Chapter 2
As I knelt, hunched over my fouled front step, Flo exclaimed, “Looks like someone is having a party in the park.”
A bleary-eyed glance showed the sky a few blocks over glowing golden.
“Wanna check it out?” Flo was holding her liquor and dope better than me.
“Fuck no. I think I need to go to bed.”
“Party pooper,” Flo teased, but being a good friend, she helped me stumble to my bedroom, where I collapsed and passed out until late the next morning.
Waking proved traumatic.
Gritty eyes. A sour mouth. Super rumbly belly.
A cloudy brain. The mother of all hangovers had me shuffling to the bathroom, where the only good news was the abrupt cessation of my flow.
A brush of my teeth and a wash of my face restored me a little bit, but what I really needed?
A coffee. I stumbled to the kitchen and leaned against the counter while I brewed a pot of caffeine.
Flo staggered in just as it finished dripping, looking as good as I felt. “Man, I should have gone to bed when you did,” she groaned.
“You stayed up?”
“Thought I’d tidy up our mess while I finished off the bottle of wine.”
A glance through the archway to the living room showed the many ingredient bottles and candles gone, the chest back in front of the couch with the Grimoire sitting atop it.
“Guess the spell didn’t work,” I stated because, hello, still no dashing prince on my doorstep.
“Give it time. I mean, did you think he’d just show up in our living room?”
“Well yeah.”
Flo snickered. “Can you imagine if a guy had appeared? Poof.” She snapped her fingers. “You’d have likely brained him with the candlestick.”
“True dat,” I agreed.
“What should we do today?”
“Other than die?”
“Feels like a vegging day to me.”
Agreed, hence why me and Flo spent a quiet day wrapped like burritos on the couch until the arrival of the demon in the kitchen, and the judgy cat that tsked.
Nothing like being reprimanded by a mangy feline. “You cast a summoning spell while under the influence, didn’t properly measure I’ll imagine, and compounded that error without specifying who?” Cedric did not sound impressed.
“I… Uh…” I stuttered before lamely replying, “I didn’t have the name of my one true love. If I did, I wouldn’t have needed a spell.”
Cedric sighed. “Your Grams was right. You are an idiot.”
“Hey!”
“Don’t hey me. Do you realize what you’ve done?” I swear, if the cat possessed hands and hips, the hands would have been planted in reproach.
“Not exactly, but I’ll wager you’re about to tell me,” I muttered in annoyance.
“For one, a summoning is not a love spell. On the contrary, you half-assed a very serious incantation that lacked proper constraints and thus ended up opening a portal to the Infernal Dimension, unleashing who knows how many imps and other demons—”
Flo interrupted. “Other demons? You mean there might be worse than the mutant bat roaming the city?”
“Much worse. Have you not checked the news?”
Me and Flo both shrugged. “Nope.”
“What happened?” I added.
“Massacre in the park. The homeless who’d taken up residence were found in pieces this morning.”
My eyes widened. “Oh shit. Are you saying that’s my fault?”
“You’re the one who opened the doorway that let the demons in.”
“Can’t I cast another spell to send them back to their hellhole?”
Judging by Cedric’s snort, that would be a no.
Flo waved her hands. “Okay, we get it. We fucked up. How do we fix it?”
“In good news, the rift to the Infernal Dimension is closed. In the bad, it remained open long enough to let an unknown number of foul creatures into our world. As to fixing your mistake, there’s only one thing to do. Kill all the intruders.”
“Hold on, I can’t do that,” I squeaked.
“In that case, I’d suggest quickly making plans for your imminent demise because demons are attracted to those with magic. AKA you.”
“I’m not a witch,” I exclaimed.
“The spell you cast says otherwise.”
Flo waved a hand. “This mutant bat we killed, you’re saying it came here because it knew Charlie can do magic? I’m guessing they don’t like it.”
“On the contrary, they like it too much. They feed on those gifted with the arcane to make themselves stronger. The more power they sense, the more rabid their determination to devour.”
“Good thing I’m weak then.”
“You opened a portal to the Infernal Dimension; you’re hardly weak,” the dry retort.
“But Grams said—”
“Your grandmother was a foul-tempered woman who knew you’d inherited her gift but refused to tell or teach you about it.”
“In other words, it’s her fault I’m gonna have a bunch of mutant hell creatures gunning for me.” As if I’d accept the blame.
“The fact remains, you’ll need to exterminate them all.”
“You’re talking about me having to turn into some kind of demon assassin. Which is crazy. I practically have a breakdown each time I have to rid the house of a spider.”
