17. Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Seventeen
Axel
I sat back and waiting for the fallout.
Terrified, but determined.
Hesitant, yet strident.
Afraid of losing everything…yet tired of not being true to myself.
In the end, because Thornton and Ed were in the shower together—for what seemed to me, a casual observer, like a fucking long time—Pauletta was the first to call.
“What the fuck, Axel?”
“Hello Pauletta, how are—”
“Don’t give me that bullshit. You…you should’ve told me. I could’ve…”
“Could’ve…?” Give her the rope to hang herself. No, too macabre. At least wait until she tries to talk herself out of this one.
“Could’ve managed it. Jesus, Axel, I’m your manager. I’m supposed to know everything—your most intimate secrets. Your skeletons in the closet—”
“This isn’t about Kyesha.” I growled the words.
“No, it’s not.” She sighed. “I was in the process of setting up an interview with you and Ed…to give more context.”
“The documentary gave plenty of context. We don’t need to talk about her anymore.”
“Axel—”
“No, Paulie. End of story.” She hates that name. Should you really be provoking her? Ah, fuck it. Today’s the day to burn shit down.
"You're going to listen to me. We can fix this. I've got an interview set up for you with Geneva Alvarez—"
My gut twisted. That Gina Alvarez? I’m fucked. “I don’t need an interview, Paulie. The video speaks for itself.”
“Stop calling me that.” She snapped that.
I didn’t give a shit. Burning things down meant not giving a damn who got hurt or what got fucked in the process.
“Look, Axel…” She drew in a deep breath. “Is it safe to assume you haven’t spoken to Ed or checked the group chat?”
“Ed’s fucking Thornton in their shower. They really need to get their own—”
“So you don’t know that we’re going to Rocktoberfest as a headlining act in October? Prime spot in Friday night’s lineup.”
“Uh…”
“Right.” She sighed. “So…as much as I support you coming out—because I assume that’s the reason you posted the video and not some attempt at revenge porn—”
“It’s not porn.”
“Don’t fucking argue with me. Clearly the person who took the video was wrong—”
“Thornton.”
“Oh shit.”
Huh. Apparently she hadn’t known. I’d assumed Ed had told her months ago, and she was just respecting me by giving me distance. Oops.
“Well two wrongs don’t make a right—”
“That’s a stupid expression.”
“It’s the only one I’ve got.” Another biting edge. “He shouldn’t have recorded you. He shouldn’t have given you a copy—he should have deleted it. Finally—and most importantly—you shouldn’t have released it. Because—and I might be wrong, but I suspect I’m not—that gentleman didn’t give you permission…”
“Uh…” I swallowed. Then sat up straighter on my bed. “It’s not revenge porn.”
“He’s a high school teacher, Axel. He’s your former high school teacher. Hell, he might not even be out at school—”
“He’s not. At least not to the students.”
“Jesus Fucking Christ, Axel. You fucking outed someone? Oh, my God. Do you know how wrong that is? In so many ways.” Her breathing was harsh. “I want to fucking strangle you with my bare hands.”
“I didn’t out you .”
“I almost wish you had…if you’d felt the compulsion to try to ruin someone’s life. Mickey and I are somewhat in the spotlight—especially after last night.” She let that sink in. “Mickey’s mature and responsible. They might be able to handle it. They also have a family who are completely unsupportive of them and how they’ve chosen to live their lives.”
“So how would outing you two have been marginally better?” I wasn’t getting this.
“Because neither of us are going to lose our jobs. Have you thought of that? Your old teacher might sue you if he gets fired. Hell, he might just sue you anyway. Have you thought of that? You don’t have much, but you’ve fought for everything you do have. Do you realize you might lose it all?” She spit that out through gritted teeth. “I have taken care of you for almost ten years. You know all social media goes through me. For this exact—”
“Maybe no one saw it.” I eyed my phone. “Maybe I can take it—”
“A hundred-thousand views, Axel, and counting. It’s blowing up. Take it down anyway. I should’ve had you do that first. So do it now. I’ll confirm with Geneva—”
“No.”
“Axel, to be clear, this isn’t optional. You’ve fucking made the worst decision ever. Well, aside from doing drugs. You fixed that mess. Now you’re going to fix this one. Delete the video. I’ll call you back in two.”
The line went dead.
Reluctantly, I pulled up the site where I’d uploaded the video. As instructed, I pulled it down. Then I scrolled through the hundred or so comments. A few were homophobic, of course. Far more were supportive. That if I felt the need to come out that this wasn’t the way to do it…but that I could be a role model.
My door opened.
Ed and Thornton burst in the room.
Thornton wore jeans that were zipped but not buttoned and his white shirt was open.
My friend had, at least, done up his jeans. But he wore no shirt, and he was towel drying his hair. I pointed to it. “Did you do your treatment?”
He glared.
“Whatever. If you smell later—”
He growled, spun, and took off back to his bathroom. He knew the rules—if you had dreads, when they got wet, you applied the treatment. Even in our darkest days of addiction, he’d always managed to do that much.
“Axel—”
“Don’t start with me.” I eyed Thornton. “In essence, you started this.”
“I never should’ve given you the video.”
“No, you’re right. You shouldn’t have.”
“And I was never going to use it. Ever.”
“Then why record it?”
