Chapter 13
Chapter
Thirteen
MALICE
“Bloody useless,” I muttered as I screwed the front panel on the radio I’d been attempting to fix for the last six hours.
The sky was still dark, but a soft glow tinged the horizon, somehow signaling my abject failure.
I was at a loss, unwilling to sit around and do nothing while we worked out our next steps, so I’d had the bright idea of using the radio to seek out news of the state of the world. It was better than inaction.
Even if I got it working and found no one on the other end, it gave me something to do. Knowing Merri was out there somewhere without the four of us to protect her had me twisted up in so many knots it was a damned miracle I could function.
As I dropped the fiddly piece of metal in my hand for the seventh time, I let out a frustrated growl.
“See! This is why I didn’t want to have feelings. Now I’m bloody useless.”
I slammed my palm on top of the radio, my heart lurching when static blasted from the speakers.
That was progress. Hope ignited faster than a wildfire within me.
I twisted the knob, on tenterhooks as I sought a live signal.
Seconds passed, my palms growing sweaty with each turn, but all that awaited me was more static.
“Fuck it all!”
Dropping my head into my hands, I forced long, slow breaths.
Rage mixed with disappointment, creating a bitter cocktail in my gut.
I was not used to failure. I allowed myself time to wallow, my face pressed to my palms. Frustration wouldn’t lead to anything other than mistakes. I didn’t have time for mistakes.
The static flickered in and out, and I knew it was only a matter of time before the old radio finally gave up the ghost and shut off on its own.
“Mal? Mal, are you there?”
Every muscle in my body tensed at the distorted sound of Merri’s voice. I snapped upright, staring hard at the radio.
“Merri?”
I grabbed the radio, holding it so tight my fingers turned white as I desperately played with the knob again. “Merri? Hello?”
No answer.
“Dammit!” I growled.
A gentle tap on my shoulder had me nearly jumping out of my skin before I turned my head to find my hellcat perched on the desk, a wry grin on her lips.
“I’m right here.”
Relief flooded me, followed closely by confusion. “You’re back?”
She shook her head. “Not quite. Any other guesses?”
The whiplash of emotions was making a mess of me. I sat back with a grunt of disappointment. “I’m dreaming.”
Merri offered me a wan smile. “Surprise.”
Getting to my feet, I took all of her in.
The fall of fiery locks that tumbled over her shoulders, those big blue eyes, her full, tempting lips.
Seeing her, after fearing I may never again be afforded the privilege, was like handing a cool glass of water to a man dying of thirst. Or perhaps I was more akin to a man in a desert stumbling across a mirage. I couldn’t quite trust she was real.
“You came to me.” The words spilled from my lips as soon as they appeared in my mind. This was a dreamwalk. She chose to be here. With me.
“Yes.”
“But why? Sin said you shut him out.”
As badly as I wanted to hear her say she missed me, I knew that alone wouldn’t be enough to sway her. Studying her a bit more carefully, I caught the little smudges below her eyes and the hollowness of her cheeks. She needed to feed. She didn’t want me; she needed me.
I’d fucking take it.
“You’re hungry, aren’t you?” I asked before she could answer my previous query.
She bit her lower lip and looked away from my eyes, then flicked her gaze back to me. “Yes. But I’m not here for that.”
“Then why?” I asked again, fearing the worst.
“I don’t know how to say it.”
“Just spit it out.”
“Lucifer found me.”
My chest constricted as the one thing we’d been fighting to keep from happening became a reality.
She continued softly, “Well, found is a bit misleading. I sort of, um, walked directly into a trap.”
“Explain,” I ground out, forcing myself not to raise my voice.
“I thought I was going somewhere safe,” she haltingly began.
“Where are you?” I demanded.
She gave me the address.
“I’m coming for you.”
“Wait, there’s more you should know first.”
“What else do I need to know? You’re with Lucifer, the one man we swore to protect you from. We know him. You have to get away as fast as you can.”
Her soft, warm palm rested on top of my hand.
“He’s done something to the house. I can’t leave.
I’ve been trying for hours. Every exit is spelled.
I tried to step off the porch and ended up back at the front door.
Same with the windows. I think it might be a ward or, I dunno .
. . I’ve never seen anything like it. But I have no way out on my own.
I . . . You broke me, and I’m so angry with you all, but I need your help. ”
I tucked the information away to share with the others. The need to get to her was an insistent itch beneath my skin.
“We'll be there as soon as we can. Whatever’s waiting for us, we’ll handle it.”
“And if you can’t?”
I hated the little wobble in her voice, that she had any reason to doubt us or our ability to protect her.
“We will.”
“Mal . . .”
Threading our fingers, I squeezed her hand. “I won’t rest until you’re back with us. None of us will. But you need to feed, hellcat. You’re starved.”
She released a heavy sigh, her eyes dropping to her knees. “I know.”
“Have you fed at all since you left us?” That question tasted like ashes in my mouth. The last thing I wanted was for her to be feeding off anyone other than the four of us. We were meant to be her providers and protectors.
“I tried. That’s how I found out the truth of who he was, but after that . . .”
“Take from me,” I insisted, pushing away the jealousy that rose like a tidal wave at the thought of Lucifer getting everything he didn’t deserve.
She opened her mouth like she was going to deny me, but I stepped closer and placed a finger against her lips.
“You need this. If, for some reason, we can’t get to you, keeping your power topped up is the only hope you have to fight him.
