Chapter 35 – BEAU
BEAU
We spent yesterday at the cabin with Amber and Zara.
Lisa brought food, clothes, toiletries, and everything else she could think of that a woman who's been locked away for months might need. I assured her that Ben and Zara would have it covered, but Lisa, and rightly so, guessed that Zara wouldn’t have left Amber’s side, and Ben couldn’t be trusted to think of everything.
Amber pounced on the expensive shampoos, cleansers and moisturisers that Lisa produced, and ate two plates of Zara's pasta before falling asleep on the couch with her head in her sister's lap.
I didn’t think much of it, other than wondering why Ben had let her get so ravenous, until Lisa pointed out she probably wasn’t hungry, she’d just gotten used to not knowing what or when her next meal might be.
She's doing okay. Not good, certainly not recovered, but okay. There’s more colour in her face, and she’s managed a proper conversation with Lisa about the case, about needing to come in and make a full statement about what happened when she’s ready.
Lisa handled it with the same steady professionalism she brings to everything, and my bear sat quietly inside me the whole time, content just to watch his mate take care of someone who needed her.
Today is just for us though, and finally, I'm taking Lisa to clan territory and into the woods to meet my bear.
She's been demanding it for days now, so I thought I’d surprise her, but she’s quiet in the truck as we turn off the main road and onto the gravel track that leads into Lennox land.
Suddenly, I’m doubting my decision to mark her before showing her this side of me, but selfishly, I decide that no matter what, the bond will keep us together.
At least this way, she’ll sense me, know that I’m the same person, and that I mean her no harm.
The trees close in on either side, tall pines that block out most of the morning light, and the further we drive, the more my bear pushes to the surface.
"Where are we going?" Lisa's hand is resting on my thigh, her thumb tracing absent circles. The mating mark is visible above the collar of her jacket, and every time my eyes catch it, I smile.
"Our territory runs from the ridge down to the river. Safest place for what I'm about to do. There won’t be any unexpected interruptions."
Hikers. Hunters. Anyone at all, really, who might see a woman and a giant grizzly bear together and grow… concerned.
Her thumb stops on my thigh, and she snaps her head around to face me. "Really? You’re going to shift for me? Now?"
"Well, you said you wanted to see my bear,” I say simply.
She immediately bounces in her seat, hands clasped together, face lighting up in a giant grin. “Oh… my… god.”
Lisa’s hand is already on the door handle when I pull off the track into a clearing that’s surrounded by pines. The ground is soft with needles, and the air is cold and clean, like only mountain air can be. It even smells like home.
My bear is already straining, pressing against my skin, eager to show off now that he can sense how excited Lisa is to meet him.
She climbs out of the truck and wraps her jacket tighter, her breath clouding in the morning air.
She's trying to look calm, but her pulse is elevated, and I can sense the nerves flickering underneath her composed expression.
"How does this work? Do you need to undress or does the bear just..." She waves a hand vaguely. "Burst out?" Her eyes go wide. “Will your bear be wearing your clothes?”
I don’t even dignify that last question with an answer.
"I need to undress unless I want to ruin more clothes." Pulling my jacket off, then my shirt, I drop them on the hood of the truck.
Lisa watches me strip down with an expression that's half appreciation, half apprehension.
When I kick off my jeans and stand in front of her naked, she swallows hard.
“Okay, wow, so you’re just naked. Outside. In public.”
Even though there’s absolutely no way there’s anyone else around us, she glances over her shoulder and then back at me, her admiring gaze trailing over every inch of my body. I resist the urge to go to her and kiss her, knowing we’ll get distracted.
"So, you're just going to..."
I wait for her to finish her sentence but that appears to be it. Clearly, she’s thought a lot about the bear part, and not so much about how I get there.
"Turn into a bear, yes. It's fast, but it doesn’t hurt. Don't be scared."
She frowns, looking offended by the mere suggestion, even though her hands are balled in her jacket pockets. "I'm not scared."
We’ll see soon, I guess.
