Chapter 42
RODERICK
This is the first full-moon run I’ll make without my mother.
The thought rocks me as I stare out at my pack. And for a moment, I doubt myself.
Am I worthy of the role I have?
But it’s not as though I can pass it off to someone else if I think I’m fucking up. No, if that’s the case, then I need to figure out where I’m going wrong and fix it.
And no matter how many times I replay the facts in my mind, I come back to the same conclusion. She was in the wrong, and she wasn’t going to stop, so she needed to leave.
That doesn’t make this night any easier.
Still, with all these faces turned toward me, I make sure not to reveal my discomfort. That, at least, I can do correctly.
The pale light of the moon is disjointed this night, with a sky full of fragmented clouds. Not that it truly affects the pull of her magic.
And as I do every full moon, I speak to my pack, even as my jaw aches to reshape.
“Remember, avoid town, and everyone must meet back here to be counted before dawn.”
My father, pack leader before me, never required a head count at the end of the full-moon run. But he never ran into the same violence I have while in wolf form. I will never let what happened to me fall on one of those under my care.
There’s a phantom ache in my chest, and I rub the old wounds. A reminder of what can go wrong when a wolf is alone in the woods.
Having received their orders, those gathered begin to release their inner animals. Shadows weave through the assembly, caressing the bared skin, covering figures with two legs, only to flow away and reveal those with four.
After a final scan, making sure nothing more requires my attention, I finally reach for my shirt.
I’m the last to strip, not that I find the naked bodies around me odd.
My kind gets comfortable with nudity fast. However, as I unzip my fly tonight, I can’t help remembering the last time I divested my clothes with the intention to shift.
In Juliet’s backyard. With her eyes on me.
The occasion wasn’t sexual. It was vulnerable.
Although she won’t share the details, I know that Juliet harbors a distrust, a fear, toward my kind. Werewolves have hurt her in the past.
I want her to tell me who and how. So I have every piece of her, even her pain. And so I know who to obliterate from the face of this earth.
She won’t tell me though, and I can’t push when it means I could lose her.
Instead, I’ll put all of my focus toward helping her heal.
And she was amazing during my change. My librarian didn’t flinch from me or run away screaming. She let me set my head in her lap and stroked my ears. My wolf brings the memory back now, the gentle touch of her fingers in my fur.
Mate. Mate. Mate.
If only she could be here with me now. Nothing would give me greater joy than to run under the full moon with the woman meant to be my mate. But looking over the crowd now, of bodies changing into animals, I know that however comfortable she’s become with me, this isn’t the place for her.
And that’s okay. Juliet is home, safe in her little cottage.
She’ll be waiting for me come morning.
And for the first time in my life, I find myself wanting this moon to quicken its passing so I can reach the next day as soon as possible.
Change, my wolf pushes. Run. Then we find our mate.
Yes, I agree.
With ease, I pull the wolf forward. Cool shadow touches my skin, caressing at first, then digging and tugging. There’s a sudden wrenching, my bones shifting and reforming with a dramatic popping noise.
Better, my wolf sighs, shaking its thick coat.
Then, because we are surrounded by pack and my heart is full of joy, my wolf and I both give in to the urge to lift our head to the sky and let out a howl. Many join in, all of us praising the moon and our freedom and the long night ahead of us that will be full of running and communion.
A large form comes barreling at me, but the scent alerts me to who it is, so I do not tense.
That was a mistake. Warner launches at me, the two of us tangling together as we roll in the grass. I make sure to come out on top, teeth lightly gripping his throat.
He lets out a puff of breath—a wolf laugh.
Leaping to the side, I evade any further play attacks. Warner is on his feet again, front pressed to the ground, butt in the air with his tail wagging. I’m so focused on him that I don’t realize my back is vulnerable until it’s too late.
Tanya nips at my heels, taunting me. Then my baby sister dives into the woods, and a clear message comes through the bonded tie I have with all pack members.
“Bet you can’t catch me.”
A hunt. One for sport. A distraction that I need.
As the moon creeps across the sky, I play an odd version of tag with my siblings, our brother Isaac soon joining with a sneak attack from behind a tree.
By the end of the night, I’m still thrumming with power, but my muscles are well worn, and my spirits are high.
It’s only when my human mind regains control that I realize their play had a goal. A purpose. I’m not the only one aware of the missing presence this night.
But even if our mother isn’t in Pine Falls, our family is still strong. Our love is unshakable.
As I lope toward the meeting point, a wolf falls in beside me, running on my flank. Her tongue lolls out with a toothy grin.
Courtney, my human mind supplies.
Beta, adds my wolf.
If I’d come to the understanding at any other time, I would have been shocked to realize that with my mother gone, the magic had chosen a new wolf for the position. But under the light of the full moon, the knowledge simply feels right.
I huff at her, and she returns a smug yip, as if to say, Took you long enough.