Chapter 19
Savannah
I step into the yoga studio and pause.
“Surprise!” the girls all yell, and I’m momentarily shocked into place.
“We wanted to put together a little party.” Victoria looks at me, waiting, since I haven’t moved a muscle since I stepped inside.
Snapping out of it, I smile wide and chest warm. “Oh my gosh… you did all this?”
“Victoria nearly hot-glued her fingers together trying to get those glittery signs on the wall.” Lacy chuckles.
“It was one time,” Victoria mutters. “And I stand by my commitment to glitter.”
“A baby shower?” Tears prick my eyes as I look at the pink and blue streamers on the wall. The cute tables and chairs have replaced the yoga mats and the tables off to the side house a large cake and refreshments, along with a mountain of gifts.
“Yes. We know the baby’s coming soon and wanted to make you feel special, before sleepless nights take over your entire personality.” Annabelle comes to my side, giving me a small hug.
I’m lost for words. I’ve never really had a party before.
Celebrations were never something I grew up with.
I told myself it was too indulgent, that I didn’t need the fanfare.
But truth be told, I was always jealous when Eden had large birthday parties with her friends every year, and I was barely acknowledged on mine.
“Come on through here…” Daisy steps forward, placing a sash over my head saying Mom-To-Be.
“Oh, this is…” I’m trying to find the words while simultaneously trying not to cry.
“Now my cupcakes are not as good as yours, so be kind…” Rochelle, the lady who owns the local diner, teases, and I grin. “Honestly, if they taste terrible, just lie. I’m fragile today.”
“You’re always fragile,” Charlotte snorts.
“Excuse me, I am a delicate flower,” Rochelle says, flipping her hair.
“You’re a cactus,” someone mutters from the back.
“Sharp, but thriving,” Rochelle fires back.
“Thank you. Thank you so much. This is all so beautiful…” I finally say, looking at all the women who have turned up. Some I’ve met a few times, and others I’ve only started to get to know.
“Well, now you’re here, so let the games begin!” Lacy says, moving around, and I see everyone start to shuffle. “Who wants to start with Baby Bingo?”
Some of the older ladies all grab a card, shuffling to their seats as they chatter.
“Okay, ground rules,” Lacy announces. “No cheating, no bribing, and no threatening the bingo caller.”
“Why did you look at me when you said that?” Daisy asks with a wide grin on her face.
“Because last time you tried to trade me a rose quartz for a win.” Lacy laughs.
“It was a good rose quartz,” Daisy argues.
Victoria leans in with a gentle smile. “Look around, Savannah. Every single woman here showed up because they adore you already.”
I swallow hard, a tear escaping. “I’m still getting used to that.”
“Well,” she says, looping her arm through mine, “get used to it. We’re not going anywhere.” She leads me farther inside, where I sit with the ladies all afternoon. Wondering how I became so lucky.
“You haven’t stopped smiling since we left.”
Griffin and I walk hand in hand down the street, him having come to the yoga studio with the other guys to help pack up and take the girls home.
“It was amazing.” My face hurts from smiling so much. “We played games, ate too much, laughed…”
“Well, Victoria knows how to throw a party.” He nods, and I tilt my head up at him.
“You knew?” While the party was a complete surprise to me, the way Griffin’s brows don’t furrow as deep as they normally do gives away his knowledge.
“Maybe.”
“And you didn’t tell me?” I laugh, surprised.
“When Victoria first mentioned it, I thought it was a great idea. Seeing you smile now, I know I was right.”
I lean into him as he gathers me closer to his side, our slow stroll down Main Street here in Whispers feeling nice in the warm afternoon sun.
“Tell me how I can eat all afternoon but still have a craving for pickles…” I murmur.
“Pickles?”
“Yeah, those really sweet green pickles.” My mouth waters.
“You want me to go get you some?”
“Oh no. Believe me when I tell you, there’s absolutely no space in my stomach for another thing after all the food I ate today. But this baby has me craving them all the same.” I smile, rubbing my belly subconsciously.
“I’ve heard pregnancy can make you crave a lot of things.”
“A good night’s sleep, mostly…” I laugh. “Let’s sit in the gardens here and watch the sunset,” I suggest as we wander down toward the seats behind Sawyer’s law office, the area green and tranquil at this time of day.
“You feeling alright?” He watches me slowly take a seat, my walk turning into a waddle now the baby is almost here. As he sits, he stifles a yawn.
“I’m fine. But you didn’t get much sleep last night.”
He had another nightmare last night. He’s had one each time he’s stayed over.
“I never get much sleep.” He rubs his eyes.
