12
Birch hadn’t told anyone about their kiss. Yet.
But it was a bad week for Will. He had a hard time eating he was so anxious, and it wasn’t until Jack showed up to their Tuesday study evening that he relaxed. Birch hadn’t told him, just like he’d promised.
“Ice-cream?” Jack asked, surprised.
Will shrugged. “Only a little.” It was low fat, at least. And he’d eaten so little this week that the extra calories didn’t bother him. They finished their homework and lounged in the living room with the TV on. It was only really for background noise that Will left it switched on. Unless Jack watched the screen, he wouldn’t be able to follow it, but he was watching Will instead since they were talking.
“Amanda and Birch took the bus into the city on Sunday,” Jack revealed.
“Alone?” Will asked.
“Alone.”
“Like a date?”
At that, Jack winced. “I don’t know.” He relaxed into the cushions with a sigh. “Amanda asked him, and he said yes, but she was too nervous to actually use the word “date.” I don’t think he knew what it was meant to be.”
Will put down the ice cream as anxiety got to work on him again. “Do you think—” he paused, thought about whether he should say anything, and then did it. “Do you think he might be gay?”
Jack didn’t act as if Will had asked a shocking question or as though it was anything out of the ordinary, and that helped Will relax. “I thought about it,” Jack answered. “I mean, it would be hard not to consider it after that party, but when I’ve talked to him about girls, he doesn’t seem like he’s pretending to be interested.”
That startled Will. “You and Birch were talking about girls?”
Jack looked amused. “You’re not exactly the prime choice for that topic, Will.”
“I can give objective opinions,” Will defended himself crossly. He’d always avoided the topic with Jack—telling him he was gay had been easy. He knew Jack would never hold that against him, but the subject of anyone Jack was interested in never, ever came up.
“You also tend to get jealous.” Jack pointed out. Will’s stomach dropped. “No, no, I know you don’t mean it like you have feelings for me,” Jack said quickly. “But look at how you were with Birch? Whenever someone new comes in, you get defensive.”
It was like his inner thoughts were being ripped out for everyone to see, and Jack was speaking as if it was obvious. As if everyone knew Will got jealous of the people around Jack. His stomach turned in on itself, twisting so painfully he could feel the bile about to come up. But he was frozen and horrified.
“ Will. ” Jack shuffled toward him. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s fine. I, uh, we can pretend this conversation didn’t happen?” He started to mumble, the words came out of him so fast. “I like that we’re so close, and I’m glad you don’t want anyone to come between us—I don’t either—and it’s cool you don’t act on any jealous feelings you might have—”
Will could finally move. He wanted to defend himself, to brush Jack off, but there was only one thing he could do. He darted into the bathroom, just making it to the toilet in time. Jack joined him and rubbed his back. Will rested his head on the cistern and closed his eyes. Jack knew. Of course, Jack knew. Jack was observant. And Jack was too nice to tell Will that he was an idiot.
“I’m sorry,” Jack said, upset. “I don’t know why I brought that up. Obviously, it’s not something you want to talk about. That was unfair of me.” He said sorry a dozen more times.
Will was too humiliated to look at him. He thought he knew what people saw when they looked at him, but he was wrong. Maybe they could all see the desperate mess he was at a glance? They probably all knew Will only behaved the way he thought people would like. That he was a big giant fake, and—
“What’s going on?” Leah asked.
Jack let out a startled sound from his throat.
“Sorry Jack, I didn’t mean to sneak up on you.” Leah must have been facing Jack now, so that he could read her lips. “What’s going on?” She repeated.
“Will’s sick.” Jack sniffled.
Leah squeezed his shoulder. “Are you going to throw up again?”
Will kept his eyes closed. He wanted to hide. He wanted nobody to look at him right now. “I don’t think so.” He forced out through his burning throat.
“Okay. Let’s get you up to your bed then,” Leah said. Will let her help him up and refused to look in Jack’s direction. “I thought you might be coming down with something. You’ve hardly eaten all week. And then you go and have ice cream.” She sighed. “Come on.”
Will got under the covers, keeping his back to Jack. With his back to them, he knew Jack couldn’t read his lips. “Can you send him home? Please?” he asked Leah quietly.
Leah didn’t hesitate. “Jack, you’d better head home. I don’t want you to catch what Will has.”
“Can I stay for a little?” Jack asked. “I’ll go home soon, I promise. I just want to talk with him.”
“I’m sorry, but I’d rather he rested,” Leah insisted.
Tears sprung to Will’s eyes. He imagined Jack’s stressed expression as he wanted to talk to Will but knew he couldn’t.
“I’ll talk to you later, Will,” Jack said. “Feel better, okay?”
“Leah, he needs a lift home,” Will added.
