Chapter 33 Kaelee
Kaelee
CHRISTMAS
Two days later, Kaelee was still at Greta’s apartment.
An oversized, potted tree that would be picked up and planted somewhere after the holiday filled the room with the scent of Christmas, and the entire apartment looked like a Christmas movie had popped into it.
Delicate ornaments and candles, fresh boughs of pine and several poinsettia plants, the scents of whatever deliciousness Greta had cooked while Kaelee had been reading or napping.
Everything was holiday-movie perfection.
And instead of panicking, Kaelee felt settled in and warm.
She didn’t remember the last time she had felt so at home.
Tonight, she’d had one glass of wine with dinner, and then Greta brought out a fruit tart and a bowl of whipped cream.
“I know you said no more baked goods, but I swear I made this one for myself. Sometimes when I’m anxious I bake. ”
“Why were you anxious?” Kaelee sat in the chair beside Greta, not across the table, but beside her.
Maybe it was a cop-out, but she couldn’t sit across from her and delve into the way that made her feel.
“And it’s not that the baking is in any way unappealing, but I need to find a local gym if I’m going to eat so much sugar.
I feel sluggish if I eat these and don’t work out. ”
Still silent, Greta was in the chair on the opposite end of the table from the seat Kaelee had sat in when she’d had Greta spread out like a dessert on this same table. She was uncommonly quiet tonight.
“Is this about the lawyer meeting?”
“No … but you know my ex is one of the lawyers consulting on the case, right?” Greta said. “You heard when I said that the first two times? She’s part of the team—”
“Are you fucking her?”
“No!”
“Have you since we met?”
“No. Not at all, not even tempted!”
“Then I don’t care,” Kaelee said bluntly.
“Oh.”
“Greta. Look at me.”
“What?” Greta looked up from the tart she had neatly sliced, took a deep breath, and started rambling: “This is triple berry. They aren’t in season right now, but—”
“Why were you anxious?”
Greta dropped the pie spatula on the table with a clatter. “I need to confess. I have feelings for you.”
“Yeah?” Kaelee wasn’t sure she could say it yet, but she shared those feelings. “Were you not sure about telling me?”
Some people are just too fucked up to love. Just because I love—Kaelee ran her finger across the bowl of whipped cream and raised it to her lips. Greta stared at her the whole time.
“I feel it, too,” Kaelee admitted.
“You don’t need to say it,” Greta said quickly.
“I know. I’m not. Not right now.”
Greta looked sad at that. For a moment, Kaelee felt like the world had paused, like she’d broken something.
“I’ve never said that to anyone,” Kaelee admitted. “Or had a lover say it to me, and since you’re the first woman I’ve dated…”
“I won’t say it. I feel it, though.” Greta looked away.
“Hey?” Kaelee waited until Greta looked back at her. Then she slid her finger into her mouth and made an exaggerated noise of approval. “This is good, but it needs something more.”
“Oh?”
“Taste.” Kaelee swiped up another glob of the admittedly perfect homemade whipped cream and held her finger out toward Greta. “Unless you don’t want…”
Greta let out a breathy laugh. “I definitely want. I always want when you’re near.”
“What is it you want? A taste?” Kaelee teased.
Greta smiled at her. “Are you offering?” She caught Kaelee’s wrist and held on to it as she sucked Kaelee’s finger into her mouth, swirling her tongue around it. When she licked all the whipped cream off, Greta teased, “Anywhere you want my mouth, just dab a little of that. I can follow a trail.”
Kaelee paused, expecting the same panic she usually felt at the thought of being open and vulnerable. It wasn’t there. Not with Greta. “Yes. I think … yes.”
Greta stared at her in a mix of longing and awe. “Is that what you’re offering? You can still be in control, Kaelee. I’ll stay only where you lead me.”
Greta waited, watching her as if there was something of a negotiation happening, and Kaelee loved her just a little more for understanding her hangups. She took a swipe of the whipped cream and put it on her lips.
