Change
Math didn’t go to the chapter house—not yet. First, he had a stop to make.
The dorms should have been empty.
“Math!” a voice screamed as he tried to cross the main room. “You’re back!” A few seconds later, a body collided with him. “Where were you? We looked everywhere for you!”
If that wasn’t true, it was only because none of the children—or Master Wadera, for that matter—would’ve considered searching the off-limits maze antechamber.
“I was doing secret stuff,” Math said. “But why aren’t you in class?”
Jaiik was twelve and, like Math, had lived at Isofal Cenobium most of his life. He was small for his age, with dark brown skin and hair he wore braided in thin strips across his scalp. In a year or two, he might stop being adorably cute, but he hadn’t reached that stage yet.
Jaiik stepped back and rolled his eyes. “I’m supposed to be, quote, ‘meditating on my mistakes.’”
“Ah yes, the old ‘meditate on your mistakes.’” Math nodded sagaciously. “I know it well.”
“I don’t understand why I should be punished. I wasn’t the one who was being mean.”
The young boy crossed his arms over his chest for emphasis, like an adorable little exclamation point.
Math paused. “Who was being mean?”
Jaiik avoided Math’s gaze. “It doesn’t matter,” he said too quickly.
“Doesn’t sound like it doesn’t matter,” Math responded.
Jaiik balanced on the edge of puberty. Just on the edge, too, of manifesting his weapon, always the hope amongst the novitiates. But Jaiik wasn’t the normal sort of novitiate, even at Isofal, notorious for being the last place in the entire Order where one might find a normal novitiate.
“Did someone hurt you?” Math asked. “Just tell me who I have to kill.”
“Math! You can’t! You’re still a novitiate!”
“That just means I can’t manifest a weapon.” Yet, even if it seemed less and less likely with each passing year. “It doesn’t mean I can’t use one.”
Nobody messed with his kids.
Jaiik’s expression turned even more stubborn. “Nobody hurt me,” he insisted.
Math sighed. “Jaiik. What have we said about lying?”
The young boy paused. “Don’t do it.”
“Right,” Math said. “Don’t do it.” Since he wasn’t a complete hypocrite, he tacked on: “Unless it’s important.”
“Unless it’s important.” The boy grimaced. “Knight Huraiik didn’t hit me. He said he was teasing, but he wouldn’t stop calling me Jaya, even after I told him to stop. Said I was still a girl and that meant I was useless.”
Math sighed. This again. “You told us who you are. That’s all that matters. No one gets to take that from you.” Math paused again. “What part about this is making you unhappy? That he said you’re a girl? Or … are you having regrets?”
Jaiik narrowed his eyes. “No! Never. I’m a boy because that’s what I want to be!”
That was the crux of the matter, of course. Technically speaking, what Jaiik had done verged on heresy—using magic to reshape one’s own body wasn’t precisely orthodox. But it hadn’t hurt anyone, hadn’t been done to anyone unwillingly, and most of all, had been done by Jaiik himself intentionally.
Intention was everything, in the Idallik Order. Once Jaiik manifested his weapon, there’d probably be a fight over which section would claim him. He had potential.
So had Math, once.
He tried not to think about it.
“Yes, we’ve noticed. I’m more concerned about what’s going on up here, though.” Math tapped the side of the boy’s head.
Jaiik made a half-hearted attempt to dodge the motion.
“I don’t care what Huraiik calls me.” The boy paused as he tried to find the right words.
“It’s just that he made it sound like being a girl is a bad thing.
Like I should be ashamed. And Taris is my best friend and there’s nothing wrong with her just because she’s a girl. Never mind that she can kick my ass.”
“Language,” Math scolded from habit.
Jaiik ducked his head. “Sorry. Anyway, you understand what I mean, right? There’s nothing wrong with her. So, there’s nothing wrong with the idea that I used to be a girl, either. I’m just not one anymore.”
“No, you’re not.” Math paused a moment. “Sounds like he deserves a lesson in manners.”
“Don’t.”
Math put a hand to his chest. “Me? Oh, no. All I’ll need to do is spread word he told you that girls are useless. Pretty sure there’s a half dozen captains and lieutenants who will be more than happy to give him that lesson. My hands will be clean.”
Jaiik laughed.
Math squinted. “So, Knight Huraiik said mean things to you and you’re the one being punished?”
“Maybe … he said mean things and—” Jaiik made a face. “I maybe … kicked him in the balls.”
“Ah, I see.” Math tried very hard not to laugh. Given the proud twinkle in Jaiik’s brown eyes, he didn’t think he succeeded. “And how were you feeling when you did that?”
The boy screwed up his face. “Upset?”
“Did you let that show? Yell or cry?”
He drew himself up. “Nope.”
Math mentally exhaled. “Good man. Remember: an Idallik Knight masters their emotions, not the other way around. So when this happens again, what are you going to do?”
Jaiik considered. His brow furrowed in mock seriousness. “Kick him harder?”
Math raised an eyebrow.
“That wasn’t the right response, was it?” Jaiik said.
“I think you already know the answer to that,” Math replied, although he wondered if maybe Jaiik had been spending too much time around the Sword section knights. “It’s a matter of being true to yourself and respectful of others.”
Jaiik studied him for a long moment. “You mean like how you insult people to their faces?”
Math decided to pretend he hadn’t heard that. “Just remember that if you want to become an Idallik Knight, these are the people you’re going to be relying on to watch your back in battle. So maybe getting into fights with them isn’t the best idea.”
“You and Lieutenant Nuhzar are always fighting, but you’re always going on missions with him.”
Sometimes Math really wished that the younger novitiates were a little less observant. “And am I a knight? No, I am not. So maybe you don’t want to be like me, hm?”
Math’s gaze flickered over to the door to the children’s cribs. He didn’t dare enter; Master Wadera was likely inside, and Math was pushing his luck as it was.
“You’re back now, right?” Jaiik tugged on his sleeve, casual as a whisper. “Because the babies miss you a lot, and they’re always complaining about it.” Meaning Jaiik had missed him but didn’t want to admit it.
Math placed a hand on the boy’s shoulder. “I’ll try to be back as quickly as I can, and I’ll talk to Master Wadera about Knight Huraiik. But right now, I’m late, so I need to go. Remember, if Master Wadera asks where I am…?”
Jaiik rolled his eyes. “Is this important?”
“Yes.”
“Then I never saw you.”
Math grinned at him. “Good man.”