Chapter 36 #2
Now as I pick up the small plastic green soldier, I turn it over in my palm.
Tommy used to love playing soldiers. It’s what we used to do under the bed when we hid from Dad’s wrath.
I would play and play and play with him, distracting him from the yelling downstairs.
Couldn’t hear the shattered glass as they broke against the wall.
The slamming of the front door, the car as it screeched down the street.
I did anything I could to make sure he wasn’t affected by having a drunk as a father, but I failed him in every way when he paid the ultimate price.
That’s something I’ll never forgive myself for.
I look at the gold watch at the bottom of the box and gently pull it out.
It hasn’t been touched in years. I haven’t picked it up, haven’t wanted to.
This watch rested around my mother’s wrist. I turn it over, inspecting the back, seeing it etched with her initials.
It feels smaller now, lighter, and I try to imagine it around her wrist, my mother a dainty woman.
Her wrists were tiny, if this watch is anything to go by.
“What you doin’?”
I look up, startled, seeing Savannah leaning against the doorframe, watching me.
“You creeping again?” I blow out a breath, smiling at her.
“No… I wanted to see if you were ready for dinner, but I didn’t want to interrupt. You looked… like you were concentrating pretty hard.” She steps into my office tentatively. “What’s that?” she asks, looking down at the gold watch in my hand, and my chest aches.
“It was my mother’s.” I admit, feeling lighter the minute the words leave me.
“Your mom’s?”
“Yeah, the only thing I have left of hers.” I lift it and pass it to her, and she takes it gently from my hand, looking at it, carefully handling one of the most precious things I own.
“It’s beautiful,” she says quietly, giving it back.
I reach back into the box. “This is my brother Tommy.” Clearing my throat, I lift the photo to her and watch her take it.
“He looks like you.” She smiles sadly, looking at me, and my shoulders lower. The stress and heartache I usually feel when thinking about them dissipates the slightest bit, sharing this with her.
“I used to call him a vampire because of his teeth…” I shake my head, the images of us running around as kids vivid in my mind.
“You have the same eyes.” She looks back at me, then the photo and back again. “We should frame it. Display it here somewhere?”
My heart thuds a little heavier. Could I do that? Could I look at my brother every day and see the love for him and not the self-loathing I usually feel?
“This is the only other thing I have from my childhood.” I pull out the green army man, and her smile widens.
“Oh, I’ve seen these before…” She looks at it in wonder. I guess these kinds of toys are a little vintage. Probably not something she played with as a kid. “You taking a trip down memory lane?” She passes the toy back to me, and I blow out a breath, putting the things back.
“My father was released from jail recently.” I’ve been needing to tell her. Needing to tell her everything. I didn’t plan for it to be right now, like this.
“Oh?” Her eyes widen.
“He was incarcerated for twenty-five years. I haven’t seen or spoken to him since that night he killed my family.”
She steps forward, and I lean back in my chair, lifting my arms, wanting her close. I feel immediately at ease when she sits on my lap, and I wrap my arms around her.
“That must feel… Well, I don’t know what that would feel like. How do you feel about that?”
“Angry,” I say without hesitation. “A little melancholy… but mainly angry.”
“That’s understandable.” She nods, not jumping from me. Not looking at me any differently.
“He called me.”
I feel her body tense a little in my grip, and I rub my hand up and down her back instinctively.
“And what did he say?”
“He didn’t get a chance to say anything, really. I told him not to call me. I’ve had Sawyer relay a message to his parole officer that I want nothing to do with him. He’s dead to me.”
Again, she nods slowly, taking in all the information so I continue.
“I don’t want him here. I don’t want him near me, near you, near Tommy…” I have to take a calming breath to try to regroup.
She cups my cheek. “Okay… whatever you want. I’ll support whatever you need.”
Fuck. I told her my deadbeat murderer of a father wants back in my life and half expected her to leave, grab Tommy, and rush out the door. But instead, she leans into my hold, giving me her support, her touch soft and sensitive. I don’t deserve her. Not in the slightest.
“Have you talked to anyone? Looked into therapy or anything like that?”
I shake my head. “That’s not really for me. But I’ve spoken in depth to Sawyer, and I feel lighter for talking to you. Now you know all my skeletons… There’s nothing else about me that you need to know.” I nod, a heavy sigh leaving me, liking the fact that there are no secrets.
“Thank you for sharing…” She presses a kiss to my head.
“I want us to be honest with each other. I want you to know everything about me and me about you.”
“Well… since we’re airing our skeletons…”
“What?” I ask too quickly, wondering what I don’t know.
She blows out a breath, long and slow.
“Savannah isn’t my real name. I mean, it is, but it’s my middle name, not my first name.”
I frown. “What’s your name?”
“It’s Faith. Faith Savannah Shepherd.” She swallows, watching me carefully.
“I decided to use my middle name when I moved to Whispers. I wanted to start fresh, to leave the past me behind, and it felt right. I’ve always felt more like a Savannah than a Faith anyway.
” She shrugs, and I smile, shaking my head.
“Faith. Savannah. It doesn’t matter, because you will always be my sweetness…”
Smiling, she hums, cuddling against me.
“And you will always be my Grumpy Griff.”
I huff a laugh and pull her close, feeling lighter than I have in years.