Chapter 10
Dylan
It took everything inside me not to roll my eyes at the asshole.
“Dylan,” Austin barked as he stomped into the paint shed. “We need to talk.”
“When don’t we need to talk?” I muttered from the opposite side of the room where I’d been organizing my paint cans.
“Outside,” Austin all but shouted.
My eyes flicked toward the camera before I walked across the room and out the door he’d used.
“You want to explain this?” Austin asked, not waiting for the camera to catch up to us. He pointed at the mural on the side of the shop.
I couldn’t stop the smirk that curved my lips.
It looked damned good in the light of day.
The mountain of poor cats. The pathetic expression on their faces.
The arc of piss coming from the fat cat.
The smug smirk on his face. And the Badass Builds logo shining from the back of his jacket.
“It’s an ode to capitalism and trickle-down economy. ”
“Why the fuck is it on the side of my building?”
I shrugged. “Because I was feeling artistic Friday night and didn’t have a canvas laying around. They’re all back at my condo.”
“Seriously, Dylan? What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Like hell would I ever sell Indy out. And half of it was mine anyhow. She might’ve started it, but I finished it.
And made it personal.
“It’s not about you, if that makes any difference.”
Austin’s head went back like I’d slapped him. “It’s not?”
“No.” I shook my head.
“Then wha… Who is it about?”
“Me. I’m the asshole standing on top of the pile, pissing on everyone. Pissing on my brothers. On our family. On our contacts in the industry. On everyone who helped us.”
He sighed heavily then rubbed a hand over his face. “That’s not what I expected you to say.”
“What? It’s true. I’m the asshole who spoke up at our sperm donor’s parole.
I’m the one who fell for his lies. I’m the one who screwed our friends over time and again getting that asshole jobs.
I’m the one who almost—” I cut myself off and shook my head.
Not everything that happened was out there.
We’d managed to keep my whole blackmail, unintentional drug running, and almost prison sentence out of public knowledge.
After a beat, I cleared my throat and finished.
“I’m the one who almost imploded our family. ”
Austin stared back at me with all this emotion in his eyes. Things he no doubt wanted to say but wouldn’t because of the cameras. He was always aware of their presence.
After a long moment, he took a step back and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I had no idea you felt that way.”
“Why would you?” I gave a sad fucking laugh that embarrassed me for a second.
I wasn’t prepared for all the emotions that leaked out of me.
“You won’t talk to me unless it’s to rail at me for something I fucked up.
And you don’t need to, by the way. I know there’s nothing—nothing—I can do that can ever make up for all the bullshit I caused you and everyone else. I can never say ‘I’m sorry’ enough.”
“How about you say just one?”
I blinked. “Are you fucking kidding me? Where were you last night? And before that? I’ve said I’m sorry after he burned down Aunt Wendy’s restaurant.
I said I’m sorry after all the shit went down with…
the client,” I finished lamely. “I said sorry at dinner last night. You don’t hear it.
You don’t fucking care. You’re too busy making sure I know that I’m a fuck-up to even listen to me.
Newsflash: I know I’m a fuck-up. I painted it on the side of our goddamn building. Believe me, I know.”
The air around us all but vibrated with emotion.
His throat bobbed and his eyes looked suspiciously wet as he looked away at the sound of someone approaching.
Make that two someones—Nathan and Ryan with a camera trailing them.
“Uh, hey guys.” Nathan’s eyes darted from my panting chest to Austin’s avoidance. “Did we miss something?”
Ryan stopped next to him and gave me that look that was all too familiar these days—concern. Like I was going to go over the edge and do something stupid or crazy.
Again.
I just shook my head. “Just the usual.” I turned back to Austin. “I’m not painting over it. If you want it gone, you do it.”
I waited a beat for him to say or do something.
But he didn’t.
He couldn’t even look at me.
“Whatever.” I shook my head and took off for the main shop building.
* * *
“Uh, how’s it going?”
I spun around at Ryan’s voice but relaxed when I saw it was just him, no camera crew in pursuit. “It’s whatever. I’m used to it by now.”
