Chapter 24
Dylan
The next few weeks passed in a blur.
Indy was gone.
My condo was so fucking quiet.
And this pain in my chest was never going to leave.
Sabrina called to tell me that Indy was settling into her old apartment. She, Hope, and Indy came by to pack up her stuff while I was busy screaming at the network for the shitshow James had caused. I didn’t answer Sabrina’s call, but I read the voicemail summary later.
Austin called to tell me that he’d settled her into Sabrina’s old apartment and given her a “company car.” I didn’t pick up for him either.
I avoided the front desk when I was at work. Walked the long way around the building to get to the breakroom when Nathan wanted to talk. Held my breath when I walked through the halls at work, just aching to hear her voice.
But I never did.
Like the sick son of a bitch that I was, I started sleeping in the spare room. Her scent still clung to the sheets, and I vowed to never wash them. It was the only place in the whole world that gave me a sliver of peace. I could feel her presence there. Could almost hear her laugh.
I was haunted by her heartbreak that still pulsed in the room.
So I painted.
I painted at work, doing the same cans twice because I was such a space cadet, I’d forgotten how to spell the company’s name.
I painted at home because I needed to see Indy’s face. Trace her lips. See that special little sparkle in her eyes.
But nothing I could paint could even compare with the real thing. It was all just a sad facsimile.
Maybe I needed a bigger canvas…I could paint a huge mural on that wall in the living room. Then I’d never truly be alone. Indy would always be with me.
Was this what a breakdown felt like? I’d never been so low. So utterly broken.
I didn’t want to eat. I didn’t want to masturbate. Everything felt muffled.
Distanced.
“Holy fuck,” Ryan whispered. “Are you seeing this?”
I lifted my head and looked around and found Ryan and Nathan standing in the doorway of my spare bedroom, staring at me like I was an alien. I looked around the room, but nothing looked out of place. “What?”
Nathan sighed. “I didn’t know it was this bad.”
“He’s such a sad sack,” Ryan agreed.
“Fuck off.” I turned back to my canvas.
“Nope. We’re not doing this.” Ryan bounded into the room and ripped my paintbrush out of my hands.
“You’ve been locked up in here for days, not talking to anyone, not answering your phone, not answering your door.
And this is what you’ve been doing? Painting Indy’s face over and over again like some whacked out stalker? ”
I turned and grabbed a new brush from my side table. “You married your girl. You wouldn’t understand.”
“You seriously think our road to ‘I do’ was fucking easy?” Ryan ripped the second brush out of my hand. “Her dad tried to fucking kill me remember?”
Nathan waved a hand. “The MC tried to kill my girl.”
I closed my eyes as a wave of grief crashed over me at the reminder. I’d had a hand in both scenarios. Because of our dad and the shit he’d gotten me to do for him. But I’d played a part.
It was at the top of my list of regrets, right under ‘kicked Indy out of my life.’
“All right. Come on. We’re going out. You need to see some actual sunshine.” Ryan pulled my pallet out of my hands and tossed it onto the side table then pushed my shoulders until I was walking toward Nathan in the doorway.
“It’s nighttime,” I protested.
Nathan grabbed my arm and frog marched me out of the condo. “We’ll bathe by the light of some neon signs. Oooh, maybe we should hit a strip club then.”
“You seriously think he’s interested in seeing any woman other than Indy right now?” Ryan scoffed.
“Good point,” Nathan returned.
Twenty minutes later, I found myself sitting at some random bar with a pint of beer in front of me.
The bubbles were hypnotizing. Calming. Unlike our raucous setting.
A football game blared overhead as groups of guys talked and shouted at each other on the tv while rock music screamed from a different corner.
The only good part was that it made conversation with my brothers nigh on impossible.
“Hey aren’t you guys the brothers with that show? The one with the motorcycles and you all fight each other?” A curvy brunette shimmied up to the bar between Nathan and me. She ran a hand down my brother’s arm while batting impossibly long eyelashes at him.
“That’s us.” Nathan lifted his beer and smoothly shifted her hand off his arm with the movement.
Her clawlike hand landed on me. “What’s the deal with that? Why are you guys so angry all the time?”
I wasn’t as nice as Nathan. I literally shook her off me then swiveled slightly on my barstool to face her. “When we were kids, our father murdered our mother while we hid in a closet. I think it’s fair to say that fucked us up physiologically.”
Her eyes widened and she blinked those lashes at us again.
She looked from me to Nathan.
He tipped his head and then nodded slowly. “That’s probably it.”
“Oh-kaaay.” She blinked a couple more times then shuffled away while looking at me like I was a lunatic.
Ryan snorted. “Fucking legendary.”
“He ain’t wrong.” Nathan shrugged. “Dad fucked us all up.”
I lifted my beer. “I’ll drink to that.”
