Chapter 17
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
JADE
My heart is beating hummingbird fast.
Desire hums through my body; a static electricity waiting to be sparked.
My lungs seize with breathless anticipation.
I’ve never been more certain of anything.
Gazing into Niall’s eyes, I tell him, “I’m absolutely sure.”
For a second, he doesn’t move. Doesn’t speak.
Then he exhales.
Cautious hope turns to something much more intense. Hungry.
But it’s not just desire. It’s deeper than that.
It’s the same desperation I’m feeling. Like I need Niall more than anything. Like he’s the part I’ve been missing.
“Jade.” His hand sweeps across my stomach, big and warm and with a hint of roughness that sends tingles across my skin. “You’re so soft. So beautiful.”
His other hand is already at my breast, caressing it, his fingers plucking lightly at my nipple. Dipping his head, Niall trails a line of kisses up my neck.
“I’ve dreamed of seeing you like this,” he murmurs at the base of my jaw. Between kisses, he continues, “So many years. I wished… But this… You… Jade. You’re perfect.”
My womb clenches. Need throbs at my core.
My chest goes tight, but it’s not from anxiety.
It’s joy swelling up so quickly there’s no room for anything else.
As my hands drop to his waist, I whisper, “I dreamed about it, too. About you.”
I unzip Niall’s pants and reach inside, feeling his arousal straining toward me. I wrap my hand around his velvety skin—so hot, silken, and hard just for me—and Niall groans, “Sweetheart. Shit. That feels so?—”
As I start stroking him, I swirl my thumb across the tip, spreading his excitement while feeling my own building. He jerks in my hand and lets out a hiss of pleasure. “Ah, Jade…”
I’m wrapped up in touching Niall, feeling him growing bigger, listening as his breathing quickens, the way he responds to the different things I’m doing. It’s like the most perfect magic that I can do this to him. That I can bring him such pleasure.
Although not completely wrapped up, because Niall is doing wicked things to me. His hand between my thighs, slipping beneath the layer of lace, his fingers stroking and teasing and it feels so amazing and then?—
One thick finger plunges inside, slow and gentle at first, then moving faster.
His thumb presses at my sensitive and exposed bud, lightly flicking and rubbing.
Another finger joins the first, slightly stretching me.
Niall’s mouth closes over my nipple, sucking at it through the layer of lace.
My hips jerk toward him as my inner walls clutch at his fingers. Arousal is coiling in my belly, heavy and insistent.
My body is a riot of sensations.
His arousal throbbing in my hand, slick and silken soft and ready for me. The drag of Niall’s fingers inside me, moving faster. His thumb pressing at that spot—the one ready to send me over the edge. His mouth on my breast. The light scrape of his teeth on my nipple.
It’s all so much, but still not enough.
“Niall, please .”
He lifts his head to look up at me, concern flickering in his eyes. His hand stills. “Hun. Do you want me to stop? Is this too much?”
“No.” If I weren’t so twisted up inside, I’d laugh at the absurdity of it. “It’s not too much. I need… more. I need you.”
“I’m right here.”
I hold his gaze. “No. I want to feel you inside me.”
His jaw tightens. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.” In emphasis, I unhook my bra and let it drop to the floor. “I’m very sure.”
As he stares at my breasts, I’m almost shocked at myself. With all my talk of independence, I’ve never initiated sex like this before.
But then again, I never wanted anyone like I do with Niall. I’ve never cared about someone this much.
“Ah, Jade.” Niall leans down to kiss me. “I’m very sure, too.”
“Good.” I flash him a bold smile. “So. I think you’re way overdressed. We should do something about that.”
His answering smile makes my legs go weak. “Anything you want, Jade. Anything.”
Then he takes off his clothes, and it’s a hundred times better than I imagined.
Maybe more. A thousand, even.
Muscles on muscles; not the bulky, body-builder sort, but ones built from hours of running and sparring and all the crazy cross-training exercises he does.
His chest is broad and dusted with dark hair that trails down past a very admirable eight-pack and to his obvious arousal.
There’s a tiny tattoo just above his heart with the initials C and C intertwined, which I know stands for his parents.
Niall’s handsome features are tight with desire, and his eyes are fixed on mine, showing me everything he’s feeling.
It’s not just a physical need for him, either.
