding at me, while the melting clock has its face back, and the hands are coming together and pulling apart, like they’re clapping.
Perhaps I could go punk, just not with a cape.
“Now, Grayson,” Doris begins, “about this zombie mother. No, we can’t do spells on rotting corpses, but as you can see by Tinkles, I’ve learnt to curb the behaviour of living things.”
“But Milo’s mother is dead.”
“And I can help the dead too.”
“But Maude said...” My head swivels back and forth between the witches.
“Hypnotism,” Doris replies.
“Hypnotism,” I repeat.
“Hypnotism.” Maude nods.
The barking cat is giving me a playful grin.
“So, you have no desire to unravel balls of wool?” I ask Tinkles.
He shakes his head with his tongue drooping from his mouth, and I realise he never seemed like the type of cat who would waste his time with wool.
“Do you purr anymore?” I ask.
He gives a few cheerful yelps but I still don’t understand how hypnotism will help Amelia stop looking shonky.
“You’re wondering what Doris can do for Milo’s mum.”
I nod.
“Have you considered what her diet is, Grayson?” Doris asks.
“Sadly, yes.”
“I can change that,” Doris says. “She’ll be an omnivore again.”
“But omnivores eat meat, and people are meat.” I swallow hard.
“I’ll make her a vegetarian.”
“Perhaps you should make her vegan, just to be on the safe side.” I drink the rest of my tea in one gulp, as if somehow this will settle my queasy stomach.
One time, when Milo and I dropped in on Amelia, she was licking her lips when she saw me. And now that I think about it, she looked more ravenous than aroused.
“You’re stressed,” Maude says to me.
“Yes, I am.”
“Don’t be,” says Doris. “Everything will be as it should. Well, as near to ‘as it should’ as we can make it.”
“The thing is...” I pause.
“Go on.” Maude wiggles a finger and my cup refills with tea.
“The thing is, Doris, I don’t think Milo has worked out what his mother’s diet is. And we’ll need his help if we are to hypnotise his mum, won’t we?”
“Well, yes.” Doris taps her cheek. “It will be an all-out mind-altering assault on this woman.”
“What’s the matter, Grayson?”
“I threw him out of my home the last time we saw each other. And he hasn’t returned my calls, and Penelope and I have this surprise for him and—”
“Breathe, Grayson, breathe.” Maude lifts her cup, urging me to drink.
I sip. And breathe. And sip again. “And his mum’s neighbour went missing.” I have goosebumps. “And so has Summer.”
Doris looks over at Maude and gives her one single nod.
“Then you must play it cool when you see him, Grayson,” Maude tells me. “Don’t mention his mum’s diet. Sons look up to their mums. Mention her new diet and Milo may never forgive you, with or without our hypnotic solution!”