Chapter 32 Zach
THIRTY-TWO
ZACH
"Stay low!" Victor growled.
He shoved me behind a tree.
I had no choice but to obey and I pressed my back against the trunk, closing my eyes. Only for a moment.
A moment that stretched on for a goddamn eternity.
I'd done this. I'd caused this. What the hell was I thinking? Why the fuck had I decided to do this? I'd only gone and made things ten times worse. At least before, the only thing in danger was property. Now, real lives were at stake.
Dare's life.
I didn't even care about myself at this point. I'd signed up for this crap when I left the safety and warmth of Dare's home and jumped in a car with Victor.
But Dare? He didn't deserve any of this. He deserved a good life. He deserved a long, happy life being loved and cherished.
A loud blast shook me from my very core, and I felt the pounding in my chest travel all the way to my head, making my temples throb.
Shots were fired.
All I could do was pray. Pray to God, to the universe, to any higher power hoping one would answer. That one of them would spare Dare's life and put an end to this torture.
"I said, move it!"
I was yanked back to my feet and, as I tried to find my balance, I looked behind me to Dare.
He was there. I took a moment—a fleeting second—to look at him and feel hope. My heart flared at the sight of him. Beautiful and strong, as he'd ever been. And then...
All it took was a second. A second for that image of him before me to be sullied by fear and blood as Victor shot him.
He collapsed, disappearing from view and my breath caught in my throat.
"Dare!" I called but no sound came out.
I wanted to run to him. To go to him. To help him, though hadn't I already done enough? Still, I could try, right?
Victor shoved me again and the choice was taken from me before I could even make it.
The further away from him we walked, the deeper the pain in my chest got.
It throbbed. It pulsed. It was unbearable.
It felt as if my heart was being ripped right out of my chest and my head was all but spinning out of control.
I flexed my fingers, but I could barely feel my limbs.
My feet felt pins and needles with every step. This was torture.
This was a mess.
What have I done? What have I done? What have I done?
If I'd killed Dare how would I live with myself? If I'd caused him harm how would I breathe again?
My throat wheezed and I stopped in my tracks to try and inhale.
Victor pushed me and I stumbled forward.
My foot slipped on sludge but thankfully a tree appeared next to me, and I managed to steady myself.
Something shook within me, from my very core, and I could only feel it once I became still for a moment or two.
A sob, hoarse and painful, shot up my throat and came out of my mouth like bile.
I hurt him. I promised him I wouldn't and I did the very thing he was afraid of.
I'd hurt him. I'd broken his heart. I'd killed him.
I'd become the monster I'd been afraid of and even though I never laid a hand on Dare, it was as if I had.
Being associated with me had brought his demise.
If he had never taken me in, Victor wouldn't have destroyed his livelihood. He wouldn't have taken his life.
I'm a monster. I'm a fucking monster.
"What the hell—are you crying?" Victor grimaced and dragged me deeper into the woods as the rain mixed in with my tears making me feel cold and alone.
So alone.
I tried to follow him, to keep up with his pace, but my legs stopped working after a while. Hell, my entire body stopped cooperating with me the more I grieved for the love of my life. For my Dare.
"What are you doing? Move," Victor shouted.
I didn't listen.
The blow reverberated through me before I knew what was happening. My face burned. My vision got blurry. I folded in two, nursing the once familiar pain that felt like a stranger after so long.
I blinked and felt another strike. And another. And another. One after the other, they came at me from every direction leaving my flesh scorched with agony. I tried to breathe, to ground myself, to escape this torment, but I couldn't.
Because it was all in my head.
All the times I'd said I loved him and was met back by a slap. All the times I'd said I was sorry only to feel the force of his fist on my cheekbone. All the times I'd cried, and he'd beat me to a pulp until I "learned my lesson."
That was all it took to undo years of therapy. Years of work on myself. One slap and it all came crashing back.
I ground my teeth as the pain pulsed through me. It knocked something off in my brain, and it thrummed in my head like an electric current.
Love shouldn't be met by pain. Love should be met with love. Affection. Tenderness.
With Dare.
All those times I'd said "I love you" to Victor and yet I hadn't said those three most important words to Dare. And now I'd never get that chance.
I was angry.
I was furious. I should have spent more time telling Dare how I felt and less time being a dickhead's punching bag.
I shouldn't have experienced so much pain for trying to be loved. That wasn't how love worked and I hated that Victor had stolen that from me.
Like he'd stolen Dare.
A growl ruptured out of my lips before I could tame it—not that I wanted to anymore—and I swung my arm. My fist landed on something hard.
Victor's head.
He winced and brought his hand up to his face, where my fist had landed.
I froze and everything else seemed to slow down to a halt too.
Had I just done that? I almost couldn't believe it. I'd never fought back. I'd never done anything to defend myself, other than running away from him. This felt...unreal. Like a dream.
But then the ache swelled in my hand and the world came back to life.
I looked at Victor, holding the side of his head where I'd sucker-punched him, and he stared back at me in utter disbelief.
If this was a movie, this would be the right time to say something poignant or snarky, or to turn my back on the villain and walk away. But this was real life. And the only thing that happened when someone punched you was...
His fist came out of nowhere, it crashed against my sternum, my diaphragm, and for a moment, a long, painful moment, I couldn't breathe.
Then another landed right on my stomach and I fell back, ass right in a puddle of mud that soaked right through my already filthy pants.
I tried to kickstart my lungs, to force my throat to unclench, to suck in all the oxygen I could get but Victor grabbed me by the hair and pressed his mouth to my temple.
"You got that out of your system? Huh? Now be a good boy and keep moving." He pushed me back and I broke the fall by putting my arms down in the mud.
He watched me as I got back up and I was finally able to take a breath again when he reached for me again and grabbed me with both hands on either side of my face.
"And wipe those tears. You're mine? You hear me? You'll always be mine."
He aimed his lips for mine. Time slowed down again. I almost threw up in my mouth at the thought of him kissing me ever again. Without thinking I head-butted him and he stumbled backwards.
"You little—" he spat out and I hunched my shoulders, closed my eyes, braced for impact.
It never came.
I dared to take a peek, and I realized Victor wasn't paying attention to me anymore. No, he was watching something behind us. Something that was fast approaching. Something big. Someone huge.
"Dare!" I shouted, but Victor's instincts kicked back in, and he slapped me across the face. "Move!"
He pushed me forward, deeper into the woods, further into the unknown, but I didn't care anymore. Dare was alive. Dare was coming for me. Dare was going to save me.
Victor let go of me and pulled the magazine out of his handgun, counted the bullets, then slid it back in place and any and all hope that had clawed its way back into my head dropped back into the abyss.
Because Dare was still coming for me. He might be alive, but he was going to die. He would lose his life trying to save me from this monster I'd chosen to follow.
I couldn't let that happen.
I ground my teeth and let out a huff.
I wouldn't.