7
TOBY
When Libby had given me an earful over how stupid it had been withholding my visit from Grizzly, and how my actions had inadvertently set off a chain reaction, I felt like shit.
It hadn’t been my intention to shake up the clubhouse or expose Grizzly’s sexual orientation, but that was exactly what had happened.
Grizzly had taken off after he learned Maddy and Storm knew he was gay. And they knew the truth because Libby had confided in Maddy. Storm had let it slip and the shit had hit the fan. It was so bad, Libby couldn’t talk to me on the phone because she was exhausted from crying.
I felt horrible but honestly, it was time the club knew the real Grizzly… My friend. The dude I was into. I wanted nothing more than for him to be himself without fear of judgment. Which would hopefully pave the way for me to stop living a lie, too.
I pulled my rental car up at the gate and rolled down my window. A new guy I’d never seen before approached. Similar to the other members, he was tall, muscular—no doubt, thanks to Boxer and Ire—and very serious .
“What’s your business?” he asked in a monotone voice. His light green depths were vacant and there were dark bags under his eyes, like he hadn’t slept one wink in the last decade. A skunky scent radiated off him.
Now, I wasn’t a choir boy. I’d smoked my fair share of weed. But as far as I knew, Storm didn’t allow the guards at the gate to drink booze or get high during their shifts.
“Hey, I’m Toby Hamilton, Maddy’s brother.
How’s it going?” I let my voice trail, so he’d introduce himself.
My sister hadn’t mentioned a new prospect.
I wouldn’t hold it against her, she was in the thick of motherhood with two kiddos under three.
Then there was my brother-in-law. Storm was just as demanding of her attention, if not more, than the babies.
Surely, the mention of a new prospect had slipped her mind.
“Is she expecting you?”
“What’s your name?” I twisted my lips, displeased with him for ignoring my cue to introduce himself.
“Not your business. Lemme check with Prez to see if you’re authorized to enter the compound.”
What the hell? I was the prez’s relative for fuck’s sake. Per the lack of title patch on the front of his cut, I was pretty confident he was a prospect. And just to mess with him while he called Storm, I pounded on the horn.
Wrong move!
I blinked and found myself staring down the barrel of a handgun. “Get out of the fucking car, asshole! And move very slowly or I’ll put a bullet between your eyes.”
“I was just screwing with you.” I got out of the car, putting my hands up. “Didn’t mean to trigger you.” Probably the wrong choice of word.
“Zombie, stop!” Lynx trotted toward the gate. “He’s a friendly. Storm’s brother-in-law!”
The dude didn’t lower his gun.
“Are you listening to Lynx? I’m family. Storm’s and Maddy’s family. Birdie’s and Chase’s uncle.” I was literally naming off my relatives and this guy didn’t seem to care.
A loud wolf whistle speared through the air. As if it was specifically made for the dude, he lowered his gun. Behind him, I saw Storm stalking over with a pissed off scowl on his face and his hands rolled into fists at his sides. My badass friend could easily intimidate anyone, including me.
“Brandon Zombie Adams, are you out of your ever-loving mind? Pulling a gun on the prez’s closest friend is the fastest way to have him hang you by the balls.
” Lynx snorted and shook his head. “Good to see you, Toby. Fine weather we’re having, ain’t it?
” Good ol’ Lynx. He always could lighten the mood.
“Yeah, it’s pretty fine out. Perfect for getting my head blown off.” I cut my gaze at Storm and jerked my chin. “Nobody mentioned a new prospect.”
“Maybe if you visited more frequently, you’d know.
” Storm extended his hand and we shook, then shared a brotherly hug.
Turning on his prospect, he pointed his thick finger in his face.
“What did I tell you about pulling a gun on people? Jesus, man. If I can’t trust you to be slow to react, I can’t put you at the gate.
” Storm leaned closer and sniffed the prospect, then glared at Lynx.
“I didn’t give him the Mary Jane.” Lynx raised his hands like he was innocent. “Better talk to your young Jedi, Maddox. His views on cannabis aren’t like yours.”
“Fuck,” Storm hissed and made his way back to the clubhouse, barking orders. “Zombie, go take a nap. Lynx, call Hollywood to cover the gate. Toby, go park your car!”
“Zombie, huh?” I asked the prospect. He ignored me, again, and followed behind Storm. “I’d say that fits.”
Lynx laughed. “He’s a good guy, just has issues like the rest of us.” He hopped onto the hood of the car and hit the side. “Let’s go!”
As I put the vehicle in park, Maddy rushed out of the building with Chase perched on one hip and Birdie on the other. The smile on her face was brighter than the sun. Storm zeroed in on Birdie, and took his little girl into his arms.
“Hey, pretty lady,” I said, meeting my sister half way. “I’d say you have your hands full.”
“Always and I love it.” She squeezed me tightly with her free arm. “I’ve missed you.”
“Same.” I released her, then took Chase from his momma. Giving my nephew a kiss, I said in my best Pauly Shore voice, “Hey, bud-dy.”
“Are you hungry? Thirsty? Libby is in her bedroom. I’ve really screwed things up.” In typical Maddy fashion, she spoke a mile a minute.
“Angel, you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the asshole who fucked things up,” Storm said.
“Language please.” She rolled her baby-blues. “This guy.”
“I’m sure it’s fine, sis.” But I’d already spoken to Storm.
He told me he suspected I was bisexual, after his blunder with Grizzly, and he hadn’t told Maddy.
And I hadn’t denied anything. Hopefully, she’d be cool about it but I wasn’t so sure.
Her whole life she thought I was straight. Same with my folks.
But as I traveled around the world, living months at a time in different countries, I learned about the different ways people enjoyed sex and their relationships. It was truly fascinating. And not just girl on girl and guy on guy sex.
