40. Olivia
40
OLIVIA
E xactly six days after I told Molly I needed to see Declan one more time, I found myself racing through the Minneapolis airport to get to my gate. One thing after another had gone wrong this morning. If I missed my flight because my rideshare driver didn’t believe in maps…
I skidded to a halt in front of my gate just in time.
Breathing as hard as if I’d just run a marathon, I wobbled onto the plane and sank into my seat. This time, no grumpy Irish man came to help me with my luggage. Half an hour later, when we were high in the air, I looked out the window and sighed.
I was trusting my intuition here, but part of me was still afraid. Things hadn’t worked out with Declan before, so what made me think this time would be different? Maybe I was I just being a fool, clinging to some harebrained notion that there was still hope. After all, how many women had fallen prey to the myth of ‘I can change him for the better’?
And is that what you want? I thought. To change him?
I didn’t know the answer to that.
“Doesn’t matter,” I said to myself. “I’m here now.”
The woman sitting beside me shot me a glance and heat rushed to my cheeks. I cleared my throat, embarrassed, then looked out the window. I took a deep breath, doing my best to steady my thoughts, and gave myself a nod.
Yes, I’m afraid, I admitted to myself. But I need to see him. More than anything, I need to see him and let him know how I feel.
“ Y e're headin' to Ballybeith, are ye?” The gray-haired cab driver, who spoke in the thickest Irish brogue I’d ever heard, whistled. “Well now, that's not exactly 'round the corner, ya know.”
“I know, but I really need to get there.” I settled into the backseat of the cab, hoping that I wouldn’t be booted out and forced to wait for a bus. The driver seemed to consider the two-hour drive from Dublin to Ballybeith for a moment, then shrugged his shoulders.
“Yer off to that shindig then, I reckon?"
“I…what shindig?”
"Aye, there be a grand celebration of sorts in Ballybeith, or so I've heard tell. Me wife's sister hails from there, and we were plannin' to make the trip, but, ya know…” He shrugged, then drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. “Times be tough these days. No work, no pay.” He looked at me through the rearview mirror and tipped an imaginary hat. “Well, Ballybeith it is then, lass."
“ Ballybeith it is,” I repeated, too tired to try to unpack everything else he’d said. Honestly, with that accent, I wasn’t sure I’d understood him anyway. I rested my forehead against the side window and watched as the Dublin roads gave way to hilly countryside. I tried not to think of what would happen, but it was almost impossible.
I couldn’t think of anything else but Declan.
How would he react when he saw me? Would he be happy to see me? Would we just end up fighting again? Or, even worse than that, what if he had already moved on? What if…?
Knowing I’d go mad if I kept thinking of that, I decided to distract myself and check Snug. My battery was almost dead, but I’d been corresponding with a potential sponsor, and I wanted to see if they’d gotten back to me. But when I opened the app, I found hundreds of notifications. At first I thought it was some kind of tech glitch.
Then I thought a bunch of spammers had left hundreds of comments on my blog. I scrolled, confused, until one comment popped out at me.
Love your voice! I’m so glad @DeclanByrneOfficial included you in his top ten freshest voices. He hasn’t done one of those in forever.
Three clicks later, I was scrolling through the most recent post from Declan’s official Snug account. He’d done a post a few hours ago shouting out ten blogs on Snug.
I came in at #2.
The competitive part of me was indignant until I saw that #1 was a UN ambassador literally saving the world from climate change.
Which, you know, fair enough.
As I clicked back to my blog, the magnitude of what he’d done for me sank in. My follower count had already risen by 92%. My engagement rate was through the roof.
If my numbers kept going up like this… It would change the kind of sponsors I could attract. It gave me more power.
It gave me options .
I’d broken his heart in an airport. But he was going out of his way to make my life easier.
I was still scrolling through Snug, barely believing what I was seeing, when my phone rang. Molly’s picture flashed on the screen for half a second and I jabbed my thumb at the green icon.
“Finally!” Molly practically screamed. “I’ve been trying to call you for ages.”
“Sorry, there was a problem with the wi-fi on the plane and?—”
“Never mind that,” she cut me a short. “You’re here now, right?”
“I am. I’m on my way to?—”
“Oh, dear lord, good. You really need to get here fast, Olivia. You’re not gonna believe this, but Declan has just?—”
And that was it. The phone beeped once and, when I pulled it back from my ear to see why Molly had gone silent, I was met by a dark screen. The battery had just died on me.
“Technology, it's always lettin' ya down, isn't it?" the cab driver offered, and I couldn’t help but agree. What did Molly want to tell me? What exactly was happening in Ballybeith? My heart tightened. Had something happened to Declan? To Catie?
I leaned forward and reached for the cab driver. I touched his shoulder gently, but I didn’t need to say a word.
“I can spot a damsel in distress when I see one,” he said, reassuringly. “Ye need to get to Ballybeith in a hurry, don't ye? Ye can count on me, lass. I ain't one to let me customers down."
That seemed to be Irish for ‘I’m going to floor it,’ because next thing I know we were flying down narrow countryside roads, taking speed limits as no more than mere suggestions. Declan wouldn’t be happy if he knew about it, that was for sure, but I didn’t care—all I knew what that I needed to get to him as fast as possible.
