Chapter 41 Broken Reality
Conversations buzz around me, but I don’t understand a thing. Instead, I’m staring out the window of the guest suite, watching the sunset get swallowed by a vortex of dark clouds that came out of nowhere.
Much like Blake’s email.
I shiver, a sudden chill stabbing into my shoulders.
Ren ran off with my phone after I got the email and has been confined with Elias in his office ever since.
“I’ll figure this out,” he’d promised, and pressed a shaky kiss on my forehead. “And…I’ll support your decision, no matter what happens.”
He thinks I’m going to leave him, and he’s already making room for my choice.
Lana called Scarlett back to the house while I was trying to process what this all means.
“Aria…Aria!” a voice calls from my right. Someone shakes me.
I drag my eyes to sharp green ones. Red hair. A deep frown.
“Talk to us,” Scarlett says and pulls me to the carpet where she’s clearly set up some sort of picnic—a black-and-white plaid throw, crimson cushions she got from somewhere, and a tea set—all without me noticing.
“Feel the ground, or er, the blanket. Let it anchor you.” Placing a cup into my hands, she beckons Lana over, who takes a seat next to me.
“I-I don’t know what there is to say,” I mumble.
“You sure it’s Blake?” Scarlett asks.
“It has to be. ‘I’m the sunshine to your gloom’ is what he always said to me. Sunflowers are his favorite, and my tattoo.” I look at the perfect sunflowers on my forearm.
“It was always strange why Cornelius insisted you had a key, like he knew something we didn’t know,” Lana comments, her eyes pensive.
“Everything was a lie.” Every smile, every touch. The golden-boy doctor act. “Who is he? The man I thought I knew didn’t have a dishonest bone in his body.”
I hear cards shuffling. Scarlett tucks a curl of hair behind her ear and frowns at the spread.
Three cards—according to her, they represent the past, present, and hidden truth.
“Master of disguise.” She growls at the cards. “It’d be nice if you told me this sooner.” Then she points at The Moon reversed. “But all will be revealed.”
“No shit, Scarlett.” Lana snickers. “I can tell you that.”
“Are you going to reply to his email?” Scarlett asks, ignoring Lana.
I shake my head. “I want to. I want answers. But Ren told me not to do anything until he runs this down.”
My head pounds, and I bury my face in my hands.
Blake is alive.
A man I once loved. Mourned. Held in a cold morgue until my fingers turned into ice. A man I once thought was my forever.
Relief, however flimsy, sparks.
He isn’t dead. The wishes I made during the pit of my grief, hoping everything was a nightmare, came true.
But then, any good emotion inside me sours.
Because if he’s alive, then how much of my pain was part of the plan? He stood by while I broke into pieces after his death, unable to eat, sleep, or function, while he hid somewhere in the dark.
And the sunflower tattoo—the violation of my body—inking deadly secrets onto my skin without my knowing. That was all him.
Worse than all of that—the relief, betrayal, fury—is the look in Ren’s eyes before he walked out of the bedroom earlier.
The resignation.
The love.
The way he was preparing to lose me, but would still accept my choice.
And out of the chaos, this last feeling is the one I want to fix first.
“If it was Blake…if he walked through the door right now and had a reasonable explanation for everything, would you go back to him?” Lana asks.
The room falls silent. A yearning tugs at me—hard—in a singular direction.
Scarlett squeezes my hand. “What does your gut tell you?”
Things have changed this past year.
I have changed.
Or perhaps I have finally embraced my true self.
When I think of Blake now, it isn’t love that rises first. It’s confusion, hurt, and anger. It’s the grind of ragged edges that never fit. How I was never fully myself with him.
And there’s only been one man who’s loved all sides of me: the good, the bad, the messy, the orderly. Only one man who’s let me be my true self around him. No masks. No shame.
“Ren,” I whisper, my voice shaky at first. Then steady. Strong. “Ren.”
“There you go. One issue solved.” Scarlett pours tea into my cup. “We’ll figure out the rest later.”
Someone raps on the door.
Sofia steps in. With her dark hair in a ponytail and no makeup on her face, she looks younger.
“New development,” she says. “Aleksei’s working on the email, but whoever sent it knew what they were doing. It’ll take some time. Ren texted Sir Tao to see if he knew anything about Blake’s interactions with Cornelius.”