“I got the gist of what went down from James’ questions. Despite your apology last night, I had no idea you considered yourself the family fuck up. Because for the record, you’re not. By my estimation, it’s a four-way tie.”
I scoffed. “Get real.”
“No, I’m serious. Austin couldn’t—and wouldn’t—face shit for the longest time.
Judging by how your conversation ended, he’s still running from confrontation.
I had to go to anger management to deal with my shit.
Nathan has had his own anger demons and avoidance.
It took him how long to wake up to wanting to be with Maddie?
And then he almost lost her because he wanted revenge instead of making sure she was okay. It’s not just you; we’re all fuck ups.”
“I appreciate you trying, but it’s not even slightly even, and you know it.”
“I know you’re family, and I’m always going to love you. Anyone who can’t see that you’re trying to be a better man is fucking blind, and I’ll tell them that to their face.”
I looked down and shook my head. Ryan was the best of all of us. He’d gone to anger management on his own because he didn’t like how he’d looked on our show. He owned his shit. I’d spent most of my life wanting to be like him.
I still wanted to be just like Ryan when I grew up. “You’ve always made me want to be better—when I was little, now. You’re the best man I know, Ryan, and I’m sorry for all the ways I’ve disappointed you.”
He gave an exasperated huff. “Have you switched bodies with Austin? Because I swear to god, it sounds like you’re not hearing me.
You’re not a disappointment. You’re trying to be better—do better—and I see it.
As far as I’m concerned, you’ve got nothing to apologize for anymore.
You learned a really fucking important lesson.
This is the part where we move on. I forgave, you don’t forget. ”
I chewed on my cheek and nodded tightly. “Thanks, man.”
“Now, what’s going on with you and the new girl?”
“Seriously?” I groaned, scrubbing my face. “Nothing. She needed help, and so did we here at the shop. We’re not screwing. I haven’t so much as kissed her.” Nothing was going to happen. The last thing Indy needed right now was a horny creep making her feel unsafe.
Because that was what I’d be—a creep. She was vulnerable. And alone. And scared.
She deserved to feel safe.
“But she’s living with you,” Ryan pointed out.
“How do you know that?”
He shrugged. “Maddie mentioned it to the girls at book club last weekend, and then Hope told me.”
I sighed. This family was always thick with gossip. “Her dad disappeared and she got evicted because he was behind on rent. It’s…whatever.”
“Right. But that doesn’t explain how you know her. She’s a college student. You’re a reality tv star. Are you sure about her story? I mean, she could be using you to get on tv. Or for your money.”
I laughed. That was fucking rich. “She doesn’t care about that shit. She seriously just needed a place to stay, and it was hell getting her to accept that much.”
“I feel like you’re avoiding my original question. Come on, bro. How’d you meet her?”
He wasn’t wrong. Because I wasn’t telling anyone how we really met.
I’d already claimed responsibility for the mural and knowing it came from her wouldn’t help her out with my highly suspicious brothers.
“We met at the diner down the street. She was telling Anne all about her troubles, and we started talking. The kid just needs a break. Don’t make this into something it’s not because I might have to take back my Ryan fan club membership or whatever. Don’t be a douche about it.”
“I just want to know more about the girl and make sure she’s a good influence on my baby brother.”
“Whatever. I’m getting lunch.” I stomped past him with a huff but stopped when he called out to me.
“Dyl, wait.” He jogged over to my side. “I’m sorry. But just look at it from my point of view. You go from living alone to moving some girl into your place and getting her a job here with us and on camera. It’s hella sudden. And weird.”
I sighed, accepting Ryan’s point. This all was very sudden. “She’s just a kid who needed a chance. Come to lunch with us and get to know Indy. You’ll see she’s awesome.”
“Sure. Let me just text Hope and make sure she doesn’t need me.”
“We’ll meet up at the diner in fifteen.”
“Sounds good.”
But nothing was ever that easy with my family. Lunch with me, Ryan, and Indy turned into production finding a place that would let us have their back room and recording the meal for the show with all my brothers.
