56. Ada
Two days passed before I was able to sit up and eat anything. Not that I felt like eating. Jud watched me so closely, though, that I ate just to keep him from fretting over me. Milo was as restless as I felt, throwing tantrum after tantrum when he couldn’t walk out to the lake or play with his favorite toys. The hotel room was too small for him to exist in all day long but Jud wouldn’t leave my side.
Dr. Morgan checked on me again on the third day. He said that I must’ve been so worn down from taking care of the kids that the virus just hit me harder. I didn’t argue that I believed having my heart crushed had made me sicker.
I couldn’t believe how Joe and Collin shouted at me and accused me of things far worse than what I actually did. They’d both looked at me with such hatred in their eyes that I saw their faces every time I tried to go to sleep. It was miserable. I also felt greedy for missing them when Jud was by my side. Then, there was the guilt. Jud was with me when he should’ve been with his brothers. I’d hurt their relationship.
I was so angry at myself for not coming clean to the guys sooner. If I’d just been honest I didn’t think they would’ve blown up the way they had. It was too late, though. Whatever chance there’d been for a relationship, it was over. Even if Collin and Joe didn’t hate me, I wasn’t sure I could get over they way they’d treated me. The memory of all those men waiting to take me away haunted my dreams.
Jud looked up from where he was playing with Milo on the floor and smiled. “Are you going to get that?”
I realized my phone was ringing and jumped to answer it. I’d turned it on for the first time since The Night, as I was calling it, and I wasn’t surprised to see Mom’s name on my screen. I took a deep breath and answered. “Hey, Mom.”
“Don’t you ‘hey, Mom’ me. Where are you? Where have you been? Your father and I have been trying to get in touch with you for days! We’ve been worried sick! I tried to call Jospeh but he didn’t answer.” Mom’s voice was strained and I could hear just how worried she’d been. “This stuff in the news, honey. The boys aren’t believing it, are they? I mean, it’s like these people want to hurt you.”
I turned away from Jud and squeezed my eyes shut. I wanted to break down and cry to my mom but I didn’t want to worry her. “No, Mom. They don’t believe it. A bug went around the house here, though, so we’ve all been under the weather. I’m sorry I worried you. How are you and Dad?”
“So everything is fine there? You and the boys are still doing good?”
I swiped at an escaped tear and forced myself to laugh. “Yeah, Mom. We’re all doing good. That’s all I’m going to say about that, too. Just in case you get nosy.”
“Oh, sweetheart. We were so worried.” She let out a dramatic sigh. “Your father and I are having a blast. Of course, we stopped having a blast when we thought you weren’t doing okay.”
“Well, start back having your blast now, Mom. I’m fine. The bug wiped me out for a few days but I’m on the mend.” I crossed my fingers and squeezed them between my thighs. “Tell me all about Patty and her mushrooms.”
“You are sick if you’re asking about our drug use. I’ll take advantage and tell you all about it, though.” She eagerly went into detail about the trip she’d gone on and how much happier she felt about the kitchen catching on fire. “I just feel like we’re all in the right place, you know? You’re where you were meant to be and we couldn’t be happier for you. I’m sure you’ve seen that there are some people who disagree with your relationship with the boys but fuck ‘em. Love is love, baby, and you’ve got it in spades from those boys. Even if they haven’t told you yet.”
Emotion clogged my throat and I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t say anything because if I opened my mouth I was going to sob. My heart broke all over again, not just for me but for my parents.
Jud slipped the phone from my hand and cradled my head to his stomach as he talked to my mom. “Hey! I stole the phone from Ada to say hi. How are you and Ken liking shrooms?”
I could hear Mom’s laughter, despite the phone not being on speaker. The sound of her happiness gutted me and then I felt even guiltier for being jealous of my mom’s happiness. I was a mess.
“You two are living the life.” Jud made small talk for a few more minutes and then paused as Mom spoke. “No, ma’am. We know better than to believe what they write in the papers. I can’t believe anyone who knows your daughter would be stupid enough to think those things about her.”
I slipped around him and closed myself in the bathroom. Turning on the shower, I sat on the toilet lid and buried my face in my hands as I broke down. Barely a full minute passed before Jud let himself into the bathroom and was kneeling in front of me, holding my face.
“I’m sorry, sweet girl.”
“No, I’m sorry. This is all my fault, Jud. I didn’t do everything Joe and Collin think I did but I did lie. I didn’t have anywhere else to go and I saw it as an opportunity to live somewhere amazing for the summer and get back at you guys for getting me fired. I never meant to fall for anyone and I never meant for all this to go wrong. I just wanted to prank you guys and live in the house I’d always loved to look at from across the lake.” Bitterness ate away at me as I thought about Jules. Julie. “I thought she was my friend. I talked to her as my friend and she made it all sound so nefarious. And those pictures… I’m naked in that picture, Jud, and it’s just out there for everyone to look at and pick apart.”
“You lied but it never really mattered, Ada. You’re the best fucking nanny this family ever had. You got my brothers to be dads to their kids. You got me to come out of hiding to be with Milo more. You brought us all together.” He wiped my tears and sighed. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to this family, Ada. I knew that a decade ago and I know it now. I love you. I think I always have and I know I always will.”
I cried even harder. “You love me? You can’t. You can’t love me, Jud. Your brothers hate me. The kids probably hate me. Look at where I’ve got you. In this hotel room with Milo losing his mind from the boredom and living out of snack machines.”
“Too bad. I do love you. The rest will sort itself out.” He sighed. “As for Julie Mayhew… I don’t know how but she’ll get her karma for hurting you. And that photo… I’ve already got a lawyer going after everyone for that shit.”
“You have a lawyer?”
He laughed. “Yeah, I have a lawyer. Why?”
“You’re an artist and I just… I never pictured you with a lawyer… I don’t know why I’m focusing on that. It doesn’t matter. I was just surprised.” I searched his face for any signs of regret over where he was sitting but didn’t see a single one. “I love you, too, Jud. I shouldn’t say it. I shouldn’t let you stay here with me. I should make you go back to your family. I just can’t right now. I’m not strong enough.”
“You could never be strong enough to get rid of me, Ada. Now tell me you love me again without all the bullshit after it.”
I pressed my forehead to his. “I love you.”
A smile lit up his face. “Again.”