Chapter 28 Zach
TWENTY-EIGHT
ZACH
My nostrils were assaulted by the acrid stench of burning and my eyes watered from the toxic air that blew our way. But my heart? My heart sank as I watched the fire blazing in the distance.
The cold got a little colder and my breath a little heavier as I waited. Waited and cried.
This was all my fault. I'd caused this. I'd made this happen. I'd been a fool to think I could hide from Victor forever. Thinking that he wouldn't find me. That he wouldn't make me pay.
I knew I'd been sitting on a ticking time bomb all this time. I knew it. Hell, it had already exploded before when Victor attacked the Lodge, and when he attacked the insurance brokers. It should have been my signal to run. Not nest even deeper in here and wait for the inevitable.
What did I expect? That he wouldn't find me? That he wouldn't burn down everything in his path to get to me? That he would stop?
As soon as the fire trucks came to the farm and Dare followed them into the blaze, I ran inside. I locked myself in the bedroom, collapsed on the floor and hugged myself tight.
"This isn't happening," I muttered. "This isn't happening."
Even Lookah's attention and affection couldn't cheer me up, try as he might.
Why did I ever think I could get away from him? Why did I ever think I could have a normal life, full of normal things and normal people?
I should have ran far away. Further than Mayberry Holm. I should have run to the West Coast. To Canada. Maybe even that wouldn't be enough. I didn't even try. Why didn't I try harder? What the hell was I thinking?
And why didn't I change my entire name? Why did I even want to keep Zach anyway? It wasn't as if I had any attachment to the name.
I rolled my eyes and looked at the ceiling, picturing my grandma watching me. Judging me. Being disappointed in me.
"You'd understand," I mumbled to her. "I'm sure you would."
Grandma Zakaria wouldn't have cared even if it felt like sacrilege thinking it. If it protected me, if it protected the people I loved, she would smack me five ways to Sunday if I told her I was too sentimental to change it.
The people I loved.
What a great job I was doing at protecting them.
They were all suffering because of me. Dare was suffering because of me.
He'd been working those blueberries for five years, putting his sweat, soul and tears into them and for what?
For them to disappear off the face of the earth in an instant. In a moment.
I heard commotion and I rushed back into the living room to find out what was going on. How long had it even been? How many of Dare's blueberry plants had been decimated before we'd even realized?
I found him in the kitchen, washing his face in the sink over and over again and I had to grab onto the kitchen island to stop myself from collapsing.
"Are you...are you okay?" I asked and he glanced at me with indignation before he patted the counter in search of a towel. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. I understand if you hate me."
Dare unearthed himself from the kitchen towel and grimaced.
"Hate you?" he grumbled and immediately his expression softened and he reached for me. "Sweetheart, no. Don't say that. I could never hate you. Don't ever say that again. Okay?"
He tugged at my hands, squeezing them a little firmer and I took a deep breath before I nodded.
"Is it gone? Is it all gone?"
"They've contained it for now. I just hope the wind doesn't pick up. If it does, we're screwed."
His words were like a punch in the gut. I couldn't stand the chaos I brought into people’s lives. There was only destruction in my path. As long as Victor was out there looking for me, trying to get to me, I was toxic.
"I'm so sorry, Dare." I barely managed to say the words without bursting into tears, yet Dare shook his head and wiped my face clean.
"This isn't your fault, Zach. It's not."
"You'd still have your farm if it weren't for me so—"
"Stop this," he said and took my face in both his hands. "Stop saying that. Stop doing that. You're not to blame for this. He is. He's responsible. You're a victim to all of this just like we all are."
It was sweet of him to say that, to look me in the eyes as if I was still his world and tell me that, but it didn't negate what had happened.
"Dare, he took your home away. Your business. I'll understand if you hate me."
Dare sucked in a breath through his teeth and huffed.
"I don't care about my farm, Zach. I care about you.
Your safety. I can replant. I can rebuild.
Regrow. As long as you're safe, I can do all those things.
And that's the problem. You're not safe.
He knows you're here now. You're no longer safe here if you ever were.
I need to find someone else to take you in. Someone else you can hide with."
"And what?" I asked, a tear rolling down my cheek only to be stopped by Dare's tender touch. "Watch their lives go up in flames too? I can't do that to anyone else. I've already hurt enough people."