“It’s true.” Flo nodded in agreement. “First time she spotted an eight-legged menace she called me and I had to coach her through the whole grabbing a tissue and squishing it. She hyperventilated the whole time.”
“Charlotte seemed to be fine when confronting the imp in the kitchen,” Cedric reminded.
“Because it was life or death. Totally different than hunting out monsters with the express purpose of murder.”
“So you’d rather the demons attack you first to give you the motivation needed to rid the world of them?” Amazing how a cat could manage to look and sound so sarcastic.
“Well yeah, because then it becomes self-defense.”
“Which is totally acceptable,” Flo quickly added. “And before you ask, it’s a type of girl math.”
“Girl what?” Cedric shook his head. “On second thought, I doubt I want to know.
“How does one kill demons anyhow, other than with a frying pan? Is there like an easy way?” I asked. “A wand that zaps them with lightning bolts? A spell that sends them back to hell?”
“They’re from the Infernal Dimension.”
“The difference being?”
“Hell doesn’t actually exist, although some claim its description in religious texts is based on parts of the Infernal plane.”
“Potato, paw-ta-toe. Same thing, they’re both places of fire and brimstone and—”
“Actually, the Infernal Dimension has many very lush and lovely sections.”
I blinked. “Then why the heck would demons want to come here?”
“Because here they can kill those with magic without repercussion. In the Infernal Dimension, they are bound by the laws set and enforced by the kings and their princes.”
“What no princesses or queens?”
“Not any with power, as they are a patriarchal society. And as I was saying, the imps and demons that live there know better than to go after the citizens protected by a king.”
“AKA the peasant demons can’t eat the higher-caste demons,” I surmised.
“The citizens in the Infernal Dimension are not demons They are called the umbradriad, or translated in English, shadow elves.”
“How are short and happy elves keeping demons in line?” Flo asked, brow creased with confusion.
“What are you talking about?” Cedric exclaimed. “Who says they’re short or happy?”
“Um, hello, every single movie about Santa’s village, duh.” Flo rolled her eyes.
Cedric rolled his, too, but also sighed. “Not even close to the same. The shadow elves I speak of are tall, athletic, ruthless, and the highly ranked wield magic the likes of which would devastate this world if they chose to enter it.”
“But none of them got in last night, right?” I quickly asked. “I mean you said the doorway wasn’t open for long.”
“How would I know? I wasn’t standing by the portal watching to see who crossed over.” A testy reply.
“I’m still confused why me asking the universe for a boyfriend would open a door to a demon world? How come the magic couldn’t find me a guy on Earth?”
“Because that summoning spell was specifically targeting a being from the Infernal Dimension. What you should have cast was an actual Love Spell, but your Grams ripped that page out and set it on fire during one of her foul moods. That said, spellbooks are not meant for drunken entertainment. Magic is for those capable of understanding and handling the consequences.”
I hung my head with each rebuke until it occurred to me the chastisement came from a fucking cat. A cat who’d, until now, chosen to be an ass.
“Why should I believe anything you say? You’ve being a hissing jerk since I moved in. Like why wait until now to speak? You could have warned me ages ago about not playing with magic.” I went on the attack.
“For one, I didn’t realize you’d have the ability, and secondly, I didn’t expect you to be dumb enough to actually try casting anything.”
“Well, someone obvviously didn’t bother getting to know me because that was totally something Flo would make me do!”
“Hey!” Flo exclaimed before adding, “But fair. I am a bad influence.”
I jabbed my finger at Cedric. “You still haven’t explained why you stuck around. It’s obvious you didn’t like my Grams.”
“I detested her with every ounce of my being. She truly was a wretched woman. However, I am bound to serve whoever owns the damnable Grimoire.”
“Ooh, I hear a backstory.” Flo clapped her hands. “What happened? How did you get cursed?”
“By trickery,” Cedric hissed. “I didn’t always wear this shape, but centuries ago, a powerful wizard captured my spirit by cutting down my tree.”
“You’re a dryad?” Flo exclaimed, more familiar with fantasy stuff than me, although the word did sound familiar.
“Was,” his sour reply. “The wizard required a powerful familiar to aid with his spells and so he bound my spirit into this shape and then tethered me to serve whoever owned the Grimoire. A book that has been passed down through the generations, with your grandmother being its most recent owner.”
“And now me!” I chirped, earning myself a dark look.
“You’re not a witch.”
“I beg to differ. I cast a spell.”
“Badly. You lack the years of training to claim that title.”
