Chapter 5 Kaelee #2
“I don’t catch feelings,” Kaelee stressed.
“Settled lesbians are as bad as ex-smokers or ex-drinkers. Just because you fell for someone doesn’t mean the rest of us want to start U-Hauling.
” Kaelee took a small step backward. “I accept you, soon-to-be married and all that, but don’t go flinging your get-wifed-up curses at me. ”
The leftover smile from Toni’s laughter made her look uncharacteristically approachable.
“Next week. Addie will be gone for work, and we’ll grab a drink.
I need to ask you a very important question about whether you want to be in my wedding party or Addie’s.
” She paused then and glanced at her watch.
“Any news on the book? You know if you need to talk, especially about that, I’m here. ”
“Bound manuscripts are out, so as of this time next week the first group of strangers will be reading it.” Kaelee scowled. “Wait. Back up. Wedding party?”
“I need a second person. I wanted to ask you, but Addie says she should get to ask you, too. She might be messing with me because I didn’t do it yet.” Toni frowned for a moment. “That’s good about doing bound manuscripts and ARCs.”
“That’s what Emily says.” Kaelee realized she sounded as anxious as she felt.
“Em is typically right about everything,” Toni said lightly. “Don’t tell her I admitted that, but … she’s rarely wrong.”
“It’s different for me than for you, I think.
I want this career.” Kaelee felt foolish admitting it, but that was the crux of the matter.
She wanted to sell this book and dozens more in the future.
She wanted the powerful agent. Toni had bumblefucked her way into a writing career, and a TV adaptation of her book.
Her goals had been different, and Kaelee had watched her struggle with a surprise second career.
“If the book reaches readers, Em will sell foreign rights and more books. This is just step two or three. You got an agent. You sold two books. Now? You just need readers to find it.”
“And if it doesn’t work?” Kaelee asked.
Toni shrugged again. “You write a new one. Sell it or self-publish. Finish your PhD. Don’t focus so much on what if x or y goes wrong.
It’s a good book or Em wouldn’t have signed you.
She’s practical. She won’t make money if it doesn’t sell well, and you were going to go to auction, Kae. You’re fine.”
What if no one likes it once it’s on shelves? What if it sucks? What if they read the ARC and then hate it so much that the publisher cancels it? I can’t do this and—
“Whatever thoughts go with that face you’re making, stop them,” Toni cut in, hand lightly resting on Kaelee’s wrist now.
“Does the panic ever get easier?” Kaelee stared at her mentor.
“Not so far,” Toni muttered.
“Next week, lunch. Maybe drinks. I will need to vent and tell you I’ll be in your wedding.”
“Done.”
“Give Addie my love,” Kaelee said lightly. “Tell her I fully intend to admire her bridesmaids, so she needs to pick a pretty one for me to walk with.”
“Just don’t be looking at my bride. Everyone does that, and I swear she finds my reactions funny.
” Toni made a surly noise. She was absurdly possessive of Adelaine, which was occasionally hysterical to watch.
Toni’s fixation was never in a controlling way, but in a why does everyone keep trying to talk to my woman way.
Addie, for her part, seemed to think the whole thing was adorable.
If Kaelee were the relationship sort, she’d look at them as a model for what she might want, but she was perfectly happy with her no-strings life.
She liked the women she bedded, and she liked that none of them wanted more.
She liked that none of them asked about her job or family.
Everything was kept on the surface. They could talk casually about music or shows or food.
It was a choice, one necessitated by her original surname—which she had changed for privacy years ago—and her family.
“I expect you to keep me posted on news on the book,” Toni ask-ordered. “Em won’t update me, so text me when you get reviews or anything.”
“Yes, Professor D.”
“Not your professor or the professor you’re TAing for this term.” Toni closed her messenger bag and walked toward the door. “Actually, who are you TAing for?”
Kaelee stepped aside. “Err, no one.”
“No one? What about funding? Are you living on book money?” Toni gave her an incredulous look.
“They took months to sort out the contract for me, and I know your D and A was decent, but that’s just leaving you the on-print and foreign rights sales, but you don’t even know how long it’ll take to sell it in the first place and—”
“Toni.” Kaelee was touched that Toni cared enough to lecture her. “I don’t technically need the book money.”
“How is that possible? Loans?” Toni leveled a look at her.
Kaelee repressed a sigh and started walking to the exit adjacent to the lot where Toni parked. “I have a fund.”
“A fund?”
“A trust fund. From my grandmother.” Kaelee squirmed. “She left me money, quite a lot of it … so I don’t need to get a TA to pay for things, but I like to not count on my fund. I wanted it to last, and professor salaries aren’t great.”
