Chapter 33
Chapter Thirty-Three
E lisabetta
"What are you talking about?" I stare at Liam and shake my head. "Are you kidding? What's going on here?" I press my lips against his, but his body is tense, and his eyes are hooded. "This isn't some weird sort of joke." I shift back from him quickly. My entire body is cold. "Wait, what did you just say? Are you being serious?"
"Your mother is not dead."
His words are stilted, and I can tell that he's not saying everything. "What are you talking about? How long have you known this? I'm so confused. What?"
"When I initially started talking with your father, before I even met you, I had some investigators do some research because I always like to know who I'm getting into business with. One of my investigators found out that your father visits someone in a sanitarium here almost daily, and he was almost positive that it was your mother. We had further research done and"—he runs his fingers through his hair as my heart is breaking—"it's been confirmed that it is your mother. Your mother is still alive."
I'm speechless. I don't know what to say. I don't know how to react. I can tell by the look on Liam's face that he's being honest. I can tell that he's pained, but the pain in my own heart is nothing compared to his. "How long have you known?" My voice cracks. "Did you just find out today?" I pray to God that he only found out today. I pray to God that he hasn't been keeping this a secret from me. He shakes his head. I can feel tears in my eyes, but I try to stay strong. I do not want to cry in front of him.
"I'm sorry, Elisabetta."
"Don't touch me," I say as he reaches out for me. I stare at him in shock. "This handsome man who I have fallen for is a liar. My mother is alive, and you didn't tell me. All those times I spoke to you, and you didn't tell me."
"I'm an ass." He nods.
"Why?"
"Your father told me that if I breathe one word to you, the deal would be off." He presses his lips together. "I'm not proud of myself. I know that."
"Yet again, business and money came before me and my feelings and my life. Do you understand, Liam? My mother, who I thought has been dead for over twenty years, has not been in my life and she could have been. I don't understand what is going on. Why? Where is she? Why did my father lie to me?"
"I don't know all the facts," he says, shaking his head. "From what I gathered, she has a mental health illness that requires her to be contained for her own safety." He stares at me. "The investigator says she tried to harm you, and she begged your father in a moment of lucidity to lock her away to ensure that she wasn't successful, and your father, because he loved her, decided he couldn't be away from her, and that's why he's been in Italy."
"So he's not in the mafia," I say, rolling my eyes.
"No, I don't think he's in the mafia," he says."You would have to speak to him about the details. I don't really know everything. That's just what my investigator has been able to gather. I'm sorry. I know I should have told you why. I love you. I?—"
"You don't get to say that to me." I stare at him. "You don't get to tell me that you love me. You don't get to touch me. You don't get to kiss me. You don't get to be with me. How can I ever trust that I mean anything to you? How can I ever trust that what we have is real? You deceived me. You?—"
"I'm sorry. I honestly thought it was for the best that you didn't know. I mean, I?—"
"Liam, be honest with me here. Did you not tell me because you thought I wouldn't want to know, or did you not tell me because you thought my father would end the deal with you?"
His eyes look bleak, and he turns away from me, and that's all I need to know.
"I want you to leave now, please.”
“Please let me?—.”
“Let you fuck, lie, console me some more? Is that what you want? You want another fuck before you leave?" I stare at him. "Just get out. Please, get out, Liam. I'm done. I am over you, okay? It's done."
"I understand why you're hurt and upset and?—"
"You don't understand anything. Did you grow up thinking that your mother was dead? Did you grow up crying, wishing you had someone in your life who actually loved you, who was there for you, only to find out that your mother was alive all along? Liam, listen to yourself. If you really loved me, if you really cared about me, you would've told me as soon as you found out. How many times have I spoken to you about my mom?" The tears burst free. I can't control myself. I'm sobbing. I'm sobbing and sobbing. My entire body feels like it's going to break apart.
"I'm sorry," he says.
"Don't," I say as he pulls me into his arms.
"Please just let me console you."
And because I don't want to be alone, I let him hold me close. He strokes my hair and holds me tight. His body is warm and hard and soft all at the same time, and I cry big ugly tears. Snot rolls out of my nose. My eyes feel like they are never going to stop weeping. My entire body shakes as I think about the years that have gone by, the years of pain, the years of abandonment, and the lies. "Is my father, my father?" I look at him. "Was I right about that?"
"I believe your father is really your father," he says softly, cradling the back of my neck.
I want to pull away. I don't want him to be the one to comfort me, but I can't because I still love him and I still crave his touch. His warm body reminds me that I'm not alone for once in my life.
"I hate you," I say against his chest. He takes a deep breath.
"I understand," he whispers next to my ear as he strokes my hair. "I understand, and I would hate me, too. Please just let it out."
And I cry. I cry for what must be hours until no more tears will come and I feel numb and cold inside. I can feel his heartbeat racing next to mine, and he's still stroking my hair.
"It's going to be okay," he whispers in my ear. "I promise."
I relax against him for a few moments, and then he whispers, "I love you, Elisabetta. I would do anything for you."
Something in me snaps. I push him away. “Please leave. I’m not shrieking any longer. I’m not angry or mad. I’m just tired. I’m spent. I’m done.” He looks at me with a sad expression, and I offer him a small and somber smile. "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you eventually did, but I want to be alone."