“And yet, look who opened a door to Hell,” I chirped. “What can I say? I must have natural talent.”
A noise of disgust spewed from Cedric. “I don’t even know why I’m bothering to speak with you. It’s a waste of air, seeing as how your ignorance will get you killed.”
“Which leaves you where?” I asked. “Will you be freed if I’m dead and no one inherits the book?”
“Even if you die, the book will find a new owner. It always does.” An ominous mutter.
I might have asked another question, only a scratching at the door drew my attention. “Is that another demon?”
“Yes. Can’t you smell it?”
“I’d rather not,” I huffed. I glanced at Flo. “Get your frying pan ready.”
“What are you going to use? Because that stool wasn’t the best weapon last time,” she remarked.
“Agreed.” I cast a glance around, but before I could snag a knife from the butcher block, Cedric sighed again. Apparently, his thing. “Check under the sink.”
“Pretty sure the scrubbing mop isn’t going to do shit. Although that lemon-scented degreaser might act as a pepper spray if I can spritz it in the eyes,” I mused aloud.
“Idiot.” Cedric sauntered over to the sink as the scratching on the door turned into rattling. “Tap the panel on the front of the sink.”
“Why?” I asked as I gave it a light smack.
“Harder,” he growled.
I banged it with my fist while exclaiming, “Oh my gawd, there’s nothing—” Thump. The panel popped open, revealing a secret compartment and— “Holy shit. There’s a sword.”
“Long dagger, actually. You might want to grab it because I do believe the demon is coming in.”
The kitchen door slammed open, the frame splintering with the force of the invasion, and in barged a hideous beast. Imagine Venom’s really, really ugly cousin.
Slick black skin. Two big black orbs for eyes.
No nose, just holes above a mouth that put a shark to shame.
Oh, and its fingers? More like great big claws.
I’ll admit, I stared. I mean it’s not every day a fucking monster shows up in your kitchen, a big one that made the imp we’d handled look like a baby. In even worse news, it headed for me.
I squeaked and suddenly thought to grab the dagger, whirling with it in time to have it slapped out of my hand. So much for my career as a demon assassin.
As its freakishly long arm pulled back, readying to swipe those finger scythes across my soft, and squishy, flesh, Flo uttered a yell worthy of a warrior and swung her mighty frying pan.
Boing.
It made an impressive noise as it connected with the demon’s shoulder. Alas, it had no effect unless the backhand that sent Flo reeling counted. She ended up hitting the floor on her ass with a squeak. But in good news, no blood.
The demon’s mouth opened into what I took to be a grin but could also double as sphincter tightener. The creature turned its attention back to me, and I could see my death in its freaky black orbs. It wasn’t pretty.
I mean I was wearing plaid bottoms, a ragged T-shirt from a Motley Crue concert, and fuzzy pink bunny slippers. Of all the outfits to die in. “I don’t suppose we can talk about this?” I retreated as I asked.
The monster advanced, taking its time, savoring my fear. Or so I imagined. Why else stalk me slowly while flicking its tongue?
“What should I do?” Flo lamented, standing behind the beast, frying pan dangling by her side.
“Run.” Because I didn’t want my best friend dying too.
“Don’t die while I find some help,” Flo ordered before she bolted through the busted kitchen door, screaming, “Help! My bestie is under attack.”
As for me? My ass could retreat no farther. Damn its rounded full cheeks that hit the wall. The monster knew it had me trapped. It took its time, flicking its nasty tongue and ululating in a way that might just be worse than nails on chalkboard as it approached.
What a way to die and to think I’d summoned this foul beast. I attempted one last time to reason with it.
“Listen, Mr. Demon. I know I smell good to you, but here’s the thing, I taste bad.
Like really, really bad. Terrible diet and then there was the booze I drank last night.
Really stinky shit. And you know, Earth isn’t that great a place to be.
I’m sure if you don’t gut me like a fish, I could see about reopening the door to your Infernal place and send you back. ”
The demon cocked its head as I spoke. It listened. Would it agree?
Nope. The arm pulled back, and before I could think of some final epic words, a blade suddenly sliced across the demon’s neck. It stood there for a second, frozen in shock most likely, before its hideous head toppled from the shoulders and hit the floor.
At my feet, spattering my poor bunnies with black blood.
Gross, but since I remained alive, I could buy new slippers.
The body slumped to the floor, revealing the decapitator, a tall, dark, and handsome man with a stony expression and laser-blue eyes.
What do you know. Despite Cedric’s many naysaying remarks, my spell did work. I smiled as I greeted my hero with a purred, “Good timing, lover.”