Chapter 37
Chapter Thirty-Seven
E lisabetta
My eyes are heavy. I want to sleep, but my head is full of too many emotions. I lie on my bed, staring out the window, and try to think of happy thoughts. I’m so grateful that Skye and Romeo are here with me, yet I feel so conflicted about everything else. Getting to know my mother has been hard. There are days when she seems well, but there are more days when she is easily triggered and acts out in ways that are confusing to me. My father handles them easily, but they still make me scared and slightly afraid, and I feel guilty for wishing that I had a more “normal” set of parents.
I’m still heartbroken over Liam and try to ignore the way my heart races when I see him at breakfast and dinner. He doesn’t even try to talk to me now. Just sits there and stares at me. I don’t know what to say to him. I’m still dreadfully hurt that he lied to me. That he was going to pretend she was dead, even when he knew she wasn’t. I still love him, of course. I don’t think that will ever go away, and I’m annoyed that I’ve fallen truly, madly, and deeply in love with a man who didn’t have my best interests at heart.
My stomach clenches as Liam’s eyes flash in my mind. He’s always there with me, in spirit, even when I don’t want him to be. I turn over on my side and frown as I see an envelope on my bedside table with my name on it. I reach over, open it quickly, and start to read:
To my darling Elisabetta,
Please don ’ t rip up this letter. I know that I shouldn ’ t ask anything of you. I don ’ t have that right, but I beg you to read this through. I messed up. Royally. If I had a time machine, I would go back to the beginning and do everything differently. Except for falling in love with you. I would never change that.
I love you.
Truly.
Crazily.
With all my heart.
It feels weird to write that. I never thought I ’ d know true love. Never thought I ’ d even want it. But I suppose that ’ s because I never thought people like you existed.
Angels on earth.
I know I ’ m being sentimental, and I ’ m sorry if it makes you cringe.
I was thinking about what to write in this letter. Thinking how I could make this all right again. Fix what I broke.
I realize that I can ’ t. I know I can never take away your pain and what I contributed to that. But I was thinking about something you once told me. About how you felt alone. About how you felt abandoned. How you ’ d always felt empty inside. How Skye had saved your life. How she ’ d been the best friend you ’ d always needed. About how you missed her now that she ’ s with Kingston.
And it struck me that you ’ ve always felt not good enough. Never felt chosen. Never felt like people stuck around. Never felt an overwhelming and all-in type of love.
I ’ m not a perfect man, which I know you know.
I ’ m grumpy. Overly consumed with money. A man who has lived his life solely for the pursuit of power and status. Even though I don ’ t really care about either.
But I will give it all up. Every last penny for you.
I will wait for you forever.
I will always have open arms, ready to hold you close.
Hands to pat your back and smooth your hair.
Lips to kiss away your tears.
I would take your pain away if I could.
But I ’ m not God, so I can ’ t.
However, I can walk this path with you and hold your hand. Talk with you. Listen. Love you. Hold you. Help you to understand that your mother and father are flawed people who made decisions they thought were best for you. That life never goes as planned, but that doesn ’ t mean we give up. No matter how many mistakes we make.
I ’ m not giving up on us. We were made for each other. I know that ’ s another cheesy fact, but it ’ s true. As true as the fact that I want to touch you right now.
I ’ m here for you. Whatever you want. Whenever you want. Please allow me to be the one you turn to when you need to cry, vent, sob, laugh, cheer, relax, or just be. I will never walk away from you. You are the love of my life. The light in my tunnel. The heat to my cold. I hope one day you can forgive me. I don ’ t know if I will ever feel the same if I lose you from my life.
Your one and only,
Liam
I read the letter five times.
The first time, I’m taken aback and angry.
The second time, I’m sad.
The third time, I’m hopeful.
The fourth time, I cry.
The fifth time, I get out of my bed and head out of my bedroom towards Liam’s room. I knock on his bedroom door, and he’s there before I can knock again. My throat is dry as he steps back. He’s shirtless and wearing a pair of white boxers. I hold the letter up in the air, and he nods wordlessly. He steps back again, and I enter the room.
He closes the door behind me, and we just stand there. I’m not sure what to say. Not sure how to forgive him. I’m still so hurt.
The pain in my heart is still raw.
And then I see the records on the floor and bend down to see them. It’s a stack of operas. I look up at him in surprise, and he gives me a disarming smile.
“What’s this?” I say finally.
“I was listening to operas.” He bows his head. “Mainly Carmen . I was hoping to have something to discuss with your mother, if I ever got to meet her.”
“You were listening to operas?” I ask him in surprise.
“She likes them, right?”
I nod silently as tears well up in my eyes.
“I wanted to impress her,” he says in a soft voice. “Wanted to have something to talk to her about that would make her think I was worthy of you.”
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“I wanted to do it.” He walks over to the bed and takes a seat and pats the bed next to him. I head over and sit next to him. “How are you?” he asks, his eyes studying my face. “How is your mother?”
“I’m fine,” I lie. “Really good.”
“I know it has all been a lot.” He shifts closer to me. “You’ve met a mother you thought had passed. That would be a lot for anyone.”
