Everly
I've got leverage. The man across the desk has spent his whole life making sure no one ever had any on him, which is exactly why I need it.
My heart's going hard enough that I can feel it in my wrists.
So I knock on Wheeler's door at the hour I'm not supposed to know is his, and I wait, and when he says come in I do it like a girl who's brought him a gift.
In a way, I have. I just haven't decided yet how much of it he gets to keep.
His study is the third-floor room I've been into twice without his leave, and it looks different with him in it, smaller, the way a cage looks smaller once you've seen the animal.
Old plaster cracks in a thin vein above the window, painted over so many times the crack barely shows unless you already know to look for it, and I always know to look for it.
The amber jars catch the lamp. The notebook is closed on the blotter, squared to the edge, and I'd bet anything he closed it the second he heard the stair creak.
The covered cage sits in the corner where it always sits, and the thing inside it breathes its slow wet breath, and I don't look at it, because looking at it is a tell and I can't afford tells.
Not in this room. Not with this man. My skin still crawls anyway, a slow cold walk up the back of my neck.
I made cookies at midnight last night, because I couldn't sleep and because flour is the only thing in this house that does what I tell it to.
I left the Tupperware on the kitchen counter, and I thought about it the whole walk up here, the ordinary weight of it, the sugar under my nails.
It's the kind of thing I do to remind myself which one of us I am.
I'm the girl who grinds her own cinnamon.
He's the man with a living thing under a cloth in the corner.
I keep that straight on purpose. It's the only edge I came in with that he can't take off me.
"Miss Grey." He doesn't stand. He gestures at the chair across the desk like he's granting me an audience, and I take it, and I fold my hands in my lap, and I let him think the folding is nerves. "You've never come to me before. Outside the sessions, I mean."
"No," I say. "I haven't."
He waits. He's good at it, better than Catalina, who narrates her silences so you'll know they're a choice.
Wheeler just lets the quiet sit there and go stale, watching to see if I'll fill it.
The polished face, the gray at the temples, the whole bought shine of him.
Disgraced, the word follows him, and I've never been able to make it stick to anything I can see.
So I don't fill the quiet. I let it go stale right back at him, and I watch his eyes flick—once, fast—to the closed notebook, and that's the first thing he's given me without meaning to.
"I've read it," I say.
His face does nothing. That's how I know.
"The notebook," I say. "The tally on the four of them—Ren, Atlas, Callum, Felix—and on however many other students you've got in there under names Catalina would never think to ask about.
What you draw off all of them in session, and what you draw off them after, when nobody's checking.
You're taking more magic than the sessions call for, from more people than the sessions cover.
You're experimenting on them, and only the sanctioned number ever makes it into what Catalina sees.
" I tip my head toward the Well, toward the floor, toward the four levels of dark stacked under this pretty house.
"The rest goes to whatever's under that cloth in the corner.
I've watched you feed it. So I'll save us both the part where you decide whether to lie to me. "
The breath in the corner goes in, goes out. Wheeler sets two fingers on the notebook's cover, not opening it, just touching it, the way you'd put a hand on a dog that's started to growl.
"That's a serious accusation," he says, "to make in a building like this one."
"It isn't an accusation. I don't care what you draw." I taste the lie of that as I say it—metal at the back of my tongue, faint, my own body calling me on it—and I swallow it down and keep my face still. "I care about something you care about more. Your thesis is failing."
He doesn't move. But something in the room goes tight, the air pulling thin the way it does right before a held breath breaks, and I know I've found the seam.
"The strength keeps dropping," I go on, soft, like I'm doing him a kindness, because the softer I say it, the worse it lands.
"It doesn't matter how much you take, or how often, or from whom.
You draw and you draw and the Well gets weaker anyway, and you write the number down, and the next number is lower than the last. I've seen the column.
It only goes one direction." I let that sit.
"You don't even understand why. That's the part that's keeping you up.
You can feel it failing under your hands and you can't make it stop, and you've started taking more just to slow the fall, and the more you take the faster it goes. "
"You don't know the first thing about the work."
"I know it isn't working." I lean forward, just a little, just enough. "And I know who you promised it to."
There it is. The thing under the polish.
His jaw doesn't tighten and his hands don't curl, but something behind the eyes goes flat and careful, the look of a man realizing how much he actually stands to lose.
Some small mean part of me is glad to see it.
I don't love that about myself, but I don't take it back either.
"Catalina doesn't keep people who waste her time," I say.
"You've watched her not keep them. You know exactly what it looks like when she decides a thing she bought has stopped being useful.
You've probably written some of those down too.
So here's what I actually came to tell you.
" I hold his gaze, and I don't blink, and I let him see that I mean it all the way down.
"She doesn't know yet how badly it's going.
But I do. And the day she finds out is a day I can choose.
I can let it come when it comes. Or I can bring it early. "
The lamp hums. The chimera breathes. Somewhere below us the Well does the thing it does that is almost a sound, one low note singing just behind my ear, a draw pulling low in my belly, and for once I'm glad of it, because it reminds me what I'm standing on.
"You're threatening me," Wheeler says. He says it almost with admiration, turning it over. "In my own office."
"I'm informing you." I sit back. "There's a difference. You can decide which one it was."
And now the harder part: the bait. Bait only works if the man wanting it can pretend to himself he isn't. So I let the silence come back, and this time I don't fill it on purpose.
I just turn my hand over in my lap—palm up, the same gesture Ren once made to the warden, an offering without the words—and I look at it, like I'm thinking, and I let Wheeler watch me look.
My stomach turns over doing it. I don't let that show either.
His eyes go to my hand. To the bare back of it, where everyone else in this building wears a mark and I wear nothing, because the ink wouldn't take, because there's no measuring a grimoire with a tool built for ordinary blood.
He's known since the first morning that I'm the one thing in his whole study he can't open up and read.
It's been eating him the entire term. I've watched it happen across the session table: his attention snagging on me and not letting go, drawing from Ren and looking at me, drawing from Atlas and looking at me, a man at a banquet who can only think about the one dish he isn't allowed to touch.
"You want to know what I am," I say.
He doesn't answer. But the breath he takes is the answer.
"No one's ever let you near one. A real one, awake, in a chair, where you could ask it questions and watch it answer.
" I turn my hand back over, close it, take the offer away, and I watch the small thing that does to him, the flinch of a man who's had the dish lifted off the table before he could decide to refuse it.
"You've read about us. Margins of old records, the parts nobody's meant to.
But you've never had one across a desk who'd talk back. "
"And you're proposing," he says slowly, "to be that?"
"I'm proposing nothing. I'm sitting here.
You're the one turning it over." I let the corner of my mouth go up, just barely, just enough to be a dare.
"But I'll say this much. You can keep bleeding the four of them for nothing, watching the number drop no matter what you take, and wait for Catalina to notice before you do.
Or you could spend that hour on the one subject in this school worth the disgrace they hung on you.
I imagine a man writes a very different thesis when he's actually got the thing in the room. "
I can see it land. I can see it the way Felix must see his branches, the whole shape of how this goes, fanned out in front of me, every version ending in the same place.
He can't take the threat—I've already watched what pressing does to him, the polish going hard and flat behind his eyes, some door in him swinging shut.
And he can't refuse the bait either, because the bait is the only thing he's wanted since I walked in unmarked and unreadable and wrong.
So he does what I've watched him do this whole session, cornered and tempted in the same breath: he finds a way to dress the trap up as something he chose.