The smile Greta gave her was joyous. She pushed her chair back and murmured, “Happily go there.”
Kaelee felt like her heart was going too fast as she watched Greta approach her. Almost without thinking, Kaelee’s hands fell on the curves of Greta’s hips. She wanted her near, and she wanted to let go of her control for a minute.
Then Greta bent down and licked the whipped cream from Kaelee’s lips, nibbling and sucking and caressing her mouth so thoroughly that Kaelee wasn’t sure she’d ever been so properly kissed in her life.
When Greta straightened, she stood waiting, gaze locked on Kaelee. “Anywhere else?”
Kaelee peeled her shirt and bra off. Without saying a word, she smeared the whipped cream along her throat where it met her collarbone and then she stared at Greta and dabbed it over her nipples. Her voice sounded softer than normal as she said, “A few other places.”
Greta didn’t comment as she flicked her tongue over Kaelee’s nipples, one and then the other.
She suckled and nipped. Her breaths were hot against Kaelee’s throat as she moved upward to nibble along the edge of her throat.
Then she chased the trickle of whipped cream that was now trailing down Kaelee’s chest.
“I like this dessert,” Greta murmured before she leaned back to watch the very slightest trail of cream drip down the curve of Kaelee’s breast and onto her stomach.
“You missed a bit,” Kaelee managed to say.
“Gravity is my friend here,” Greta said before she mouthed the swell of Kaelee’s left breast and bit her nipple again gently.
“I wasn’t planning on this,” Kaelee confessed as she arched into Greta’s mouth. “Not being seduced. I do that. Seduce you.”
Greta chuckled. “If you don’t think I’m seduced right now, too, you aren’t paying attention.”
“Maybe I’m not as observant as you.” Kaelee clutched the back of Greta’s hair, tangling her fingers in the mass of loose curls there and pulling her back so she could see her face.
“Let me have you.” Greta held her gaze.
A part of Kaelee’s heart wanted to yell yes and offer Greta everything, forever. She paused, waiting for the anxiety she always felt when considering allowing anyone to top her. The panic was silent. Completely absent.
“Where do you want me?” Kaelee said.
A smile bloomed on Greta’s face. “You’re still in charge, Kaelee. Just tell me where you want my mouth.”
“I don’t need that. Not the whipped cream or the control.” Kaelee shivered as she said the next words, “Make love to me, Greta. Take me to your bed, and take me.”
Greta stepped back and took Kaelee’s hand in hers. She led her to the bedroom and turned on the bedside light. “You’ll tell me if that changes? At any point. You can stop me, say no, whatever you need.”
“Yes.”
“I mean it. If that changes or if you want me to stop or pause—”
“I want you. I trust you more than I have ever trusted another person. I feel those same feelings, you know?” Kaelee hated how shaky she sounded, but she needed to get the words out.
She couldn’t imagine ever trusting anyone else this way.
In a raspy voice, she confessed, “I’ve only let one person …
a friend … and I was drunk. I had to be in order to try to… ”
“If you don’t want me to go down on you, I won’t.” Greta cupped her face in both hands. “I am one hundred percent okay with whatever you want here.”
And maybe because that was true, Kaelee wanted this. “I want your mouth on me tonight.”
“Best Christmas gift ever.” Greta took her hand and led her to the bed where they’d been sleeping. Silently, she used her free hand to pull back the duvet and top sheet.
They both paused. Kaelee released the hand Greta was holding. Neither of them spoke, and it felt as if there was a weight to the silence. The only sound was breathing—and the thunder of Kaelee’s heart.
I love her. I love her, and that’s why I trust her.
A part of Kaelee wanted to confess that truth, wanted to hear Greta say it, too.
“I can’t promise that I can do this again,” Kaelee admitted.
“You don’t have to even promise to do it right now,” Greta quickly countered. She waited, not hurrying her as Kaelee unfastened and shoved down her trousers and shorts. She held her gaze and asked, “May I kiss you everywhere? Can we start with that?”
