Chapter 24 Dare #2
"No. But he's been in a terrible mood since this whole thing started.
And it's only getting worse. He won't shut up about you being boneheaded, and about going on about Zach staying with you.
Something about your house being too small to fit two people.
He's not been normal and it's not that hard to put two and two together. "
I sighed and nodded.
"Do me a favor," I said. "Don't tell him you know. If you think he's being weird now, wait 'til you see how he gets when people start suspecting. He's very insecure about the whole thing, so just—keep quiet."
She put two fingers to her mouth and pretended to zip it with an uncharacteristic somberness.
"I can't believe it. A fifty-eight-year-old man who can't accept himself."
I shrugged.
"Why do you think our relationship ended?"
Autumn blinked.
"Relationship? I thought you guys had hooked up or something."
I frowned.
Had I revealed more than I should have?
"Forget I said anything."
"Don't worry. I won't poke further. The less I know, the less chance of screwing it up and letting something spill.” She clasped her hands, and looked around. “Right. Text me when the pies are done and I'll come around. And if you get too busy to bake, that's fine too. Just...have fun."
Zach rolled his eyes and grabbed Autumn's cup from her hands.
"Okay byeeee," he hummed and walked her to the door, guiding her by the shoulders. When he returned he was pouting.
I grimaced.
"I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me," I said.
"I did. I came over you."
"You sure did," I smirked.
"Did you have to specify who's dicking who?" he asked and I wasn't sure if he was upset or not, so I put my coffee down and took him in my arms.
"I'm really sorry. I really don't know what came over me. I think because it's been so long since I've been with someone, I couldn't contain myself. Or how happy you make me."
I slid my hands down to the small of his back and pressed him to me.
"I make you happy?" he asked, his voice lilting a little higher than usual.
"So happy. I'm so glad I pulled my head out of my ass and let you love me. Or fuck me or whatever." I sighed.
He brought his hand to the side of my face and smiled.
"You can say 'love me.' It's okay. We've been crushing over each other for ten long months. We're infatuated with each other. In love isn't that big a leap. It doesn't mean we've said the three-dreaded words. It just means we're happy to finally be together. Right?"
I nodded and leaned into his forehead.
"Right," I mumbled and kissed him.
"And you make me happy too. I'm in love with you. I...am in love...with you. God. It feels so...good to finally say it aloud. To you."
I chuckled.
"It does, doesn't it?" I whispered.
He nodded.
Then he pulled away and reached for his coffee again.
"Do you mind if I ask a question? About Wyatt?"
"Sure. I don't mind telling you. I know you'll keep the secret."
"You said you bought the farm and then he ditched you, because he wasn't ready to shack up and basically declare his sexuality to the world."
I nodded.
"But he is here. On the island. What...does that mean—did he give up his career to be with you? Is he trying to win you back? What's the story there?"
I picked up my own coffee and took a sip.
"I honestly don't know. We were planning on retiring together.
I guess I was doing the planning, he was just not objecting.
He ditched me. Said he couldn't do it, but then he came here two years ago.
He bought the bar; he set up shop. I don't know.
Maybe he found a new mission to obsess over, with the crime syndicate.
Or maybe he regretted everything. Or not.
I honestly don’t know. At the end of the day, this is his home island.
It doesn't mean he came back for me. Maybe he was ready to retire.
I haven't really spoken to him for obvious reasons, so I don't know what he's thinking.
But if you're worried about me going back to him, trust me, I am not. That ship has sailed."
Zach put his cup down and shook his head, reaching for my hands.
"No. That...that wasn't it. I mean partly, but I know you're done with him. I was just curious. I think you might be done with him, but he's probably not done with you."
I shrugged.
"That's not something I can control. We spent ten years together and I loved him.
A part of me probably always will, but I could never be with him again.
So I can kind of see it from his point of view.
He's still stuck in the past. In a time when it was us against the world.
A time when he felt safe and cherished. But he needs to move on.
He needs to accept himself and move on."
Zach pursed his lips.
"Some people never do and it's the saddest thing ever. They carry so much baggage that they let the guilt and shame eat them from the inside out. That’s why I think you should try and forgive him."
“I can’t do that.”
He nodded.
“I know it’s hard, but carrying that anger, the hurt inside can’t be good for you.”
I huffed an unamused chuckled.
“That’s what Warren said.”
“I think he’s right,” Zach answered. “Forgiving him will help you move on. He didn’t mean to hurt you. Coming out can be a beast. Especially for older people. Or people that come from more conservative upbringings.”
I huffed and shook my head.
“Warren grew up in the same home and he’s fine.”
Zach shrugged.
“Look, I don’t know Wyatt or his life, but if coming out was such a big deal he was willing to lose his life partner for it, then it must be a real struggle for him. That’s all I’m saying.”
“I still don’t know if I can forgive him.”
Zach closed his eyes and pressed his lips together.
“I understand. That’s also valid. Just think about it. If you decide it’s not feasible, that you can’t find it in your heart to do so, that’s okay too.”
I sighed and wrapped my arms around him.
"Enough about Wyatt. I'd much rather talk about us."
"Talk?" he said, looking up at me.
"Or fuck. Preferably fuck. You did leave me hanging earlier."
Zach chuckled but he pulled me by the hand and led me back into the bedroom. He laid me on the bed and picked up right where we'd left off.
And just like that, I put Wyatt right where he belonged—in the past. And I focused on my future right in front of me. To the man buried deep inside me with a smile on his face.
To the man who wouldn't run away. To the man who could make me happy. To the man who I could build a life with.