“You’re so handsome,” I blurt out. “I always thought you were, but seeing you like this…”
A satisfied expression moves across his face, and his smile quirks. “Not nearly as gorgeous as you. Except.” His hands come back to my hips, and he slides my bikini down. “Now we’re even.”
“We are,” I breathe, and step forward so our bodies are flush to each other. My hand comes down to encircle him again, stroking in the way I learned he likes best.
Niall sucks in a sharp breath, but his smile sobers. “I want you to be comfortable. Do you want to be on top? Or?—”
“Actually…” My heart flutters with unexpected nerves. “Could you…” What is wrong with me? Where is independent Jade?
Well. She doesn’t want to be independent right now. Almost in a whisper, I ask, “Can you take charge? And I don’t need to be on top.”
Heat flares in Niall’s gaze. “You want me to be in control?”
I lift my chin. “Yes.”
“Ah, hun.” He lifts me into his arms, and I instinctively wrap my legs around his waist. “I can do that. And I’ll take care of you. I promise.”
And he does.
Laying me down on the couch with infinite care and kissing me all over.
Draping my legs over his shoulders and driving me mad with his mouth and fingers and tongue, bringing me right to the edge before retreating.
He kisses my breasts and suckles my nipples, using his teeth to create a delicious sensation of pleasure and pain.
Then he kisses me, first achingly tender, then filled with passion and hunger.
And when I think I might go crazy from need, he braces himself above me, all his gorgeous arm muscles flexing, and just looks into my eyes. All his emotions are right there, no holding back, and I know he loves me.
I don’t mean to say it spontaneously, not at this cliched moment, but as he finally sinks into me and the feeling is so absolutely perfect, I can’t stop myself. Wrapped around him, feeling fully complete for the first time in my life, it just comes out.
“I love you.”
Niall freezes, his features jolting in surprise, and my heart stutters. Did I just ruin everything? Was I wrong?
He closes his eyes for a second. Then he opens them again, and everything feels right in the world. “I love you, Jade. So much.”
Oh .
My heart.
This joy .
The joy keeps building along with the absolute pleasure as Niall moves again, plunging inside me. He kisses me as he keeps thrusting deep, filling me, and I’m making sounds I’ve never made before—small whimpers and moans and soft cries as I beg him, “Please, Niall. Oh please. I’m so close.”
He’s impossibly big inside me, but we’re still a perfect fit.
He moves my legs over his shoulders and hits deep at a different angle, a spot I’ve read about but wasn’t convinced existed until this moment. “Niall. Oh?—”
“I love you.” It’s murmured against my jaw. “I love you.”
And then he sinks deep one more time, and everything comes crashing together into an explosion of ecstasy. My inner walls clench around him, fluttering and sending zips of unbelievable pleasure throughout my body.
My heart is hammering, my lungs are straining for air, and my muscles don’t seem to work. But it’s the best feeling in the world.
Niall groans—a guttural, primal sound—and he stiffens inside me, somehow growing even thicker and longer. Hot heat fills me in steady pulses, something I’ve never felt before.
Not planned, but not scary. Nothing with Niall is.
Always so gentle, Niall flips us over and drapes me across his chest. We’re still connected; he’s still half-hard and twitching inside me, and aftershocks are still working their way through my body.
His arms come around me, achingly gentle. Lips press to the top of my head. For a minute, we just lie together, breathing hard.
Then he says softly, “Jade. That was the most… it was beyond words. I loved it. And I love you. But—” Ice encases my lungs. “I didn’t think about protection. I’m sorry. But whatever happens, I’m with you. I mean that.”
The ice melts. “It’s okay.” I smile against his chest. “I’m clean. Rhi ran a fresh batch of tests on me just in case. But I haven’t been with anyone in a couple years. And I’m on something. So…”
“I’m clean, too.” Niall kisses my head again. “It’s been a long time. And we all got tested before joining B and A. But I’ve never been with a woman without. Ever.” He pauses. “This was amazing, but I don’t expect it. I’ll make sure to remember next time.”
Without thinking, I reply, “I think… I like feeling you like that. And we’re both safe. So it’s okay. If you want to keep doing it this way.”
Niall moves, slipping out of me, and he says, “Hang on. I’ll get something.” But then he gets this proprietary look in his eyes and adds, “Is it bad to say I like seeing you like this? With my… it’s like I’ve claimed you.”
I never would have thought I’d like the idea of a man marking me, but lying here on the couch after making love to Niall, feeling his seed still on me and looking at me with that affectionately possessive look in his eyes… “It’s not bad. I like it, too.”
