34. Theo
34
THEO
I wasn’t sure what to make of my mom’s invitation to join her for brunch at her condo. I’d told her about the breakup with Max, keeping the pregnancy part out of it, and I had a feeling she wanted to pull the full story from me over mimosas and eggs. Maybe give me some motherly advice. But there was something else in her voice when she’d invited me, and I couldn’t quite figure out what it was.
She’d sounded … nervous , which was so unlike her.
“I thought we’d start with some nice fruit salad,” she said, filling a bowl for me. “Course number one.”
“How many courses are there?” I asked, craning my neck to peer into the kitchen. Was this going to be a multi-hour meal? I didn’t want to spend the day listening to my mom go on and on about how great Max was, and what a mistake we’d made.
“Enough, you know how I like to overprepare,” she shrugged, sitting down across from me. Her eyes flicked toward the door. “So anyway, how are you, sweetheart? What’s new?”
“Plenty,” I answered, taking a swig of mimosa. “I finally got that contract signed that I’ve been waiting on forever. The one with the yacht builder, Ford Peterson.”
“Oh, that’s wonderful! Congrats!” She reached across the table to touch her glass to mine.
The call from Ford had caught me off guard. After chasing him down for what felt like an eternity, he’d finally put pen to paper and made our partnership official. It was a huge accomplishment, but instead of celebrating I felt hollowed out. The first thing I’d wanted to do when the messenger showed up with the signed documents was to call Max, to thank her for helping to make it happen. But when she’d left my apartment, she’d said she’d reach out to me when she was ready.
And so far, no call.
I wasn’t about to push, as much as I wanted to. But I hoped that the time to think would make her change her mind. Make her miss me. Because I missed the hell out of her.
“Are you okay otherwise?” my mom asked, watching me carefully.
I knew exactly what she meant, but I didn’t want to go there. “Yeah, doing fine. Like always.”
We ate in silence for a few minutes, and I could tell something was on her mind. She was subdued, and a little jumpy but not in her usual excitable way. I braced myself for whatever she was up to.
“Theo, I want to talk to you about something.”
And there it was. “Of course, what’s up?”
She shifted in her seat, glancing at the door again. “Have you noticed that I’ve been busier than usual lately?”
I considered it for a moment. I’d been so wrapped up in my mess that I’d barely had the bandwidth to think about her. “I guess, sure.”
She pursed her lips. “My social life has been crazier than ever. And I’m having a wonderful time.”
At least one of us was. I didn’t know why she was telling me this. My mom’s days had always been full of canasta, cooking classes, and museum trips.
“Happy to hear it,” I said as I snagged a piece of pineapple from the bowl with my fingers.
“I started taking dance classes,” she said slowly.
“Fun.” I nodded at her, waiting for her to get to the punchline. Maybe there was a recital on the horizon?
“And I met someone there.”
“That’s great, I love that you’re making new friends, Mom.”
She was watching me carefully as I honed in on a strawberry.
“Theo, he’s more than a friend.”
I froze with my hand hovering over the fruit bowl. “ Excuse me? He?”
She finally smiled at me. “He’s absolutely wonderful, honey. He’s the instructor! So now I get all the free dance lessons I want. I’m really good at the foxtrot!”
“Back up. Mom, you’re dating someone?”
She nodded, beaming at me. “His name is Samuel, and he can’t wait to meet you.”
“Okay …” I began, trying to process her news. “Sure, we can arrange that in the future.”
“No, honey, he lives in the building and he’s joining us for brunch.” She looked at the grandfather clock ticking away in the corner of the room. “He’ll be here in five minutes.”
“ Mom , seriously?” I cringed when I realized I sounded like Rafe.
“I thought it was time. We’ve been together for a few months now. I didn’t want to bring him to the wedding because it was too early in our relationship to throw the whole family at him, but it makes sense for you to meet him now.”
I sat back trying to hide my shock. My mom, dating? Seriously dating?
She’d been single for decades, saying that no one could ever measure up to my father. What had changed?
“I thought you didn’t want to get involved with anyone,” I said gently.
“I didn’t. For the longest time. But when I met Samuel something happened. It was immediate. And magical,” her eyes were shining. “The first time he touched me I knew . And so did he.”
I stared at my mom trying to process what she was saying. After what felt like a lifetime of her being on her own, trying to imagine her with a partner was beyond me.
“Say something,” she urged.
“That’s … that’s great, Mom,” I managed. “So he’s joining us?”
She nodded and leaned closer to me, beaming. “I think you’re going to like him.” A knock at the door made her jump. “And there he is!”
I tried to visualize what the guy might look like. My dad had been burly and made my tiny mother seem even smaller. The man who walked through the door was a switchblade of a man with a head of thick white hair, round glasses, and the posture of a king.
“Theo, meet Samuel,” she said, leading him to me.
“It is such a pleasure to meet you,” he said warmly, reaching out his hand. “I hope you know that you have quite a cheerleader in your mom.”
I did a split-second scan of the man, to try to tell if he was the type who’d researched me and had other motives for being with my mom. My money came with potential red flags which forced me to vet anyone who got close to my family.
“Pleasure,” I said warily, shaking his hand.
