Chapter 58 Allegra
ALLEGRA
I move closer to him, covering his hand with mine. He looks down at the contact, and he squeezes his eyes shut, moving his head to the side.
"Before the club," he starts, his voice low and gruff, "my mother had an unnatural obsession with me."
My eyes widen, and I flinch away in shock.
"Sh-sh-she," I stammer, my mind quickly putting everything together—her jealousy, her behavior toward me.
No… not that. Please tell me it's not what I'm thinking…
"I was nine when she started coming into my room. She thought I was asleep, so she would use my hands to get herself off."
I gasp, and my hand goes to my mouth, but I don't speak. Not when Enzo seems to struggle to tell me this. I just let him continue.
"It continued a few times a week until it wasn't enough anymore.
She started touching me, trying to jerk me off.
I didn't even know what that was at the time," he laughs nervously, "but even then I knew it was wrong.
It lasted for years until I started going through puberty and…
" he trails off, and my heart breaks for him.
I scoot closer, taking his hand and bringing it to my lips.
Lord, I knew Lucia was missing a screw, but I'd have never imagined she would be this… vile. Her own son—a child at that.
Maybe my vengeance isn't over.
Oh, how I'd love to torture that bitch—make her rue the day she looked upon her son with anything other than maternal love. But I doubt she even had that.
"It's okay," I gently urge him to continue, admiring his courage. It can't be easy to confess any of this.
"I started getting random erections, like any teenage boy. But one night, I woke up with her sucking me off." His voice breaks, and I swallow hard, already fighting the tears.
"I came." His words are barely above a whisper. "I didn't even know what was happening, but I came down my mother's fucking throat. How fucked up is that?" He shakes his head, a sardonic smile on his lips.
"But I kept pretending that I was sleeping. I always pretended, hoping she'd finally leave me alone. Until… one time I couldn't pretend anymore."
"I woke up one night with her straddling me and trying to fuck herself on my dick. I was limp, too, but that didn't stop her."
I stifle a sob. How sick do you have to be to do that to your own son? I'm simply speechless as I watch Enzo struggle to recount his experience, feeling his pain as my own and wanting to make it better.
"I threw her off me, and after that she never came back."
"How old were you?"
"When it stopped? I don't know, twelve or thirteen."
"God, Enzo." My hand moves up and down his arm in a soft caress. "You realize none of it was your fault. She's a very sick woman."
"Was," he corrects, the ghost of a smile on his face. "I killed her after she tried to poison you."
"When she went to Sicily." I remember her sudden departure. "Oh, Enzo." I shake my head at him and what he's been through, my soul hurting for his. Reaching out, I try to touch him and offer him my comfort.
"I didn't tell you this to get your pity, little tigress.
" He turns toward me, his eyes bleak. "I want you to understand why I never so much as kissed another woman before you.
All my life, everyone's tried to fuck me—one way or another.
Women, men, everyone would shoot their shot, most of the time not taking no for an answer. "
"I guess I got jaded pretty young, but I despised seeing that look of desire on people's faces. It reminded me too much of my mother. And I would have been fine without ever having sex, if I'm honest. Until I met you."
My lashes flutter rapidly, his confession taking me by surprise.
"Enzo." His name escapes my lips as I try to come to terms with what he's told me. Thinking back, I can see the signs and how he'd always touch me expecting nothing in return.
He didn't want to be touched.
"No, let me say this. I admit I didn't handle my feelings well, mostly because you freaking terrified me. You were so raw and unique and, my God, so, so exquisite," he turns to me, taking my face in his hands.
"Please never doubt that. To me, you're the most beautiful woman in the world and it's not because of your face.
" He smiles sneakily. "Though I'm particularly fond of that too, but because of who you are.
You're simply you." His thumb caresses my face in circular motions, his pupils dilated with the intensity of his emotions.
"You're my little tigress, and nothing and no one can replace you." He leans forward to press a kiss to my forehead.
I can't hold it in anymore. I simply start bawling, leaning into him as he wraps his arms around my body. I'm crying and shivering—for the small boy that grew up fearing the shadows, and for the man who eschewed intimacy for so long because of his trauma.
"Why didn't you tell me before?" I ask through sobs and hiccups.
"I was ashamed," he admits, his voice low in my ear. "I didn't want you to see me as… less."
"Oh, Enzo." My palms go to his cheeks, and I bring him into me, smashing my lips to his. "I could never see you as anything but mine," I say against him, letting go of the last of my resentment.
"Tigress." He pulls me back. "There's more I need to tell you." He takes a deep breath, his features worn down. "I know I behaved badly, but I was so scared that you were going to leave me, and I was so fucking in love with you that I kept on doing stupid shit."
"It's okay," I'm quick to assure him, but he shakes his head.
"It's not okay. I treated you like a prisoner, and I… God, I even snooped in your diary to try to get you to fall in love with me," he admits, and my mouth opens in shock.
"The worst is… I read that you wanted to leave me, and I—" He takes a deep breath, his nostrils flaring. "Damn it!" he curses, his face scrunched up in pain. "I switched out your birth control pills to get you pregnant, thinking that a baby would keep you by my side."
"You what?" I burst out, taken aback by his confession.