Leah sighed. “I’ll drive you, come on.”
Once the car pulled away, the tears came loose. Will just felt so small, and stupid. He wondered if Amanda knew about him? If Eileen did? He curled up and gripped his hair tightly. The possibility that everyone knew and pretended not to was horrifying. Jack had said he knew Will got jealous of him as friends, but that was bullshit. If your gay friend got jealous of people around you, obviously you don’t think it’s because he thinks of you as only a friend. Jack had just said that because Will panicked.
Leah came back when he was still crying. She didn’t even ask what was wrong. Just crawled under the covers next to him and held him close.
“You might catch the bug,” Will muttered miserably.
Leah sighed. “I know there’s no bug.”
God. Will squeezed his eyes shut. Even Leah knew.
*
Will decided that ignoring Jack was his only option, and it went well. All he had to do was pretend there wasn’t a million texts on his phone he couldn’t bring himself to read and ignore the constant buzzing. School was one thing. All he had to do was skip English and hide at lunch when that came around. But volleyball was different. Will had scarcely missed a single training since he’d started it in second year, and if he wanted to skip now, he needed a good excuse.
He went to the room number he’d read off the group chat and opened the door. He knocked to get the guys’ attention. Gale’s eyebrows shot up, and Dune looked even more surprised.
“So,” Will said into the silence, “am I still banned from the team, or do I get to play this week?”
Gale nudged Dune’s arm when he continued to stare silently at Will. The entire room held their breath when Dune cleared his throat. Will included. If Dune told him off, he’d probably burst into tears.
“This is the last week the match is on Wednesday,” Dune said. “I talked to Coach, and we got games moved to Thursdays. I tried to tell you at lunch, but I couldn’t find you.”
Will nodded. “And have you decided on the team for today already?”
“No.”
“We’re just putting it together now,” Gale said. “Close the door behind you.”
Will joined them at the board. He got his usual full forward position back immediately, and after only ignoring the awkwardness for five minutes, it went away.
He went to the soccer match, played well, and got home late. Will was too high-strung by that point to take much notice of his mom giving out about his matches taking too much of his time. Dad was there to argue Will’s defence. It was late. There was another million texts and missed calls from Jack, and the volleyball in the corner of his room taunted Will.
He pulled on a pair of runners and snatched it up, making his way outside and setting off down the road. Will was halfway around the farmers’ circle when his phone buzzed. He checked, expecting to dismiss another one of Jack’s attempts to talk to him.
Gabriel: Is that you who passed by? It’s the middle of the night.
Will: Still energized from the match today :) Going to go practice volleyball.
Gabriel: Where ?
Will: Creepy abandoned house. Come play. I’ll show you some moves ;)
Will got to the spot. He hopped the sheep-wired fence and approached the abandoned farmhouse. It was constructed of old timbers, and rusted fences overgrown with weeds and briars gave away that it had been used for livestock in the past and not for living in. He balanced his torch on a tree stump so it shone on one half of the house. There was a slab of concrete on the ground, and the walls on this side were solid enough he could pass the ball against it without the whole thing crumbling away. It was just passing, but the monotony soothed Will.
“I know you’re dedicated, but—”
Will jumped a mile at the voice. He whirled around to find Gabriel hopping the fence.
He brushed off his hands as he came over to him. “—this is way too much.” Gabriel looked at the house with a wince. “It doesn’t freak you out? Being here alone?”
This spot, where you had to come down a dirt road, and there was a wall of trees surrounding the plot of land, isolating Will from any prying eyes, was one of his favourite places in the whole world.
“It’s just a house.”
“There could be anything in there.” Gabriel shook his head. “And you’re alone.”
“Scared of ghosts?” Will questioned.
Gabriel raised an eyebrow. “Not at all. But there could be live, breathing people in there. Drug addicts. A gang. And being out here alone makes you an easy target.”
Will almost laughed. A gang? Out here?
“I’m sure the ghosts will keep their distance now that there’s two of us,” Will joked.
“I’m serious,” Gabriel said. “It’s the middle of the night.”
Will sighed. Gabriel wasn’t going to play along with him today. “There could be a homeless person inside.” Will turned back to the wall and passed the ball. “And maybe they have a sharp bit of glass they could murder me with, and nobody would ever know.”
Gabriel was quiet for a long, long time.
Will expected him to make him go home.
“Show me how to do that,” Gabriel said instead.
Will gave him a lesson. He showed him all the passes and even got to the serves. The jump serve impressed Gabriel.
“Whew, let’s not do that one again.” Gabriel jumped to catch the ball. “I think the house might come down on the homeless person if you do.”
Will chuckled.
Gabriel kept the ball. “Ready to come inside now?”
Will nodded.