37. Max
37
MAX
T he day had turned upside down. Terrible things, then wonderful ones. I was exhausted from the ups and downs of it all, but strangely energized as well. First, the stress of having to coach and nurture my mom through leaving Nick while handling Rafe with kid gloves, and then the relief of seeing Theo waiting in my lobby.
Now we were alone in my little kitchen, trying to find the words to explain how we were feeling. I had a lot I wanted to say about our future, but before we even got to that I needed to come to terms with the fact that Theo basically saved the day for my family. Not that I was surprised he did it, because I knew this billionaire had deep pockets and even deeper empathy. But still … my mom was right to point it out. We weren’t together. He didn’t have to do it.
The weirdest part was how okay with it I was. This was exactly the kind of thing I’d thought I was worried about—Theo stepping in and taking over. But now that it had actually happened, I felt nothing but relieved. All this time, I’d been so scared of losing my autonomy if I let someone step in and handle any of my problems. I’d been convinced that the price for that would have been my “savior” using his position of power to put me under his thumb.
It wasn’t an unreasonable fear. It was, in fact, a situation that happened all the time. My mom had landed in it with Nick. Isabelle and the other interns had landed in it with Richard Adams. There were definitely men out there who used every ounce of authority they had to block off a woman’s choices and make her dependent on him.
But Theo wasn’t one of them. He hadn’t taken away my mom’s choices—he’d added to them. By giving her a safe place to stay and a lead on a job where she could support herself, he’d put her in a position where she could have more self-determination and security. I’d set up this equation in my head where sharing my burdens and letting someone else help meant sacrificing who I was…and maybe that had never been the case. Not with Theo, anyway.
“You look shell-shocked,” he said. “You okay?”
I realized that I’d been staring into space.
I sighed. “Been a long day, but yeah. I’m feeling more positive than I have in a long time.”
His jaw clenched. “I’m glad we sorted everything out.”
“Thanks to you,” I said quickly. “Seriously, I can’t thank you enough.”
“Stop, you’ve already said it a dozen times. I’m happy I can help.”
Theo didn’t exactly look happy. Gorgeous? Yeah, of course, when didn’t the man look incredible? It was almost impossible for me not to stare at him, even in his jeans and t-shirt. But his expression was strained. We still had so much to figure out.
“You’ve got a lot going on,” Theo continued. “The internship and all of that. I’m sure it’s all keeping you pretty busy.”
My heart lurched when I realized that he didn’t know. It felt like so much had changed, just in the few weeks since we broke up. I was used to talking to him every day, about the big issues as well as stuff as inconsequential as what we ate for lunch. I needed to fill him in on this latest plot twist in my life.
“Actually, I’m not doing the internship,” I answered. “I withdrew my name from consideration. I went to his latest gallery show and it was, uh, educational. A bunch of his current interns were there, and they basically told me to run for my life.”
His brow furrowed. “Are you serious? Why? You wanted it so badly.”
“He’s a misogynistic nightmare. He said I could be his ‘muse’—after showing me sexualized pictures of his latest muse-slash-intern that he’d put on display. Pictures she’d felt like she had to let him take, because he’d make her life hell if she didn’t. He made it clear he was interested in me, but I told him I was only interested in the work. Between what the women said about him and my gut feeling, it was basically a no-brainer to withdraw.”
“Max, I’m so sorry,” Theo said, frowning. “What a disappointment.”
“Yeah, I’m pretty bummed about it. But better to find out now than get in over my head. And in a way it’s good that I won’t be distracted by the program. There’s a lot going on in my life at the moment.” I gestured to my mom and Rafe, realizing that I had my other hand pressed against my stomach.
“Yeah, you do have a lot going on,” Theo murmured, glancing at my hand. He cleared his throat.
“You do too,” I said. “Did you ever get the contract from Ford?”
“Yes, finally. Thanks to you.”
“Hey, all I did was kiss you.” I blushed at the thought of it.
We shared a moment, each thinking about the beginning of our journey together.
“Max, there’s some stuff I need to say to you,” Theo began slowly.
I leaned back against the counter, studying him, feeling uneasy about what was about to go down. Unsure what was going to come out of his mouth. “Me too, but you first.”
His expression remained grim, his gaze locked on me. “I want to apologize for what I said about being a parent. I was such a dick. But the more I thought about it the clearer it became that I was reacting out of fear.”
I pursed my lips at him. “You? Scared? Come on.”
He chuckled. “You’re right, usually nothing gets to me. But having a child …” he drifted off and his eyes went soft. “I just can’t imagine that kind of love. And responsibility . I’ve started companies and grown them into massive, billion-dollar businesses that employ thousands of people, and I’m totally fine with the risks and the challenges. Bring ‘em on. But the thought of trying to raise a tiny human? Keeping them safe? The truth is, it scares the shit out of me, Max.”
His voice was raw and real. I could tell that admitting this weakness wasn’t easy for him.
“Some risks, I know how to handle. But others…the stakes are so high. And you know me—when I face a challenge, I like to control all the variables. I can’t do that with a kid. It’s probably not going to stop me from trying, at least some of the time…but I want to work on letting go a little. Talking things through together instead of just jumping in and assuming I know best. I don’t want to fix all of this for you—I want to share it with you.”
Theo walked closer to me and for a moment I thought he was going to place his hand on my stomach, but he stopped himself.
“That’s our baby in there,” he said, sounding awed. “Equal parts of you and me. And that’s the most wonderful thing possible, no matter how much it scares me. All I want in the world is to be exactly what both of you need me to be.”
I felt the prickly sensation in my nose that signified tears on the way. I sniffled, trying to ignore the sensation. I still needed to say a few things to him, before I broke down completely.