"Don't do this, Zach. Don't say these things. Don't believe those things. We've just...we've poked the hornet's nest. We've angered him. That means we're close."
I laughed, though none of this was amusing.
"Yeah, close to total devastation."
I shut my eyes and tried to breathe but it was hard. Everything was hard right now. Even standing up. Even just being.
His lips touched mine and I got goosebumps all on the back of my neck and down my spine and I leaned into the kiss long enough for it to reinvigorate me before I opened my eyes again.
I was met with his beautiful blue gaze, and I couldn't help but smile. The world may be burning but he still looked at me as if I'd hang the moon and stars.
"Breathe. Just breathe," he whispered and kissed me again, soft chaste kisses that still managed to make my insides flutter and my body feel as if it was soaring through the sky.
"Come. Have a seat. I'll make us some tea." He pulled me to the couch and then walked back to the kitchen to boil the water and prepare our drinks.
I wanted to listen to him, to breathe, to believe he wouldn't hate me for the harm I'd caused him, but I couldn't. Especially when he put the tea down in front of me and the sweet, fruity scent of his blueberry mix wafted under my nostrils.
I took a courteous sip, but I couldn't help the guilt coiling in my chest like thorns.
A little while later, when there was barely any tea left in my cup and whatever was left had gone stone cold, there was a knock on the front door.
Dare pulled out a gun from his back and approached the door but put it away again after checking through the peep hole.
He followed one of the firefighters outside and I couldn't take it anymore. I had to put a stop to this torture. I had to make this madness end before it was too late.
I grabbed my phone and ran to the bathroom. I locked the door and sat on the toilet seat and opened my text messaging app.
Zach: Are you there?
I tapped my foot. I watched the screen so intensely it all became blurry.
My gut tightened as I waited for a response.
I tried not to think of what I'd do if he didn't answer.
I tried not to think of what would happen if he did.
I just waited and waited and waited but the seconds seemed to pass like minutes.
Just when I was about to give up, though, my phone buzzed and a text bubble appeared on my screen.
Unknown number: Always
I would have taken a sigh of relief if I wasn’t talking to a monster.
Before I answered him, I stood up, looked at myself in the mirror, stared into my eyes, into my past and everything I had endured, then I started typing.
Zach: I'll come with you. This has gone on long enough. I'll go back to New York with you. Just stop hurting people. Stop hurting me and I'll come with you. Please.
I hated the words. I hated myself for doing this but there was no other way. I couldn't think of any other way to stop him.
A couple of seconds later he replied.
Unknown number: Anything for you baby
Before I exited the bathroom I gave him further instructions and returned to the kitchen, poured another cup of tea for myself and waited for Dare to get back.
"Everything okay?" I asked and already I could breathe a little easier.
My stomach might still be in turmoil, my mind might be terrified of going back to him, but my heart was at peace knowing Dare and everyone I loved would no longer be hurt by Victor.
"They're still working on it, but they've almost put it out. The damage has been contained to some of the new crops I planted since I took over, so it’s not a total loss," Dare said and I offered him my tea.
"That's great," I answered and my smile was almost genuine.
I mean, I was happy for him. That he hadn't lost absolutely everything. Not yet anyway. But soon he wouldn't have to worry about any of that. He could start over without fear.
"See? I told you things would work out," he said and pulled me in his lap.
He held me there for what felt like forever and I stayed there, savoring the warmth of his body and the tenderness of his affection. I should get as much of it as I could before I returned to Victor. Who knew when I'd get any again.
We held each other for minutes, or hours, or at least until the firefighters gave him the all clear and then we ate dinner as if nothing had happened. Then I took his hand and guided us to his bedroom.
I returned to his arms. I tasted his lips. I touched him all over.
I made love to him. Sweet, tender love. I watched him unravel like it'd be the last time. I devoured him. I memorized every detail of his body and every detail of his orgasm so I could escape to these moments with him when my life changed again.
I held him as he surrendered to me and I caressed him until he fell fast asleep.
Then, in the dead of night, I packed my stuff and went back to my worst nightmare. Back to the man I'd fought tooth and nail to escape.
Back to Victor.