Chapter 30 Zach
THIRTY
ZACH
"Don't go anywhere." His dark gaze made my insides flare and my skin crawl.
Rain poured outside, and the cover of the gas station created a cocoon around us but beyond it, it was chaos incarnate. The whole world was a blur, and it made me feel even more isolated than ever.
I shrank back and hugged myself tighter with Dare’s scarf trying to make myself warm again. I hadn’t intended on stealing it but as I was leaving the house to meet Victor I spotted it on the hanger and it reminded me of the day he’d brought me home to protect me.
I wrapped it tighter around my neck even though I wasn’t even cold. No, it had nothing to do with the grim weather outside the confines of Victor's car but everything to do with the vibe inside it.
"Where would I go? I chose to come with you. Remember?" I mumbled and hated myself for it.
I wanted to be strong, to be the kind of person that had grown out of their fear of their abuser, to be the confident man that stood up for myself and took no shit, but being back in his orbit had the opposite effect.
I'd reverted back to the weak version of myself that didn't want to attract attention. The version that wanted to stay quiet and small so that he didn't feel the wrath of his boyfriend.
"Is it me, or did you get some attitude?" he asked and flicked my chin with a smirk.
"Sorry," I whispered and he let go of me.
"Don't apologize. I kinda like it," he said, then opened his car door and got out.
I watched him get out and walk into the station with the confidence he always exuded but as soon as he disappeared from view I relaxed into my seat, even if for just a moment and felt the texture of the scarf against my fingertips.
I’d wanted it as a reminder of him, of who I was doing this for. Of how he’d made me feel. Yet right now, all it was doing was making me question everything.
"What am I doing? What the fuck am I doing?" I spat, shaking my head.
I took a deep breath, inhaled his scent still lingering on the piece of fabric and closed my eyes trying to center myself, but nothing happened.
Nothing calming anyway. Because as soon as I closed my eyes all I saw was him.
Dare. His sweet, beautiful face, his gorgeous, kind eyes.
I felt his embrace and the tenderness of his kisses.
They were all I had left of him now aside from the scarf. The memories. However much of him I'd managed to memorize and internalize before I'd abandoned him to come back to the monster who'd killed my spirit.
No.
I couldn't think like this. I couldn't keep seeing it that way.
I was doing this to protect him and his farm.
To protect the people of Mayberry Holm I'd gotten close to before they got burned by Victor's inferno.
This might be a terrible fate for me, but I couldn't live with myself if my happiness meant their misery and pain. I was doing this for them. My people.
That was all I had to remember and repeat when I started having second thoughts. When my emotions threatened to get the better of me and took over my body.
Like they were doing now.
I tried to keep the tears back. To force myself to be strong, but once the floodgates had opened, I couldn't hold back. And with it, the regret—and fear—came rushing back.
Every time I blinked, I saw images of Victor. Memories that flashed back through my mind. Moments I had tried so hard to heal from. To erase.
I could still go. I could make my escape. Maybe if I ran now he'd be too pre-occupied with trying to find me to go back and ruin my friends' lives.
I felt a strike across my face and my whole body thundered from the impact. It was only an echo of the past, but it still hurt. Echoes of every encounter, every moment of abuse that had coalesced into a beast. A beast I had to get away from before it consumed me whole once more.
My hands turned to fists around the scarf and I gritted my teeth.
"I need to go. Shit. I need to run."
I unbuckled my seatbelt and did a quick scan of the surrounding area, trying to find shelter, a hiding spot.
Just wing it for fuck sake. Anything is better than this.
I opened my door, ready to make a dash for it but I crashed into Victor before I could take one step.
"Going somewhere?" he asked and I looked up at him as fear baptized me anew in an instant. My resolve crumbled under his dominance.
"Erm, no. Just...needed the toilet, that's all," I stuttered.
Victor huffed.
"Get back inside," he said.
I obeyed. Of course I did. I had no other choice. My body instinctively listened to him, no matter what was going through my head.
I sat back inside the car feeling the cold seep into my bones as Victor filled up the tank.
When he was done, we set off again, back into the raging storm that had claimed my spirit and I covered half my face with the scarf, smelled my Dare, tried to gain some courage from it before I reeled into oblivion.
