Chapter 41
NANCY
Clifford? What the hell? Nancy stared at her ex-husband, who was grinning at her and holding out his arms as if he was expecting her to run into them.
How bloody dare he just walk in as if he still lived here?
Come back after all this time without a word and expect her to greet him with open arms?
Their divorce would be through any day for goodness’ sake!
She put her hands on her hips and glared at him. ‘What are you doing here?’
He dropped his arms and his grin disappeared. ‘I live here.’
‘No, you don’t! You walked out – with our savings – and left me up to my neck in debt. And we’re divorced. Your idea. So you have no right to be here.’
‘We’re not fully divorced – yet,’ he replied. ‘We can halt it. It was all a stupid mistake. I wasn’t in a good place, but I’ve come to my senses now! I’ve come back, Nancy, and I want us to put it all behind us and make a fresh start.’
For a moment, Nancy was rendered speechless by his audacity. He actually thought he could walk back into her life just like that and she would be so grateful she’d forget everything?
Then she realised that the others were all getting to their feet, preparing to leave.
‘Please don’t go. It’s Clifford who needs to go,’ she told them.
She was furious with her ex-husband. They’d all been having such a fun time and then he turned up out of the blue and spoilt it all.
She tried to hang on to the fury and not look any closer at her feelings.
There was a time, not so long ago, when she would have been delighted to see Clifford walk through that door.
But a lot had changed since then. She had changed.
She still felt a tug at her heart though, a fondness for him that she didn’t want to admit. They’d been together for a long time, she reminded herself. And her head was full of questions she wanted answers to. Why had he walked out like that? Where had he been? And who with?
‘I think we should go and leave you two to talk,’ Jackie told her.
‘We’ll only be upstairs,’ Phyllis added.
Slate put his arm on her shoulder reassuringly. ‘Shout if you need us.’
Stay. Don’t leave me alone with him, she wanted to beg them, but she knew that it was an awkward situation for them. And Jackie was right – she and Clifford did need to talk.
She shook her head. ‘No, you stay here and continue the party. Clifford and I will go into the living room and talk. There’s no need for your Christmas to be ruined.’
Clifford pouted petulantly as they left the dining room and walked along the hall together. ‘Seems like you were having a good time partying with your friends. It didn’t take you long to get over me, did it?’
‘What did you expect me to do? Cry myself to sleep every night?’ she demanded, anger rising in her. How dare he turn up like this as if nothing had happened?
Clifford sat down in the armchair as if he had a right to be there, which infuriated her even further. ‘I haven’t invited you to sit down,’ she seethed.
‘Look, I know you’re upset at me for walking out, but I made a mistake. I’m sorry, and I’m back now.’
‘Clifford, you can’t just walk back into my home and my life like this. We’re divorced – it will be final any day. And you’re the one who started it all.’
He looked dejected and slumped wearily back into the chair.
‘I know and I regret it so much. I don’t know what came over me.
Scared of dying, before I had done anything with my life, I guess.
’ He sank his head into his hands. ‘I knew within weeks that I’d done the wrong thing, but I was too ashamed to come back. I felt such a fool. An old fool.’
His voice wavered and he covered his eyes with his hands. Nancy swallowed a lump in her throat as she watched him. His distress was genuine, she was sure of it and her anger disappeared at the sight of it, replaced by a flood of pity. She sat down opposite him and waited for him to compose himself.
Finally he uncovered his red-rimmed eyes. ‘I’ve been an idiot, throwing all this away. Walking out on you.’
‘Why did you then? Was there someone else? Another woman?’
The shock on Clifford’s face surely couldn’t have been faked. ‘Good grief, no! There’s never been anyone else since the day I met you. I loved you. Surely you know that. I still do.’
‘Yet you walked out leaving only a note, started divorcing me and haven’t been in touch for months! If you really loved me, you wouldn’t be so cruel.’
He looked shame-faced. ‘It seemed the kindest way. I didn’t want to hurt you and knew that I wouldn’t be able to go if you started crying.
I wasn’t thinking straight. I think I had some kind of breakdown.
All I could think of was that I hadn’t done anything with my life.
So I took myself off. I went to Thailand. ’
‘Thailand!’ She repeated incredulously. ‘Why there?’
‘Everyone said that it was a beautiful place, and cheap. I thought maybe I could buy a little place there but I needed a job to get a visa so I worked in a bar.’ He paused, as if struggling to find the words.
‘It was long hours and poor pay and I got very sick. When I recovered I moved to Portugal and rented an apartment by the beach but my money was going fast and I missed you so much I came back to England.’
‘How long have you been back?’ she asked. ‘Why haven’t you been in touch before?’
‘I was too scared in case you rejected me. I thought you wouldn’t have me back.’ He gave her a tender look. ‘But I was so desperate that I couldn’t fight it any longer, I had to try.’ He reached out and took her hand. ‘It’s Christmas, Nancy. Our first Christmas apart.’
She suddenly felt very clear about what she wanted. ‘I don’t want you here. I want you to go.’
He looked astonished. Obviously, he’d expected her to fall at his feet. ‘But this is my home.’
‘No, it isn’t. You took the savings and left me the house, remember? It’s all part of the divorce settlement. You can’t take it back now.’
‘It’s not too late to stop the divorce. We haven’t got the final papers yet. We could put this all behind us, renew our vows, make a go of things.’
She shook her head. ‘No, we can’t. I can’t believe you’re even suggesting such a thing. You walked out. You wanted the divorce. And you agreed not to make any claim on the house. Go back to your own place.’
‘I don’t have anywhere. I’ve run out of money,’ he said sadly. ‘Besides, morally it’s my house too. And you hardly need all these rooms to yourself. If you don’t want us to get back together, then we’ll live as housemates.’ He leaned forward, his hands together in mock-prayer. ‘Please.’
She got up and paced around agitatedly. How many times over the early months of the break-up had she dreamt of this moment?
Of Clifford walking back in, saying that he’d made a mistake?
Well, here he was, but it was too late. She’d made a new life for herself, a life she enjoyed.
And she wasn’t about to let him ruin it.
She swung around to face him. ‘Even if I was prepared to let you stay, Clifford, there’s no room for you here. Those friends of mine, they’re actually my lodgers. I had to rent out the spare rooms to pay the mortgage and bills each month. You left me in a financial mess.’
‘I could move back into our bedroom. We could start again.’
‘We most certainly cannot!’ That was the very last thing she wanted. She knew that for certain now.
‘So that’s it? You’re chucking me out on the streets? At Christmas?’ He looked at her with puppy dog eyes. ‘I can’t believe that you can be so cruel.’
‘It was your choice to leave and to divorce.’ She was faltering though. Was he telling the truth about having nowhere to stay? She hesitated. It was cold and dark outside. And it was Christmas Day. She couldn’t kick him out, not today of all days.
‘All right, you can stay on the sofa for tonight,’ she decided. ‘But tomorrow you need to find somewhere else. This isn’t your home any longer.’
Clifford’s face hardened. ‘I’m sorry, Nancy, but I’m not going anywhere. I made a mistake agreeing to let you have this house. This is my home too and I’m staying here.’