10 #2
“Listen,” she said softly, taking my hands into hers. “When I felt you hard under me, I did tingle. I got wet. Daddy said when a woman feels that sensation and she gets wet, she shouldn’t be afraid or feel like it’s wrong. He’s said that for years.”
Oh. My. God. I was going to throw up. Years? He told her not to be afraid and it wasn’t wrong for years?
“No, Violet. He’s wrong. That sensation is a physiological response to stimuli.
” I learned all about it in the school library after Basil tried to make me believe I wasn’t into guys, all because I got hard and ejaculated with Joy and the others.
If I hadn’t read it for myself, he probably would have convinced me I wasn’t gay.
“What you felt was involuntary. You didn’t want to be on me that way.
” I let go of her hands and stepped back.
She blinked at me with tears in her eyes, a vacant, deer in the headlights expression. “But… But… But it did feel good, even if it seemed wrong. It always seems wrong at first.”
“Have you ever wanted me to be your boyfriend? Aren’t there boys at school you like in a different way than me? I’m the guy you tell everyone I’m your brother.”
“Well, yes, but—”
“But nothing. We’re family, Violet. We grew up together. It’s not right for family to be together intimately. There are laws.”
The first tear slid down her cheek. “But he’s my father and he assured me it wasn’t wrong, just like last night.”
Last night? The music. The weird cat noise. The same sounds I recalled hearing many times before…
“Was he in your room last night?” I prayed she said no, prayed I had it all wrong.
She covered her mouth, eyes wide with horror.
“You weren’t supposed to find out. He said you’d be angry because I was going to be your wife.
He only wanted to prepare me to make you happy, as I’ve made him.
” She grabbed my hands again. “Please, Brent. Don’t be angry.
He said it was the last time. He promised. ”
My knees buckled and I landed on the floor, completely beside myself. She was confused. I wasn’t hearing her right. The poor girl didn’t know what she was saying.
But I was in denial and understood every word. Apparently, I hadn’t been the only one being abused in the house.
“Violet?” Basil called from his bedroom. “Where’s my coffee?”
“Oh, gosh! I’m late.” She dried her eyes and took the mugs to the tray. “Are we okay?”
Damn, she recovered quickly.
“Yeah, don’t worry, sweetheart. Everything is going to be just fine.” Fine when they were dead and not able to hurt anyone else.
“Okay.” She smiled brightly and scurried out of the kitchen.
How could I have not known what was going on right under my nose? Right next to my bedroom?
Rage exploded in me. I wanted to scream. Destroy everything around me. But instead, I channeled my fury to give me strength to carry out my plans. And the first part had just left with Violet.
Basil and Juniper would not come out of their bedroom.
They’d be asleep for hours and that was when I’d get the other kids out of the house.
I’d take them to their favorite ice cream parlor, pretend like I needed to buy Violet a wedding gift, then I’d be gone and the kids would be safe, including Violet…
“Grizz? Grizz are you okay?”
I jerked myself back to the present when I registered Toby’s voice. “Huh? What?”
“When I came back, you were like a statue, but with tears rolling down your face.” He reached his finger and swiped a drop off my cheek.
“Don’t do that,” I hissed at him and swatted his hand away.
“Do what? Touch you?”
“Yes.” I sneered at him and got off the chair, then headed for the door. I was emotionally fucked up after recalling the last day I ever saw Violet. I needed space. Needed to process my fucked up childhood all over again, and what I’d done that day.
“Where are you going?” he asked as if he deserved to know my business.
“Out. I need fresh air.” I burst out of the shack and stalked toward the massive garage, where the club’s hogs were parked. No one would be behind it.
I needed to be alone.
Needed to think.
Needed to not breathe the same air as Toby.
Breathing in and out, trying to calm myself, I put my back against the metal building. Why was my past roaring back to life? I covered my face. Why did it feel like my whole life was going to implode?
Was it having Toby here?
