11. Chapter Eleven
Chapter Eleven
Pasha
W hen Tyler came to get me for our workout, for the first time in weeks, I considered saying “no.” Instead, I’d followed him to the hotel gym, hoping I’d catch a glimpse of Alyssa before our dance session.
I’d tried to find her at the end of the night, but she’d left.
Tracking her down in her hotel room hadn’t been an option when Mia had been so drunk.
But it had taken all my self-control not to go to Alyssa’s room once Mia was safely back with Tyler.
The only thing holding me back had been the hotel room arrangements.
I didn’t know if she shared hers with another dancer. We didn’t need people gossiping.
“Mia’s taking a pass on the dance session today,” Tyler said as he alternated bicep curls. “She had a little too much fun at the party.”
At the end of the night, she’d been rambling about something Jazz had said to her.
The words had been too slurred to catch anything other than Mia’s annoyance at the dancer.
I wasn’t upset about Mia canceling. To get more time with Alyssa and avoid the awkwardness of having Mia present when we saw each other again was a win.
Now that the floodgates had opened, I didn’t have any interest in closing them. Alyssa understood the obsession, the addiction, and she felt it too. Instead of fighting it, maybe the key was to ride it out, let it run its course .
“How was the party last night? Mia was so drunk. I wish I’d told the nanny to stay with Victoria while I went with you.”
Whenever possible, they tried to have one parent with Victoria.
They paid the nanny to travel with them, but it was probably the easiest gig on the tour.
They very rarely left her unattended if they could divide and conquer.
“Too drunk?” I hadn’t neglected my duties last night, but I’d been less attentive than normal last night.
Usually, I was at her shoulder, the voice of reason.
Tyler chuckled. “No, a headache today. Nothing terrible. But when she’s had a few drinks, she gets ideas.”
I wasn’t sure I wanted to talk about the kinds of ideas Mia got when she was too drunk. But the way Tyler had ended his sentence made it seem like he needed a sounding board. “Oh?”
“She thinks I should start my own clothing line.”
I settled under the bar of weights on the bench and took a deep breath. “You’d be good. You don’t like it?”
“It’s not that.” Tyler stood above me, ready to spot. I didn’t need him, but I wasn’t going to argue. “We’d have to use her money for the startup costs, and we’d probably operate at a loss at first. The whole thing makes me uncomfortable.”
“When she’s feeling better, you’ll talk.” I lifted the bar and brought it down to my chest and then back up again, over and over.
“You’re in a good mood today.”
I froze, the weights halfway to the bar, and Tyler guided them back on the rack. “I am?”
“Yeah.” Tyler chuckled. “You’re not the most talkative person, but lately it’s been grunts and Russian swear words. I told Mia I thought you needed a break from us. ”
I sat up, keeping my back to Tyler, and ran a hand through my damp hair. “Sorry.” I hadn’t realized my internal conflict had been so visible.
“No need to apologize, man. You’ve been with us every day from day one. There’s no shame in needing a break.” He crossed over to the treadmill and stepped on, setting the display. “You seem better today. Everything okay back in Russia? You don’t talk about your home much.”
“Not much to say.” I rose and went to the leg machine, on which I took a seat. “I think I’ll be better now. No need to worry.”
Alyssa felt the same way I did. I was sure we could come to some sort of arrangement that would defuse this tension, keep us satisfied until the tour ended. Just the thought eased the pressure hovering over my chest. We were on the same page.
“Okay, well, if you do need some time to yourself, it’s okay to ask.”
“I’ll be fine,” I said with a nod, and I moved the pin heavier on the machine. “I’m happy.”
From the minute the door to the ballroom in the hotel clicked closed, I sensed the tension emanating from Alyssa across the room.
Her spine was ramrod straight, and she didn’t turn at the sound of the door.
She was fiddling with her phone, and when she threw it into her bag, she still didn’t meet my gaze.
The weight that had been hovering over my chest earlier landed. I ran a hand down my face.
Regret .
The room stank of it, like a terrible cologne sprayed over and over.
She regretted sleeping with me again. Last night, she’d told me not to come here with regrets, and I hadn’t.
I’d been prepared to move forward, offer some suggestions about what last night had meant or could mean.
Instead, I was on a slippery slope, unsure of where to place my next step to keep us on stable ground.