My bear doesn't wait for any more conversation. The shift rolls through me, bones cracking and reshaping, muscle and sinew reforming as fur finally pushes through skin. It only takes seconds, but it feels like minutes because I’m so conscious of Lisa watching, and I’m desperate to make sure she isn’t freaking out.
When it's done, I'm standing on four paws in the clearing with Lisa watching intently, pressed against the side of the truck. Fingers curled around the handle ready to wrench it open and jump in if need be. Her mouth is a perfect O, and the whites of her eyes are huge.
My bear is massive, just like my father’s. I've seen the reaction on other people's faces when I shift but seeing it on Lisa's face is different. I don’t want her to be afraid of me, or worse, repulsed.
But she's not screaming or running.
I lower myself, slowly, folding my front legs and settling my belly against the pine needles, making myself as small as a nine-hundred-pound grizzly can get. My bear dips his head, chin resting on the ground, and waits, letting her come to us.
Lisa stares for a long time, stunned into silence. Her eyes move across my body, taking in the thick brown fur, the massive paws and the breadth of my shoulders. Then her gaze finds my eyes, and her fingers unfurl, one by one, from the metal handle.
I’m so proud of her. She’s being so brave.
"It's still Beau. It’s still you," she says it quietly, almost to herself, sucking a deep breath. "Your eyes. They're the same."
My bear chuffs softly and stretches his twitching nose toward her, sniffing the air between them.
Lisa lets go of the truck completely and takes one tentative step forward, then another, her hand extending slowly in my direction.
She stoops, leaning in inch by inch, like she’s afraid to make any sudden movements.
Her fingers finally make contact with the fur on the top of my head, and my bear goes completely still under her touch, not breathing, not moving, just letting her set the pace.
"You’re so handsome and strong. And soft.
" Her voice is barely a whisper as she lavishes praise on my bear, who’s lapping it up.
Her fingers sink deeper into my fur, scratching behind my ear, and my bear tilts his head into her hand and makes a sound so pathetically delighted with himself that I’m almost embarrassed for him.
Embarrassed and maybe a little jealous about how much she seems to adore him.
She drops to her knees beside me, both hands running through my fur now, rubbing and stroking over my neck, my shoulders, and the thick ruff around my throat.
My bear presses his nose against her stomach and inhales, long and deep, and the rumble that builds in his chest shakes the ground beneath us.
Lisa's hand stills on my head, and her entire body tenses while she checks in with the bond and is reassured it’s a growl of contentment. She looks down at where my nose is pressed against her belly.
"You can smell the baby. Clever bear."
My bear rumbles again, nuzzling her gently, almost knocking her off-balance, and Lisa laughs, one hand going to the ground to stop her from toppling over.
"My grandmother would’ve loved to have met you," she says softly, her fingers buried in my fur. "She’d have so many questions. And she’d be unbearable, because you’re proof that she was right."
We stay like that for a while, Lisa on her knees in the dirt with her arms around my neck, and my bear pressed against her, his nose resting on her lap. When she finally pulls away, her eyes are glistening, but she's smiling.
"Much as I’d love to stay out here with you all day..." She wipes her cheeks with the back of her hand. "You better get dressed. We've got places to be."
The shift back is faster, and I pull my clothes on while Lisa leans against the truck, taking in the clearing, the trees and the mountains beyond, with an expression that tells me she's seeing all of it differently now.
Eager to see how she is, I move to stand in front of her, hands shoved deep in my pockets.
“Well? What do you think?”
Her smile is soft. “He’s incredible, Beau. I mean, I knew, in theory, that you were going to turn into a bear, but seeing it? Seeing him up close, it’s something else entirely.”
She pushes to her feet and slides her arms around my waist, pressing her cheek to my chest. “I don’t know how else to describe it except that knowing both of you are looking out for me, I feel so safe.”
There’s nothing my bear wants to hear more, and I close my eyes, letting her words, and the relief that this went well, wash over me.
Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, I bundle her up in my arms and hold her tight. “I love you so much.”