Chapter 8 Killian’s Secrets
KILLIAN’S SECRETS
Killian watched in shock as the alpha brushed off his hands, striding back to the garage seemingly unruffled.
Except there was a huge tent in his gray sweatpants, dark at the tip.
“That’s not fair,” Killian whined.
Crush looked over his shoulder, giving Killian a toe-curling smile. “Thanks for putting away the groceries, Kil. You did great. I’m going to work on the car for a bit, but you’re welcome to join me anytime.”
“Y-you mean, sit on you?” Killian closed his eyes and wished he had kept his mouth shut.
Crush’s laugh was low and rumbling. “Anywhere you like. There are plenty of places to sit in the garage.”
Killian tried not to think about it. He really did. He was learning just how much a wolf could smell, and Crush already knew Killian was wet for him.
So why wasn’t Crush touching him, when he’d been about to devour Killian whole? Killian wanted to whine again.
Instead of trailing after Crush, he went to the island counter and stuffed a chocolate donut into his mouth. Then he rummaged through the fresh produce, cooking some scrambled eggs for Naddie. He boiled some pasta for her too.
It was only when the food was done, that he realized there probably wasn’t a high chair with a tray table in the cabin.
They made do with sitting on the floor, eating out of large ceramic bowls that were too heavy for Naddie to lift.
“I don’t suppose you have a crib in this place?” Killian asked.
“Nope,” came the sheepish reply from the garage. “But I thought the shopping cart might be willing to accommodate Naddie for a night or two.”
Killian looked at the cart again, and realized Crush was right.
He spent a while feeding Naddie, then he ate her leftovers and washed the dishes. When he had changed her diapers and put her in the cart for a nap, he scraped together his remaining courage.
In the garage, he found Crush tucked halfway under his car, his legs spread. There was a very prominent outline between them.
Killian choked. It’s just right there.
“Kil?” Crush braced his heel against the garage floor, repositioning himself easily. He was on a board with caster wheels, Killian realized.
“It’s me,” Killian croaked.
“Everything okay? You sound a little stuffed up.”
“I wish.”
Crush paused in his tinkering. He rolled out from under the car, his sweatpants pulling tighter across his thighs and bulge, his abs making an appearance. Then his chest, arms, and face. Their eyes met; Crush frowned. “What’s wrong?”
“You’re covered in grease,” Killian realized. “All over. It’s like you’re lubed up for car sex. I mean, sex with a car.”
Immediately after, he wanted to take those words back, too.
Crush stared. And laughed. “That’s—Fuck, that’s an amazing mental image.”
“Really?” Killian groaned into his hands. “You always like the worst lines!”
“I do. So what?”
“It’s weird!”
“I’m too old to care about fitting in,” Crush said dryly. “If I like something, then I like it. Fuck what everyone else thinks.”
Killian blinked. For years, he had felt pressured to fit in—first as a child struggling to win his parents’ approval, and later, as a captured pawn trying to avoid being whipped.
It was only recently that he could run his mouth without punishment—because he was finally free from that hellhole of destruction and death.
The irony was that being a pawn hadn’t given him a brain-to-mouth filter; it had only landed him several more beatings.
And now, enough time had passed that he no longer flinched when he blurted something he shouldn’t.
Crush was watching him too closely. “Is that... a strange concept to you?”
Killian scratched the back of his head. “Maybe? Sometimes people beat me when my mouth ran. It didn’t work no matter how hard I tried to shut up. My mouth opened without my permission and I got punished for it.”
Crush grew tense. Ever so quietly, he asked, “Who were those people?”
Killian shuffled from one foot to another, suddenly unable to meet his eyes. “Um, my mom and dad. And later... the people who had me.”
The alpha’s eyes flashed gold. He growled low and rough. Then the growling stopped, and Crush drew a deep breath. “Fuck.”
“It’s in the past,” Killian said quietly.
“Would you like me to do something about them?”
Killian shook his head. “I don’t want to revisit my past.”
“Okay.” Crush exhaled. He got off the mechanic slider and sat on the floor. “Come over here.” He patted his lap, as though he wanted Killian to... sit on him?
“Do you want me to sit on your lap like you’re Santa?”
Crush snorted. “If that’s what it takes. Come sit on me and tell me what you want.”
“That sounds like a kink,” Killian blurted. “Do people sit on Santa and ask for sex?”
“You know, I wouldn’t be surprised. I could dress up as Santa if that’s something that gets you going.”
Killian shook his head hurriedly. “No thanks.” He sat on Crush’s lap in an attempt to stop the alpha from asking more.
As though he were picking up a skittish animal, Crush slowly slipped his arms around Killian’s waist and drew him closer, until they were chest to back, Killian wrapped in the warmest hug he’d had in a while.
A breath shuddered out of him. “This feels really good. Like I’m wrapped in a warm pancake with abs.”
Crush huffed. “Why a pancake, and not something else?”
