29. Max
29
MAX
“ H ey, you,” Theo said, pulling me into a hug. “This is a nice surprise.”
I tried to act normal, but I felt like I was about to explode. Theo thought I’d stopped by his condo unexpectedly because I was in the neighborhood for a job, but the truth was I needed to see him in person, to tell him what was going on.
The piece of both of us that was growing inside of me.
“Can we sit and talk a bit?” I felt jumpy and a little sweaty, like I was coming down with something.
He squinted at me. “Is everything okay? You seem … off.”
“I’m fine, just lots on my mind between the rest of the magazine job and finishing my application. It’s all positive stuff, though.”
At least I thought so. I hoped he’d agree with me.
“Why don’t we go to the balcony? It’s cool in the shade.”
I followed him out and saw papers strewn across the long teak table.
“Were you working out here? Am I interrupting something?”
“Not at all,” he shook his head and started hastily collecting everything. “Just client stuff.”
I could see sketches on a piece of paper that was tucked under an empty glass. I pulled it out and studied it, not sure what I was looking at. It didn’t seem boat-related.
“What’s this?” I asked, holding up the paper.
Theo blanched. “Just some scribbles.” He held his hand out to me, but I continued studying the sketched figure standing on top of lines and arrows. It was naggingly familiar, but I couldn’t quite place?—
“Hold on,” I said as I finally realized what it was. “How did you get this?”
“I’m not sure what you’re taking about. Let me see it.”
Theo had never struck me as the kind of guy to crack under pressure, but it seemed like it was exactly what was happening.
“ Rafe drew this,” I said, flapping the page in the air. “It’s some sort of skateboarding trick that he was trying to explain with pictures. He makes these all the time. How did you get it?”
Theo let out a long sigh. “Fuck.”
“What’s going on?” I asked, feeling even more put off by his expression.
“Sit down,” he answered. “Let’s talk.”
Talking was why I was there, but I hadn’t planned on my brother being the main topic of conversation.
“Did something happen with him?” I demanded.
“Yes and no. Let me start off by saying that everything ended up fine, so there’s no need to freak out.”
“Too late,” I huffed at him. “You’re being weird and evasive and it’s stressing me out. Just tell me.”
He leaned back in the chair and stretched his legs out in front of him. Even in workout shorts and a t-shirt he looked incredible, but I was too nervous and keyed up to let it get to me.
“Rafe called me last night to pick him up from a party.”
I considered it for a beat because it didn’t make sense. Rafe called Theo ?
“Why didn’t he call our mom? Or me?” My heartbeat sped up to triple time. Whatever had gone down between my brother and Theo was way more complicated than what we’d agreed to.
“Max, don’t get upset, but…he’d been drinking.” Theo paused. “Okay, the truth is he was drunk, and he didn’t want either of you to find out.”
“ Shit ,” I slammed my hand on the table. “Drunk? Where was he?”
“A house party in Edgewater.”
I was furious. Was it his first time drinking, or was it an ongoing thing for him? I wasn’t exactly an angel when I was in high school, but Rafe was way too young to be experimenting. I grabbed my phone and started punching the screen.
“Hold up, what are you doing?” Theo asked me in a worried voice.
“Calling Rafe to scream at him.”
“Max, no, you can’t!” he exclaimed, reaching for my phone. “I promised him I wouldn’t tell you. He trusted me.”
“Getting drunk at thirteen is unacceptable,” I said, glaring at Theo. “I’m not letting this slide. He needs to understand that there are consequences for decisions like this.”
Theo shook his head at me, his expression pained.
“ What ?” I demanded, my finger hovering over my phone.
“Rafe said you’re like his second mother, and he’s right.”
Mother.
I was instantly reminded of why I was there. But I couldn’t even think about discussing my news until I figured out what the hell was going on with my brother.
“What am I supposed to do?” I asked him, my anger fading to helplessness. “Our mom is busy dealing with her own mess, and it’s not like Nick is going to step up and be the parent Rafe needs right now. I’m like the only sane person in his life.”
“Well, that’s not exactly true,” Theo said quietly. “I like to think that he reached out to me for a reason beyond just needing a sober ride.”
I slumped back in the chair, clutching my phone to my chest. He was right. Rafe kept his world small with just a few close friends, and the fact that he’d called Theo meant something beyond not wanting to get a lecture from me.
“Did you guys talk, or was he too drunk?”
“I did what I could. I wasn’t about to lecture him too much, but I think I made my point. And he seemed to come around after he threw up.”
“He vomited ? He was really drunk, then.”
“He had shots and beer, so …”
Shots . I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself.
“I’m asking you not to say anything to him, okay?” Theo grasped my hand. “I don’t want to lose his trust.”
I sighed as I looked down at our intertwined fingers. “Fine.”
I felt derailed from the real reason I was at his place. The conversation I needed to have with Theo was a massive, life-altering discussion, and after hearing what was going on with Rafe, I felt like it was just another mess I was inserting into his life.
