3. Chapter Three
Chapter Three
Ford
Earlier…
Ford drove home in a daze, wishing he’d have brought someone along to do the driving so he’d make it back to the Greystone alive. One minute, he was having a relaxing shower and cleaning his balls in the stall by the pool after working out in the fitness room they had downstairs, and the next thing he knew, his doctor was telling him he needed surgery.
There was a growth on his left testicle, and the news nearly had him on the floor. The doctor had taken blood and performed a sonogram, so all he could do was wait for the results of both tests.
Ford had done his internet research and had concluded that if it was cancer and had been caught early, he’d lose a ball, but he might not need chemo or radiation therapy. The doctor had told him there were prosthetics that could be used for aesthetic purposes, but would it feel the same for him? Would it feel the same to his lovers?
Worst case—it was cancer and had spread throughout his body without his knowledge, and he was a dead man walking. He’d never considered cancer would be a problem for him.
As far as he knew, nobody in his family had ever been diagnosed with any type of cancer, but he didn’t really know much about extended family because his parents thought they were better than their siblings and hadn’t bothered to keep in touch.
Fuck, for all he knew, every person in his family could have had cancer, and he’d never know it because Neil and Alicia left family behind like so much dead weight. If it wasn’t for his grandfather, Silas, Ford wouldn’t have the little nest egg he’d kept over the years.
Once he arrived home, he felt overwhelmed by everything, thus his mountain of lies to buy time to create a plausible excuse to keep Cade and Jax from worrying. Unfortunately, he just couldn’t keep it up. He needed the men he loved, and while he hated to appear weak, if he couldn’t rely on his husbands for support, who did he have?
Two days later, Jackson had caught him at a particularly weak moment, and he finally came clean with him. As he suspected, the big man wouldn’t allow him to wallow alone.
Of course, Jax was right, so Ford gathered his strength to go take a shower. Jax came into the bathroom where Ford was shaving. “What time’s your appointment tomorrow?”
“Eight in the morning. I need to be at the hospital by seven. I... I’m scared, Jackson. I mean, what if…” he whispered, hating to consider the worst.
Ford had heard of the difficulty women had losing their breasts if they had breast cancer, and for once, he perhaps understood how they felt. His balls were the essence of his manhood. If he lost one or both of them…
Jax smiled at him as he walked over to the bathroom vanity, hopping on top to sit. “We’re not gonna worry about the what-ifs until we have to, Ford. I love you so much, I won’t hear of anything awful happening to you, so let’s keep our thoughts positive.
“Let’s get you showered and go down for dinner. Our little angel is going home tonight, so let’s concentrate on that for the time being.” Jax stripped off and followed Ford into the shower, taking a seat on the bench.
Ford sat with his legs splayed, enjoying the gentle spray from the shower heads. He turned to Jax and grinned. “Do you wish we’d have looked into having kids?”
When Jax chuckled, taking Ford’s hand to kiss it, he sighed. The comfort and love he felt from both of the men in his life were nothing he ever thought he’d experience. It was truly a blessing.
“You seem to forget we have a son,” Jax reminded, which made Ford laugh.
On the surface, it was weird to have adopted Kincade, but it had made them a family no one could tear apart.
It was why Ford had done all that research when he came up with the idea in the first place. His former friend, Robin Zacks, had researched it in more detail for him, and when it turned out to be a viable alternative, Ford was psyched about the possibilities.
He was so happy Jax and Cade had accepted the alternative willingly, especially in light of the news he’d received from the doctor. Ford had the comfort of knowing if anything happened to him, the men he loved would live a good life.
There was a knock on the door and a soft voice they both loved to hear. “Guys, can I come in? Sela’s packing up Carlie’s things, and they need to get home by nine. Can I shower with you, or would you…?”
“Get in here, sweetheart,” Ford ordered.
Cade slipped into the bathroom in his black Speedo. After he quickly relieved himself in the toilet, he got into the shower with the two of them and stood under the rainfall showerhead.
