Chapter 7 Kaelee #2
Four hours later, Kaelee was on the verge of pleasantly buzzed, talking to a woman who was increasingly flirty, but when she asked if Kaelee wanted to leave with her, Kaelee … couldn’t. Her mind was full of someone else, so she said, “I have an early trip tomorrow.”
“You don’t know what you’re missing,” the woman said.
“Definitely my loss,” Kaelee agreed. She wasn’t going to say or do anything to make another woman feel bad about herself, even if she had decided not to fuck her.
After she left, Kaelee started to make her round of goodbyes. Only one person remarked on her book deal, so Kaelee was fairly sure most of them hadn’t seen the newsletter yet.
“Did you just turn that woman down?” Cherie gave Kaelee a look that she usually reserved for criminally bad fashion choices.
“Don’t overthink it.”
Cherie swirled her drink and stared at Kaelee. “You sick?”
“No.”
“You don’t have a thing for me, do you?” Cherie’s expression was taunting, and her gesture at her voluptuous self was one Kaelee dutifully followed with her gaze.
She was a gorgeous woman. Generous curves.
Confidence. There was nothing at all unappealing about her.
Cherie said, “You know, I might be curious, but you’re too …
not my taste, so there’s no reason to turn down”—she waved toward the exit—“her.”
“I am not even going to try to unpack that.” Kaelee paused. “If you need to talk about that curiosity, I’ll listen, but I don’t crawl into bed with bi-curious friends.”
“Ouch. And also, glad to hear you are actually admitting we’re friends.” Cherie’s gaze traveled over the bar. “I heard that word, you realize. You called me a friend. Now you’re stuck with me.”
“Oh no. How horrible.” Kaelee rolled her eyes. “Fine. Yes, I hereby acknowledge that we are friends.”
“Good.” Cherie tapped her fingernails on the glass as she watched Kaelee. “Did you meet someone?”
“Not really.”
“Oh my goodness! You did!” Cherie leaned in. “Tell me everything.”
“Just a woman I connected with through the app.” Kaelee tried to change the subject. “Casual. Not like it was anything.”
“Uh-huh.” Cherie put her empty glass on the bar. “You don’t look like it was nothing.”
“It is. I got the taste of her, and it’s clouding things.”
Cherie gestured. “Walk with me. My car is across the street.” As they made their way through the crowd, she added, “So do I take that as a literal taste? Or is this metaphorical taste?”
Kaelee laughed. “Are you asking out of your own curiosity or…?”
“Both maybe?” Cherie looked a little sheepish. “I don’t think I could do that with a stranger. You always say it so casually, though. Like you just met her and you…” She gestured toward the floor.
“Went down on her?”
Cherie nodded.
“Do you go down on men the day you meet them?” Kaelee asked.
“No, but—”
“No different, Cher.” Kaelee opened the door for her.
“There’s not, like, a lesbian rule book.
I’ve known who I am and what I like for a long time.
When I first came out, I wasn’t all about the pussy as soon as I met someone, but I met Marie through an app designed to let me get laid and get gone afterwards. ”
“Oh.”
Thinking nothing of it, Kaelee put her hand on the small of Cherie’s back as they crossed the street. They were always touchy-feely. It was no different to Kaelee from steadying a stranger. Cherie had had a drink or two, and they were friends.
“You do that all the time. You’re, like, a gentleman,” Cherie blurted. “I like it. You’re more chivalrous than any of the guys I’ve dated. I want that.”
“So date a different type of guy.”
“I don’t want to lately. I want someone who gets me. Someone like you.” Cherie folded her arms. “Not you, though. Sometimes, I just want a woman to actually date. Preferably one with arms like yours. All those hours at the gym. Maybe that’s the answer. Go to your gym.”
“Okay. Is there a question in there? And can you find it for me?”
Cherie leaned against her car. “I should get a rideshare. I think I’m tipsy.”
“You are. Want to crash on my sofa instead?”
“Probably a good idea.” Cherie locked her car again and took Kaelee’s offered arm. “See? Stuff like this. I want to be treated like I’m special. You treat me like that and don’t even want to have sex with me. I want to try dating a woman. Be my lesbi-coach!”
Kaelee couldn’t hold back her laughter. There was something delightful about exuberant women. Thoughts of Marie intruded again. Tiny, curvy women were a weakness. “If I met you in a bar and didn’t know you, I’d totally make a move. You’re beautiful, Cher.”
“Ugh. Find me a date then.” Cherie scowled. “I have no idea how to approach a woman.”
“Same way as you approach a man, I bet. You just say, ‘Hi, do you want to get naked?’ Totally works for me.” Kaelee tried for a straight face, but Cherie wasn’t the only tipsy person. “It worked on Marie.”
“I can’t decide if I want to ask a million questions or not,” Cherie whined.
“Later when you’re sober, you can make a list, and I’ll answer them.” Kaelee steered her around a group of drunk men who went from looking at Cherie like she was a snack to glaring at Kaelee, as if her presence had stolen their chances.
“Ugh. It’s like they think women can’t be friends if they’re queer,” Cherie blurted loudly. She paused, giggled, and said, “I think I just came out! I mean, to strangers and all, but—”
“And to a friend,” Kaelee corrected her.
“Yes!” Cherie caught Kaelee’s gaze. “Friend, I think I’m queer, and I want to date women. Like seriously. Not like you do.”
Kaelee nodded. “Well, then I can be your wing woman or coach, but not in any naked ways!” She shook her finger at Cherie. “I only fuck women I don’t consider friends.”
“Kae? You need some serious therapy or a good woman to get rid of whatever baggage you’re toting around. You know that, right?” Cherie patted her face. “I want a woman with cheeks like yours, too. I could cut my hand on these.”
Kaelee chortled. Even in her tipsy state, she couldn’t make herself deny that more therapy was probably a good idea.
Sometimes the childhood admonishments not to air dirty laundry were still so limiting.
Secrets only empower the guilty, but knowing that didn’t quite release her from the pressure to stay silent. She resisted, but that wasn’t enough.
I’m going to make an appointment to hash through this, if for no other reason than knowing Tripp would hate it.