I can't say I hadn't suspected he might have had something to do with the surprise pregnancy—especially as he'd been sure of the pregnancy even before we got the doctor's confirmation. But I would never have guessed he would admit it himself.
"I know it was wrong, but I couldn't let you leave.
Fucking hell! After I basically raped you, I knew you'd only hate me more, and I was so scared you'd leave me that I started becoming unbearably controlling.
" The words are spilling out of his mouth at such a pace that I can only watch, flabbergasted, as the revelations keep rolling.
"You didn't rape me." I frown, latching onto that word. "Why would you think that?"
"Fuck! I don't remember much of that night, but I do remember you saying no. And I took the choice from you."
"Enzo, you didn't rape me," I tell him again. He might have frightened me with his aggression, but I'd welcomed all his attentions.
"But you said no," he repeats, his face resembling that of a sad puppy.
"If I remember correctly, I said not like this, but I wanted you just as much."
He seems to process my words, his brows moving up and down.
"Why don't you remember?" I ask suddenly. Even my rather tipsy self had managed to retain most of the details of the night.
His lips stretch in a thin line.
"Lucia drugged me. She probably hoped I'd kill you in my manic state, but clearly, even drugged out of my mind, I'd never lift a hand against you," he adds dryly.
Now, his behavior after that night starts to make sense. He'd been distant but increasingly restrictive. All because he thought he'd taken me against my will.
Oh, Enzo!
"You thought I hated you," I state, the realization flooring me.
He just nods, his expression open and vulnerable.
"I didn't know how to keep you with me," he says in a whisper, and I lean into him, kissing his cheek.
"You could have just told me you loved me, and I would never even have thought of leaving."
"I screwed up; I know. Looking back, I have no excuse for it other than I was scared. Scared of what I felt for you, scared you'd leave me, scared you hated me—I just spiraled into thinking that one day you'd be gone, and I saw myself and what I'd become without you, and trust me, it's not pretty."
"Enzo…" I tilt my head to the side, studying him and taking in this new man before me. Because he's never let me in like this before.
"What about Chiara, then? And the photos?" I ask, afraid of the answer but tentatively placing my trust in him.
"You might think I'm lying, but I knew something was wrong with her from the moment I saw her.
" He proceeds to tell me all about the first few weeks and how he cared for Luca on his own, afraid to leave him unattended even for a moment.
He recounts how he felt when he found out what Chiara had done to me, and that he was ready to kill everyone—he'd been so crazed with grief.
"I'm ashamed to say that I may have followed you," he confesses, and my heart breaks for him and what he's been through.
Was I selfish in not listening to his side earlier?
I'd just made up my mind about his betrayal, and I'd been set on making him pay.
But as he continues to tell me about his plan, his partnership with Jimenez, and ultimately Rocco's death, a new picture starts to emerge.
"Enzo," I whisper, "what did you do?"
"I sold out the famiglia. I'm practically a traitor, but somehow no one knows," he laughs, but it doesn't reach his eyes.
"For me?" My voice breaks because I'd never expected anyone to do something like this for me.
"For you, and for our son. I wanted to rid myself of the famiglia and offer you a normal life when you woke up. No violence… just a regular life," he sighs. "When I found out you were in contact with the FBI, I realized just how far I'd driven you."
"I'd just given birth, and I was terrified, Enzo.
All that mattered at that moment was Luca and making sure he was safe.
I couldn't think about anything else," I explain.
If he's a traitor then so am I because I'd been ready to sell out everyone to protect my baby, regardless of the consequences for me.
"Do you…" I trail off, not knowing how to ask if he resents me for my choice.
He quickly shakes his head, almost as if he's reading my mind.
"I can't blame you for trying to get out.
Not when I was blindly suffocating you with my obsession," he pauses, giving me a sad smile.
"When I saw the look in your eyes after I killed those guards…
something just clicked inside of me. I knew I was at the point of no return, and I had no idea how to fix it. "
Taking my hands in his, he brings them to his lips.
"So I set out to give you what you wanted. A normal life."
His plans didn't exactly turn out the way he wanted, as he's currently in possession of the Agosti empire and half of Jimenez's businesses.
He ends up telling me every single thing he's done over the past few years, even going as far as pulling up a document listing the names of all the women he'd been seen with, and giving it to me so I can convince myself he never touched any of them.
"I was never tempted, little tigress. Not once," he admits when I question him further, since I'd seen just how beautiful those girls were.
"I don't know what to say, Enzo," I say after a long moment of silence. "It's a lot to take in."
"I know," he says, nodding, pursing his lips. "I've wronged you too many times. But for all my sins, please know I never lied about loving you or being faithful. You're the only one for me, little tigress." He gives me a lopsided smile as he bends to take the knife, wrapping my hands around it.
"And if you still want your revenge, it's yours to take." He points the knife toward his bare chest, the bloody wound I'd caused earlier staring back at me and making me wince.
"You love me?" I raise my eyes to his, wanting the confirmation from his lips.
"I do, Allegra. I love you more than anything in the world." Raw sincerity drips from his words, and the ice around my heart thaws a little.
"I love you too, Enzo," I tell him just before I position the tip of the knife over his heart.
"Forever," I whisper as I push it into his skin.