“You feel better, Bix?” Cade asked as he shampooed his hair.
Ford looked at Jax and cocked an eyebrow. There would be time for bad news, but not yet. He just wanted one more night of denial.
“He wanted a dog so badly when we were kids that he actually stole a neighbor’s dog. Unfortunately, it was a guard dog, but Branny coaxed it home with him by breaking off bits of steak from dinner the previous night. Once he got it home, it went insane when he locked it in the backyard.
“We couldn’t even get out to the backyard to open the gate to release it because it was nearly rabid at being confined in a strange place. Gerald, the gardener, went outside the gate and opened it with a coat hanger.
After the dog took off, Neil sent Branny out to the yard to clean up the poo. I felt bad for him, so I tried to help. The twins were three and came outside with us, and they got dog crap all over their shoes before they went back into the house. Much as I tried to stop it, Bran got a switching over that one. It made me sick, but Neil… Well, let’s not… Dinner was incredible,” Sela told them.
Her story revealed more than Ford wanted to share, but he supposed she was entitled to tell it, even if he didn’t enjoy the memories.
Kincade cleared his throat as he steepled his fingers in front of his face. “Why does Ford hate Christmas Day? He loves Christmas Eve, but he hates Christmas Day. Hell, why does he love Christmas Eve?”
Ford remembered an IOU he’d never lived up to, but he supposed it was time.
Sela smiled as she took Ford’s hand, gently holding it between both of hers as she used to do when he was a boy and got into his parents’ bad graces. “On Christmas Eve, our parents went to parties in our neighborhood and left the two of us home alone. Well, they had a babysitter for the twins, but we got to play games and watch Christmas movies together. Cook made hot chocolate and cookies for us, and we got to spend our time upstairs in the attic talking about our Christmas wishes. It was so wonderful,” Sela explained wistfully.
Ford squeezed her hand and added, “Yes, it was wonderful to have that night for just us because then on Christmas Day, our parents trotted us from one end of Long Island to another, and we weren’t allowed to speak. We had to be perfect, Sela and me. The twins stayed home again with the nanny, but we had to go with Neil and Alicia, pretending to be the perfect little family. If anything happened to reflect badly on our parents, whether it was our fault or not, our Christmas gifts were given to charity without us knowing what they were. It seemed something happened every year, didn’t it Sela?”
His sister smiled and dried her eyes with a napkin. “Branny, many of those years there were only empty boxes under the tree. Our parents didn’t always have money to support the lifestyle they tried to live, as I came to learn later, so they’d wrap empty boxes for you and me. We were old enough to be manipulated into believing we’d done something wrong so they could take back our gifts, but they had to have something for the twins who were little. They were the worst possible role models,” Sela surmised as Ford looked over to see Carlotta dozing off.
Ford glanced at the lovely watch his sister had given him as a wedding gift and smiled. “Sela, let’s get her out to the car. She needs to be in bed.”
Jax hopped up. “I’ll follow you home and carry her inside, along with her suitcase. Ford, you and Cade can clear the table and discuss logistics for tomorrow.”
Of course, Ford wanted to slap him for saying it in front of Cade and his sister, but in the end, he knew Jackson was right. It wasn’t fair to hide the truth from Cade.
He saw Cade’s head pop up, but he didn’t say anything, so after they kissed Sela and Carlotta goodbye, Ford led Cade into the house and back to the dining room.
“Let’s get this cleaned up while I tell you something which isn’t necessarily bad. I went to the doctor, as you know, and had blood work and a sonogram performed. Seems I have a nodule, or a cyst, on my left testicle. I’m having outpatient surgery tomorrow, and I really…” he got out before he broke down.
Cade’s arms surrounded him as he was ushered to a chair. “Wait, wait, we don’t know anything yet, Bix. No, I refuse to think the worst. We’ve only been together for a year, and I know that’s not nearly long enough, so let’s think about positive things. What’s the best-case scenario?”