He ran a hand through his blond hair. “Because I was worried. Clearly you were hiding something. I thought—”
“That you were worried about me?” I scoffed. “You still held me responsible for Kyesha’s death—”
“That’s not fair.”
I pushed off the bed. “Am I not telling the truth? Does the truth hurt?” I got in his face. “I didn’t kill her. I didn’t buy the drugs that killed her. Hell, I didn’t even introduce her to hard drugs—she introduced me.”
Thornton winced.
I pressed on. “But I should’ve been there when she took the drugs. Instead, I was selfishly getting help for myself. I was fucked-up back then and…maybe I still am.”
“Axel—”
“No.” I slashed my hand through the air. “I just outed myself. Fine, whatever. I can deal. Maybe one day you and Ed will—”
“We only just told my parents, Axel. About us getting married. And we’re still sorting through immigration stuff—”
“So fine. That’s not the point. I didn’t out you and Ed. I could have, but I didn’t.”
“Why did you out…Hugo?” He closed an eye, as if in thought. “Hugo Threadgold.”
“Yeah.”
Thornton nodded. “I wanted to interview him on background. He turned me down.”
“But the picture—”
“Yes, we used a picture from the yearbook. Of you, Ed, and Mr. Threadgold. Now, with what you’ve done, there’ll be speculation about your relationship back then.”
“We didn’t have one.”
“People won’t know that. Pauletta said—”
“You talked to Pauletta?”
“She left a voicemail. Said to get our asses in here and talk some sense into you—even though it’s too late.”
I pursed my lips. “What did Pauletta say?”
“Something about an interview so you can clear things up? So you can try to salvage the reputation of the man you just outed .” His anger flared.
I’d never seen him like this. Is he like this with Ed? Do I need to watch out for my friend? Even as I had the thought, Ed returned.
He wiped his hands on his jeans. His hair was drier, and clearly he’d done as I’d asked.
Hoping he would be calmer clearly hadn’t been the right thing to hope.
My phone rang.
I ignored it.
Ed snatched it from my hand and hit the button. Then he tapped it again. “We’re all here, Pauletta.”
“Axel?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you for taking the video down.”
“Oh, I bet that was hard.” She wasn’t big on stuff like this. She was a get-shit-done type of person.
“You’ll never know.” She muttered that, but we all heard.
Thornton and Ed exchanged a small smile before putting their annoyed faces back on and glaring at me.
“Geneva Alvarez.” Even just saying the woman’s name put me on edge.
“Yes.” Pauletta sent through a text. “At the pub across from the studio. She wants it informal.”
“She got that set up?” I eyed my watch. “It’s barely eight in the morning.”
“Have you been up all night?”
“Maybe?” I’d drifted on and off, periodically checking the hits. I’d only been up to about a thousand when I fell asleep for what turned out to be a nap.
“Ed?”
“Yeah?”
“Get him cleaned up. I want make-up. I want him to look good. You and Thornton take him to the pub at noon. I’ll be there as well. I’m still in full damage control mode.”
“Seriously?” I waved her off. “It’s over—”
“Axel.”
Her imperious tone, as I liked to call it. “Yes?”
“I’ve only begun to fix this clusterfuck you’ve created. You think people didn’t copy the video? That they’re not sharing? It took a bit of time, but Threadgold’s name is all over this. Have you called him?”
“Well…”
“Maybe…” She hesitated. “I need to talk to our lawyer. She can sort out this mess. After the interview, I want to issue a statement on your behalf, saying—”
“Pauletta—”
“Shut the fuck up, Axel. You’re going to say that outing someone is never the right thing to do, and that you’re sorry for any harm you might have inadvertently caused. I don’t know if people will buy that, but we have to try.”
“Uh…”
Ed met my gaze. “That’s why we pay her the big bucks.” He was right in one respect—we did pay her a lot of money. And she’d proven to be worth it year after year.
“Rocktoberfest?”
Yet another sigh. “Yes. But you have to fix this, Axel. You made this mess, and you’re going to fix this.” She cut the line.
Thornton eyed us. “I’m going to make pancakes. I’m hungry after last night.”
I waggled my eyebrows. “I bet you are—”
“He meant the stress over the documentary.” Ed glanced over his shoulder at the love of his life. “And we need to talk strategy.”
“About coming out?”
Ed nodded. “It’s your call.”
“You’re ready?”
He nodded again.
“Then we’ll talk to Pauletta. Are you hoping this will blunt some of Axel’s mess—”
“Hey.”
Ed shot a glare my way. “A legitimate concern.” He handed me the phone and turned to Thorton. They grasped hands. “Only if you’re ready.”
“I really am. I would’ve shouted it at last night’s event. And most people there probably guess—what with you nearly tucked by my side.” He smiled shyly. “But I like the idea of a coming-out thing.”
“You realize it’s going to create even more buzz for the doc.”
“That’s not why I love you.”
I pushed past them. “I’m going to have a shower.”
“Then pancakes and make-up. We’re not going to be late.” Ed caught my gaze. “Are you okay?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“Uh…no. Not really.” Ed let go of Thornton hands, then pivoted back to me.
He pulled me into a hug.
I could’ve resisted. Maybe should’ve resisted. But this was Ed. He wasn’t known for displays of affection. And as I settled into his embrace, the enormity of what I’d done hit me in the chest.
I’m fucked.