25. Petra
Imiss sleep. I know that I had a nap this afternoon, but it’s not the same as a real deep sleep. But how can I rest after the day that I’ve had? Being discharged from the hospital, finding the note, speaking to the police about the evidence and the lawyers about the will… I should be shattered, but instead, I’m wired. My brain is all over the place and I can’t even be bothered to lie down. I’m pacing everywhere.
“Go to bed,” I growl at myself as I see the clock hanging on the wall. “It’s so late. Get some sleep.”
I know that I need rest, especially if I’m going to start trying to get my life back in order in the morning since there’s no time like the present, but I already know that I’ll ignore my own advice. I’ll just keep walking around the house in the dark, waiting for some kind of inspiration to strike.
“Dad wants me to be happy.” I suppose I could make a plan instead. Get something out of this time. “That’s all he wants for me. But how can I be happy? What would make me that way?”
I hate the way my brain immediately darts to the man who shot Dad. I know that Harry and I could make one another happy if our time on the island is anything to go by. I know we have a great shot, and I’m also very aware that he shouldn’t be on my mind since he pulled the trigger, yet he’s always there.
“He didn’t do it on purpose,” I whisper while tapping my chin. “He wouldn’t have shot my father if he had known. It was Jake’s fault, which is why he’s the one behind bars. He made everything happen. But he still did it, which could turn out to be something that we can’t overcome. It might be a challenge.”
Plus, another scary thought which I don’t want to say aloud is the fact that he didn’t come to visit me at the hospital for a reason. I don’t know what that reason is, but it could be simply not wanting to see me again. I shouldn’t be the woman chasing after a man who doesn’t want me. Not a chance.
“But I want to see him.” My fists curl up by my sides. “I want to speak to him. I don’t want to leave it as is.”
The last time we saw one another was a terrible time in that warehouse, and we didn’t even say goodbye to one another. Sure, he was only the guy who was hired to watch me, but in the short time that we were together, we became more to one another than that. I think that we deserve more of a goodbye than we got.
It might turn out pleasant, a nice moment of closure, or it could erupt into hell. I don’t know, but it seems like my mind is set on finding out. I’m going to find Harry, wherever he is, and force him to talk.
In my father’s office, he has everything and that includes Harry’s home address. Turning up in the middle of the night like a crazy woman might not be my best plan ever, but I won’t be able to sleep until we’ve chatted. It won’t happen. I don’t know what our conversation will consist of, but I”d rest better afterward.
With a newfound spring in my step because I finally have a bit of aim, even if it’s only for what I intend to do directly next rather than something massive, I head into my bedroom to get dressed. Maybe in the past, Harry has seen me at my absolute worst, but for this conversation, I want to look good.
“You are about to make a fool of yourself,” I tell my reflection as I try on dress after dress. “Getting dressed up for a man who doesn’t want you, another man who doesn’t want you.” Although there is no chance in hell that Harry is anything like Jake. “But you’re falling for him, so what can you do?”
It no longer matters to me that I shouldn’t have any feelings for Harry, because I do. It’s as simple and straightforward as that. Even if I was married when we met and he’s damaged by love too, even if we met under the sort of circumstances where feelings really shouldn’t get in the way, even if he pulled the trigger.
I don’t know if anything will happen between us, or even if I want it to, but the feelings are there. I can’t deny them when they’re circling through my veins at the speed of light at all times. I can’t ignore them when the first mention of happiness in my father’s letter made me think of him and the island.
But they will have to go to one side. I can’t allow them to consume me while we talk today. This will just be two adults sorting through this situation to come to some kind of conclusion in one way or another. And if it turns out that he does have feelings for me too and this has all been a giant misunderstanding… well, that’s the best outcome, isn’t it? Then some seriously awesome stuff can start to happen.
“Do not plan for that,” I hiss at my racing heart. “Don’t plan for something that might not happen.”
I finally decide on a dress to face him. It’s like armor. I want to look my best so I can get through this with some dignity intact, whatever the outcome. I’m about ready to go, to take on this mission and see what will happen next when a car engine surprises me. This house isn’t too near to lots of other places, which means it will likely be coming to see me. But who would be coming to see me at this time? Probably no one with good intentions. I don’t want to think about Jake having access to other people, but what if he does? This could be revenge, his finally taking me down once and for all. Making me lose.