We rejoined the country road and continued north for a few minutes, but the longer we went on the more frustrated Victor got. He tapped his foot and drummed his hands and twisted his face and I flinched with every spontaneous outburst until I couldn't take it anymore.
"Is...are you okay?" I asked.
"No, I'm not!" he shouted. "This detour is pissing me off. I want to get back to the city, back to our home. Not go deeper in this shithole."
I placed my hand over his on his knee and tried to give it a reassuring squeeze.
"I-I know, but the road was closed. There—"
"I know the road was closed, Zach. I'm not an idiot." He slapped my hand away and returned his on the steering wheel.
"There must have been an accident. It's okay. We'll be back on route soon," I said and he grumbled, giving me an evil glare.
I bit my lip and sat back. Nothing had changed. All this time apart and he was still the same hot-tempered asshole he had always been. Though, what did I expect? I hadn't come back to him because he'd turned into an angel.
"What the—" Victor started and leaned in closer to the windscreen.
I turned my attention from him to the road ahead and saw nothing but dark gray smoke.
"What is that?" I asked.
"I don't know. Do I look like I know, idiot? For fuck's sake," Victor yelled and I hunched my shoulders.
As if that would protect me from his wrath.
Victor slowed down as we came head-to-head with the smoke and were swallowed whole by it.
There was a car on the side of the road, its hazard lights were on, and it seemed to be the source of the fumes.
Shadows appeared from behind it but before I could tell what they were Victor cursed and the car picked up speed making my guts twist inward.
When we broke through the fog, I heard a loud bang and Victor glanced at the rearview mirror.
"Fucker!" he spat.
I turned around, trying to understand what was going on when another bang went off and Victor’s car swerved off course.
The shadow behind us took shape as it emerged from the smoke. I only had time to register an imposing, large figure with a gun in his hands before the car came to a screeching halt.
"Damn it!" Victor growled.
I turned to look at him but the view out the windscreen made me hold my breath. Everything slowed down to a painful slog. Wasn't that what people said happened when you were about to die?
I braced myself as we went off the road and crashed into a tree.
I closed my eyes and waited. Waited for the darkness to envelope me. The cold to seep within. The numbness of death to overcome me.
"Come on. Move it!"
Victor wrapped his hand around my arm and yanked me.
I opened my eyes and even as I was being pulled from the driver's side, I assessed the situation.
My body was fine. No visible damage. No blood.
The car on the other hand? The airbags had deployed.
The low whir that sounded like a discreet fart as they deflated almost made me chuckle but a second later I landed on my ass on something hard and wet.
My jeans were immediately soaked with the mud and rain coating the ground. A chill numbed my butt cheeks and thighs before it ran up my spine, turning my skin rough.
"Hold it right there!" someone shouted from afar.
I couldn't see them from my position, but their voice sounded familiar.
Victor hoisted me up and even though my feet felt like jelly I focused on the man aiming a gun at me.
Dare.
Dare was here. He had followed me. He was here.
My insides flared at the sight of him. I wanted nothing more than to run to him. To tell him what a mistake I'd made. To beg for his forgiveness and have him kiss me and hug me.
But I couldn’t help but be pissed.
Why had he followed me? I'd left for a reason. A perfectly good reason. A very reasonable reason that I might not be able to remember right that moment, but it had been an extremely good reason at the time.
"Are you okay?" he asked me.
Before I could even utter a word or nod my head, Victor pressed something on my temple.
"Take one fucking step and I blow his head off, you hear me?" he shouted.
Another cold chill ran through my spine, yet this one had nothing to do with my soaked clothes, or the horrible heavy rain.
Dare put his hands up. My head throbbed. My lips curled inwards as if that would stop what was going to happen.
I'd been a fool. I'd been such a fool. Such a big fucking fool to think leaving everything and everyone I loved behind would achieve anything. Dare was still going to get hurt, and me? I was likely going to die.
Well done, Zach. You've made everything worse. So much worse.
Victor dragged me backwards behind the tree we'd crashed into and pulled me even further into the woods. Everything started spinning until it was all hazy and grim, like my soul.