“I’m sorry, too,” I began. Theo shook his head and tried to start talking but I held my hand up to stop him. “No, I am. I didn’t give you a chance to work through the news about the pregnancy. I mean, neither one of us expected it. I’m sure it was quite a shock. And then, once you knew, I was so worked up that I took everything the wrong way. I didn’t trust you, even though you’ve done nothing but show me what a good man you are. I left, even though you wanted me to stay.”
His face was tender with concern for me.
“I did want you to stay,” he whispered. “You ripped my heart out of my chest when you left.”
We stared at each other as the hum from my refrigerator filled the silence.
“Have you missed me?” I asked.
“You’re goddamned right I missed you,” he rumbled, finally giving into his urges and sweeping me close to him.
My whole body went limp at the sensation of his arms around me again, and I buried my nose against his neck, breathing him in.
“There’s something else you need to know,” he said, pressing a kiss to my temple.
I braced myself. “Okay …”
Theo grasped my arms and pulled away from me so he could stare into my eyes. He looked serious, almost unhappy. My pulse sped up as I waited for what he was going to tell me, because it seemed like he was working hard to find the words.
“Max, I love you.”
A sob escaped me. It was the last thing I expected him to say. “Theo …”
He pulled me close again, locking his arms around me. “You don’t have to say it back, it’s okay if you don’t feel it yet,” he murmured. “I just thought it was important for you to know.”
I felt like I had to pound my fists against his chest to get him to loosen up his grip. It was as if he was afraid if he relaxed I was going to slip through his fingers and take off running.
“Theo,” I said, finally drawing back so I could see his face. “I … I’m in love with you too.” I was so overcome that it came out in a choked whisper.
He closed his eyes with relief and let out a long, contented sigh.
“You love me,” he pulled me close and whispered into my ear. He let his eyes drop down to my stomach. “May I?” Theo reached out his hand.
I grabbed it and placed it on my stomach. “It’s just a little bean right now. A lentil, maybe?”
Theo bent over. “Hi Little Bean,” he said to my belly. “I’m going to be your Daddy.”
“ What ?”
The shriek was loud enough to make both of us jump back. Elena was in the doorway with her mouth hanging open, and my mom was behind her looking confused.
“What’s going on in there?” Mom asked, peering over Elena’s shoulder.
Elena seemed to be mute for the first time in her life, jabbing her finger at us as if it would explain what she’d just overheard to my mom.
“He said … he said …” Elena stuttered. “ Daddy ?”
My mom pushed past her. “Maxine! Are you pregnant ?”
A glance over at Theo confirmed that he and I were both holding back laughter at the shock on their faces.
“Say something!” Elena ordered, her eyebrows threatening to lift off of her face.
“Yes. I’m pregnant.”
The whoop that came out of them could probably be heard all the way in the parking lot. They ran into the kitchen laughing and crying, throwing elbows to see who could hug whom first.
“How did this happen?” Elena asked as she bounced from hugging her son to me.
“Mom,” Theo laughed. “Seriously?”
“I mean when . How long have you known?”
I didn’t want to get too deep into the details. “I told Theo at the wedding, but we didn’t want to say anything yet.”
“I was right ,” Elena cheered. “Max, you seemed so quiet and pale that night. I had a feeling something was going on. So why did you break up, if you knew there was a baby on the way?”
Theo and I exchanged a glance.
“It’s a long story, but it’s sorted now so we’re not going to think about it,” he said in a voice that very clearly ended that line of questioning.
“How far along are you?” my mom asked, finally letting go of me to survey my midsection.
“Not far at all, that’s what we were just talking about. The baby is bean-sized.”
“Hey, what’s going on in here?” Rafe demanded, poking his head in the room just as Elena pressed her hand to my stomach. “Why is everyone screaming?”
“Max is pregnant,” my mom yelled through her tears.
“Seriously? No way, I’m going to be an uncle.” Rafe bobbed his head and smiled at me. “Who’s the father?”
“ Rafe ,” we screamed in unison.
“Kidding!” he laughed. “Congrats you two. I guess this means you’re not broken up?”
Theo pulled me into a clench. “We are not broken up. You’re stuck with me, kid.”
Rafe gave him a twisted half-smile, like he was trying too hard to be cool even though he was absolutely thrilled about Theo being an official part of the family.
“I’m going on the record now that I don’t babysit,” Rafe said, backing out of the room. “But congrats, you guys. I give you permission to name him Rafe, after the coolest guy in the world.”
“Do you know what you’re having?” Elena asked, breathless at the possibility of more intel on the baby.
I shook my head. “Not yet. But we’ll find out at the next appointment. Theo will be coming with me.” We joined hands shyly. We’d only been apart for a few weeks, but we were still finding our ways back to one another.
“Where are you two going to live?” Elena asked. “Theo, that place of yours is not child-friendly. That pool !” she shuddered. “You need to consider the school district if you decide to move, although you’ll probably want a private school, right?”
“Mom, Mom, slow down,” Theo scolded. “We have time to figure everything out.”
“Yes, but it’s going to fly by,” my mom added. “You really should start thinking about everything now.”
“Okay, fine, we need to start planning immediately,” Theo said with a smirk that meant trouble. “With that in mind, I’m going to steal away this gorgeous pregnant lady to get to it.”
He took my hand and started pulling me out of the kitchen.
“Are you guys okay?” I asked my mom. “Do you know where everything is?”
“I helped you unpack this place,” she answered, beaming at us. “We’ll be fine. And I’ll drive Elena home later. Go, get out of here.”
“Hey, Theo,” Rafe called just as we were about to leave.
“Yeah?”
“Welcome back.”
“You don’t know how happy I am to be here,” he answered, taking my hand and giving it a squeeze.