34. Maddy
34
MADDY
I was hitting the midpoint of my story about Jan Mingazow, the footballer I’d met in Prague and his twin brother Jakub, who’d been born with cerebral palsy, and the doubts were creeping in. What was I doing? Me , writing? Did I really think I could pull this off? I tried hard to silence my doubts. I had gigantic shoes to fill, but at least I could pretend that storytelling ability had some basis in heredity, and maybe my father passed down his skill to me.
When I’d first heard about the connection between the brothers, I’d felt the urge to learn more, because even before I’d figured out I wanted to write I’d been able to see that theirs was a story worth hearing. I’d gathered as much information as I could online before reaching out to Jan on Instagram, to see if he’d be interested in letting me write a profile on them. I was honest with him; I didn’t have a home for the piece, and there was a chance it would go no further than my laptop, but I felt like I had to learn more. He and Jakub had been incredible subjects. Now, I just had to try to tell their story in a way that did it justice.
I was so wrapped up in their words I almost didn’t hear the phone ring. It was Hope, calling to let me know Cassie was in labor! A little early, but everything was fine.
I sped to the hospital with my heart ready to burst. Cassie was welcoming the first baby in our sisterhood! It was a much-needed joyful moment in what had been a pretty bleak period for me. Between missing Noah and feeling unsure about my writing, I was happy to have something outside of me and my problems to focus on.
I ran into the maternity ward and almost took out a few nurses in my mad dash.
“There she is! Hey girlie!” a voice called across the waiting room.
I found Nia and Hope camped out in a corner on a couch.
“Hey, what’s the latest?” I asked as I jogged over to them. “Are they okay?”
“Holding pattern,” Hope said. “No news yet. But at least now we can all stress out together. Kaitlyn is back there with her, and James is supposed to swing by before he heads to work.”
“The gang’s all here,” Nia said from her perch on the back of the couch. “Scott came out a few minutes ago and said she’s doing great. She’s not screaming threats at him yet, so that’s a positive. Now all we have to do is wait.”
My stomach twisted with nerves and excitement. “Have they said how long it’s going to be?”
Hope shook her head. “No timeframes, but Kaitlyn seems to think it’s going to go quickly, based on the way they’re prepping her.”
We all turned in unison when we heard heavy footsteps heading our way.
“Ladies, am I an uncle yet?” James asked as he joined us.
“Look at Mr. Fancy,” Nia said, flicking her hand up and down at him. “A little overdressed for the hospital, wouldn’t you say?”
He was in a dark suit, looking magazine-ready instead of his usual Miami business casual.
“Big night at Bloom tonight, I had to clean up more than usual,” he said, straightening his tie. “I was hoping we might have some good news before I have to take off.”
“Maybe soon?” Hope said. “For now, we sit. Join us.”
James perched on the edge of a chair and stared at me for a beat. “Hi, Maddy. How are you?”
I glanced around, confused as to why he was focusing on me. “I’m… good. How are you?”
“Busy, but doing well, thanks. I saw Noah last night. In fact, I’ve been seeing him quite a lot lately. My daughter Harper has taken to calling him Uncle Noah.”
I hoped my face didn’t give away that I was happy to get that scrap of Noah intel. I shouldn’t care what he was up to, but the truth was I wanted to hear about how he was doing. Try as I might, I couldn’t shut off that part of my heart quite yet. But I was working on it.
“That’s nice,” I said in a noncommittal voice.
James glanced at Nia and Hope then back at me.
“Have you spoken with him lately?”
My heart skipped out of rhythm for a moment at the thought of talking to Noah. “No. We broke up and I stopped working for him. There’s no point in reaching out.”
Nia made a frustrated noise.
“Oh trust me, I’m well aware you’re no longer together,” James said. “Noah can’t seem to talk about anything else. We’ve gone through the details of the breakup a few times, and I finally had to tell him I’m not his therapist. I told him to reach out to you. I take it he hasn’t.”
“ No , I said we haven’t talked.” I felt bad that I sounded snippy but the three of them were staring at me like I was on trial.
“I might be breaking bro-code telling you this, but the man is miserable, Maddy. Heartbroken, to be exact. He thinks you won’t pick up if he calls, that’s probably why he hasn’t. If I were you, I’d at least hear him out.”
Heartbroken ? I found that hard to believe.
I realized I was picking at the jagged end of my nail to focus on something other than the pain whirling around inside of me. “That’s interesting.” I tried to redirect the conversation to something I could tolerate. “Has anyone heard from Scott lately? Is he texting or…”
“Hey, dummy,” Nia said as she reached down to punch me in the arm. “The man is trying to give you advice. Don’t change the subject.”
