25. Noah
25
NOAH
I took a few minutes to compose myself before deplaning in Pittsburgh. If Maddy had been with me, she would’ve chattered through the entire flight, jumping from important insights about the upcoming meeting to whatever happened to float into her head. Sometimes it made it difficult for me to focus, but now that I’d experienced a flight without it, without her , I realized how much I missed her stream-of-consciousness conversation.
The truth was I was dreading the upcoming meeting. Despite a stellar start, Matthew Garrison's performance for the Steelers had been falling behind as news about his mom took a turn for the worse. June had suffered an unexpected setback—a mild stroke that derailed much of the progress she’d been making. Matthew’s lack of drive and focus were completely understandable, but the sad fact was stats don’t care about feelings. It pained me that I was going to have to tell him he still had a lot to prove if he didn’t want to end up permanently benched… or worse, released from his contract.
I settled into the sedan waiting for me on the tarmac and tried to imagine a way to pull Matthew out of the dark cloud he’d been under. Maddy would’ve been able to strike the right tone, the softness to my steel. Both would be necessary to get Matthew into the headspace he needed, so he wouldn’t lose everything he’d fought so hard to achieve.
By the time my driver pulled into the team gym parking lot, I felt like I’d struck the best balance. I was going to be sympathetic, of course, but also give him the kind of push required by someone looking at his career through the lens of a realist. Matthew didn’t need me to coddle him; I was there to activate the fighter within him.
But I wasn’t expecting the Matthew Garrison who met me outside the weight room.
“Hey Noah,” he said as he wiped sweat from his brow, barely raising his eyes to look at me.
I hoped I could hide my shock. Matthew was gaunt, like he was sharing the struggle of his mother’s battle. At this point in training, he should’ve been broad and glowing with promise, but the young man I was seeing looked broken.
“Hey Matthew. Glad we could connect. Let’s sit and talk.”
He nodded and followed me to a small seating area covered in Steelers logos and threw himself into a chair. I studied him, realizing this wasn’t going to be a tough-talk conversation.
Defeated. My star player looked like he’d all but given up.
“I know why you’re here,” Matthew said, breaking the tension before I could. “And I know I’m fucking up. I just can’t focus right now.”
“I get it,” I said gently. “You’ve got a lot going on. Between trying to find your footing with the team and your mom’s challenges it’s no wonder your heart isn’t in the game.”
“Or my head,” he smirked sadly. “The stroke changed everything, Noah. I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel for her recovery. We all were, and then it happened and now we’re back where we started. And I can only do so much, you know? I want to be there with her, but they’ve got every minute of my day scheduled.” He sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face. “Part of me wonders if I should send her back to Fargo, so her sisters can look after her instead of them taking turns coming out here and tag-teaming with me. But then I wouldn’t be able to see her. Even though she’s not awake right now, I know she knows when I’m there.”
Matthew jumped up and started pacing. “The nurses told me her vitals always look good when I’m with her. She needs me.” He sniffled and ran the back of his hand under his nose quickly. “But I need to be here for the team.” He turned to me abruptly. “I know I’m fucking up, Noah. You don’t have to tell me that.”
“Hey, hold on. That’s not why I’m here.”
He continued talking, still pacing. “If I keep fucking up they’re going to trade me, aren’t they? Or worse. I’ll be the joke of the season. A failure right out of the gates. And everything my mom and I worked so hard for will disappear.” He froze and his voice dropped to a whisper. “She’ll be so disappointed in me.”
Tears filled his eyes, and I was out of my seat before I even knew what I was doing.
“Hey, hey, we got this Matthew,” I said, pulling him into a hug.
I felt him go stiff against my body. As much as we liked each other, we hadn’t hugged prior to this—not even at the draft, when Maddy had probably hugged him five times. As for me, I couldn’t recall ever hugging a client. But it felt right in this moment. Necessary. Matthew let out a muffled grunt as he constricted his arms around me, leaning into the hug like he’d been starved of comfort for too long.
It felt good to connect with him, and I could tell he needed it. We backed away at the same moment, trying to crush down the swell of emotions I could tell we both were feeling.
“Let’s get this over with, huh?” he said. “Coach O’Neil and Coach Jackson are probably waiting for us.”
“It’s going to be okay, got it? I’m here for you .”
He gave me a sad nod and beckoned me to follow him into the main office, where both coaches were waiting with expectant looks. I shook Peter Drury’s hand, taking note of the bags beneath his eyes and the five o’clock shadow with hints of gray in it. Coaching had aged him. Arnold Jackson gave me a weary nod from his chair, his usual smile nowhere to be seen. Both men seemed ready for the uncomfortable conversation to come. Matthew stood in the corner with his arms crossed, gaze fixed on the ground.
“Thanks for meeting with us, gentlemen,” I said. “There’s a lot we need to get out on the table, and I’d like to kick off the meeting by addressing some uncomfortable aspects first.”
