Chapter Seventeen #2
Truth be told, he was rather disappointed with the way things had worked out with Julian.
He thought he’d made a friend in the man and was disappointed to realize that had been ruined.
He’d come to like the big man with the quiet wit.
When Julian’s sister had tried to defend his actions, Louis had told her that a good man wouldn’t have behaved the way Julian had behaved, by assuming a situation before he knew the facts, but that wasn’t entirely true.
It wasn’t like Louis’ behavior was perfect.
He certainly couldn’t cast the first stone.
Still, he had permission to court Lista and he didn’t take that lightly, but he knew he had a task ahead of him making her forget about Julian and having her focus on him.
He knew he could do it given time, and hopefully her willingness, and he felt strongly that this was something he wanted very much.
Whether or not Julian deserved her was immaterial.
It boiled down to the fact that Louis wanted her.
“I was told you were up here.” Lista suddenly appeared from the stairwell, her soft voice breaking into his thoughts. When Louis turned to look at her, she smiled politely. “Although I admire your sense of duty, I’m not entirely sure the night watch is your responsibility. Looking for more Scots?”
He grinned. “One can never tell,” he said. “There were a few grapes left on the vines. They might return for those. You never know.”
Lista’s smile turned genuine. “Quite true,” she said. “They might return for the last apple or the last grape. We have a cherry tree at the edge of the garden, so surely, they would want to strip that, too.”
He was leaning on the wall, looking at her over his shoulder. “Are the cherries ripe?”
“Almost.”
“I like cherry pudding. I just thought you should know.”
Lista chuckled. “They will give you a bellyache if you eat them now,” she said. “Cherry pudding will have to wait.”
“I can wait.”
It was a statement with many different meanings. Lista sensed that right away because her smile faded. With a sigh, she leaned against the wall a few feet away from him.
“Louis, I think we must talk,” she said. “I have just come from my aunt and mother.”
He nodded. “I see,” he said. “And how are Lady Felkington and Lady d’Orbec?”
Lista shrugged. “How are they ever?” she said.
“Inhaling hemp leaf smoke. Or sometimes, it’s eating the fungus that grows in the forest. Other times, it’s licking the green moss on the walls in the hope it will give them visions or make them giddy.
I could go on and on, but suffice it to say they will never change.
Any husband I have will need to accept that burden and it is too much to bear. ”
Louis grunted softly as he returned his attention to the silver-cast landscape. “Don’t you think he should be the one to make that decision?”
Lista shook her head. “Nay,” she said. “I do not think he should. I think I should. Louis, you may as well know that the only reason my mother and aunt wish for me to marry you is so that they can re-establish their social standing. That is all they want you for, I am sorry to say, and that is unfair to you. You are a man of integrity and kindness and you deserve far better than the ravaged baggage I would bring with me.”
He looked at her again. “Do you try to scare me?”
“I try to warn you.”
“I do not need to be warned,” he said. “I am a grown man. I understand this situation. Your aunt is a desperate woman, desperate enough to give me permission to court you when I suspect your mother did not.”
“How did you know?”
He shrugged. “Call it a suspicion,” he said. “Was she like this with de Velt?”
Lista shook her head. “Not at all,” she said. “Mayhap she simply didn’t have time. We had not known Julian long before you appeared. All she had to hear was that you were the son of the Earl of Sunderland and you became her prime objective.”
Louis scratched his neck pensively. “I am not troubled by the Lady d’Orbecs of this world,” he said.
“It does not change my interest in you. I am still very interested in courting you but, of course, given the fact that your mother did not give her permission, I will seek yours instead. I realize you had your heart set on Julian, my lady, but all I ask is that you give me a fair chance, too. I promise I will not disappoint you.”
It was an earnest plea. Lista found herself looking at him, his handsome face beneath the moonlight, but try as she might, she simply couldn’t feel any inclination to agree with him.
Had there never been a Julian, she could easily see herself being agreeable towards him.
But Julian was a ghost between them, a ghost that would never leave.
Although she hadn’t known him for very long, the man had marked her enough so that she knew she wouldn’t be able to easily forget him. If at all.
Sighing heavily, she averted her gaze and leaned back against the wall.