Avoidance, maybe? I winced. Not my favorite strategy.
“Mia’s not coming,” I said, leading with something easy, an icebreaker.
“I know. She texted me.” She nodded toward her phone.
“Are we okay to practice?” My gut twisted. We were back to where we’d been after the last time we slept together, uncertain, stilted.
“Uh, yeah.” She dragged her hair into a ponytail and turned her back.
“Alyssa?” Head on. I wasn’t going to avoid this. Couldn’t do it. I’d go insane trying to sidestep the truth, whatever it turned out to be.
She half turned, not making eye contact but clearly listening.
“If you regret last night, say it. If I need someone else to help with the dance, tell me.” I crossed my arms and stared at her.
She dropped her hair from where it had sat, perched on top of her head, the elastic still looped around her wrist. When she faced me, she tugged on her bottom lip with her fingers.
She met my gaze, and her brown eyes were filled with uncertainty.
“We should have kept things between us professional. That’s my fault.
I shouldn’t have said anything to you about how I was feeling.
I knew better, but I was drunk, and well, you’re—you know—you. ”
“Professional?” I couldn’t help the disbelief in my voice. Last night, she’d said she thought we were becoming friends, then we’d had sex, and now she wanted to scale our relationship back to professional . “What is going on? ”
“I don’t regret last night, but it was a mistake. I need this job, really need this job, and I didn’t think things through.”
I’d been keeping my distance, uncertainty making me cautious, as though I could keep the sting from her words by being far enough away. “I don’t understand.” Now, I stood in front of her, staring down, trying to read her, but she was focused on her feet.
“If I lose this job, I’ll end up bankrupt.” She met my gaze, a hint of pleading in her brown depths. “I don’t know what your contract says, but mine specified no, you know, relationships with other staff members.”
The urge to touch her, comfort her was overwhelming, and I tucked my hands into my pockets, hunching my shoulders.
“I don’t know if that’s in my contract. I wouldn’t have cared when I signed.
” I’d still been too riddled with grief over Zoya.
Another relationship? I would have laughed at Laura if she’d even mentioned it.
Well, maybe I wouldn’t have laughed out loud.
Laura wasn’t the kind of woman who could take a joke or share a confidence.
“As payment for helping with the wedding dance, Mia’s putting in a good word with Sarah Telling for her tour. Rehearsals start right after Mia’s wedding. If I get fired, I don’t just lose this job. Ten years of hard work goes down with it. That’s how long it’s taken me to get here. Ten years .”
Each word was like glue, closing off our attraction, making it impossible to argue with her.
Could we sleep together and keep it from Mia? Was it fair to ask Alyssa? To put Mia in such a difficult position if she found out?
I couldn’t do that to either of them .
“Do you have your contract?” I was no expert, but maybe another set of eyes on the wording might give them some clarity, a loophole.
She dug around in her bag and handed me her phone, unlocked.
“It’s right there. I highlighted and screenshotted the words as a reminder to myself.
” A wry smile touched her lips. “’Cause you’re so close right now, and you smell so good, and I don’t want to be good.
My thoughts are all bad. Very, very bad. ”
Unlike the various arena rooms we’d practiced in, the ballroom had many exits and entrances. Anyone could walk in on us at any moment. Dirty thoughts had been on my mind all morning, and the reminder of what I’d hoped we’d be doing right now caused a hollow sensation in my gut.
I tried to block out her proximity and focused on the highlighted section. Any person caught in violation of any portion of the contract will be immediately terminated. “Did you know about this last night?”
“Sort of? I hadn’t read it in a while. And like you, I didn’t really care when I signed the contract.”
I frowned, trying to piece together how she’d gone from having sex with me to reviewing her contract in this kind of detail.
Hadn’t occurred to me to check. Of course, I wasn’t worried about being fired and had saved enough money that even if I was, I’d be able to live on my savings for a while. “Why did you look this up?”
She sighed. “Jazz told Mia last night that she thought you and I were sleeping together. Mia, thinking she knew what was going on, told Jazz she was wrong.” She let out an unsteady laugh and pursed her lips.
“Maybe Jazz saw me falling all over you. I am not discreet when I’m drunk, and I was wound pretty tight when I started drinking.
” She swallowed and broke eye contact to take back her phone.
“And she knows about all the bets I had with Amy that first night.”
All the bets .