“Let’s sit,” my mom said, bustling us back to the table. “I have so much food!”
“Excellent, I’m hungry,” Samuel said, taking the chair opposite mine.
Okay, I liked that he didn’t go for the head of the table. Score one point for him.
“So you met my mom during a dance class. Is that like, your thing? Dating your students?” I leaned closer to study him as he answered.
I heard my mom drop a pot in the kitchen.
Samuel smiled at me, either ignoring or unaware of the accusation in my questions. “Not at all. In fact, this is the first time in my forty-year career that I’ve ever crossed that line.”
“Hm,” I answered. “What was it about her that you liked? What made her different?”
His smile widened as he glanced toward where my mom was getting things ready in the kitchen. “Her joy. It’s like a beacon. She’s magnetic! And no matter what we did in class, no matter how complicated it was, she was always first in line to try. No fear, that one.”
I chuckled. It was true, my mom was a do-er.
“And I don’t have to tell you that your mother is a beautiful woman,” he added.
A titter from the kitchen.
“She is,” I agreed.
My mom came out carrying a tray and deposited it on the table. “Crème br?lée French toast. Scrambled eggs are coming.”
“Elena, you are quite the chef,” Samuel exclaimed. “You’re spoiling us.”
“It’s what she does best,” I agreed.
By the time we got to scones, the conversation was flowing and we were all laughing. My mom and Samuel acted like giggly teenagers, and instead of feeling weird about it, I actually liked seeing her so happy. I’d gotten so used to her being on her own that it hadn’t occurred to me how good it would be for her to have someone other than me looking out for her. Samuel was attentive to her in a way that suggested they’d been together for a while. It was all the little things, like the way he handed her the sugar as she finished pouring her coffee, and how he jumped up to grab her a new fork when she dropped hers, that made me realize that they were already used to a life in tandem.
“Have you spoken to Max?” my mom asked.
I tried not to flinch at the question. “I haven’t.”
“Yes, Elena told me that you recently had a difficult break-up. I’m sorry to hear it,” Samuel said gently. “Never easy to get over a lost love.”
“Oh,” I scoffed quickly. “It wasn’t love. She was special, but we weren’t at that stage.”
“That’s not what it looked like to me,” my mom mumbled into her coffee cup.
Samuel nodded. “Sometimes we’re the last to know. Love sneaks up on you. It’s definitely not something you can control.”
My mom laughed. “Theo tries to control everything.”
“Well, you can’t control how you feel,” Samuel said, placing a hand over his heart.
“He’s right. I never thought I could love again. I was out of practice,” my mom said with a laugh. “But look at me now. It’s wonderful. You should try it sometime, Theo.”
I cleared my throat and picked at my scone. I’d never even considered myself capable of monogamy let alone love. I hadn’t wanted to, after seeing how love had broken my mom’s heart. By avoiding love, I’d thought I could avoid that pain. But nothing about my time with Max had been like I’d expected. I hadn’t chafed at monogamy the way I might have thought. In all honesty, during my time with Max I didn’t even want to look at another woman. I hadn’t gotten bored or restless with her because simply being with her made me happy. It filled me up. Just hanging out on the couch with her staring at our phones side-by-side felt amazing. Even when we weren’t together, just the thought that she was in my world was enough to keep me smiling.
And being without her now hurt. A lot.
Making it a business arrangement and agreeing not to get attached hadn’t protected me the way I’d thought it would. My feelings were real and potent, whether I wanted them to be or not. My feelings for Max…and for our child, who I’d never expected to want. In the days since finding out about Max’s pregnancy, I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it. A baby. Our baby. I could just picture a little one with my love of water splashing in a kiddie pool, wearing Max’s big grin rendered even more adorable without teeth. First words, first steps, all the milestones. Yeah, I’d been callous about all the things that could go wrong when Max and I had talked on the balcony that day, but what about all the things that could go right ? All the things that could be miraculous and wonderful and perfect? Why hadn’t I considered any of that?
Was it because I was scared?
Fuck. It wasn’t something I’d ever admit to. Theo Barnes didn’t get scared. But if I peeled back the layers, maybe fear was at the core of everything.
Fear that having a child was the equivalent of letting go of some control.
And fear that I’d finally done the one thing I never envisioned for myself.
I’d fallen in love with Max.
“You’re awfully quiet,” my mom smacked the top of my hand.
“Sorry,” I said, glancing between the two of them.
My mom had taken a chance, and look where she’d ended up. Happy. In love. Even after having her heart broken, she was still brave enough to try again. Maybe it was time for me to do the same?
And maybe if I was willing to let go of the reins a little—to stop trying to control everything and everyone to make sure nothing went wrong—Max would feel safe in a relationship with me.
“What’s on tap for you today, Theo?” Samuel asked me.
“I have to do a test run on a vessel that just had some repairs,” I replied, refocusing on him. “I need to get you out on the water soon. Would you be up for that?”
“Thanks, I’d really like that,” Samuel said, holding my gaze.
My mom looked like she wanted to explode from happiness.
I would’ve invited him to come with me today, but I needed the solitude to work through what I needed to do next. Max and I weren’t together, and the more I thought about it the less sense it made.
I had to find a way to show her that everything she thought she knew about me was wrong.