No. It was a baby , not a mess. And given how kind he’d been with my brother, I suspected Theo would meet the news with positivity after the initial shock wore off.
“Can I get you a drink?” he asked. “I was just going to grab myself a beer—do you want one?”
I opened my mouth to explain that that wasn’t an option for me, but nothing came out.
“Water is fine,” I finally managed to say. “Busy day.”
I wasn’t quite ready to tell him yet, and definitely not in a casual “I can’t drink because I’m pregnant with your baby” way. I needed a few minutes to clear the air and reset everything before I let Theo know he was going to be a father.
He came back to the table carrying two tall glasses of water.
“I decided to join you and not drink,” he said as he placed one in front of me. “I swear Rafe gave me flashbacks to my frat days. I think I had sympathy nausea.”
I laughed, wondering if he’d feel the same when I went through morning sickness.
“I tell you, I don’t envy Rafe’s parents. Or you, for that matter, since you’re basically his parent too.”
“Oh?” Worry started bubbling inside of me. “Why is that?”
He took a long sip of water before speaking. “Parenthood is a lot . I mean, first you have to make it through infancy, where the whole deal is trying not to drop this tiny, wobbly sack of potatoes. You get through that stage, then you have to contend with a toddler, whose only goal is to be a chaos agent. Nonstop tantrums, you know? After that you might get a few sweet years before, boom , adolescence. Everything goes to hell again, because there is nobody dumber, older or uglier than you. You have to deal with raging hormones, and attitude, and drinking …” he shivered. “You finally make it through all of that alive and hope that the person you created still likes you enough to want to hang out with you in the end. And that’s not always guaranteed. I know some guys, good guys, whose kids want nothing to do with them. The part that people don’t want to talk about is that having kids is a total crapshoot. You create this human and hope that you haven’t made the biggest mistake of your life.”
By the time he finished, I was speechless and fighting off my own waves of nausea. This was how he felt about having children? Nothing but nonstop stress and unhappiness?
“Your face,” Theo chuckled. “I’m guessing you agree with me?”
I took a few seconds to collect myself before answering. “No, not at all,” I finally managed. “If parenthood is so terrible, then why do people keep having kids?”
He shrugged. “Societal pressure? Instinct? Wanting heirs? Thinking that your kid won’t turn out shitty? What I’m saying is hanging with Rafe was all the birth control I needed. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not a bad kid. I like him a lot. I’m just glad I’m not the one responsible for him. I just couldn’t imagine living with that level of stress every day. Constantly being worried about what he’s doing … wondering if he’s equipped for all of the bullshit in our world, stressing that I wasn’t a good enough example for him. I don’t know, I don’t think I could hack it. I like being a free agent, and maybe someday, the fun uncle.”
Theo turned to stare off into the distance and I tried not to start crying. He saw children as a burden, not a joy.
I steeled myself as the realization hit me that I was going to be raising this baby on my own.
“Sorry, was that too much?” he asked.
I busied myself taking a huge gulp of water, to hide my teary eyes. “Nope, it was fine. I’m glad you told me how you feel about … all of that.”
I needed to leave. If I couldn’t share the most important thing going on in my life right now, I certainly didn’t want to talk about yachts, or photos, or the internship.
I’d always sort of assumed that Theo wanted a nontraditional life. He’d worked hard and now he was all about enjoying being a playboy billionaire, doing what he wanted when he wanted. He’d just made it clear to me that having a baby was the absolute last thing he envisioned for himself.
“Are you free today?” he asked. “You said you’re busy, but maybe we could steal some time together later?”
I shook my head and stood up abruptly. “Sorry, I’m booked all day. I need to run.”
Theo finally seemed to sense my discomfort. “Are you mad about Rafe?”
I managed to sift through my fog about what I’d just learned. “I’m angry at him, not you. I appreciate that you helped him, but trust me, I don’t expect it in the future. Especially since that sort of stuff is so unappealing to you.”
“Max, I never said that.” His eyebrows knitted. “What’s going on here? You seem upset.”
“We agreed to no complications.” I gestured toward the table where Rafe’s drawings were scattered. “This looks like it’s getting complicated.”
“Hey, hey,” he replied, jumping out of his chair to stride over to me. “What’s going on with you? It feels like we need to talk about something.”
If he only knew. There was so much I wanted to say, but now definitely wasn’t the time. Though given his feelings, I wasn’t sure the time would ever be right.
“Just feeling weird about the fact that my thirteen-year-old brother was doing shots last night and he called you and not me.”
Theo grasped my arms and looked into my eyes. “He’ll get through this stage. With your help, and mine.”
How could I not feel mixed up about everything? He’d told me in no uncertain terms that he wanted nothing to do with the stress of parenthood, yet here he was offering to help me navigate Rafe’s adolescence? Maybe he felt that he was removed enough from it to make it manageable, so he could dip out if he needed to.
That wouldn’t be the case once this baby arrived, and it scared the hell out of me.