22. Ana
CHAPTER 22
ANA
I hate keeping secrets from my friends. In fact, I can’t recall the last time I did it, but I also hate the thought of Marissa judging me the way I’ve been judging myself.
“Not really. Not dating,” I say.
“Is that a gift?” She’s not being nosy, because she wouldn’t expect me to be hiding anything from her.
“Yeah, it’s a gift.” Jansen’s message reminds me how it felt going commando most of today. My two bosses make me horny most days, but today the feeling was especially distracting. I was tempted to go back to Jansen’s office after five for relief, but instead I came straight home and put my vibrator through a workout.
There’s another item in the box, a silky chemise that exactly matches my skin tone. Did he go to the store and pick these items out in person ?
The thought of wearing any of these items for Jansen and seeing his reaction has me itching to get back to my vibrator for another go, even though I know it won’t give me the satisfaction I’m craving.
“Very nice gifts,” Marissa says, gently touching the fabrics.
I bite my lip and look at my friend. I’ve been lying by omission, but I have no intention of lying outright. “I have something I’m really embarrassed to tell you.”
Instantly, she looks sympathetic, which makes it easier to continue. I tell her all about my interview, and how unexpected it all was, and what my reasoning was for doing what I knew I shouldn’t be doing. I tell her about the job offer, which she already knew the basics of, but now I add the story of how Derek tracked me down to make the offer.
“I was determined that once I started working for them, nothing else would happen, but …today … something else happened.”
“You had sex with them again?”
“Not sex, and not both of them. I had a conflict with Jansen today. I disagreed with how he was treating a job applicant, stood up to him, and he called me into his office. I thought I was about to be fired, but he ended up getting me off … with his hand.” I make a hand gesture that sends Marissa’s eyebrows sky high .
“That’s quite a turn of events.”
I rub my forehead and briefly cover my eyes with my hand. “I know, and I can’t believe how I’ve been acting. I’ve always prided myself on being professional, but when I’m around these men, my morals go out the window.”
“I take it they’re pretty hot?”
I slump down onto the couch with a groan. “Oh my god, you have no idea.”
“So, they’re sending you gifts. Is the relationship getting serious?”
Her question has me sitting up straight again. “There’s no relationship. It’s not serious at all. It’s just sex.” I gesture to the box. “They’re not sending me flowers; they’re sending me underwear, and Jansen only did that because he kept my panties this morning.”
“He kept them?”
I let out another groan. “Yeah. I think he kept them just to antagonize me. Maybe it was payback for me disagreeing with him.”
Marissa smirks and shakes her head.
“It’s definitely just sex,” I say. “The thing is, I’m not even sure I actually like the men. They’re usually unpleasant and disagreeable, but they sure know how to make my body feel good. And the fact that there’s two of them—that interview was a truly unforgettable experience. ”
“I can’t believe you and Callie both are involved with two guys each.”
“I know. I never thought I’d be so lucky, and I think that’s why I’ve used such poor judgment.”
My roommate looks thoughtful for a moment before saying, “I understand why you’re so conflicted, but I guess I do agree that since it’s a temporary position, you can look at it a bit differently. It’s a big gray area, of course, but it’s not like you’re sleeping with them to get ahead.”
“I tried really hard not to take the job, truly I did. But then they offered me a lot of money, because they really were in a predicament.” I’ve already told Marissa a lot about the hiring and retention issues at Community Bean, so she knows that part.
I also know she’s just being kind by not telling me that what I’m doing is horribly unprofessional. I appreciate her support, even though she’s just helping me lie to myself.
“You said your bosses are unpleasant, but I do recall you saying you had a thing for grumpy men. If they weren’t your bosses, do you think you’d want to date them?”
“They’re really not the kind of men you date, Marissa. They’re the kind who bend you over a desk and —”
She holds up her hands, waving them around to distract me. “Okay, okay. I don’t need to know any details about that. I have a hard enough time hearing about the books you read sometimes, let alone what’s happening in your real life!”
My real life. In a way, it doesn’t feel at all like my real life, and maybe that’s why I keep doing things I never thought I’d do.