Was it Maddy and Storm knowing I was gay?
Was it Libby’s betrayal?
Whatever it was, I wanted it to stop, so I could go back to being invisible.
“Before you yell at me, there is something I need to tell you.” Toby rounded the corner, a look of determination on his face.
“Jesus, can’t I have a minute of privacy? I don’t want to talk right now. Can’t you respect that?”
“Yes, but I feel like you need to hear what I have to say. It might help you.”
“Doubt it,” I scoffed, shaking my head. Nothing he said could help me, while I battled my episode of emotional duress. Clearly, a lot had happened over the last several days and I wasn’t handling it very well. “Say what you need to say, then leave me alone.”
“Shit, maybe I don’t want to anymore, if that’s how you’re going to be.” He appeared genuinely hurt, but he was a big boy and could deal with my cold response.
“Hey, it’s your choice.” I shrugged, not hiding my annoyance.
“I don’t get it. I’ve never seen you like this before.”
“Guess, you just don’t know me very well, do you?” Of course he didn’t know me. I only saw him a few times a year, and Libby was around us more than fifty percent of the time.
“But that’s just it, I do believe I know you, Grizz.” He moved in front of me, getting a little too close for my comfort. He was a couple of inches taller than me and probably stronger. I was more lean and not as bold and aggressive. “And something is bothering you. I see the pain in your eyes.”
I felt slightly boxed in against the metal wall, not sure what to do. “Can you please take about ten steps back.”
“No, I can’t do that.” He leaned toward me. “Because I know you need me.”
What in the hell was he doing?
“Toby, you’re freaking me out here. You’re sending all kinds of weird signals.” Like he wanted to kiss me or more than that.
“I like you, Grizz. Like, really, really, really like you.” His lips smashed against mine, and his body pinned me against the building.
I had to be dreaming. This couldn’t really be happening. Just the same, I didn’t push him off, like every nerve in my body was screaming to do.
What if someone saw us?
What if I moaned like I did with Libby?
I’d never be able to live down the embarrassment and shame with my MC brothers.
“Fuck. I always knew your mouth would taste so good.” His tongue jetted past my lips and found mine.
Again, I didn’t object. Didn’t push him away or run for my life. This kiss, his hands on me had been all I thought about the past few years. Always wondering what it would be like, and always knowing, he would take the lead and dominate me.
I gripped his ass and pulled him toward me, so I could feel him. And feel him I did. His hard length pressed against mine, and it happened, I fucking moaned into his mouth.
“Yes, baby. Tell me how much you want me. Let me feel your desire reach down into my bones.” He bucked his hips, bumping me against the wall. “Tell me Grizz. Give me the words I have wanted to hear for so long.”
I put my hands flush against his cheeks, and the very acceptance of us so closely connected, made me whimper. He wanted me as I wanted him, and I never knew. How could I have not known?
Clearly, I was an idiot.
Toby reached for my pants and cupped my raging hardon. “This isn’t enough. I want to feel you in my mouth. Taste you on my tongue. Hear you scream my name.” He stroked me, and I could feel it coming. I would shoot off any second as he kept banging me against the building.
“What the fuck is that sound?” Lynx said, amusement in his voice. “Who’s behind the building getting it on?”
Fear speared through me. I shoved Toby back and bolted into the closest bush before Lynx caught me entangled with another guy. Of all people, Lynx. I would have been the joke of the club. The respect I’d earned, gone in an instant.
“Oh, it’s just you,” Lynx said.
“Yup, just me,” Toby replied.
Thank God, he covered for me.
“I heard a banging noise. Like two people fucking.”
“I wish I was fucking right now.” Toby laughed, but I believed him. He’d tried to unbutton my jeans. Either he was going to blow me, or take me from behind. I would’ve taken anything he wanted to give me.
But I saw now how stupid it was for me to let it go so far with him.
I couldn’t allow this to happen ever again.