As I slammed it down, I lifted my hand and gestured at the bartender for another one. Since I wasn’t driving—or paying—I was going to take advantage of this shit.
A few minutes and another beer later, Nathan pulled me off my barstool while Ryan led the way to the other side of the building where they had a restaurant, and unfortunately for me, it was quieter.
I should’ve known I wasn’t going to get away without an interrogation.
Since we came over with drinks, all our busty waitress wanted to know was our food order, and my brothers were quick to pick theirs. I just blindly pointed at something. It didn’t matter; I wasn’t going to eat it anyway. I had big plans to drink my dinner tonight.
It wasn’t like I had anyone to go home to.
Nathan leaned forward with his hands clasped on the table. “Indy heard back from her advisor. She’s all set to go next semester.”
I downed the rest of my third beer then lifted my empty glass as the waitress passed by. “Can I get another Sierra Nevada?”
“Just a water for him!” Ryan shouted at our waitress. “No more beer until he’s had some food.”
She gave Ryan a thumbs up.
“Fucker.” I scowled at my brother, crossing my arms over my chest.
“You did everything you could for the girl.” Nathan shook his head. “Getting her college sorted out. Her phone. Gave her a roof over her head. You got an attorney for her scumbag of a dad. No one is doubting your love for Indy.”
I looked away from him with a huff. “Indy is.”
“I mean, the timing was unfortunate.” Ryan pulled a face.
Nathan winced. “Yeah. In hindsight, it could’ve probably waited another day or two.”
“Or at least until she knew her dad was all right.” Ryan added.
I rubbed a hand over my face. “How exactly is this helping me?”
Ryan and Nathan shared a look.
I rolled my eyes and wished like hell I was getting another beer and not a damn water.
“Indy’s young.” Nathan shrugged and sat back on his side of the booth. “She doesn’t understand yet why it’s important for her to be able to stand on her own. She needs more autonomy before she becomes part of a couple. You’re doing the right thing.”
I groaned and scrubbed my aching eyes. “Fuck, at this point I’m not sure I understand what the fuck I’m doing. I want her back. This whole thing is starting to feel like a mistake.”
“You both just need some time and distance.” Ryan sighed. “It is fucked up though.”
My brothers were clearly out of platitudes, and we sat in strained silence for a few moments then Nathan turned to Ryan. “So what’s the deal with the honeymoon? Are you guys not going on one?”
Their conversation buzzed over me, but I couldn’t pay attention.
My eyes had snagged on a couple at the other side of the restaurant—the girl had a passing resemblance to Indy.
The guy with her knew what he had since his arm had been wrapped around her from the moment I’d first spotted them.
He smiled down at her and listened to her talk.
Then he pressed a quick kiss against the tip of her nose.
I had to look away. It was so fucking cute it was going to make me puke.
That could’ve been me. I could’ve been the one holding my girl and living the good life.
“…Hawaii. But we haven’t booked anythi—”
“How much longer until I can have another beer?” I grumbled, talking over my brothers.
“Once you’ve eaten half your dinner like a good boy.” Nathan raised his eyebrows. “And no sooner.”
“Fucking bullshit,” I grumbled under my breath.
“So what else have you been up to since…” Ryan pulled a face like he’d accidentally mentioned Beetlejuice.
Sober Dylan probably would’ve given him shit about it, but Drunk Dylan was too morose to give a shit.
“Aside from making sure Indy’s dad’s lawyer was up to date on everything, I also gave my deposition to our lawyer.
” We were contemplating whether we had grounds to sue James and the network, so our lawyer was doing a bunch of fact finding.
Needless to say, the show was on indefinite hiatus.
“I’ve been painting in my spare room mostly. ”
Ryan sighed. “You can’t just sit around and mope for forever. You need to keep living your life.”
“Yeah, do you seriously think Indy is going to want to date you when you’re such a sad sack?” Nathan laughed.
I shook my head. “Date? What are you talking about?”
“This isn’t forever, Dyl.” Nathan said it slowly like he was talking to a dimwit.
Maybe because he was.
“I broke her heart. Kicked her out of my house and out of my life. After she found out that my dad attacked her dad. Why would she ever want to date me?”
“Because she knows how awesome you are,” Ryan said like it was a fact everyone should just accept.
“I mean, you made her fall for you once.” Nathan shrugged. “I don’t see why you can’t do it again.”
My pulse kicked into a higher gear as I turned over their words in my head.
Our waitress appeared at the side of our table with a loaded tray. She set down ginormous burgers in front of my brothers. “And a grilled chicken rice bowl. Can I get you guys anything else?”
I stared at the thing in front of me in confusion. Did I seriously fucking order this? This?
My brothers were too busy laughing like lunatics to answer the waitress. I narrowed my eyes at them.
“Yeah, can we get another one of those burgers?” I nodded at the plate in front of Nathan.
Suddenly, I was famished.