There were many countries I’d been to in the past decade.
I explored how they did things and their preferred kinks, like in Germany, Australia, and the Netherlands.
In the Middle East I discovered harems still existed.
Polygamy was in West and Central Africa.
Neither of those appealed to me and they weren’t acceptable in America.
I’d suspected I went both ways during college, when at some raves, things had gotten a bit out of control.
I’d found myself wanting to do things to another dude during a threesome.
He hadn’t shown the same interest so I never tried anything.
I just never felt quite right about experimenting ever —out of fear.
My parents knew a lot of people in South Dakota. I didn’t want to embarrass them. Didn’t want to bring them shame. My story wasn’t so different from so many others.
I only got to be me when I was working in another country. Being an independent contractor had been the best decision I’d ever made… and I found myself.
Multiple partners were what I preferred, but I sure as hell hadn’t admitted it, until now. My ideal relationship was with a woman and man. I wanted both of them at once… I wanted Grizzly and Libby, but here in the Upper Midwest, it was conservative Christian country.
“Well, before I lose you to Libby, can we spend sometime together?” Maddy asked as we went into the clubhouse.
“Of course. You’re who I came for, anyway.” I winked at my sister and gave my nephew a zerbert on his chubby cheek. Dang, I loved these babies. They were the cutest ever, and the best part was I could hand them back when I’d had enough.
“Yeah, right.” Maddy laughed, tossing her head back. “Don’t lie to me big brother. I know you’re hot for Libby and with Grizzly gone, you can have her to yourself until he returns.”
“I’ll be in my office with Birdie if you need us,” Storm said. “Doing those color-by-numbers books she likes.”
My eyebrows shot up. Storm colored?
“Not one word,” he growled. “She loves them and I love her. Enough said.”
“Man, never thought I’d see this day.” I admired him a little more than before.
Maddy turned to face me and whispered. “He’s the best father in the world, sans his potty mouth.”
“Well, nobody is perfect.” I shrugged.
“He is to me, but don’t tell him that. He’s already cocky enough.” She laughed. “What’ll you have? Coffee? Iced tea? Beer? Water? A Coke?” She went behind the island in the kitchen, while I took a seat at the table with my buddy, Chase.
“What? No sparkling water?” I teased her as I studied the little dude. His hair was dark brown like Maddy’s and Storm’s. His chubby cheeks reminded me of Tommy’s. My mom kept a photo of my deceased brother, about the same age as Chase, in the living room. The resemblance put an ache in my chest.
“We have it in the bar.” Maddy’s voice tugged me out of my thoughts.
“Plain old water is fine. Do you think his eyes will stay blue like yours?”
“I doubt it. All the Knight men have gray eyes, and I’m okay with that.”
Of course she is. My sister was the most accepting and easy going person I knew. And why I hadn’t told her I was bi was beyond me. No better time like the present…
“Maddy?”
“Yes?” Her back was toward me as she filled a glass with ice.
“I’m bisexual.”
She froze for a split second. If I wasn’t watching her like a hawk, I’d have missed the hiccup of time. “Okay. Would you like a slice of lemon in your water?”
“Sure. But did you hear what I said?”
“Yes, I heard you.” She turned around and brought my drink to the table. “If that’s how you plan to tell our folks, just lowering the boom with no buildup, you’d better have a medic on standby to resuscitate them.”
“Not a good way to come out of the closet, aye?”
“Worst way ever.” She hugged me around the neck. “I love you, Toby. No matter who you do.”
“I appreciate that. Somehow I think I knew you’d feel that way, but I still couldn’t tell you until now.”
“And why are you choosing now?” She sat in the chair next to me, and acceptance poured out of her like a river.
“Because I’m unemployed and need a place to stay.”
“Okay, wow. You’re full of surprises today.” She took a gulp of her Diet Coke. “You can stay for as long as you want.”
“I have one more surprise and it might make you take back your generous offer.”
“You’re on a roll, so just tell me.”
“I want to be with Libby and Grizzly. And not like a threesome where Grizz and I keep Libby between us. I want him in the middle.”
Her mouth dropped. “That’s an image I never thought I’d have.”
“That’s because you’re sweet and innocent.”
“Not according to my husband.” Her face turned red like a tomato. “I assume they both know how you feel?”
“Libby knows. Grizzly doesn’t, since he’s not really out in the club, if you know what I mean.”
“Um, yeah. I know what you mean.” She took another big gulp of her soda. Her eyes were wide, like she was processing everything I’d told her.
“So your offer?”
“My offer still stands. We’re all grown ups. Free to live our lives the way we want.”
“I appreciate it.” Relief washed over me. If she’d told me to leave, I would have respected her decision. “Do you have any idea when Grizzly will return?”
“Not really. Storm gave him until the weekend, maybe Sunday.”
“Then I should go see Libby so we can get on the same page about Grizzly.” I kissed Chase and handed him to his momma.
“Good idea. If you need anything, I’m here for you.”
“That means a lot to me. Do you want to go with me when I tell Mom and Dad?” A little moral support would be amazing.
She screwed up her face like I’d just asked her to bury a body in the ground. “Let me think about it.”
We both laughed, knowing full well she’d pass.
I had to admit, telling Maddy went about the way I’d expected.
Clearly, I shouldn’t have been worried but I didn’t want the knowledge of my preference to be a burden on her.
She wasn’t the kind of girl who lied and kept secrets.
Her conscience would always get the better of her, and she’d crumble under the pressure.
I would never put her in a position like that when I knew she talked to our mom weekly. It wouldn’t have been fair to her.
It was up to me to inform our parents. But only after I knew if Grizzly wanted the same as Libby and me. If he didn’t, I didn’t see any reason to turn my family upside down. I’d just take it to the grave.