I duck down on instinct, like Jake can see me from where I am, but a morbid curiosity gets the better of me and I crawl over to the window. Instantly, I see that it’s a taxicab with a man climbing out. A man who probably has a gun tucked away somewhere and will take me out while there’s no one around. These men don’t give a shit, do they? They might even be mad at me for tearing the operation down.
I need to call the cops. I don’t have any chip in my arm and someone tracking me, so I will have to make the call myself. Only the phone is downstairs, and I am up here. Any movement might get me killed…
Wait. Before I can get into too much of a tailspin, my brain shuts me down. Is that… Harry?
The moment I recognize him, excitement floods me and the anticipation takes on a brand-new feeling. I leap up and bound down the stairs, so excited to greet him. How the hell has this happened? Just as I decided that I needed to see him, he seems to have the same feeling. We’re linked somehow. Connected.
I fling the door open and greet him with a smile. I’m definitely not playing it as coolly as I want to, but I’m proud of myself for resisting the urge to jump into his arms. We aren’t at that stage yet.
“Harry,” I gush out. “What are you doing here? I wasn’t expecting to see you.”
He’s in a suit. I’m in a dress. This is some ungodly hour, and we’re dressed up like we’re going on some kind of date. I want to laugh, but Harry has a really serious expression on his face.
“You’re awake,” he says. “I didn’t think that you would be. I thought that this was a crazy idea to come this late, but it was too late by the time it hit me. I was already in the cab.”
“No, well, I was actually going to come and see you too.” I giggle, but now because I’m uncomfortable. “It feels like it’s been a long time since we’ve seen one another, doesn’t it? And it was stressful before.”
“I should have come to see you before now.” He hangs his head low. “I’m sorry for that. I ran away because it freaked me out. The whole thing freaked me out. I ran away because of what happened to your dad. I couldn’t face what I did, and I thought that you were going to hate me. I couldn’t face it.”
“You ran away?” I cock my head curiously to one side. “I didn’t even know. I only just got out of the hospital earlier today. I just thought that you didn’t want to see me in the hospital.”
“Oh.” He doesn’t look like he understands any of this, like he knows what to say. “Right, well, I’m still very sorry. I feel very bad. I don’t know what the protocol in this sort of situation is.”
“Come inside.” That much makes sense. “There’s no point in hanging around in the cold.”
He follows me into the house. Instantly, it seems more like a home than it was before. It feels like a warm and inviting place that I could sleep in easily. It seems that I just need someone else here with me.
“Thank you for coming here to see me,” I say once the door is closed behind me. “I appreciate it.”
“It should have come sooner. I have no excuse for my behavior. It feels wrong.”
I don’t like seeing this version of Harry where he isn’t sure of himself. It doesn’t seem right. The Harry that I have gotten used to is confident, crazily so, and I need that man back. But I have a feeling that there aren’t any words to change his mind. Only actions will change it. I want to leap on him, like I did once before, but I’m scared of him shoving me off. I don’t know if I can face that. I won’t be able to come back.
“You did nothing wrong,” I murmur while shimmying over toward him. “I don’t blame you.”
I reach forward, just a little, to see how he’s going to react. I’m testing the boundaries, seeing how far I can go, and since Harry doesn’t recoil in horror, I hook my arm around his neck and pull him toward me.
Oh, wow. Within moments, we are kissing and it takes me back to the happy place, reminding me of what it felt like when we were on the island. This is the sort of lust worth fighting for, so I will.
His tongue snakes around mine. His arms sneak around my waist. He holds onto me, clings to me like he never wants to let me go again. I don’t want him to, either. This is better than talking. It feels so much nicer than being awkward. Maybe we don’t need to have any kind of conversation. We can just kiss the past away. We stumble through the house, refusing to break apart even for a second, and we somehow end up in my bedroom. Harry has never been here before, so he can’t know where it is, and I barely know where I am, but we end up on the bed, tumbled and tangling together in a heap regardless.
It feels incredible, overwhelming, beautiful. This is exactly where we need to be, together in one another’s arms. This is my happy place. This is what I need to move forward. This man is everything to me.