Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
JADE
Am I making an enormous mistake?
I’m safe here at Blade and Arrow. No one is going to push me to leave.
Most of the time, I’m actually happy.
Living with Niall is beyond anything I imagined in my wistful fantasies. He’s kind and patient and unexpectedly sweet, like when he tried to make those crepes or when he brought me a bouquet of flowers he’d gathered from around the B and A property. Just the thought of Niall collecting flowers for me is enough to make me feel all gooey inside.
And then there are the times when we kiss. When he embraces me. When I think about all the other things I’d like to do with Niall, but haven’t yet initiated. I know I’ll need to be the one who makes the first move, because he’s too worried about doing the wrong thing and triggering me. But he couldn’t.
The trust I have in Niall surpasses any bad memories. When he touches me, there are sizzles of heat and electricity, not chills of fear. When he looks at me with that intense gaze, the one that silently says how much he wants me, my heart races in anticipation, not from anxiety.
But it’s still early days in our relationship and I want both of us to be sure. Because once I give myself over to him, there’s no going back. My heart is already most of the way there, and once we take that final step…
I’m sure about Niall. But I’m not sure if he feels the same way about me.
Given everything that’s been going on the last few days, it hasn’t exactly felt like the right time to ask. Not with Niall so worried. Not when fear sneaks up on me at unexpected moments, stealing my breath and leaving me on the verge of a panic attack.
After. Once our plan succeeds, then Niall and I can do normal relationship things like talk about feelings and commitment and sex.
Our plan has to succeed. The alternative is unthinkable.
If something goes wrong, and I end up back in that awful facility, I’m not sure I can take it again. The bamboo reed of strength I rely on—so flexible but sturdy—might finally snap.
Thinking about being back there…
No. I can’t. I have to focus on the purpose of this instead. Finding the facility. Freeing the women. Putting the terrible people behind it in jail.
If I let the fear and memories overwhelm me, I’ll jeopardize the entire plan.
Easier said than done. No matter how sternly I tell myself that it’s all going to be okay, my body doesn’t want to believe me. My hands still shake and my chest feels too tight. The stupid throw pillows never look quite right.
The only time I’m fully calm is when Niall’s arms are around me.
“Sweetheart.” As if I summoned him, Niall joins me by the window and gently turns me to face him. His hands on my shoulders, his brows pulled into a worried V, he gives me an assessing look. “Are you okay?”
I give him a jerky nod and force my lips to curve up. “Yes. Just… looking at the trees and the…” Trailing off, I sigh and admit, “I’m scared. I’m trying not to be, but?—”
“Ah, Jade.” He gathers me into his arms, one hand cupping my nape, the other at the middle of my back. Rubbing my back in slow circles, he says, “It’s normal to be scared. But—” His gaze searches mine. “You don’t have to do this. It’s not too late to change your mind.”
There’s a hopeful note to his tone. Even though Niall grudgingly agreed to go forward with my idea, he’d be much happier if I just stayed here and waited for the team to solve this on their own.
He brought it up again last night, as we lay in bed—we’re sharing the bed now, which is infinitely better than sleeping alone—saying, “You don’t need to do this, Jade. We will find out who’s behind this. And we’ll find all the women. I promise we will.”
I don’t doubt it. As I’ve gotten to know Niall’s team, I’ve learned how smart and protective and determined they are. And because of Niall, because I’m involved, they’re personally invested. There’s no way they’ll give up on this.
But.
The women. The ones I left behind, and the ones taken after. Olivia.
I remember vividly how it felt in there. Each terrifying hour felt like an eternity. And I was there for less than a week. What about the women who’ve been there longer? What about the ones who’ve already been sold?
That’s why, once I had the idea of using myself as bait, I couldn’t go back on it. It would be too much like turning my back on them again.
“I know I can.” Meeting his solemn gaze, I continue, “And I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t considered it. But this is something I need to do. Not only that, if this works, it’ll be over. Tonight.”
Jaw tightening, Niall takes a deep breath and blows it out slowly before answering. “Shit. I want to tell you it’ll be fine. That we have everything handled. And we do. If it were anyone else, I’d be absolutely confident. But it’s not just anyone. It’s you .”
“I know.” I brush my lips across his, lingering for a second. “And I’m sorry. I know you’re not happy about this. I just?—”
“Don’t be sorry.” His expression goes fierce. “You have nothing to be sorry for. And you shouldn’t be worrying about me. I’ll be fine?—”
A quick series of knocks sounds at the door, making me jump. Even though we’re expecting Dante, I feel like a jack-in-the-box, my nerves one crank away from snapping.