By the time we finally got to Ballybeith, my stomach was in knots. We sped down the main road, the one that led into the heart of the town, but we didn’t get far. Police had cordoned off the road, and there were people everywhere. For a moment I thought some kind of freak accident had happened, but then I heard the loud music.
“I'll be damned. When me wife mentioned a party, I never pictured it like this. I reckon this here's as far as I can take ye, lass.” The driver looked down at the road wistfully, as if wishing he could ditch his cab and come with me. He must’ve decided against it, because he tipped his imaginary cap at me again. “Whatever it is ye be searchin' for, I wish ye the best in findin' it.”
“Thank you,” I said, grateful for his kind words. He helped me unload my bags and waited patiently as I dug out my wallet. I winced only slightly at the final total, making sure to leave him a generous tip, waving at him as he turned the cab around and drove away. Dragging my luggage after me. I made a beeline towards the first police officer I could find. He was talking with a man in a charcoal suit, who had his back turned to me.
“I’m sorry to interrupt but?—”
“Olivia?” The man in the charcoal suit turned. It was Seamus. “What are you doing here? I thought you’d left.”
“I did, but I…” I drew a deep breath. “Do you know where Declan is? Is he all right?”
“Declan?” Seamus seemed taken aback. “He’s good. I was just talking with him a few minutes ago. You might have missed him, though. He seemed hellbent on leaving for the airport soon. Kind of a shame, you know? Everyone’s gathered here because of him, but it seems like he has some pressing business in the States, so…” He shrugged, seeming to say ‘you know how it goes.’
Except I didn’t.
“I don’t understand.” I looked down the road at the raucous crowd, then at the large stage someone had erected in the town square. Even from a distance, I could recognize the same band I’d heard play at the festival. God, that felt like it had happened a lifetime ago. “What is going on here?
“Oh, you mean you don’t know?” Seamus said, sounding surprised.
“Don’t know what?” I looked straight into Seamus’ eyes, starting to feel more than a little exasperated. “Please, just tell me what the hell’s going on here, because this sure isn’t the same Ballybeith I left.”
“Damn right it isn’t,” Seamus agreed. “Not after what Declan did.”
“What Declan did…” I repeated, my heart tightening as I imagined the O’Rourkes’ manor being bulldozed into oblivion. Had he finally done it? Brought the O’Rourkes to their knees? Judging by the wide smile on Seamus’ face, that was hard to believe.
“Yeah, the community center,” Seamus said. “Declan bought my family’s mansion and he’s turning it into a community center. Everyone knows already, of course, but I set this up,” he waved a hand around him, “so that Declan could officially announce it to the town. I kind of wanted to throw a party at the mansion, but Declan didn’t want to wait. He has already put the contractors to work over there, renovating the place.”
I was too stunned to say anything.
“And, eventually, the mansion’s going to be Catie’s.” The smile on Seamus’ face widened even further. “Can you believe that? I guess I should thank you too. If it weren’t for you, then I don’t know if any of this would’ve happened.” He waved at the crowd again but I got the sense that he was waving at the whole of Ballybeith. “God, it feels good to move on.”
I felt dizzy.
The Declan I’d left behind had been set on vengeance, on making the O’Rourkes pay. The man Seamus was telling me about sounded like someone else entirely.
But was he really so different after all?
Seamus was talking about my Declan, the man I knew existed under the surface. The one I’d seen tuck Catie into bed countless times, the one that had held me close through the night and made me believe the world was safe.
The man I loved.
“THERE YOU ARE!” A loud voice cut through the noise, and I turned my head to see Molly barreling toward me. She had a half-empty pint of Guiness in one hand, sloshing around the glass as she ran. “I was wondering when you’d get here. You need to move fast, Olivia.”
“I… what?” Things were happening way too quickly for me to comprehend. “I need to go see Declan.”
“Declan’s on his way to the airport,” Seamus chimed in.
“No, he isn’t,” Molly said. “The moment I got wind of where he was going, I…” She gave me an embarrassed look. “Well, I knew you were coming, so I kind of enlisted some people to help me stall him. He wasn’t too happy to about that, but if I hadn’t, the man would be on his way to Dublin by now, and then…”
“The States…” I repeated. Seamus had mentioned Declan had business there, but was there a chance Declan had been going there to see me? “Take me to him.”
“You’ve got it.” Molly grabbed my hand and dragged me to the throng of people, heading straight toward the town square. My luggage lay forgotten beside Seamus, but I barely gave it a second thought. I had more important things to worry about.
“Outta the way,” Molly ordered, pushing her way deeper into the sea of people that circled the stage. And then, when we finally broke through…
There he was.
He glanced up, and our eyes locked.
In that moment, time stopped.
The band was still playing, the crowd was still bustling, but there was silence in my head. We walked toward each other, and the only thing I could hear was the drumming of my heart.
Declan made his way toward me. “Olivia.” He looked at me like he was drinking me in. “You’re here, a ghrá .”
“I’m here.”
“I wanted to go see you,” he said. “I was flying to the States tonight. But you’re here.”