I whirled back to her. “I thought you didn’t like Noah. Why would you care if I talked to him or not?”
“Maddy, c’mon, we never said we didn’t like him,” Hope said softly. “Our problem was that we felt like he was stealing you away from us. Like he came first. But we talked about it and realized that most of the time you were away, you were working . It wasn’t like he was forcing you to pick him over us. And we’d never seen you happier than when you were with him. Right, Nia?”
“It’s true.” Nia slid off the back of the couch and wound up hip-to-hip with me. “He brought something out in you. You’re already a stupid-cheerful person, but Noah made you… I don’t know… centered . You two fit together, even though you’re really different people. It’s like yin and yang.”
“When we saw you together that night at dinner we knew,” Hope added. “You and Noah are great together.”
“ Were great,” I bristled. “Nothing lasts forever, right? That’s always how things work out. Anyway, we’re not here to talk about me, this is Cassie’s day, okay?”
There was no point in hashing it out with them. Noah had made his choice. Yeah, maybe he was having some second thoughts, but my cynical side chalked it up to him missing me more as his assistant than his partner. Because PSM would always come first.
James looked beyond where we were sitting. “There’s Kaitlyn now, she probably has news.”
She joined us wearing a teary, awed expression. “It’s happening,” she sniffled. “Cassie just started pushing.”
For the next hour our little group chattered about the new addition on the way, placing bets on which name Cassie and Scott had settled on. James had to head to his nightclub, leaving the four of us to wait impatiently for news. We wound up spread out on the chairs and couches in the room like it was our private slumber party.
Kaitlyn’s text rang out and she grabbed at her phone. “Oh my gosh, he’s here,” she said as her eyes welled up. “Baby Cole is here!”
The cheer we yelled could probably be heard all the way down in Cassie’s room. We waited impatiently for our turn to go see mom and baby when Scott finally came out to get us.
“I’m sorry it has to be quick,” he explained as he walked us to her room. “We’re breaking the rules taking you all back at once. She’s exhausted but she wants his godmothers to meet him.”
We filed into the room to find a beaming, exhausted Cassie holding a tiny, swaddled bundle.
“Hi, my friends,” she whispered. “Come see.”
We crowded next to her bed and gazed down at the most perfect little creature ever created. Baby Cole was still red-faced from his journey but sleeping peacefully. I looked around at my best friends and realized we were all weepy at the tiny miracle in Cassie’s arms.
She held court, telling her birth story with pride. I laughed when Cassie described how she was grunting like a water buffalo, and I caught myself thinking about retelling the story for Noah. It was still a record-skip moment to realize he was no longer a part of my life, that I’d never have the chance to share any more moments with him.
If we were still together, he would’ve been here, too. Even if he’d felt out of his element, if I’d asked him to be a part of this major life event he would’ve come. I imagined him taking baby Cole into his arms, his face looking uncharacteristically nervous as he tried to figure out how to support the tiny being. My heart felt even heavier at the thought of the future we’d never share.
I had to keep reminding myself that I’d been the one to walk away from our relationship. It had been my choice. He hadn’t fought me when I said I was leaving, but then again, maybe he sensed it was better not to? That nothing could change my mind?
Noah’d never promised me forever, even though there were moments when it felt possible. Like when I was in his arms after we’d made love. The way he looked at me made me feel so precious and important to him. I’d almost believed in our fairytale.
I watched Scott beaming at Cassie and their new son, and as I watched, I felt tears pooling again, this time for a different reason. Damn it, I wanted this. A husband, children—a life and a family with someone I loved. But I’d been stupid enough to imagine it with a man who never even hinted to me that it was possible with him. I was an idiot. Noah wasn’t capable of the big love I felt in this room. I’d done the right thing. Ended it before I could fall any harder for a man who couldn’t love me the way I needed to be loved.
“Your turn, Mads,” Cassie said. “He wants to meet you!”
I immediately forgot my problems the second the sleeping baby was in my arms. He was perfect, and I swear he snuggled in closer to me, which sent a fresh wave of weepy feelings through me.
“You look good,” Nia said. “Natural.”
Cole made a little noise, and I quickly handed him back to Cassie.
“Selfie, super quick then we need to let Momma sleep,” Hope said. “Gather around.”
“I can take it for you guys,” Scott said.
“Nope, selfies are a tradition, and we want Cole to be a part of it,” Nia said.
We all crowded around the bed, laughing at how smashed together we were, and captured the moment when our all-girls club welcomed our first male member.