“And?” I hold my breath.
Her gaze sharpens. “He wants to meet you two. With answers.”
An hour later, Ren strides down the main corridor of the siheyuan with me by his side. His fingers twine around mine, tight and sure, like he’s reassuring me everything will be fine.
Guards step aside when he passes them, distrust clear in their eyes.
Menace invades the air.
“Si Shen,” they murmur while gripping their guns.
As if they can’t decide whether they should empty their clips into us or let us live.
Ignoring them, Ren leads me to our destination, the same crimson-studded door I recognize.
Cornelius’s former office.
Before he knocks, he turns to me, his gaze gentle.
“We’ll figure this out,” he promises. “I’ll protect you. Everything will be fine. Trust me.”
He opens my clenched hand and drags his finger over my palm, writing a character I now know the meaning of.
Peace. Safety.
His vow to me.
Before we left Elias’s compound, he explained the choices the others came up with—disappear off the face of the earth with new identities, or put out fires one at a time, the first being the threat of retaliation for Cornelius’s death.
“I won’t run,” I tell him.
“So we won’t.” He caresses my cheek. “You don’t have a fear gene, and I love that about you.”
My eyes burn as I drag my gaze over his handsome face now, his jaw covered by his half mask as always.
He’s come out of hiding and stepped into the den of snakes for a chance they’d let me go for good.
This man has risked everything for me.
His life. His sister’s life.
All to protect me.
“I trust you.” I press a kiss to his hand. “Always.”
Ren swallows, emotions clouding his eyes, and he knocks.
“Come in,” Sir Tao says.
The old man sits in Cornelius’s chair, his kind eyes sharpening when they land on Ren and me.
“Good to see you again, my dear,” Sir Tao says to me.
“You promised answers.” Ren stiffens.
“Impatient as always.” The old man chuckles. “I’ve always worried about you, Ren. If you weren’t so good at killing, you wouldn’t have survived our world. There’s no room for…emotions.”
He stands from behind the desk and makes his way over to us.
“But I suppose that’s what separates mortals from gods—flaws.”
Something about his quiet, detached assessment has me shrinking behind Ren, whose gaze darts to me.
The girl without the fear gene is afraid.
Pushing me behind him, Ren says, “I respect you, Sir Tao. That’s why we’re here right now. Please don’t waste my time.”
The man shakes his head in obvious disappointment.
“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you. You always forget that one,” he says. “But that’s okay.”
His gaze catches mine before returning to Ren. “I understand…your priorities have shifted. But sometimes, consequences follow.”
Someone knocks on the door.
Sir Tao straightens.
“I promised you answers, and I will give them to you both.” He turns to me. “Aria, you stay. I have something to discuss with Ren in private first. Then I’ll come back with your answers.”
“No.” Ren squeezes my hand. “Where I go, she goes.”
“Nothing will happen to her. We’ll just be in the courtyard.” He points to the central reflecting pool. “You can see her the entire time.”
Another knock cuts through the stilted silence.
Neither man budges.
I squeeze Ren’s hand. “You go have that chat.” Then I glance at Sir Tao. “He’s had plenty of chances to kill me already. I’ll be fine here.”
Admiration flashes across the old man’s eyes. “I like her. I suppose if you had to fall in love, you could’ve chosen someone far worse.”
Ren cups my cheek. “You sure?”
I nod.
“Stand by the window. Open it. Yell if you need me.”
“I will.”
The two men disappear out of the office. As the door snicks shut behind them, I stride to the window as instructed, taking in the branches of the willow trees bending to the wind, the moonlight casting shadows across the reflecting pool that once captured my attention at the Benefaction.
Minutes tick by, and I still don’t see Ren and Sir Tao.
Unease winds tighter through me. What’s taking them so long?
Click.
The door opens. I exhale. Maybe it was a quick discussion, and they were already done.
I spin around. “I hope your talk went well—”
The rest of the sentence dies in my throat.
Because standing in front of me is a face I haven’t seen in a long time.
The blond hair that used to frame his face is now a buzz cut. The bright blue eyes that used to shine with mirth are now haunted and tired. New wrinkles mark his forehead, and he’s skinnier, as if this past year hasn’t been kind to him.
“Aria.” The unmistakable soft voice. “I’ve missed you.”
Blake.