7. Petra
Oh… my… God. What the fuck happened last night? What the hell did I do? Why do I feel like I’m literally about to die right now? My head is pounding, my stomach churning with sickness, and my whole body aches. Luckily, in my drunken state, I must have remembered to get myself a glass of water which is like a godsend. Wine always leaves me very dehydrated in the morning, even when I don’t go overboard. And last night, I definitely went over the top, which is why I feel like death at the moment.
“Urgh,” I groan as I force myself to sit up straight. The last thing that I want to do is pour the water all down myself. “Oh, God, this is why drinking too much is a bad idea. It had nothing to do with being ladylike. It’s this horrible morning after. Dad, now I understand everything you said to me.”
The more that I drink, the more the night comes back to me, and with an impending sense of doom, I realize that I acted like a crazy person. Like a really crazy person. I tried to break into Harry’s bag to find information about my father, which of course made him mad because why wouldn’t it? It would have made me angry as well to find him doing the same to me, whatever his reasoning.
And then there was the argument that followed. Oh, God, I was awful, wasn’t I? I am definitely not a good drunk. I’m a terrible person who said some awful things. Words and flashes of memories keep hitting me hard, and I don’t like a single one of them. I want to go back in time and change it all. Just because I’ve been worried about my father, it doesn’t give me an excuse for behaving like an idiot.
“I need to apologize.” I curl my knees up to my chest. “But I really don’t want to.”
I don’t go down the stairs right away. I stay locked away in my cocoon for a while because I need to stop the room from spinning and the sickness from churning in my stomach. If I’m going to swallow my pride and face Harry, then I need all my faculties around me. I need to work out what to say.
Eventually, because I’m starting to get hungry and can’t really put it off any longer, I slowly trudge down the stairs. I find Harry sitting at the dining table nursing a mug of coffee, clearly deep in thought. I really hope he isn’t thinking of anything related to me. I’m too embarrassed for that.
“Petra?” he calls out without turning to look at me. “I heard from my boss. I don’t know much, but I do know that your father is okay. Sorry, that isn’t much, but it’s all that I have.”
“Er, thanks.” I’m surprised that he’s started with that information. I’m glad, though. “Thank you. Erm, sorry. I know that I wasn’t the best-behaved last night. I didn’t deal with it very well. Thank you for finding everything out for me. You won’t have to worry about my acting like that again. I understand that I was a bit of a nightmare last night. I… I don’t usually drink, which I’m sure you could tell. And it won’t happen again. It was just… you know, one hell of a day, and I guess I just acted a little crazy.”
He finally turns to look at me and offers me a little side-eyed smile. I can tell that it isn’t fully genuine, though. He doesn’t trust that I’m going to behave myself, which I suppose is fair. But it makes things a little awkward, so I need to get on with my day without talking to him again because this is a lot.
“Okay, well I’m going to get some food and a drink.” I bustle into the kitchen. “And then I might walk.”
I don’t know what to do. I feel all on edge, like I’m tiptoeing on eggshells, so I get myself food and drinks quickly. I take them up to my bedroom because I don’t feel like I can eat in the kitchen, and I sit sadly by myself. I curl back up in my cocoon and sulk miserably. I know that this is my fault. I understand that I caused all of this, but there’s a little part of me that wonders why Harry isn’t letting it go. He must know that I’m under a lot of pressure here, so surely, a mistake can just be ignored. I did tell him that it was a little error, that it wasn’t typical of me and won’t happen again, but he didn’t seem to take that on board.
“This is going to be hell,” I whisper to myself. “This is going to be a disaster.”
I stare out the window at the island around me, glad that at least I have this safe space around me to go and explore. If I were in a safehouse in a city somewhere, then I suppose I would be trapped, unable to go anywhere at all for fear of Jake finding me. But now, I have the island, so I can toss some clothes on and have a walk around to get rid of this headache. There are some things that I should be grateful for.
Actually, there are a lot of things that I should be glad of. I suppose Harry was right about that much, not that I will admit it to him. I have said sorry now, so I don’t think the conversation needs to happen again. The topic is closed and done. We probably won’t have anything to say to one another now.
I speed up eating, needing to get outside now before the four walls close in around me. Before I get overwhelmed and sicker than I already am. Fresh air and space around me. That’s what I need.