Matthew didn’t look up.
“June Garrison was making slow but steady improvement after her car accident, but as you both know, she recently had a setback due to a minor stroke. She’s currently stable, but she lost some of the ground she’d gained. Matthew has been doing his best to navigate his new life as a part of the team while at the same time trying to be present for his mother and the rest of his family. As you might imagine, it’s not easy.”
Both coaches nodded.
“Yeah, we know it’s been tough on him,” Peter said, glancing over at Matthew.
“That’s exactly why we’re looking for understanding as we move forward,” I continued. “Matthew is in a challenging position, gentlemen. He’s trying to give his all, but I think we can understand that he’s having a hard time focusing.”
“We know that,” Arnold said. “And we know how impossible it must be to be here with his mom in the hospital. But the truth is we need to see more effort from him when he is here. When we were scouting, we saw passion in him, drive, you know? That’s why he’s with us. If he can deliver at that level again, of course we’re going to support him getting away when he needs to be with his mom. We’re just not sure where his head is and if he’s in it for the long haul.”
It was exactly what I wanted to say to Matthew, but I knew it needed to come from his coaches to resonate. They were the ones who were with him every day. They could see when he was slacking.
“Honestly, we’re concerned about the future,” Peter said.
It felt like the air had been sucked out of the room, and I could see the stress mounting inside Matthew. But I was ready for it. I had my own Hail Mary, and I was hoping everyone would agree.
“I have a potential solution,” I offered. “It’s unorthodox, but I think it’s the right fit for this scenario. What if we bench Matthew to give him time with his mom right now?”
Matthew started to protest, but I held up my hand. Peter and Arnold were both frowning at me.
“It’s temporary. Matthew, you show your team your commitment in training, and once your coaches see improvement, we can all revisit the benching. But for now, I think this solution is our best option. Let’s be real, your head isn’t where it needs to be, you’ve said so yourself.” I paused before the most important part of my pitch. “Matthew, you and your mom worked incredibly hard for this opportunity. You know she wants this for you. This option isn’t perfect, but by giving it a shot you get to keep making that dream a reality.”
“It’s unorthodox, all right,” Arnold scoffed. “But it will allow him to continue training with the team without having to worry about his performance in the games. I think it might work. Pete?”
He nodded. “I think it’s the only way out of this. I appreciate the creativity, Noah. Now all that’s left is to hear from Matthew.”
We all turned to look at him. His face was ashen, and I started to fear the worst.
“What do you think?” I asked him.
He crossed his arms and glared at me. “I don’t like it, not a bit.” He shook his head and for a minute he looked more like a little boy than a professional football player. “But you’re right. It’s the best option right now. I’ll do it.”
We all seemed to exhale at the same time.
“Okay, then,” I said. “We’ve got a deal.”
When I finally left the training facility, it was no surprise that the first person I wanted to tell was Maddy. We’d decided at the last minute it was best for her to sit this meeting out, to keep everything intimate between me and Matthew. Day-to-day interactions were still uncomfortable with Maddy, but I didn’t care. Finding a resolution was a big deal. I dialed her as I got into the car.
She picked up my FaceTime call immediately. “Hey, you okay? How did it go?”
I broke into a smile at the sight of her beautiful face. “We’re stable. They agreed to bench him so he could spend more time with June. And he seems like he’s finally starting to see what’s hanging in the balance.”
“That’s such a relief,” she said. “And what a great idea. All you, I’m guessing?”
“Yeah. It was risky but it worked.”
“How’s Matthew?”
My smile faded. “Rough. Hell, I hugged the guy.”
Maddy’s eyes went wide. “You what?”
It was then I realized that the sole reason I’d done it was because of her. Maddy had opened my eyes to the importance of being vulnerable with my clients. It was so unlike me, but I could see how important it was, and how things could shift when I allowed myself to go there, to connect on that emotional level.
She’d been the one to teach me that.
“He was in a bad way, and… well…” I left the rest of what I was going to say hanging.
Maddy grinned at me. “Noah Parker, hugger. Who could’ve imagined?” But there was something bittersweet about her smile.
“Hey, I wouldn’t say I was totally against hugs prior to this. You’ve been the recipient of quite a few.”
Her expression shifted as our conversation turned personal. “True.”
She wasn’t giving me any hints about how she was feeling about our relationship, but I didn’t care to second guess myself.
“I miss you. Can you come to my place tonight?”
“Really?” She sounded hopeful.
“It’s been too long.”
“One hundred percent yes,” she responded, finally giving me the full Maddy smile I’d been dying to see.
“We can talk,” I added. “About… what happened.”
Her face went serious again. “That would be good. Thanks.”
There was a lot I needed to say to her, and I was glad I’d have the opportunity to do it before seeing her at the office. I hated the distance between us, and I was going to do everything possible to make our relationship right again.
And then, if I was lucky, she’d end up in my arms for the rest of the night.