36. Ana
CHAPTER 36
ANA
I want to deny it, but I can’t. “Both things can be true, but actually, I took the job because you’re both so darn pleasant to be around.”
My sarcasm hits as intended, and their eyes narrow on me in a way that makes me want them again—hell, I never stop wanting them.
“You don’t want pleasant,” Jansen says. It’s true, and what does that mean about me?
But as we sit eating and talking, there’s a pleasurable feeling of warmth and comfort between us, and it’s different from anything I’ve felt with them before.
“So things were so rough at your friend’s house that she didn’t want you to visit?” Derek asks, and I nod.
“She said she’s okay, but that it wasn’t a good time. I worry about her, though. We’ve tried to get her to move here and live with us, but Stella always resists the idea.”
That’s enough about me and my friend. I rarely have the opportunity to talk to these men about anything aside from my work or my underwear, and I’ve never seen them so talkative.
After a bite of a banh mi slider, I look to Jansen. “Derek told me how you met each other, and I’ve been curious about how you went from college to starting your business. It’s amazing how successful you’ve been.”
Jansen scowls, and I wonder if I was wrong to bring up business, though I can’t imagine why it would be a sore subject for two CEOs.
Seeing my confusion, Derek says, “Community Bean wasn’t our first business.”
“Oh. I didn’t realize. What was your first venture?”
“It was the same kind of business.” Derek suddenly sounds weary. “We were roasting beans and selling direct to customers while also trying to get our product into stores. We hired people—we had a small team working for us, several of them older than us and with families who relied on them—so it was devastating when the business failed. It made us question if we’d chosen the right path.”
“Oh, how stressful. I’m sorry that happened.” I understand how business owners face a lot of pressure, but even though I’m in HR and I’m very much invested in people’s careers, I haven’t spent much time thinking about how the stability of it all ultimately rests on the shoulders of a company’s CEO.
Of course, there are a lot of leaders out there who don’t seem to care about their employees at all, based on the actions they take and the level of greed they display. These two men in front of me are running their current business successfully and doing a lot of good in the community at the same time.
“A lot of businesses fail. You shouldn't be so hard on yourselves about it. I’m sure it wasn’t your fault.”
“It was entirely our fault,” Jansen says.
“There are some factors that are out of our control,” Derek says, “but essentially, it’s all down to us.”
“But you tried again.”
“Yeah, we may have failed, but we weren’t quitters. We studied the competition, made a stronger business plan, and we started again. We’ve been determined not to make the same mistakes.”
I’ve been half-jokingly looking for reasons why these men are so perpetually unpleasant—things like too much caffeine and not enough love from pets—but now I’ve finally found the reason. Though you’d never guess from their demeanor, they care a lot, and I’m sure this is what leads them to try to keep everything so firmly under their control .
“As Community Bean enjoys success, I hope you can relax a little and celebrate how well you’ve done.”
“We’re still growing,” Jansen says. “We can’t afford to take things easy. People are relying on us.”
“I love that you take that responsibility so seriously, but I wish you weren’t so hard on yourselves.”
There’s silence for a minute or so as we finish the food on our plates. I notice that Jansen’s jaw is still tense, and I wish I hadn’t brought up a sensitive topic, but I also love having the opportunity to learn what makes these men tick.
I remember Derek telling me how displeased Jansen’s parents were with his career path, and I’ll bet a business failure must have made that situation a million times worse. I’d love to talk to him about it, but the mood is already heavy, and I don't want to upset him, so I search for a lighter subject.
“Did you notice that the office was on a caffeine high today?”
“Is that right?” Derek asks.
“People were probably more productive, but they were also getting into arguments, and I’m pretty sure Rob was listening to death metal while he worked.”
This makes them both crack a smile, and I’m glad. I want more of that.
“Can I confess something?” This question gets their full attention, even though they’ve actually both been very engaged throughout the dinner. “Prior to today, I never had more than a sip of coffee in my life … and I hated it.”
They both seem confused by this piece of information—not by the fact that I hadn’t told them I’m not a coffee drinker, but because they can’t imagine that anyone could dislike coffee.
“Thank goodness you never asked about it during my interview. I’m still learning the difference between a latte and a macchiato.”
Both men burst out laughing, and I feel like I’m on cloud nine.
After dinner, we cuddle on the couch, and when Derek reaches for the remote, I think about how I’ve never envisioned either of them watching TV. It seems much too frivolous an activity for these serious, driven men.
I wonder if we’ll watch a movie, and what kind it will be, but Derek goes straight to YouTube, where he pulls up a video that explains all the types of drinks that can be made with espresso.
“Oh my gosh, you’re both such coffee nerds!”
They pretend to take offense at my comment, and use it as an excuse to tackle me. Their hands find their way into the robe I’m wearing, and not long after that, the robe comes off altogether.
At some point, after we’ve had a lot more fun together and watched very little of whatever’s playing on the TV, I reluctantly make moves to get dressed and go home, but they don’t let me.
Derek carries me into his bedroom, and while I’m trying to take it in, eager to get a further glimpse into his private life, I’m surprised and excited to find Jansen following us. The room itself isn’t much of a surprise—it’s very much like the rest of his home: dark, masculine and expensive-looking—but his comforter is silky smooth and luxurious, and it’s made even more inviting by the men who are holding me in their arms.
Derek spoons me, making me feel snug and secure, while Jansen kisses me and strokes my cheek as his bare feet tangle with mine. So this is what cuddling with them feels like. It’s incredible, and I want to stay like this forever, but after a short time, I break out in a light sweat.
Derek notices immediately. “Are you too warm?”
“A little bit.”
He moves to the side, giving me a bit of space, and I end up lying between the men with each of them holding one of my hands. It’s … sweet? That’s not a word I ever thought I’d use to describe any experience with my two grumpy bosses, but that’s exactly how it feels.
I fall asleep fairly quickly, but wake up again some time later, and as if they’d been waiting for me, hands start wandering, and the three of us go another round. After that, I have the best sleep of my life, until Jansen wakes me in the early hours by stroking my cheek. “Would you like to take the day off?” he asks.
I’m groggy at first, until I remember where I am. “No, I can’t do that. I was just on vacation. I need to go home so I can shower and change.”
While Jansen helps me find my clothes, Derek, still looking delectable in the jogging pants he pulled back on, asks, “Would you like a cup of coffee? Or … um, tea?”
Touched by his thoughtfulness, I smile at him. “No, thanks. Maybe I’ll have a latte when I get to work.”
He brings me a bottle of water instead, and both he and Jansen kiss me goodbye, tell me to drive safely, and not to worry if I’m late. I leave wondering who those two men are, because though they bear a physical resemblance to my bosses, they don’t act like them at all.
I love the new side of them I’ve seen, but I’m also alarmed by it, because when they act like this, it would be far too easy for me to feel things. I might start wanting more than sex from them—I might want emotional things—and wanting more could be dangerous.