“Yes.”
The smile on Greta’s lips was only visible for a moment before she leaned in and captured Kaelee’s mouth. Kissing Greta was always wonderful, but tonight felt different, more, and Kaelee hoped that her insecurity and anxiety would stay dormant.
Greta pulled backed. “Head on the pillow, please.”
She watched as Kaelee reclined, and there was no way that Kaelee could see anything but acceptance and affection in Greta’s gaze. She watched her in a way that would’ve eased any worries she had—if she had them.
“Touch me,” Kaelee ask-ordered.
“Gladly.” Greta’s hands and lips skimmed the lines of Kaelee’s body, not missing the sharp cuts of her biceps or the small rise of her breasts.
Despite the muscles that she worked hard to maintain, Kaelee still felt self-conscious. There was no airbrushed perfection in real life. Her ribs felt too visible, her tattoos too dark, her scar from a childhood fall too stark. Then she looked at Greta’s expression.
Awe. Joy. Love. Everything in her gaze was positive.
Greta’s fingertips brushed over a ticklish spot and Kaelee jumped slightly. Her lips curled into a smile. “I forgot how ticklish I could be.”
“Good thing? Bad thing?” Greta met her eyes.
“Neutral.”
As Greta worked her way lower, she lavished affection on Kaelee’s hip bone, belly button, the flat firmness of her stomach.
And still Kaelee was at ease. She parted her legs wider, cradling Greta there, and said, “Keep going, please.” Her voice was steady, even though she had to hold on to the headboard of Greta’s bed to force herself not to reach out.
I am surrendering control.
I want this.
I want her to feel the way I do when I get her off.
That was the part that Kaelee had never experienced.
Sure, she enjoyed pleasure, but an orgasm was an orgasm.
She didn’t need much to get there, so why trust anyone to put their face near her most tender place?
The difference was that with Greta, Kaelee felt safe.
She cared that Greta had everything she could want in bed—not just orgasm after orgasm—and Greta was blunt about wanting to satisfy Kaelee in every way.
Kaelee watched as Greta slid her fingertips along Kaelee’s damp flesh and looked up, seeking permission yet again.
There was something beautifully erotic about seeing the woman she loved staring up at her in that hopeful way, and Kaelee understood Greta’s earlier words that she was still in control, even on her back.
In control of my body.
In control of my pleasure.
“Yes,” Kaelee reiterated.
And Greta lowered her mouth to Kaelee’s flesh. Her tongue was firm and sure, and her attention was slow and seductive. Within moments, Kaelee’s hips were lifting, offering herself up, wanting more.
She could feel the answering smile against her skin.
“Please,” Kaelee whispered. “Faster.”
The light, slow, flirtatious licks sped, and Greta’s hands, rather than holding Kaelee down, scooped under her to steady and lift. Greta was not holding Kaelee down at all.
“Don’t stop,” Kaelee begged.
Greta’s touches grew faster until Kaelee had to reach down and hold on to her.
The only part of Greta she could reach was her mane of curls.
Her hands slipped into Greta’s hair and held on as Greta licked, kissed, and suckled until Kaelee felt herself hurtling toward satisfaction and falling over the edge.
I love her, Kaelee thought as she pulled Greta into her embrace and held her tightly.
“You’re amazing,” Greta murmured against Kaelee’s damp skin.
Kaelee lifted her head to stare at her for a moment. “Says the woman who did the impossible. Never once have I done that sober until you.”
Greta smiled and snuggled closer.
“Say it,” Kaelee whispered.
Propping herself up to stare into Kaelee’s eyes, Greta said, “I love you, Kaelee Carpenter. I’m not trying to trap you or ask for anything you don’t want to give, but I love you.”
Kaelee nodded. “I feel that same way for you, too,” she managed to say.
“I thought so,” Greta said lightly, but her expression had dimmed slightly when Kaelee hadn’t said the words.