“I’m happy to meet her, to know her.” My voice cracks, and I take a deep breath. “It makes me sad,” I admit as I look at him and play with my fingers. I feel guilty saying anything negative. “She’s not well, and it just seems to come on out of the blue. I can see how it affects my father. I can see she knows it sometimes, as well.” I stop as I’m not even sure how to express how I feel. “It’s overwhelming.”
I feel Liam’s arms around my shoulders.
“It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, Elisabetta,” he whispers against my hair. “It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to be hurt and scared.”
“I’ve never felt like this before.” The tears come, and I hold on to him. His familiar scent comforts me, and I’m grateful to have his strong body to hold me close.
“What can I do to help?”
“What will happen when I go back home? Will she think I abandoned her? That I don’t care? Should I stay and take care of her?”
“Your parents don’t want that,” he says, stroking my back. “But just because you are based elsewhere doesn’t mean you can’t visit often. As often as you want.” He pulls my head back and kisses my forehead. “I will support you in any way that I can. Your parents want you to be happy. They made their choices. You do not have to give up your life to?—”
“You cut your hair.” I lean up and touch the sides of his face. I’m not ready to have a full-on conversation about my parents right now. “You look handsome.”
“Are you trying to change the subject?” He cocks his head to the side and smiles. “We don’t have to talk about us if you’re not ready.”
“I don’t know if I am or not.” I bite down on my lower lip.
“That’s okay, as well.” He nods. “What did you want to do?”
“Can you just hold me?” I whisper, and he nods again. We move up the bed, and he pulls me into his arms. I cradle my head on his chest and close my eyes. My hand moves up and down his chest, and I feel his hand on my back. I feel safe here. He is my safe space.
My love.
My true love.
My home.
I open my eyes and look up at his face. My breath catches as I see that he is staring at me. He gives me a loving smile and just continues to stare at me.
“I was?—”
“We don’t have to talk,” he says softly, a tender look on his face. “I can wait. I’m just glad you’re here.”
“Your letter touched me.”
“It was from the heart.”
“You hurt me.”
“I will regret that every day of my life.”
“Life is complicated, isn’t it?”
“Dreadfully so.” He nods. “But my love for you isn’t. I will always love you, Elisabetta. I will always be here for you. I’m going nowhere.”
“You didn’t have to stay, you know. I know you have work.”
“It means nothing to me. You are the only one that means something to me.”
“I heard everything is going crazy,” I admonish him. “Skye said Max, Remy, Kingston, and Gabe are working around the clock to come up with solutions.”
“That’s why I pay them.” He shrugs like he’s not about to lose everything.
“But it’s your company, it’s everything?—”
“You are everything.” He cuts me off. “All I care about is you. You and your feelings will always come first.” His face darkens. “I thought I lost you, Elisabetta. I will fight for you. I will do whatever it takes to have just one more chance.”
“I love you, you goofy man.” I shake my head, and because I can’t help myself, I lean up and give him a small kiss on the lips. He groans and then kisses me back. I shift so that I’m on top of him and kiss him harder.
“We don’t have to do this,” he says, gasping as he picks me up and moves me back over. “I want to show you this is about more than the sex.”
“I know it is,” I mutter as I shift back on top of him and shimmy my nightgown up. I shift back so that I’m straddling him now. “But I’ve missed my friend.”
“Oh?” He grins and groans as I reach down and guide his cock out of his boxers. “You have?”
“Yes, very much.” I lick my lips and moan as he reaches up and squeezes my breasts. I slip my panties to the side and guide his cock between my legs. I sit up slightly and then slide down. He grunts as he fills me up, and I grab his hands. I move back and forth slowly, enjoying the feel of him inside of me again. My eyes don’t leave his as I ride him. He grabs my hips and thrusts up inside of me as I bounce down on him.
“I love you, Elisabetta.” He grunts as he increases his pace. He pulls my head toward him and slides his tongue inside my mouth as we continue to reach climax. “I fucking love you.” He grabs my hair as his body stills for a second, and then he explodes inside of me. I crash down on top of him and he holds me to him tightly. “I never want to let go of you.”
“You never have to,” I whisper gently against his lips. “I forgive you. I don’t want to stay mad at you anymore.”
“Will you marry me?” His eyes are shining. “For real, though. Not for any other purposes?”
“What? It’s far too soon.”
“It’s not when you know.” He shakes his head. “And I know.”
“You do?”
“I do.” He grins. “I’ve always known. Marry me, Elisabetta. Let’s figure out this game of life together. As a joint unit. As two peas in one pod.”
“Yes, darling. I will marry you.” I kiss him softly. “I love you, Liam Gallagher. You were the best first boss ever.”
“Now that’s the best news of the year.” He kisses the side of my face towards my ear. “Now let's take your nightgown and panties off because there are a few new moves I want to show you.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Oh, yeah.” He winks as he pushes me back. “And the first one will involve my tongue in places they’ve never been before.”
“What?” I gasp, and he just laughs. I lie back and stare up at him, and in that moment, I know all I need is him. Life will continue to throw both of us challenges, but as long as we are together we will be fine.