"I want to be here for you," he says. "I want –"
"No," I say shaking my head. "I need to be by myself right now."
"What's going to happen with the engagement?"
"I don't know,” I say honestly. “I mean, I think it's over, don't you?" He stands there and I push him. "Get out please."
He nods and steps out of the bed. I watch as he reaches down and grabs his boxers and his T-shirt and puts them on. "Please know I'm here for you for anything."
"For anything?" I nod and watch as he unlocks the door and walks out. I lie there, staring up at the ceiling. The room feels like it's moving. Everything feels like it's turned upside down. I close my eyes to try and regain my equilibrium. I can feel the tears wanting to come again. I'm confused, I'm hurt, I'm angry, and I feel even more alone in this strange room, in this strange country and a place where I'm just surrounded by lies, by people who don't tell me the truth, and all I want to do is be back home. I want to be in my own bed with my own things and my own space. I just want to be there. I close my eyes and click my fingers, wishing that I had magic, but nothing happens. My eyes fly open, and I stand and look outside the window. I'm grateful to see some stars in the sky. I just stare and look at the moon. "God, if you're listening to me, why?" I call out, almost waiting for an answer.
I see a man pushing a bicycle down the street, and as he gets closer, I can hear that he's singing something to himself. It's Italian, and I don't understand Italian, but the sound is sultry and sad. I wonder if it's a love song about someone that broke his heart. I see there are some flowers in the basket at the front of his bike, and as he gets closer to view, there's a smile on his face, and the tune has changed. It's one of happiness.
He's most going home to his wife , I think to myself. I bet he doesn't lie to her. I bet she doesn't lie to him. He has someone. I stare back at the sky, at the stars and then at the moon, almost wishing that aliens would come and carry me away. I feel cool, devoid of any emotion, empty inside. I don't know what to think or feel about the information I've been told. "I should hate Liam, as I said, and part of me does hate him for him keeping the secret, but I hate my father more. How could he have me believe that my mother was dead and yet he got to spend his life with her?"
I can feel tears coming again, so I walk over to the bed and climb inside. I close my eyes and try to think of sheep, but it doesn't work. I grab my phone and think about playing a game, but I know that I'm not interested in that. I decide to call Skye.
"Hey," she says, "sorry, I was just going to bed. Is everything okay?"
"No," I say softly, "it's not."
"Oh my gosh! What's wrong? What happened? Did Liam call off the engagement?"
"My mom's alive, Skye."
"What?" she shrieks, and a small smile crosses my face.
"Yeah, that's exactly what I thought when I heard."
"I don't understand what you mean. Your mom's dead. She's always been dead. I mean, since I met you, you told me."
"I guess I was wrong. I was lied to, and she's alive, and I don't know what to do. I—" My voice cracks, and I burst out crying.
“Oh, my darling, I'm so sorry," Skye says into the phone. "Do you want me to fly over there? I can catch a flight tomorrow morning. Maybe I can even find one right now."
"No, no, I don't want you to do that." I take a deep breath. "It's just nice hearing your voice. I don't know if I've ever really told you this, but you are the closest person to me in my life. I trust you with everything. We might not be blood sisters, but you are my family, and I love you and I appreciate you, and I just want to say thank you for being my best friend."
"Oh, you're going to make me cry, Elisabetta. I love you so much. You are my everything. You know that, right? You know even though I love Kingston, you will always be so special to me, and I will always be there for you."
"I know."
"How did Liam take the news?" she asks, and I let out a bit of a laugh.
"He is the one who told me."
"What?”
“He has apparently known for a while.”
“Oh, no."
And I can tell from Skye's tone that she feels the same betrayal I do. "Yeah, I guess he just decided to tell me today."
"Why? Were you about to find out?"
"I think a guilty conscience, you know? I was going on about my mom and wanting to learn opera, and I figure maybe he felt bad."
"I guess he's not all evil. I mean, maybe he didn't know how to tell you. Maybe he didn't think it was his place."
"Sure, I mean, that makes sense, but if he loved me like he said?—"
"I mean, he did tell you, right?"
"I guess. I don't even want to talk about him right now." I sigh deeply. “What am I doing in my life, Skye? What the fuck am I doing?”
“I don’t know. You’re in Italy, getting engaged."
"Really?"
"I'm sorry, that was bad timing for a joke, but is the engagement off?"
"I don't know. To be honest, it's off as far as I'm concerned. He's only doing this because of my dad and this business deal. Well, fucking screw my dad. I’m going to tell him tomorrow in no uncertain terms that I’m not getting married to save him. He’s a liar. He manipulated me. He—" I burst into tears again. "I'm sorry, I just don't even know how to feel. I just… I'm heartbroken, and—oh, Skye."
"Darling, I love you, and I'm so sorry about this. I'm going to fly over there tomorrow, okay?"
"You don't have to."
"I know I don't have to, but I want to. You need someone there who's got your back, and while I do think that Liam may have your back, I know you're not ready to hear that yet."
"I don't even want to hear that man's fucking name again. I hate him."
"I know, but more importantly, what are you going to do about your mom?"
"I don't know," I say softly. "I just don't know."