I know things are a mess between us at the moment, and I’m not going to deny the role I played in that, but this is bigger than either of us.
This is literal life or death. So I mean it, Merri.
Take from me. Take as much as you need.”
Uncertainty flickered across her face, but she nodded. “Okay.”
I sat down, sliding the chair across the floor just enough so I was directly in front of where she was perched. The need to touch her had me trembling as I reached out to run my fingers along her ankle and then up the side of her calf.
Merri flinched, and regret ate away at any possible excitement I might have been feeling.
“Merri—”
“It doesn’t have to mean anything, Malice.”
“But it does mean something. Every time with you means something.”
Her expression shuttered, her lips no longer soft but drawn into a tight line. “That was before. Now you’re basically a taco.”
“A taco?”
“Would you prefer if I called you a hamburger?” she asked with an arched brow. “You’re a way for me to eat, Malice. That’s all this is. You made it clear.”
Anger got the better of me. “I did no such thing.”
“Yes, you did. You sat there and looked at me like I was crazy. You watched Grim crush my heart, and you did nothing.”
Guilt sat heavy along my neck and chest. “I know, Merri. Trust me, I know exactly how badly I fucked up. But my silence was never because I didn’t believe you. I was so shocked by the truth of what you said, of what it meant, that I got lost processing it.”
There was a glimmer in her eyes that I couldn’t quite read before she swallowed. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”
My hand was at the top of her knee now, and I squeezed gently to emphasize my point. “Of course it matters. You’re my mate, hellcat. That’s just about the only thing that matters.”
Her gaze met and held mine, and I swear an entire novel’s worth of longing and regret passed between us, but she didn’t say a word. She just held my stare and sighed, her shoulders slumping a little.
“Horsemen don’t have mates,” she finally whispered.
It was going to take more than a single apology to undo the damage we’d caused. That was okay, it was what I deserved. I didn’t mind proving myself to her.
“I’m not a hamburger,” I said firmly, running my palm up her thigh. “If anything, I’m a fucking five-course meal.”
She uncrossed her legs and parted her knees minutely, the tension in her muscles easing ever so slightly. I took that for the opening it was, needing her in the worst way.
“Merri, I’ve missed you,” I murmured as I leaned in and kissed the soft flesh of her inner thigh. “Your taste, your smell, your touch.”
A sigh escaped her as I moved up her leg, taking the hem of her skirt along with me.
The first hint of her arousal hit my nose, and I inhaled greedily, nipping at the sensitive flesh I’d just exposed.
I was nowhere near close enough to where I wanted to be, but after days without her, it felt like I’d just found the fucking promised land.
Tingles raced down my spine as she threaded her fingers through my hair, her nails scraping my scalp before she fisted the strands.
“You smell divine. Lie back and let me have you, hellcat.”
Her breath hitched, but her voice was firm when she said, “No.”
“No?”
“That’s not how I feed. I need to taste you, Malice.”
My cock gave a very happy twitch in my trousers, as if eagerly volunteering for the job. I leaned back in my chair, spreading my legs wide as I slid my zipper down. “Then do it.”
As she hopped off the desk, I pulled my dick free and slowly stroked from root to tip, sucking in a sharp breath at the intense desire already building at the base of my spine. She needed me to come, but I wanted this to last. What a conundrum.
Watching her stare at me as I stroked myself was almost enough to settle the matter for both of us. The hunger that burned in her eyes ignited within me, like it was the answer to a question I’d been afraid to ask. If this were just about feeding, surely it wouldn’t feel this way.
We were mates, after all. That didn’t cease to be true because of a bump in the road.
No matter what either of us claimed in the beginning, or perhaps in this moment, it would never just be about feeding her. We were more than a means to an end. Grim may have denied it, but he was wrong.
Merri got to her knees, and I welcomed her between mine, reaching out with my free hand to stroke her face before I wrapped her hair around my fist.
“You look so beautiful on your knees for me,” I rasped.
“Bet I’ll look even better when my lips are wrapped around your cock.”
Fuuuuck me.
“Prove it.”
“Yes, sir.”
And, fuck me two times.
She leaned forward and replaced my palm with hers around my jutting length, her touch somehow so much more sensual than my own. With deliberately slow strokes, she worked me, precum beading on the tip almost instantly. Fuck, I was weeping for her, and she wasn’t even using her power on me.
Holding my gaze, she opened her mouth and started to swallow me down. I hissed in a breath, my fingers flexing in her hair. “Fuck yes, just like that. You take me so well, hellcat. You were made to suck my cock.”
Part of me wanted to talk her through it, to tell her exactly what to do, but she had other plans.
Merri had me seeing stars and losing the fight against my orgasm within minutes.
It was unfair, really. She was born for seduction, and I’d been denying myself for centuries.
I’d lost the battle before we even started.
And I’d never been so happy to lose.
“Merri,” I gasped as I fell over the edge, coming down her throat.
My pulse pounded in my ears, and it was several shuddering breaths later before I managed to open my eyes.
All I wanted was to pull her into my arms and keep her with me, but as the room came back into focus, I realized two things simultaneously. I was awake, and Merri was gone.
A wave of conflicting emotions hit me all at once: disappointment, confusion, despair, euphoria . . . love. It was entirely too much to make sense of.
But one thing was abundantly clear. One of us was in denial.
I just wasn’t sure if it was Merri . . . or if it was me.