“I don’t want to talk about you like you’re a piece of meat!” Killian realized what he’d just said, and cringed. “But I guess a pancake isn’t much better.”
“I can be whatever you need me to be,” the alpha said quietly. He stroked Killian’s side, slow caresses that spread warmth into Killian’s body. His chest was solid, his breath rhythmic. He tucked his cheek against the side of Killian’s head, and held him for a long time.
“You make me feel safe,” Killian blurted. “Like I’m the squishy part of an oyster and you’re the shell around me.”
A slow exhale. “I’m glad. Do you want me in my wolf shape, or is this okay?”
“This is fine for now.” Killian snuggled more deeply into Crush’s chest. “Did your parents ever beat you?”
Crush stiffened again. Killian heard his pulse thunder; Crush took several deep breaths. “No. My parents never really beat us. There were spankings, sure, but nothing traumatic.” A pause. “Do you want to talk about your mom and dad?”
Killian sighed. “Sometimes I think they never really wanted me. I spent a long time trying to be the kid they wanted, but nothing I did was ever enough. Gran was nice, but I heard my mom telling my dad that Gran didn’t pay them enough to have me as a kid.
They wanted the money more than they wanted me.
” His chest squeezed tight. “Lots of times, I asked myself why I was born.”
“Fuck,” Crush hissed, holding Killian more tightly. “How do you feel about that now?”
“I’m glad I’m alive. But it was a struggle to get here. Sometimes I wonder if there are children out there, whose parents were forced to have them, but they grew up in an unloving family.”
Crush held him close and breathed. “I’m glad you’re here.” He took Killian’s hands in his own, petting the faded silvery scars. “These look like knife wounds.”
“From when I was captured,” Killian said dully.
This was something he had never told his friends, because he didn’t want his friends caught up in his mess.
But Crush was strong. Crush had already seen Killian’s past coming back to haunt him.
“I was fourteen and staying out late because no one was waiting for me at home. Some alphas grabbed me from the park; they held me against my will and threatened to hurt me unless I obeyed.”
Crush growled. “Did you obey?”
“Not at first.” Killian sagged. “They beat me until I gave in. They sprained my ankles so I couldn’t run, then they forced me to learn how to shoot a gun.”
Crush’s heart was pounding loudly. He carefully ran his hands down Killian’s legs. “Did you get any treatment?”
“They had a doctor with them who wrapped up my ankles. But they threatened to break my legs if I tried to escape. Then they threatened to shoot me unless I killed whoever they wanted. The first time I refused, they tied me up and stabbed me, and left the knife in there for an hour. I threw up so many times. Then it got infected, and they treated it, but they never let me forget what they could do to me if I refused again.”
“So the scars on your hands, on your arms...”
“Some of them were from me when I didn’t know how to handle a knife. Some of them were from people I was sent to kill. And some of them were from them, when I disobeyed.”
Crush cursed lowly, terrible words that Killian would’ve agreed with, once upon a time. Now, Killian was just exhausted.
He squirmed around, straddling Crush’s lap from the other direction so he could hide his face in Crush’s neck.
“How long were you with them?”
“Three years. I had gotten really good at killing by then, and I plotted for a while to kill them all and escape. But... I thought I got them all.” Killian hunched his shoulders, hiding against Crush’s chest. “I don’t know who’s after me now.”
“Shh, shh. You’ll be fine. I’ll make sure of it,” Crush murmured, rubbing his back. “Did your parents ever look for you?”
Killian shook his head. “After I escaped, I looked. They never even filed a police report for me.”
The alpha breathed out angrily. “Fuck!”
He ran his hands up and down Killian’s arms, leaving his earthy forest scent all over Killian’s skin. “You’re mine now. Covered in my scent. Mine.”
Killian shivered, his skin tingling everywhere Crush touched. “Are you sure? I’m... broken. I have nightmares. Sometimes I have flashbacks. You don’t even know me.”
“I know enough,” Crush growled.
“But what if I kill you in my sleep?!” Killian cried.
Crush slanted a look at him. “You can do that?”
“I have the muscle memory. If you have a gun or dagger nearby, you can’t place it within my reach.” Killian froze. “Wait. I just assumed I was gonna share your bed. Oh, rabbit gods.”
The alpha smiled. “I would like it if you shared my bed.”
“I haven’t even been here for a full day and I’m already... Wait. You want me in your bed?”
Crush flashed his sharp fangs. “You would be a very good omega if you share my bed tonight.”
Flutters exploded in Killian’s stomach. “Oh gods.”
“I can’t wait,” Crush whispered in his ear, his large hand sliding down Killian’s back to linger just above his ass. One finger dipped into the top of his crack.
Killian shuddered. Suddenly, all he could think about was curling up in bed with Crush, wearing barely-there scraps of clothing. Letting Crush’s hands wander all over him.
Crush nipped at his shoulder. “C’mon, up we go. Let’s see you try to kill me.”