“It’s okay,” Niall soothes. He kisses the top of my head and gives me a gentle squeeze. “It’s just Dante.”
“I know.”
“When this is over, I’m taking you on a trip.” His breath feathers my hair as he speaks. “Somewhere relaxing. With a hot tub. And lots of peace and quiet. I’ll give you back rubs and make pancakes for dinner and we’ll watch as many cheesy romance movies as you want. What do you think?”
My heart swells, and inexplicably, I’m close to tears. “I’d really like that.”
A trip with Niall. A real vacation, which I haven’t had since Shea and I went to Miami for spring break during our senior year. Not just any vacation, but a romantic one, with a hot tub and massages and uninterrupted time with the man I’m falling for.
But the promise of a romantic trip isn’t even enough to chase away the choking fear as we go over final plans with Dante.
This time we’re all seated at the dining room table instead of the coffee table, which gives the meeting a more official and intimidating feel. Dante’s expression is stony, and his normally kind gaze is solemn and determined. Niall is stiff beside me, a muscle in his jaw twitching, but his hand is warm and reassuring around mine.
The two men exchange a quick series of glances and chin lifts, a sort of silent communication I’ve seen among the team. Then Dante looks at me and says, “Okay, Jade. I know we’ve gone over this already. But I just want to run through everything one more time before we get started.”
My stomach lurches, threatening to bring up the little I managed for breakfast. Fear rises up so quickly I can’t speak for a second. After a steadying breath, I nod at him. “Okay.”
“So. The subcutaneous tracker is working perfectly.” He taps his phone a few times and shows me the screen, which is displaying a small map with a blinking dot on it. “We’ll know where you are at all times. But it’s really a backup, because we’ll be close by the entire time.”
Niall jumps in, his gaze dark and intense as he adds, “We’ll be right there, Jade. You won’t be alone. And if anything—” He swallows hard. “You are the priority. If there’s any question of your safety, we’ll get you out and end this immediately.”
“Absolutely,” Dante agrees. “Matt already hacked into all the cameras in and around your apartment. So we’ll have eyes on you there. And when—if—someone comes for you, we’ll attach a tracker to their car as well. After that… we’ll be following close behind and intervening before they have a chance…”
Grimacing, his tone dips apologetically. “I hate to talk about this, Jade. I know it’s upsetting. But?—”
My throat clicks as I reply, “I know. It’s okay.”
A low rumble of displeasure sounds from beside me.
With a small sigh, Dante nods. “Alright. If they come for you, chances are it will be at night. And they’ll probably drug you. Don’t fight them. I know it’s going to be scary, but we’ll be watching, and we can get to you in under a minute if necessary.”
His gaze drops to the slim, silver band around my wrist. “We’ll be monitoring your pulse and blood oxygen levels as well. So if there’s any negative reaction to the sedatives they give you, we’ll move in immediately.”
“And…” My lungs constrict. “When they… put me in the car. You’ll still be watching?”
“Yes. We’ll be parked right outside the building. And as soon as they leave, we’ll be right behind. Depending on the traffic, we may have to hang back a little as not to raise suspicion, but we’ll be close enough to intervene if anything?—”
“Nothing is going to happen.” Niall’s voice is sharp, and he flashes Dante a quick glare. “I won’t let it. We won’t let it.” His gaze moves to mine, softening. “I won’t let anyone hurt you. I promise.”
Turning to face him, I take both his hands in mine. “I know. I trust you.”
I trust Niall and his team, but I’m still scared out of my mind.
At B and A, safely ensconced in Niall’s apartment, surrounded by security systems and fences and six highly-trained former Green Berets, it was easier to shove down the fear.
With Niall sitting beside me, holding my hand, hugging me, it was easier to be brave.
When he held me close and kissed me and I could feel his firm muscles and reassuring warmth wrapped around me, the rising panic inside me settled.
Now, back in my apartment, alone for the first time in weeks, I’m terrified.
The apartment that used to be my little haven feels empty and claustrophobic. With each passing hour, the walls seem to close in a little more. The small sounds—the ice maker, the ticking of the fancy clock my parents gave me for Christmas one year—feel ominous instead of the dull white noise they used to be.
I’m beyond jittery, and I’m fighting myself not to wear holes in the carpet from pacing. I don’t want to do anything to raise suspicion, and walking through my apartment for hours probably isn’t the best idea if I want things to appear normal.