Niall grins. “Good. Now, stay there and I’ll get something to clean up. And some food.” His eyes flash with masculine pride. “So you can make up some of the energy you spent.”
A few minutes later, we’re both curled together on the couch, still naked, a blanket wrapped around us. We have a plate of appetizers on a table in front of us—little bruschettas and baked brie with pepper jam and tiny spanakopitas—and two glasses of red wine. As he hands me my glass, he kisses my cheek and says, “This is perfect. Being out here with you. Holding you in my arms. Knowing how it feels to be inside you.”
“I know.” I feel like a shaken soda bottle, happiness fizzing crazily inside me. “I really love you. I’ve known for a while, but I didn’t mean to just say it like that…”
“Ah, Jade.” He turns me on his lap. “I knew, too. I didn’t want to rush you. If you weren’t sure…” His expression sobers. “I’ve wanted you for so long. And now… I wish I’d said something sooner. Done something sooner.”
“Why didn’t you? If you felt like that?” It’s not said bitterly, but out of true curiosity. “I thought you only saw me as Shea’s best friend. Kind of like a surrogate little sister.”
Niall grimaces. “I never thought of you as a sister. Trust me.” A beat, and then, “I was active duty. Overseas more often than not. Even if you’d wanted to start something with me, I wasn’t going to be around much. It wouldn’t have been fair, leaving you alone and making you worry every time I left on a mission I couldn’t tell you about.”
“I worried about you. All the time.” Stroking his stubbly cheek, I explain, “I knew the kinds of things you did. I researched the Rangers. And the Green Berets. I always worried. And I was always scared you wouldn’t come home.”
His eyes go soft. “Oh, sweetheart. I’m sorry.”
“No. Don’t be sorry. You were doing something so brave. Important. I understood, even if it scared me.”
He hugs me and presses a kiss to my forehead. “Still. It was easier to think of you not worrying. Pursuing your dreams of being a PA. Finding the job you always wanted. I hate that you were worrying about me.”
I meet his gaze. “I will always worry about you. No matter what you’re doing.”
He goes silent, brows drawing down in a V. Finally, Niall says, “I used to think… that once I left the Army, if you were still single, I’d go to you. See if you wanted to give us a try. But then”—he shakes his head—“everything got so messed up. And I hurt you. Once I realized how badly I’d fucked up, there was no way…”
My heart twists. “I would have.”
Regret darkens his gaze. “I felt so guilty about everything. Shea. Hurting you. And I wasn’t in a great place, even before that.”
“Why?”
“Not long before I came back—when Shea was in the hospital—something happened. With Rhiannon. So I was already feeling guilty about that. Then with Shea being sick, hurting you…” With a rueful smile, Niall continues, “I know I’m not making much sense.”
I lace my fingers through his. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.”
“No, I want to. So you understand. Not all the details, because it’s Rhi’s story to tell. But we—the rest of the team and I—had just discovered that she was being harassed. By a superior. It had been going on for a long time, but she didn’t want anyone to know. Didn’t want to be looked at differently. It was hard for her, being one of the only female Green Berets, so I understand… but we were her team. We would have had her back.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It had come to a head, and some pretty messed up stuff happened. Back then, I couldn’t help feeling like I let her down. Like I should have noticed. Done something. Then everything with Shea happened. And I lashed out at you when I was really angry with myself. I felt so shitty about that, Jade. You were so perfect and?—”
Shaking my head, I interject, “I’m not perfect. Trust me.”
“To me, you are. And I hurt you. After all those years of thinking about you. Seeing how wonderful you were. Thoughtful. The way you supported Shea when our parents died and I couldn’t be there.”
“Niall.” My tone is firm. “You made a mistake, just like I did. We both messed up. But we’re human. It happens. And that’s okay.”
“It’s easier to think that now.” His lips tug up. “Especially now that I have you.”
This time when Niall’s lips meet mine, it’s a claiming, just as he said he wanted to do.
When we finally pull apart, he hands me back my wine glass, which he somehow held steady during the minutes of kissing. Then he looks at me with so much love, tears burn behind my eyes. “You’ve always had my heart, Jade.”
“Niall.”
“I mean it. Once I met you, no one else came close.”
Don’t cry.
Swallowing back tears, I tell him, “I know how you felt. Because it was the same for me.”