His eyes darkened, and for a moment I thought he was going to kiss me.
Yes, my soul begged. One more time.
Declan’s hands ran up and down my arms, like he was reassuring himself I was really there.
I knew the feeling.
He cleared his throat. “I dreamt of this more times than I care to admit, but…” He shook his head. “I’ll admit, I never saw it playing out like this. Why did you come back, Olivia? God, there’s so much I want to tell you. So much I need to say. Can we…can we talk?”
I wet my lips. It would have been easy to let him take control of the situation. But I needed to say this before I lost my nerve.
“Me first.” I took his hand and dragged him into a dimly-lit side alley, away from the curious stares of pretty much everyone in town. I took a moment to drink in his gorgeous, familiar face. “Declan…” I started. “Even though it’s over between us, I need you to know how amazing you are. You changed my life for the better. You gave me the courage to pursue a dream I’d almost forgotten I had.”
He cupped my cheek with one hand. “Olivia,” he breathed.
“But most importantly, you reminded me how much I want a family. Even though it didn’t work out between us in the way that I hoped, I want you to know that I love you, Declan,” I confessed. “I’m never going to regret the time we spent together.”
His eyes were almost frighteningly intense. Did he think I was ridiculous, blurting all this out? Too little too late?
“It’s just, your message made it sound like you thought I didn’t return your feelings. And I do,” I babbled. “I need you to know that I do. You were the best choice I ever made.”
Declan’s eyes searched mine. “And you’re saying all this even though I told you I couldn’t change? Even though I swore I’d demolish that mansion?”
I swallowed. “But you didn’t do it, did you?”
“You had no way of knowing what I was going to do, Olivia.”
“No,” I admitted. “But I just… I just needed you to know that…I see you. And you’re magnificent.”
Declan closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to mine. “God, I don’t deserve you.”
You do, my heart whispered.
He pulled back just far enough to see my face, but he didn’t let go of me. His hands slid down my arms, until he found my hands, and took them.
“I’ve been working on a speech, if you can believe it. I wanted to get it perfect before I got to the States, but I guess that’s not happening now.” He laughed, rough and uncertain.
He’s nervous , I realized. I couldn’t remember ever seeing him nervous. Not even when he’d been chasing me to an airport and declaring he loved me.
He took a breath. “You were right, Oliva. I was holding onto the past too tightly. I was obsessed with a revenge plan made by a grieving teenager. You reminded me that I could change my plans. And you gave me something worth changing my plans for.”
My heart was racing.
“Seamus told me of what you did,” I said.
He smiled. “You were right all along. Seamus is different from his father. So I leveraged the threat of destroying the mansion to get Mark to sign over his whole business to Seamus, permanently. Sinead’s going to help me to turn the mansion into a community center. We’ll still host the festival,” Declan assured me.
My breath felt uneven. I’d seen the crowd and heard the party, and both Seamus and Molly had told me about it…but to hear it coming from Declan was different. Seeing him so at peace with this decision made it mean so much more. Was I crying? I felt like I was on the verge of crying. He was giving me the thing I hadn’t dared hope for.
“I’m also trying to help Seamus learn how to run a fair, ethical, financially solvent business,” Declan said. “He’s texting me all the time. I swear, he’s dumb as an ox when it comes to numbers.”
That startled a laugh out of me.
“It’s up to Sinead whether she wants Seamus to be part of Catie’s life,” Declan added. “But I’m not going to stand in the way anymore.”
I nodded, my throat tight.
I’d asked him to consider not destroying a building. And he’d come up with a whole host of solutions, all of them so much better than anything I could have imagined.
I squeezed his hands fiercely. “I told you. You’re marvelous, Declan Byrne.”
He shook his head, stubborn, and in that instinctual obstinance I saw the grumpy, aggravating man I’d fallen for. And I loved that side of him just as much as the newer, more vulnerable one he’d flown across an ocean to show me.
“I only did any of this because of you. Not for you, but because of you. You changed my life too, Olivia. Over and over again,” he said, affection and exasperation warring in his eyes, before settling into something that looked a lot like wonder. “You make me better. I was a mess, but now…it’s different. I feel different. I…” he hesitated, looked straight into my eyes, and smiled. “I love you so fucking much.”
“Poetic,” I teased.
“You should see my office. There’s a rubbish bin full of crumpled up pages, all covered in terrible metaphors for what I feel for you. But the thing is, you’re beyond words, Olivia.”
Okay, I was definitely crying now.
He gently wiped my tears with his thumbs. “Give me another chance, a ghrá ?”
“Yes. Yes. God, yes. As many as you want.” Our lips found each other, and it was more than simple sparks. It was a roaring bonfire, hot and strong and true. “Don’t ever send me away again.”
“Never,” he promised. His lips found my eyelids, my nose, my cheek, before brushing against my lips. “Don’t ask me not to follow you. That nearly killed me.”
“Never,” I agreed. “From now on, we both get as many chances as we need.”
“Good,” Declan agreed. The word was an ending, but it was a beginning to.
Then he pulled me to him and kissed me like he meant it.
A few endless minutes later, we stepped inside Declan’s home, hands joined.
Home at last , I thought.