25
“Can I ask you something?” Will began slowly. “I know that we’re not going to do anything else except talk, and I know you don’t really want to talk about certain topics either but… Aside from talking, do you want to do more with me?” He had to look away or he could never ask the question. He wasn’t even sure where the courage to question Gabriel had come from since if the answer was no, Will would be cast adrift again.
Will continued. “You want to be here for me while it’s tough, I believe that. I understand that. But for the other stuff, did you say it to keep me…satisfied for the school year? Because the more I think about that night, the more I realise how unhinged I was acting, and I wouldn’t blame you if you were just telling me what I wanted to hear to calm me down.”
He played with the ribbons around his neck, and the anxiety in him choked off the bravery all at once. Gabriel was silent, and Will couldn’t bring himself to look at him. He tugged off all the ribbons and lowered them onto the desk. “Actually, it’s fine. You don’t need to answer.”
“I—”
“Really, I don’t need an answer,” Will interrupted him softly. “I’m just unnerved by everything going on for me at the moment, and I…” he closed his eyes. Really, what was he trying to say right now? He had no idea. “I’m sorry, I—”
Gabriel took his hand. “I do. I do, okay? I don’t want you to be anxious just because I’m not acting on my feelings right now. I will. And when you graduate, I will still want you.”
Will felt like graduation was a million years away. Could he handle months of doubting whether Gabriel wanted him? Especially when Gabriel saw him like this, no longer flirting and fun, just anxious and full of doubt. He didn’t even know the half of what went on with Will, and he doubted whether he’d feel the same if he did.
His eyes were still closed when Gabriel said, “Will,” and cupped his cheek to make him face him. He pressed his forehead against Will’s. “I want more as well. It isn’t only you that feels this way.”
Will bit his lip. He felt as though he’d coerced Gabriel into telling him this, but he liked how the words sounded. He liked being reassured. “Thank you.”
He felt Gabriel’s rough exhale against his lips. “I know you don’t feel like it with everything that’s going on, but people want you, Will. Your friends want you. Your teammates want you. The only person surprised that a national team wants you is you .” He spoke in a soft but stern voice. “And I know that there are people who want you to be a lot more than just their friend, and I’m one of them.”
Will’s breath rattled out of him. He lifted his hands to Gabriel’s wrists and tugged them away. He kept his eyes sealed shut, knowing that when he opened them, he’d cry.
“Will?”
“I get it,” he whispered.
Gabriel freed his hand and traced the line of Will’s throat, pressing his finger against the bottom of his chin and tilting his head up. “Do you?”
Gabriel’s breath was warm as it fanned out over his face. Will’s grip on Gabriel’s other hand slipped, and he leaned into him as if drawn forward by an invisible force. Their lips came together softly, and Will felt unbelievably shy at how hesitant the kiss was. He’d never been kissed like this before…so soft and slow, as if he were being savoured.
Will slowly lifted his hands to Gabriel’s sides, not even able to explore, only able to hold on as shivers and tingles raced over his skin, and his pulse hammered as he sunk into Gabriel’s arms. Gabriel made a soft sound in the back of his throat, a hum of approval, and when they finally parted, both were breathless.
Will let out a soft sigh, disappointed to end the embrace. He caught his breath before opening his eyes. Gabriel was gazing down at him with the soft look in his eyes again. This time there didn’t seem to be anything holding him back.
“Before you say anything, do me a favour.” Gabriel traced the line of Will’s lips with his fingertips. “Don’t say ‘Thank you.’ Don’t treat me as if I’m putting myself out, or only pretending to like you.”
Will nodded.
After a few seconds, Gabriel lifted his hazy gaze to Will’s eyes. “I would still like you to say something.”
Will almost smiled. He dropped his eyes to the edge of Gabriel’s neck and found a spot on his throat where the pulse jumped against his skin. “I always thought of kisses as a lead up to sex. They got you hot and bothered for it.” He touched the vein. It was fast, seeming to match Will’s own heart. “I didn’t know they could feel like this.”