“You know I used to have them as a kid. I could never sleep. Always thought the devil was under my bed.” I smile, swallowing a little, seeing if he’ll open up.
“What stopped them?” He looks at me then, our gaze connecting before he leans back on the seat, lifting his arm up and around my back, encouraging me to lean in on him. And I do.
“My grandmother gave me her small pocket Bible. Told me to put it under my pillow and that it’d ward off the bad dreams. It worked.” I shrug, thinking about my gran and how amazing she was. “Do you believe in religion?” I lift my head to ask him.
“Somewhat. We said grace as a family. Went to church about once a month or so as a kid. That kind of filtered out as I grew up and went into foster care. My mom always read the Bible, though, and I turned to it at different times in my life.”
“It was such a big part of my life growing up.”
“Is it something you’re going to instill in your child?”
I sigh. Griffin asks a good question.
“I’ve been thinking about it. Thinking about what my faith means to me now.
If I’ll carry it through in my life and that of my child.
I’ll always cherish it, but I think my days of strict rules, attending church multiple times a week, and spending all my free time praying is over.
I mean, how can you claim to have such strong beliefs and morals but turn me away when my life got hard?
That’s not what Jesus did. I know being unmarried and pregnant is not ideal.
It certainly wasn’t my plan either, but you can’t force your daughter into hibernation and look at her in disgust. I don’t see that written anywhere in the Bible. ”
It’s cathartic to talk about. The heaviness I’ve felt with coming to this decision weighed more than I realized.
“I guess that’s the beauty of it. You can have it in your life however much you want. Periodically, daily, never, always. The belief never goes; it just changes as your life changes…”
We sit silently for a while, me digesting his words, trying to reconcile my thoughts around it all.
“I’ve also been thinking about the future…
” I say tentatively. “I’ve loved getting to know you.
Spending time with you… I believe many of my prayers were answered when you turned up in my life.
But…” I pause as I sit to face him. “Griffin. I appreciate it all. I really do. But I’m pregnant, about to give birth any day now.
I just opened the bakery. I love having you here.
I love spending time together. But I’m not a catch.
I can’t offer you anything. I have no value to bring to your life.
All I can offer you is a fat, emotional woman, sleepless nights, potentially a screaming baby and dirty diapers…
” The words rush out of me, because he’s handsome, successful, independent, wealthy, and one of the best men I’ve ever met in my life.
What does he get out of this? Out of me?
Before I can second-guess my words, I continue.
“The kissing, the dancing…” I swallow roughly before I continue. “I can’t tie you down. You’re a free spirit, and I don’t want you to feel obligated to…”
When I meet his eyes again, they’re flaming, his jaw tight.
“You think I’m here with you because I feel obligated?”
My heart thuds, confusion swirling, and he too sits forward, looking right into my eyes.
“I don’t know what to think. My history proves that I’m not someone who is…
well regarded.” My parents had always told me no man would want to marry someone like me, even if I was a good cook.
I know their idea of marriage is not mine, it’s all about women submitting.
But it’s hard to let those thoughts go when they have been embedded in me for so long. I know I shouldn’t think it. But I do.
“Neither does mine. My life was not cupcakes and fairy tales. I’ve seen more evil in this world than anyone should.
I’m damaged. Not sure if I can even be repaired.
Too damn old to be even considering it. I feel like just being around you, I’m bringing a shadow to your sunshine.
I should stay away from you. And believe me, I tried.
I left for a week, buried myself in work on the other side of the country.
I fought hard to push you out of my mind, yet I couldn’t stay away. But I’ll leave if you want me to.”
“No, I don’t… I want you here,” I whisper, my shoulders softening in acceptance and relief that he doesn’t see me as a burden or an obligation. That he couldn’t stay away from me, and that’s the same way I feel about him.
“This is a little unconventional. You and me. But you’re a strong woman.
You’re resilient. You’re making something of yourself, pulling yourself through to ensure you provide.
I don’t feel obligated. I don’t know what’s brewing between us.
But I know something is.” He pauses, eyes steady.
“You don’t owe me anything. I’m not here out of obligation or because I feel sorry for you and your circumstance.
I’m here because I see something in you. Something I want to be near.”
“Okay…” I whisper, nodding. Griffin's gaze doesn’t waver as his hand cups my cheek again.
“Okay.” He nods before he leans down and places a chaste kiss to my lips, melting the tension away.
Pulling back, his eyes have a little more light in them.
Like my lips offer him energy he’s never had before.
“Come here.” Sitting back on the bench, he pulls me into his side.
I rest my head on his shoulder, and we sit in silence, looking at the sunset.
And for the first time in months, the future doesn’t feel so terrifying.