Ford sniffed and looked at him. “I hoped it was a hernia or something of the sort, but Dr. Imani doesn’t think that’s what it is, Kincade. It might be a benign growth, but they won’t know until they perform the surgery.”
Cade took in the information and nodded. “Okay, then there’s no reason to worry yet, right?”
“Worst case, it’s malignant, and it’s spread. Honestly, if I only lose a ball, I’ll be grateful. We never even discussed having kids,” Ford told Cade.
“Kids? You’ve got one, Daddy.” Cade touched his chest and grinned. Ford knew he was trying to alleviate the tension, but it wasn’t working.
“No, Kincade, I’m serious. I’d like to have my sperm frozen before I die. If it’s the worst case, I’d like it if you and Jax would use my sperm to have a baby you’d raise together. I’d be honored,” Ford told him.
“Sweet fancy Moses, Branford. We’re nowhere near you leaving us. This is a premature discussion, but if you want children, then you need to talk to me and Jackson together. Don’t just…” Cade snapped as his tears started to fall.
Ford took him into his arms and held him. They were all too fucking emotional, so they needed to get a good night’s sleep.
“Let’s clean up the dishes so poor Connor doesn’t have a heart attack in the morning. I don’t want Sela to know about this yet, okay? It’s between the three of us,” Ford demanded…gently. Cade nodded as they got busy cleaning up the dining room and the kitchen.
Just as they were finishing up, Jax came in through the garage. “You’ve talked?” Ford nodded as he held his two loves in his arms.
“Let’s go to bed. What time do we need to be there?” Cade asked.
“Up at six, hospital at seven, surgery at eight.” Jax led the two of them upstairs.
They quickly took care of bedtime business before they climbed into the king-sized bed and moved to the middle, holding each other. Ford was between them, and it felt so incredible to have his husbands engulf him in loving arms. It would be a memory he’d keep for always.
“Branford, this is Dr. Schulman. He’s going to give you a little sedative. We’re going to perform an orchiectomy. We’ll make an incision in your belly and…” the doctor began.
The gist was they’d take out the ball, slice off the tumor, biopsy it and have a pathologist look at it right there. If it was cancer, the ball and some other stuff would come out and a prosthetic testicle would be inserted in its place.
There would be additional testing to the lymph glands to determine if the disease had spread or not. If it hadn’t, then that was the end of it. If it had spread, there would be follow-up with chemo or possibly radiation. It all sounded scary as fuck.
Ford had changed out of his jeans and T-shirt into a hospital gown and no underwear. Why would you wear underwear? They’re going after your junk.
He turned to Cade and Jax. “You’re going to the club tonight, right? It’s Wednesday, and Griff said there was a birthday party tonight. I need you there, Kincade. Cleveland can handle most of it, but honey, this is your business too,” Ford told him.
Jax reached for Cade’s hand before gripping Ford’s. “We’ll take care of it. You just think positive thoughts.”
Dr. Schulman gave him a shot in the IV line, and he remembered soft kisses to his lips before he fell into a deep sleep.
“Silas, get back here,” Cade called to a little boy with bright red hair. As he looked around, Ford saw they were at a beach, and a beautiful little boy was running around in Speedos, eluding Cade at every turn. Cade’s giggle brought a smile to Ford’s face.
“Lunch!” Ford turned to see Jackson walking down the beach with a basket. Sela was pregnant, and Carlotta was taller…and older.
As Jax lowered Sela onto the blanket, she laughed as she turned to her brother. “I’m done, Branny. Twins are definitely above and beyond the call of duty. I already carried that little monster.” She pointed to the boy Cade was chasing.
“Baby, we’re right here.”
The voice was familiar, but it sounded far away in his groggy state. Ford opened his eyes to see Cade and Jax standing next to the bed on either side. It was heavenly to see the men he loved waiting for him.
The dream had been amazing, but it was just a dream. Having the two men he loved standing next to him was more than enough. He wasn’t about to get greedy.