Yay.
Fuck my life.
“I’m so fucking sorry,” I apologized to Indy on the ride over to the restaurant. “This was supposed to be just you, me, and Ryan. But the second Austin heard, he invited himself. And then James heard, and—”
“It’s fine, Dylan. Isn’t this what I signed up for?”
I sighed heavily. “This shitshow isn’t for the faint of heart.”
I just hoped I didn’t regret dragging Indy into this whole mess.
“Look, if anyone says anything or does anything that makes you uncomfortable, let me know. I’ll sort them out.”
Indy huffed as she stared out the passenger window of my truck. “Like I told you, I’m used to dealing with hotheaded boys. My dad’s friends make you and your brothers look like toddlers. Trust me, you’ve got nothing to worry about.”
“Yeah, that doesn’t make me feel any better. What the fuck is wrong with your dad?”
She sighed deeply. “I’ve been asking myself that for weeks.”
But she didn’t say anything more.
I wanted to probe more, but I knew more than most that some wounds never healed, and the last thing you needed was someone poking at it.
Instead of our local dingy diner, I pulled up to the Cheesecake Factory on the other side of town off of I-80.
I was hangry. That, plus my brothers and a film crew meant this was going to be an awesome meal.
I left my truck idling in a space toward the back of the lot. “Listen. We need to get our stories straight.”
“Stories?”
“Yeah, about how we met. I told Ryan that we met that night in the diner. All I left out was the part about the graffiti and chasing you off. I kept everything else. Anne. The diner. Your dad disappearing. That’s all.”
“I wish you hadn’t taken the blame for the mural. I was the one who painted most of it.”
“And I was the one who made it personal. Which in hindsight, was stupid.” I gave her a chagrined look. “That seems to be a thing with me.”
She smiled slightly and looked away. “From where I’m sitting, I think it was pretty awesome. Like something a hero in a rom-com would do.”
“Oh, kiddo, I’m far from hero material. Believe me.” I shook my head, turned off my truck, and pushed my door open. I couldn’t let her ever think about me in those terms. I was an asshole of the highest order. I’d accepted it. Some things just couldn’t be changed.
No matter how much you tried.
Indy was quiet as we walked across the lot to the restaurant, but I could feel her eyes on me the whole way. Trying to figure me out? Regretting throwing her lot in with me? At this point I couldn’t tell, and I was too chickenshit to ask.
I didn’t know if I wanted the truth.
I held the door open for her, and her cheeks flushed as she walked past me into the restaurant.
“Dylan!” James’ voice broke through the dull roar of the busy restaurant lobby. “We’re back here!”
I gave an apologetic smile to the hostess who was still eight people deep in front of us and headed toward James’ wildly waving body. Putting my hand on Indy’s back, I gently guided her around the crowd and down the side hallway.
James met us at the door with a toothy smile. “We just need to mic you guys up again, and then we can get started.”
We went through the whole song and dance again, then we were seated at the large and very empty table.
“Where’s the rest of the guys?” I asked James as we picked up menus.
“They’re on their way. I think Austin said something about avoiding the traffic and taking surface streets?” James waved a hand at the approaching waitress. “But go ahead and order. You don’t have to wait for them. Just forget we’re even here.”
I closed my eyes. “Seriously, James? You’re pulling this shit on her first day?”
“What shit?” Indy murmured softly to me.
“He’s trying to get whatever relationship we have on camera before the guys show up for the gotcha moment.” I turned to glare at our asshole producer. “What time did you tell them to come? One thirty? Two?”
He just stared stoically back at me.
I would’ve loved to leave over the principle of the thing, but right then my stomach gave a rumble that I felt in my toes. I huffed in annoyance. “If I wasn’t so fucking hungry, we’d be out of here.”
James shot me a smug little smile like that was part of his plan. I would’ve loved to rip it off his face, but Indy’s presence—and my anger management—said maybe that wasn’t a good idea.
Being an adult sucked.