This island is actually beautiful. It’s gorgeous. If I were here under any other circumstance, it would be heaven. I could imagine taking a vacation here and it being everything to me, but with the weight of the world on my shoulders, it hurts. It’s quite painful to drag all of this around with me.
Oh, my God. That is another issue. One that I keep trying to ignore but I can’t. Everywhere I go, Harry is there too. He’s acting like a creepy stalker, refusing to let me out of his sight, and it’s driving me mad. I ball my fists up by my side in temper, but I also grit my teeth so I can’t say anything. I already promised Harry that I wouldn’t be argumentative again, and I don’t want to break it already.
It’s fine, I tell myself in a serious attempt to cool myself down. This is a part of the process.
I try to tune Harry out as I walk through the flower garden, over toward the waterfall, through the woodland paths. I soak in the beauty, the nature, the peace which I would never normally get in the city. I have to admit that it’s blowing me away, making me yearn for this sort of life. Maybe this is what I’m supposed to have had all along. No rat race, no idiotic, thieving husband. Just me and nature.
Well, and Harry. Fucking hell, how can I forget about him when he is around every corner?
“I’m okay, you know,” I call out in a prissy tone. “I don’t need to be watched like a hawk.”
“Er, that’s kinda my job,” he replies with a laugh. “I’m being paid to keep an eye on you.”
I roll my eyes in an over-the-top manner, really hoping that he can see it. “You don’t have to take it quite so literally, though. I’m capable of taking a walk around. Nothing can happen to me in the middle of nowhere. I don’t think we’re going to get jumped by surprise on an island.”
“You can actually be jumped and surprised anywhere, Petra.” Goddamn it, I hate his patronizing tone, even if what he’s saying right now could be the truth. “So, yes, I do need to be careful even if we’re out here on an island. We are dealing with some very dangerous people here. We have to be smart about it.”
I pout out my bottom lip in anger. I just want to enjoy the peace here, the tranquility. I want to enjoy this day and forget about all of that crap. I don’t want to deal with what I’ve left behind. I actually think it was quite spiteful that Harry brought it up. It’s as if he doesn’t want me to forget and move past it at all. I know that I can’t do that here because it isn’t real life, but I could have a moment away from it, couldn’t I? I feel like I could get some clarity while I’m here. Come to terms with everything.
“Right, well, I might as well go inside, then,” I bark out. “No point in both of us walking around.”
“Hey, you don’t need to be like that.” Harry laughs, which only serves to wind me up even more. “I’m enjoying it out here. It’s pretty nice, isn’t it? And we could even walk together.”
Urgh, fuck that. I certainly don’t want that, of all things. I give him a withering look before turning on my heels to stalk away. I hope he gains from my body language exactly what I mean. But unfortunately, my point gets lost because I trip over a small rock in my way. The fall comes suddenly. I’m not expecting it, so I can’t do anything to regain my balance. I stumble forward and slam to the ground hard, crying out as I bash my knee into a rock, creating bolts of pain all the way through my body.
“Don’t worry, I can help you.” Harry is by my side in an instant. “Oh, don’t panic, that isn’t too bad. Surface wound at most. We can get that sorted in a moment. Let me just get you inside.”
I squeal as Harry scoops me up from the ground with ease like I weigh nothing and lifts me up. I automatically wrap my arms protectively around his neck, which is irritating because I’m still annoyed with him. He hasn’t given me a choice, though. I’m pretty much stuck glued to him at the moment.
“How do you know what it is?” I bark out, needing him to see that I’m not happy.
“Ex-Navy SEAL.” He shoots me a smile. “I have dealt with things far worse than this. You will be fine.”
Well, I have to admit that does silence me. I can’t really argue with that, can I? This man is very capable, and in more ways than one. I don’t have to like it, but I might have to trust him some more.
“Right, well, I’m glad it isn’t bad.” I’m trying, I really am, but I still seem to sound irritable with him. “Thank you for… you know, helping me out and not just leaving me in a heap.”
He doesn’t say anything, and I can’t help but wonder if that’s because he can feel my pounding heart. It’s ricocheting off my rib cage and I don’t really know why. Maybe because this is the closest I have ever been to a man who isn’t my husband, and I don’t quite know what to do about it. It’s making me feel all strange, but weirdly, not wrong. I don’t belong in this man’s arms, yet I don’t want to leap out. He’s protecting me, I suppose that’s the main thing. I need him.