Gabriel’s lashes fluttered closed. “Restraint is impossible around you,” he muttered. He said it like a complaint, but Will smiled. Gabriel’s cheeks were red, and he leaned into his hand as Will lifted it to his cheek. He drew him back down to him, and their lips came together once more.
Feeling less shy, knowing Gabriel was reacting to Will, he let his hands move up his sides. As they dipped around to his back, Gabriel tilted Will’s head back and pressed a little harder against him. The edge of the desk dug into Will’s lower back, but the fever in his body was quick to hide the discomfort.
Gabriel lowered both hands to his waist and their kiss broke apart as he lifted Will onto the desk. The maths book clattered to the ground and a few sheets of paper went with it. Will didn’t think Gabriel even noticed them as his lips pressed against his neck. Will sighed as he kissed the soft part of his throat. His stubble pricked Will’s skin, making him shudder. He opened his eyes. “Are you leaving a mark?”
Gabriel kissed the spot he’d been focusing on and pulled away. He examined Will’s neck and looked pleased with himself. “There,” he said. “The next time someone asks for your number, you can point that out to them.”
Will felt lightheaded as he chuckled. “And what about the other volleyball captain? It would be awkward to point this out to him.”
Gabriel raised an eyebrow. “There are two captains for one team?”
“Vinny is the captain for the men's team. I haven’t met the under-eighteen’s one yet,” Will explained.
The pleased look melted away from Gabriel’s expression, along with any colour. He stepped away from Will with a stricken look. “You’re seventeen?” he said faintly. “But…you were getting drinks at the supermarket, and you were in the club…”
Will realised his mistake. A rivet of fear went through him. He stayed there, frozen, watching a range of emotions going across Gabriel’s face. He squeezed the edge of the desk tightly. “Please, don’t,” he whispered.
“I can’t,” Gabriel said, with an edge of desperation in his voice. “You’re underage.”
“Why do a few days matter?” Will asked. “I’m not going to be any different when I’m eighteen than I am now.”
“Is it a few days?” Gabriel asked. “Or is it more? And don’t lie.”
Will had to fight against tears. This wasn’t going to end well. “July,” he said.
Gabriel’s face went slack for a second, and then he let out a humourless laugh. “You’re not even going to be eighteen when you graduate.”
“Gabriel,” Will said, upset. He knew what was coming, and this time he knew why Gabriel was going to cut him out. “It’s a small age difference, one that nobody would even blink at once I turn eighteen.” And that was true. It wasn’t strange at all for someone who was twenty-two to see someone that was eighteen, because that gap was hardly—
“But you’re not eighteen yet. You’re only seventeen.” Gabriel’s gaze was raw, and his voice wasn’t steady either. “You’re going through a hard time, and you’re vulnerable. And I’m just—” he faltered, as a pained look took over. Even his hands trembled as he looked down. “I’m just taking advantage.”
“I wanted you before I knew about my parents' divorce,” Will said. “I’ve liked you since the first day we spoke. And the age of consent is seventeen anyway, so…” he trailed off, because he could see so clearly that he wasn’t getting through.
“You’re still a minor,” Gabriel said.
“But…”
Gabriel rubbed his face. When his hands dropped back down, he wouldn’t look at Will. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this, Will.”
This wasn’t like the anger that had spurned Will before. It was dismay and hurt. Gabriel came closer to pick up his bag. “Please talk to someone. I don’t mean a counsellor or something professional. I know you don’t want that, but talk to one of your friends. Reach out to somebody, Will. I promise you they’re all just waiting for you to make the first move.”
Will was silent as he left. He stared at the back of his door until he heard his dad’s van pulling up in the driveway. The sound of him coming inside broke him out of his trance. The sky had gone dark Will had been still for so long.
Calmly, he went into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He knelt on the tiled floor, just waiting for what he knew was coming.
After, he dug out his phone and lay down on the bed. He went to the first text he’d sent Gabriel and spent the night reading through all the messages.