“I simply do not know,” she said honestly. “All of this has happened so quickly. I do not know what I am feeling or what I am thinking other than I am extremely disappointed and sad that Julian left. I am quite fond of him.”
“Do you love him?”
It was a blunt question. Lista lifted her head, turning to look at him. “Don’t you think that’s between Julian and me?” she said softly.
But Louis shook his head. “Nay,” he said. “I have a stake in this, too. I think it is a quite reasonable question given the circumstances.”
He said it rather firmly. Lista could see that he meant it and she struggled to come up with an answer.
“I do not know the answer to that question,” she finally said.
“All I know is that Julian is in my thoughts every moment of every hour, every hour of every day. He was hurtful when he left and I’ll not deny it, but I’ve had time to think on it.
I cannot say that if I hadn’t come upon him with some woman in his arms, no matter how innocent, that I might not have reacted in the same fashion.
I do not think you can say that, either – where the heart is concerned, we’re all fragile.
The heart is the most valuable part of us and if it is wounded, we weaken.
If it is broken, we die. Right now, my heart is wounded.
Julian’s departure did that. I told you once that my heart no longer belonged to me and that is still true.
I cannot give it to you if someone else has it, Louis. ”
Louis listened to her rather impassioned speech and although she didn’t give him a direct answer to his question, the implication was clear. A weak smile finally creased his lips.
“I understand,” he said. “But if Julian is gone, he will not have your heart forever. Gradually, you will reclaim it again and when you do, I want to be there. I think you are a remarkable woman, Lady Lista de la Mere, and I will not give up on something so remarkable that easily.”
Lista sighed faintly. “It is at your own risk,” she said. “I am not making you any promises. I could feel the way I do forever.”
“Or not,” he said.
She conceded the point. “Possibly,” she said. “No one knows what the future will hold. But I will ask you not to push me, please. That cannot go well. Whatever happens will happen in its own time.”
Louis nodded but the truth was that he was trying not to feel a sense of discouragement.
Whatever Lista and Julian had between them was strong; he could see that.
But he had to believe he was just as good as Julian de Velt.
Perhaps even better. That was something he intended to prove to Lista if she would allow it.
But all he could do was promise not to push.
“As you wish,” he said. “For now, mayhap we can simply be friends. Mayhap that is all we can be at the moment.”
“I would like that.”
His gaze lingered on her in the darkness before he turned, gesturing off towards the south. “There is a place called Iowick Castle to the south,” he said. “Have you heard of it?”
Lista shook her head. “I do not think so,” she said. “Why?”
He leaned against the wall. “Because they breed ponies that are no bigger than a large dog,” he said.
“My sister has one for a pet and it sleeps with her. From one friend to another, I was thinking you might like a pony no larger than a big dog as a pet. They are very sweet little animals and finely bred ladies covet them.”
Lista was greatly intrigued. “Little ponies?” she said. “I’ve not even heard of something like that.”
He grinned. “I will take you there tomorrow,” he said. “Pick out the pony you like and it will be my gift to you. From one friend to another, of course.”
“But why such a gift? It is not my day of birth.”
“It does not matter. Gifts are for any day of the year.”
Lista thought about that but, somehow, she simply didn’t feel like indulging in something that was supposed to bring her joy.
At the moment, she couldn’t manage to feel any joy.
Julian was gone, her aunt and mother were concocting schemes behind her back, and she simply didn’t feel like being happy or joyful, not even with something as sweet as a tiny pony.
Besides… something told her that Louis was perhaps trying to endear her to him with a gift.
Buying her affection, perhaps.
That wasn’t something she was willing to do.
“It is a very kind offer,” she said. “But not tomorrow. I have much to do here and with the raid yesterday, I would not feel comfortable leaving Felkington for any length of time. I’m sure you understand.”
Disappointment rippled across Louis’ face. “As you wish,” he said. “If the Scots return, I will be here for you to command.”
“How long do you plan on staying?”
“You were agreeable for me to remain a few days.”
“I know, but I also remember that you said you had business for your father in Kelso.”
“Would you like to go with me?”
Lista smiled at him, shaking her head with regret. “Nay,” she said. “But you are kind to ask.”