Chapter 15
JUNE
Nancy hadn’t slept well and she woke up feeling quite down.
It was a month now since Clifford had walked out of her life and he hadn’t bothered to contact her at all.
It was as if she had never existed, that her whole marriage had been a lie.
She’d blocked and unblocked his number several times, hoping to find a message from him but nothing.
She’d phoned time and time again but got the same message that the number was out of service.
She had to accept that he had gone and wasn’t coming back, leaving her in some sort of parallel universe of her former life: same house but different occupants.
Her ‘guests’ were pleasant enough but it didn’t feel like her home any longer.
Nothing felt the same. How could Clifford erase her from his life so completely?
Sobs caught in her throat and spurted out before she could stop them.
She buried her face into her hands and let the tears fall, allowing herself to grieve for the life she used to have, for what could have been.
She didn’t know how long she sobbed, barely aware of the background of murmured voices, steps, closed doors as her ‘guests’ got up and ready. She had no plans for today and she didn’t want to get up, put a smile on her face and be ‘landlady’. She wanted to lie here quietly and let her sadness out.
After a while, her stomach started to growl with hunger.
She wiped her eyes and sat up, listening, wondering if anyone was in.
She didn’t want to get showered and dressed; she wanted to wrap herself in her dressing gown, get some breakfast and a cup of tea, and bring it up on a tray then stay in bed all day.
She could hear sounds of movement though so she did shower, pulled on jeans and a long-sleeved blouse, dabbed on some powder and a smear of lipstick then went downstairs.
Phyllis came in from the garden, carrying an empty wash basket.
‘Morning, Nancy. I’ve just hung some washing out and am off to visit Joyce.
’ She put the basket down on the table and her eyes rested sympathetically on Nancy’s face, obviously taking in the red-rimmed eyes Nancy had tried to conceal. ‘Are you all right, lovely?’
Nancy nodded, focusing on filling the kettle. She didn’t want to admit how sad she was feeling. She felt stupid crying over Clifford after his callous treatment of her. She’d bet he wasn’t even giving her a second thought.
‘Grief is a natural part of loving someone and losing them. Be kind to yourself and let it out but don’t let it consume you,’ Phyllis said sympathetically.
Nancy turned to her and saw compassion in her eyes. She must be suffering her own grief at losing Joyce and her home, Nancy thought. ‘I won’t,’ she promised.
Phyllis nodded. ‘I’ll only be a couple of hours then maybe we can go for a walk. If you want to.’
‘I would love to.’
‘See you later then. Oh, and Cobweb didn’t come back last night so I think she’s finally settling at Aurora’s.’ Was that a hint of regret in her voice? She had lost her pet as well as everything else, Nancy reminded herself as Phyllis walked out of the kitchen.
Nancy heard the front door close a few minutes later and took her drink out into the garden.
She walked around it, nursing her cup, checking out the flower beds.
She’d neglected it a little since Clifford had gone and weeds were taking root.
She’d do some weeding when she finished her tea; that would take her mind off things. Gardening always cheered her up.
She made her way to the wicker table and sank down onto one of the chairs, placing her cup on the table in front of her. Then she felt something rub against her legs. Cobweb.
The black cat’s eyes met hers and seemed to twinkle at her.
She jumped up onto Nancy’s lap and rubbed against her, purring softly.
‘So you’ve come back, have you?’ Nancy asked, petting the little cat.
Cobweb rubbed her nose against Nancy’s then settled down on her lap.
‘You are such a sweet, little thing,’ Nancy said, gently stroking the silky black fur.
Slowly, sitting there in the June sun, with the cat curled up on her, Nancy felt her sadness ebb away.
* * *
When Phyllis returned Nancy was weeding one of the flower beds, Cobweb lying beside her, watching her.
‘Cobbie! I thought you had finally settled with Aurora!’ Phyllis said, but Nancy saw the way her eyes lit with delight.
‘She came back after you’d gone. She’s been keeping me company,’ Nancy told her.
‘I’m sorry, I’ll take her back to Aurora right now.’
Cobweb looked at Nancy, her eyes holding hers as if she was begging her to let her stay.
Nancy took a deep breath. She brushed away the image of cat hairs over her clothes and cushions and remembered how the cat had comforted her. Phyllis must need comfort too. And actually, Nancy liked Cobweb, she didn’t mind her being here.
‘There’s no need. She can stay here; she isn’t any trouble,’ she decided.
Phyllis’s face lit up in happiness. ‘Really? Oh, thank you so much!’ She bent down and scooped up the cat.
‘Did you hear that, Cobweb? You can live here with me.’ As if she understood, Cobweb nestled her head against her shoulder, purring contentedly.
‘Thank you, this means a lot to me,’ Phyllis told Nancy. ‘Cobweb is such a comfort.’
Nancy reached over and fussed Cobweb. ‘She’s a comfort to me, too.’
‘She knows who needs it, dear,’ Phyllis said softly. ‘Now how about I make us a cup of tea and then we go for that walk?’
* * *
Later, as they walked through a nearby woodland, Nancy asked Phyllis how Joyce was settling in the home. ‘You must miss her,’ she said softly.
‘I do. But to be honest she never recovered from that fall and needed more professional help than I could give her. I’d had to take a few days off work here and there to look after her.
Aurora was very understanding, thank goodness, but I was worrying that I might have to give up the shop altogether and care for Joyce full-time. ’
‘How old is Joyce?’ Nancy asked, stepping over a branch lying on the ground in front of her. Phyllis was right behind her.
‘Early seventies, ten years older than me. It never mattered though, she was full of life and we had some wonderful times – we were lovers once, you know, and remained good friends. After the fall she seemed to deteriorate fast. And now…’ Phyllis’s voice trailed away and Nancy turned to look at her.
‘Now, well, I fear she doesn’t have long left and I wish that I could have looked after her until the end. It’s what she deserved.’
Phyllis looked so sad that Nancy wanted to hug her, except hugging wasn’t her thing. ‘I’m so sorry, but I’m very sure that you did the best you could. And that Joyce knows that.’
‘I did. But sometimes our best isn’t enough.
’ Phyllis took a breath and straightened her shoulders.
‘It is what it is and we have to seize what joy we can from each day.’ She looked around her and held her arms out wide.
‘Isn’t this a beautiful wood? Who would have thought you had this almost on your doorstep. ’
Nancy remembered how delighted she and Clifford were when they moved into their house and discovered the wood, so near to them. They used to walk through it every Sunday at first. They had been so in love back then. When had it all started to go wrong?
‘Listen to that,’ Phyllis said as a melodic fluting floated down from a nearby tree. ‘It’s a black cap, singing it’s heart out, just happy to be alive.’
As they both stood and listened to the beautiful song, Nancy felt her sadness fade away. She hoped that Phyllis did too.