27. Max
27
MAX
“ Y ou need to be using a flash for that. I can give you some pointers if you want. I know a lot about taking pictures.”
I lowered my camera and prepared myself for the familiar battle: putting a man who knows nothing about photography in his place.
The sun was setting, and I was on the beach capturing absolutely gorgeous images for my internship portfolio. I hoped they’d be the last few to round out the package before I had to submit it. I kept second guessing my choices, which was why I’d found a secluded spot to work. I wanted to be in my own head as I composed the images, not fending off attempts at flirting.
But the guy in too-tight shorts and striped golf shirt didn’t seem to get the message.
“You’ll pick up the pinks and blues of the sunset better if you get a pop of light in there, ya know?”
I studied the guy before answering. Passably handsome but his know-it-all attitude made me focus on the flaws, like his thinning hair and beer belly. As with most guys who approached me while I was working, he seemed to think that mansplaining and flirting were the same thing.
I decided to toy with him.
“A flash. You think so, huh?” I asked.
He nodded and stepped closer, seemingly encouraged by my response. “Definitely. If you don’t light it up a little you’re going to get a muddy photo.”
“What kind of flash should I use?” My voice was sugar dipped, and I batted my lashes at him.
“The on-camera flash should be good enough,” he answered. “Flip it so it points up. See those little buttons on the sides of it? Just push them and you can adjust the neck.”
“Ah, okay,” I said, glancing at the camera in my hands then back at him. “So you think that’s a better option than say, a wireless quad-flash? Or a radio-based, remote flash system? Because usually if I’m angling my on-camera flash up, it’s to bounce the light off an available surface, like a ceiling. Gives the subject a nice glow. But oh my gosh, there’s no ceiling out here! So if I point it up the tiny little bit of light that comes off of it will get sucked into the blackness, and I’ll have one bright spot in the shot and darkness behind it. And wouldn’t you know it, I didn’t pack my wireless flash kits. I have four, there’s no excuse! Good thing I know how to adjust the aperture on this thing to account for the fading light.”
“Yeah … that was going to be my second suggestion.”
I giggled coquettishly. “Great minds! Anyway, who do you shoot for? Have I seen your work?”
He was already backing up. “Oh, I don’t, I’m not?—”
“Wait, you’re not a professional photographer? I thought you said you know a lot about photography?”
“Well, I do , it’s just that?—”
“Bryan?”
A woman was stalking down the beach toward us. The guy looked sheepish and moved even farther away from me.
I waved at her, friendly and nonthreatening so she’d know I wasn’t after her man. “Hi there! He was just giving me some tips. You’re lucky to have such a knowledgeable photographer in your crew.”
She narrowed her eyes at the guy. “Yeah, my fiancé is full of surprises.”
Gross. We both glowered at him as she dragged him away.
Now that I’d been interrupted, I took a few minutes to scroll back through what I’d taken. They were beautiful even before I punched them up with some light editing.
I needed to stop finding ways to stall and submit the damn application. I had more than enough options to choose from; I was just delaying it due to nerves. Only a couple of weeks left before the deadline.
I flipped to the calendar on my phone. I had so much going on that I’d be lost without it. Lately I’d been less plugged in to it, thanks to Theo. I scrolled back a few weeks to see if I’d missed anything and …
Oh no .
There was definitely something I’d missed, and it wasn’t work- or internship-related.
It couldn’t be!
With everything going on I hadn’t realized that my period was late. And not just a few days. I was late late.
Could I be…? My heart raced as I tried to cross reference timeframes and my dates with Theo. Oh, it was definitely possible.
But it didn’t make sense. I lowered myself onto a rock and stared at the last sliver of sun heading for the horizon, debating with myself. I was on the pill. The pill was effective. This had to be a false alarm.
I squeezed my eyes shut and let the truth wash over me. Yeah, I was on the pill, but I wasn’t as consistent in my schedule as I should be. When life got busy, I got sloppy. There were days when I remembered to take it a few hours late, or the following morning. Sometimes I forgot for a few days. It didn’t matter when I was on my own, but now that Theo and I were, uh, enjoying each other, those inconsistencies could mean the difference between the life I’d envisioned for myself and … well, whatever having a baby with a billionaire could mean.
I glanced down at my midsection. Were there signs I hadn’t picked up on? Realistically, I had to admit that it wasn’t likely I’d even notice given how busy I’d been. Eyes closed and head back, I tuned into my body to see if there was anything I’d been missing.
Nope. All I felt was hunger. My stomach growled to prove the point.
I packed up my stuff and rushed to the drugstore where I bought three different types of pregnancy tests. There was going to be no room for doubt.
I debated calling Theo, to let him know. I felt a little sick to my stomach as I envisioned the conversation and then second-guessed if what I was feeling was worry-nausea or if it was related to something more life altering.
No, I wouldn’t stress him if I didn’t have to. It was probably going to be a false alarm, so there was no sense in getting him worked up.
I tried to envision how Theo would take the news if I did turn out to be pregnant. We hadn’t discussed the possibility because we’d never considered anything beyond our little arrangement. We were involved in a contractual obligation with clear start and end dates, nothing more. There was no point in having big life discussions because there was nothing real or lasting about what we were doing together. I didn’t even know if he liked kids or imagined ever having any of his own at all, much less with me as the mother.
I took the first test, then set it on the counter in the bathroom and practically ran out of the room. I paced around my small apartment while I waited for the results, my hands migrating to my stomach as if I might be able to feel the contents of my womb.
My phone rang, and I jumped thinking it was the timer going off.
Of all the people to call me now, it had to be her.
“Hi Mom.”
“Hi sweetheart. Real quick, have you ever made beef stroganoff?”
I frowned at the bizarre question. “Mom, you know I don’t cook.”
“I know, but I had this crazy thought that you’d made it before.” She laughed at herself. “I’m so silly! Anyway, I’m making it for my boys tonight and I was wondering if I could skip the mushrooms. What do you think?”
I realized that the call was her way of letting me know that things had evened out at home. She was back to cooking elaborate meals for Nick in the hopes that he’d remain in a good mood.
“I guess?” I said. “I’m not familiar with the recipe, though.”
“Nick hates mushrooms, as you know, so I thought I’d leave them out.”
“Good plan,” I said. “You and Rafe doing okay?”
“We’re great!” she said, a little too quickly. “How about you? How’s Theo?”
I glanced at the closed bathroom door. “Fine.”
“I’m glad, honey! Rafe really likes him.”
A lump formed in my throat. “It’s mutual.”
Her voice went muffled for a moment. “Okay, I need to run. Nick said the smell of the onions and garlic cooking is stinking up the house, so I need to figure something out. Bye honey!”
I stared at the phone in my hand as the parallels between our lives started to shift into focus.
Mom’s pregnancy with Rafe had trapped her in a relationship that she was still trying to navigate all these years later. Would I be stuck in the same position if the test was positive?
Of course, I couldn’t compare Theo to Nick, but still.
The timer went off, and I steeled myself for what I was about to discover.
I’d left the plastic stick so the result display was facing the wall. I took a few deep breaths and tried to convince myself that I’d be fine no matter what the test said.
I glanced in the mirror as I reached for it and was shocked by how good I looked despite the stress of what I was facing. Eyes clear and bright, skin glowing, hair shiny. There was no way I could be pregnant because I’d always heard that the first trimester was totally draining.
I felt more confident as I flipped the test over in my hand. I was fine. There was no way it was possible. No big deal.
Until I saw that single word on the display.
Pregnant .