So I’m reorganizing my bookshelves for the zillionth time. This time I’m arranging them according to color and size, which I actually hate, but I’ve never done it this way before, so it’s somewhat distracting.
Not distracting enough to keep me from jolting whenever I hear an unexpected sound. A car alarm a few buildings over. A door slamming in the parking lot. Footsteps moving down the building hallway.
Not coming for me; not this early, at least. If the team’s expectations are correct, the people after me will come well past midnight, when it’s quietest. When they have the least chance of anyone seeing them.
Assuming they come. It's not a certainty, just a prediction. It’s possible those awful people have moved on, and they don’t have any interest in me anymore.
I’m not sure if I’d be relieved or upset about that. On one hand, I’d be safe. But the other… those women will still be out there, waiting.
Just as I’m finishing the blue section—I have a lot of blue-covered books, I’ve discovered—my phone chimes with a message.
Although I want to lunge for it, I force myself to pick it up casually.
Act normal. Act normal.
But when I see Niall’s name, it’s an effort. A small, panicked part of me wants to tell him I’ve changed my mind. That I want him to go home with him.
It’s just a short message, but I almost burst into tears, anyway.
Hey hun. You’re doing great. I’m so proud of you. And you look beautiful today. I’m not sure if I told you.
Sniffing against the prickles in my nose, I tap out a quick reply.
Thanks. You did. But you can tell me again, I don’t mind. Are you guys okay out there?
Three dots appear for a second.
We’re fine. In the parking lot outside. We can see everything in your apartment, and the building. Nothing suspicious yet.
A pause, and then another message comes in.
Remember, everyone can see the surveillance. So…get changed in the bathroom. I don’t want my friends seeing you naked. And the first time I see you like that, it’s going to be in person.
I’m torn between being creeped out all over again by the camera in my bedroom and anticipating the first time I see Niall naked. Not just seeing all his muscles, but touching them. Discovering if he has any tattoos I don’t know about. Finding out if he’s as big as I think he is.
An ache builds in my core, a desperate need coiling and building.
I send a message back to Niall.
I can’t wait to see you naked. In person.
The incongruity of the situation almost makes me laugh. Waiting to be abducted, terrified, but still texting about getting naked with my boyfriend.
Although. It’s a better distraction than organizing books.
The three dots blink on and off a few times before I get his response.
You’re going to distract me. Now I’m thinking about you naked.
I actually smile at the phone.
Good.
He has a point, though. Maybe now isn’t the best time to talk about this. So I send another text.
I don’t want to distract you. But maybe we can talk about this after.
His reply is immediate.
Definitely.
A pause, and then.
I’m going to stop texting now. Need to focus. But I’m with you. Okay? I’m right here. I’ve got you.
Oh.
Did I think I was only falling for him? I’m pretty sure it already happened.
It’s a comfort as I lie in bed, forcing my body still as I pretend to sleep. When the fear claws at me so viciously it’s a physical pain, I soothe myself with thoughts of Niall.
I tell myself, he’s here. Right outside.
My Niall, my protective boyfriend, won’t let anyone hurt me. Won’t let a strange man touch me inappropriately.
He’s got me.
Like his team told me before I got in the Uber to come back here, they’ve all got my six.
Niall won’t let anything bad happen.
It’s almost enough to lull me to sleep.
Almost.
But I’m still awake when they come.
So I can hear the slight sounds of them entering my apartment.
If I’d been asleep, like the last time, I wouldn’t notice.
They’re so quiet.
First, the front door closes with a tiny snick.
A small creak in the hall.
A breath in the doorway of my bedroom.
Fabric rustling by the side of my bed.
Terror explodes inside me. Not moving is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
My brain screams silently, I don’t want this, I’ve changed my mind, I want Niall!
But I’ve come this far. And I owe those women who can’t help themselves.
So I focus on Niall as they grab me.
As a man covers my mouth, his gloved hand clamping around my jaw.
As another man grabs my wrists and pins them above my head, hissing beside my ear, “Don’t fight. Or I’ll hurt you.”
I think of Niall when the needle stabs into me.
He’s got me. We’re going to take a trip together.
I’m going to tell him I’m falling in love with him.
Then.
Everything goes fuzzy. Dark.
Fatigue wars with terror.
Then panic ebbs away as blackness closes in.
Niall. He won’t let them hurt me.
He promised.