Chapter 13
Shanice
The day dragged on like torture.
I sat through my classes without hearing a single word.
My mind was a loop of rage, fear, and grief that circled endlessly.
Marriage. Mikhail. Liability. My brain circled around those three things as if it would help if they ran non-stop in my mind.
It drove me crazy and I couldn’t seem to change the station for it to play a different tune.
Mikhail wasn’t asking because he loved me or because we'd built something real together.
I was a problem that needed solving and he was the man sent to carry it out.
By the time Mikhail drove me back to the mansion, I was vibrating with barely contained fury.
He still hadn't said a word, tried to explain, or even apologize. Hell, I couldn’t even get him to look at me.
That was fine. I didn’t have anything to say back to him. I needed space. The moment we pulled up to the house, I got out and slammed the door behind me. I needed to find Katrina to let everything out before I exploded.
I found her in the living room, curled up on the couch with a book, one hand resting on her belly.
She looked up when I stormed in, her expression brightening. "Hey! How was your day?"
"How could you?" The words burst out of me, sharp and vicious.
Katrina blinked, setting her book aside. "What?"
"How could you let this happen? How could you let them do this to me?" I was shaking now, my hands clenched into fists. "Do you have any idea what I've given up for you? What I've sacrificed?"
"Shanice, what are you talking about?"
"I gave up my apartment. My independence.
My sense of safety and my time. " The words poured out, each one sharper than the last. "I put off school for years to help you raise Zara.
Years, Katrina. Because you needed me and you were working yourself to death trying to keep food on the table.
I couldn't stand watching you struggle if there was something I could do.
I love you and thought friends would never want to see one another struggle. "
Katrina's face went pale. "I know. And I've always been grateful, Shanice."
"Grateful?" I laughed, and it sounded ugly even to my own ears.
"You think I want gratitude? I wanted to go to college.
I wanted to have my own life, but I put all that on hold for you.
And I didn't complain. I didn't resent you for it because you're my best friend and I love you. I still don’t regret or resent you. "
"Shanice, please tell me what’s happening."
“Now, when I'm finally getting my life back, and I'm finally doing something for myself, this happens.
" Tears were streaming down my face now, hot and angry.
"Marcus kidnapped me. ME! Your problems became my problems. And now I have to marry Mikhail to stay alive.
I have to give up any chance at a normal life, at a decent relationship, at knowing if someone actually wants me or if they're just solving a problem. "
Katrina stood, moving toward me. "What are you talking about? What's going on? Marriage?"
"You don't know?" I stared at her. "Olek didn't tell you?"
"Tell me what?"
"That I'm a liability so his cousin wants me dead.
I witnessed what happened to Marcus. That the only way to keep me safe is to marry Mikhail.
" I wrapped my arms around myself. "Mikhail asked me to marry him, and I would.
I totally would if it was about love and that we've built something real.
Not because it's the only way to protect me. "
Katrina's hand flew to her mouth. "Oh my God."
"Yeah." I sank onto the couch, all the fight draining out of me.
"And the worst part is, I was starting to fall for him.
I was starting to believe that what we had was real.
That he actually liked me. But it was all just him setting me up for this.
Making me care so I'd say yes to this stupid proposal. "
Katrina sat beside me, her own eyes filling with tears. "Shanice, I'm so sorry. I didn't know. Olek didn't tell me any of this."
"Of course he didn't. Because why would he? It's just another problem for him to solve." I wiped at my face angrily. "And I'm the one who has to pay the price. Again."
For a long moment, we sat in silence. Then Katrina said, "You're right."
I looked at her.
"You're right about all of it," she continued, her voice thick with emotion. "You've given up so much for me. For Zara. And I never properly thanked you for it or acknowledged how much you sacrificed."
"Katrina…"
"No, let me say this." She took my hand. "You put your life on hold to help me raise my sister. Marcus kidnapped you and held you hostage. Now you're dealing with the fallout of my choices. You're right to be angry and resent this. And I'm so, so sorry."
The apology broke something in me. Fresh tears spilled down my cheeks. "I don't resent you. I love you. But I'm so tired, Kat. It’s never-ending."
"I know." She pulled me into a hug, and I let myself cry against her shoulder. "And for what it's worth, I don't think Mikhail is just solving a problem."
I pulled back. "How would you know?"
"Because I've seen the way he looks at you. The way he is with you." She brushed tears from my cheek. "Mikhail is one of the most difficult men I know. He's brutal, cold, and ruthless. But with you? He's soft and careful. He watches you like you're the most precious thing in the world."
"That doesn't mean anything." I muttered, unsure of where she was going with this. Actually, that’s a lie. I knew exactly what her point to all this was.
"It means everything. You don't know him like I do.
You don't know what it means for him to be vulnerable with someone.
" Katrina's expression was earnest. "I'm not saying this situation isn't shitty.
It is. You shouldn't have to marry someone to stay safe. But his feelings for you aren’t fake, Shanice.
I know they're very real. And I think this is killing him as much as it's hurting you. "
I wanted to believe her, but how could I know for sure? How could I trust my own feelings when everything was so tangled up in survival and obligation?
"I don't know what to believe anymore," I said quietly. "I don't know what's real anymore. It all seems too convenient.”
"Then take some time. Figure it out." Katrina squeezed my hand. "But don't write him off completely yet."
I stood, exhausted down to my bones. "I need to be alone. I need time and space to think."
"Okay." Katrina stood too. "But Shanice? I really am sorry. For all of it. I’ll talk to Olek, too."
I nodded and headed upstairs to my room.
When I got there, I locked the door behind me and sank onto my bed. My phone notified me of a text from Mikhail.
Mikhail
I understand why you don’t want to marry me. That’s why I’m working on a different solution.
I stared at the message for a long time. Part of me wanted to text back to ask what he meant. But I couldn't. If he was asking me to marry him and it was truly about love, why wasn’t he fighting me on this? Why was the answer to the problem between us to come up with a different solution?
Do I want to marry him?
I needed time to process and figure out what I actually wanted versus what I was being forced into.
I turned off my phone and buried my face in my pillow.
Tonight, I just needed to feel everything I'd been holding back.
So I let myself cry and grieve the normal life I'd never get to have. I mourned the relationship with Mikhail that might have been real if circumstances had been different. I even allowed myself to dream about the picture that he’d painted for me of what a future with him would look like.
Somewhere in the middle of it all, I fell asleep and I’d never felt so completely and utterly alone.