“I feel like I’m missing a detail about you right about now. A trust fund?” Toni didn’t stop walking, but she waved at the department head as they passed him. “Harold.”
“Miss Carpenter. Dr. Darbyshire.” He smiled in his affable uncle way. Kaelee wasn’t even a part of the history department, but he seemed extra fond of her because her master of arts was in history.
“Yes. I changed my first and last name years ago, but my family has money. I have a slice of it in a trust fund.” Kaelee struggled to keep her voice level.
Money was an understatement when it came to the generational wealth the Aldens had.
She kept her tone light as she added, “Their money comes with strings, though. The kind women like you or me can’t accept, so I decided in college that I’ll make my own damn fortune. ”
“And you chose academia to do that?” Toni shot her a look and teased, “Here I was telling people how smart you were, but if you thought teaching was the way to riches…”
“Shut up.” Kaelee grinned. “Think of my fund as a really nice safety net. I could probably live on it for thirty years. Adding in the book money…” Kaelee shrugged. “I’m okay. I live tight. Basic apartment. My car’s paid off. I don’t have a lot of expenses.”
Her only real indulgence was the dating app she used, but her privacy mattered enough that it was a logical expense. She didn’t even have streaming channels. No fancy restaurants. No new clothes unless it was essential. Kaelee was the sort of frugal she suspected would horrify her parents.
After a moment, Toni caught her eye. “You’ll want to tell Em about your family, and then with her guidance, talk to your publicist.”
“Maybe.” Kaelee was embarrassed by her family.
There was no way around it. The last thing she wanted was to tell anyone that she shared even a drop of DNA with her intolerant father.
She’d distanced herself intentionally. “That family isn’t the sort of people I want to associate with. I haven’t spoken to them in a decade.”
“You aren’t even using their name talking to me now, Kae.” Toni pushed open the door to the outside. Fall had turned the college grounds into a crisp wonderland. Not quite winter, but the fluctuating weather meant there were flowers still, but also the damp decay from a few heavy rains.
“You didn’t ask,” Kaelee hedged.
“I won’t either.” Toni shook her head. “Keep your secrets close, but talk to your team. I learned that the hard way. When that blew up … all the news stuff with me and Addie … it was a lot. If you are avoiding saying their name, it means I might recognize it. That means you need to warn the team.”
Kaelee said nothing. Things were different with Toni and Addie.
Toni’s book was a huge breakout hit, and Addie was the lead actor in the adaptation.
They were both public personas. Kaelee, very intentionally, was not.
She had some relatives with Names, but personally, she was careful to stay under any radar.
Just a woman at a university, a person in a crowd, a lesbian with no ties.
Nothing about her was remarkable in any way the media should care about.
Telling her agent and publicist would mean there were two more people who knew.
One person can keep a secret; two people might not.
If she told Emily and publicity, too? That was inviting exposure.
And as much as folks might call her paranoid, she grew up with publicity people.
She knew better than to trust most of them.
There were plenty of publicity and marketing people who would do despicable things to get coverage.
Kaelee had zero interest in telling them anything that could be buzzworthy.
There were great publicists, and there were … other sorts.
“I have it under control,” Kaelee said finally.
This part of her life she had figured out.
No contact with the fam. No ties to them.
She’d worked on creating a separate identity for years; she had invented herself, and nothing was worth risking her privacy.
“I’ll text you if I get any good book news. ”
“Or bad news. I’m here for listening to either.” Toni looked like she had more to say, but when Kaelee simply nodded, Toni slid into her Jeep instead.
Would she still smile at me if she knew where I come from?
If she knew how much money Tripp has donated to politicians trying to strip away our rights, would Toni hate me? Or look at me differently?
Kaelee’s family spilled their money backing the kind of politicians who wanted to limit anything that loosely fell under the umbrella of LGBTQ or women’s rights.
Book banning, bathroom bills, trans athletes, birth control limits, whatever issue was about taking rights away from people, they were onboard.
Coming out in a family like that was one of the single most horrible things Kaelee had experienced.
Her father had smacked her when she stood up to him, more than once.
No guilt, no hesitation. He simply hit her.
When Kaelee came out, her mother wept, dropped to her knees, and started praying loudly.
Her sister just looked at her like she’d taken a shit on the rug.
If not for her trust fund from her grandmother, Kaelee would’ve been unable to live an authentic life.
So, no, Kaelee would absolutely not be naming names. She wasn’t one of them, properly disowned unless she “stopped rebelling” and became magically heterosexual and conservative, as if that were even possible.
They’d rather I live a lie than be happy.
And Kaelee would rather succeed on her own terms.