27. Duke
TWENTY-SEVEN
DUKE
“ A re you okay, hon?” Hwan asked me a couple of days later when he visited me with his Golden Girls, who were due for their health check-up.
“Yeah. Yeah. Just tired.” I suppressed a yawn and gave my attention to Sophia, who was wrapped in a towel to avoid her flying away, and she cawed at me.
“Sophia! Stop being mouthy and let the good man Duke take care of you.” Hwan scolded his pet crow and rubbed a hand along her beak while her friends watched us from their cage with suspicious stares.
I chuckled and finished the examination on all three, and as soon as I returned them to their carrier, Hwan came around to my desk and leaned against it.
“Something is clearly wrong. Is it Azrael and the baby? Are you overwhelmed by it all? Talk to mama.”
I rolled my eyes with a sigh and leaned back in my chair.
“No. It’s not Azrael or the baby. He’s amazing, and Noah is a cutie-pie, and I love them both.”
Hwan crossed his arms.
“Are you sure? Because you gained a boyfriend and a stepson in like a matter of weeks.”
“I’m sure.”
“Is it…whatever’s going on in here?” He lowered his tone as if we weren’t alone, but who knew? Maybe we weren’t, despite being the only ones in my office.
I pursed my lips. Of course I was worried about the drugs and the laundering or whatever the hell was going on, but Azrael and the rest of the guys had taken that on their shoulders, and whether intentional or not, they’d kept me in the dark about the whole ordeal.
I know. I know. It’s probably stupid for the man whose business is being used to not know what’s happening, but with everything else going on, can you blame me ?
“What is it then, hon? Is something wrong?”
I looked at Hwan, admiring his wig of choice today, which was a mermaid blue, and studied his face, his genuine concern for me. I might be a hermit, but he was one of the few people I would call a friend on this island.
I didn’t want to tell him, but I felt like I had to. Besides, my parents knew now, so what was the point of keeping it such a tight secret anyway?
“I have cancer. Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. I had it when I was young, and I have it again. I’ve been on chemo for the past month and a half, and it’s kicking my butt.”
I immediately remembered why I didn’t want to tell people.
His face dropped, his eyes narrowed, and his brows did that thing that happened when someone was trying to fight their tears, making them look all knotted up and curvy.
“Oh my God, Duke. I’m so sorry. I…I didn’t know.”
“That’s the point, Hwan. I didn’t want to tell peop?—”
I didn’t get a chance to finish because he collapsed on top of me, wrapping his arms around me and clinging to me for dear life.
It was strange and unexpected, but after the initial shock wore off, I hugged him back, and the more I did, the more I realized how much I needed it. Not because Azrael or my family weren’t enough, but because it was different. Confessing to friends, to people who have always been there for me but only on a seemingly surface level, friends who I never kept up with because I was too busy running an animal shelter and didn’t feel like I belonged anywhere else… Well, having such a friend care so much for me and the fear of losing me lit a fire under my ass.
Because I did matter. I was important. Not just to my family and animals but to others too. Even to people I kept at bay for whatever reason. And even though that should have made me sadder and more scared of dying and hurting them, it just made me all the more determined to beat this thing and live.
And yeah, I know I have no say in whether I beat this thing or not because admitting that’s the case means I’m admitting Noah died because he didn’t want to live hard enough, but …
Maybe what I needed to do, even just a little bit, was to believe that this lucky third time wouldn’t end me and continue to live my life like that.
“I’m here for anything you need, whatever it is. Whether you want to call me in the middle of the night to vent, to take you to chemo and stay with you while I tell you spicy stories about Parker and me, or if it’s to cook you some yummy Dak Gomtang because we all know chicken soup is the magic panacea, I’m here for you, okay?” He let me go just enough to look into my eyes, and I nodded. “And don’t you ever think you’re inconveniencing me for anything because I’ll smack your ass and not in the fun way.”
I laughed.
“You got it, Hwan. You got it.” I held his hands and took deep breaths while we sat in silence, though not the uncomfortable kind. It was a cozy one, a warm, friendly one. A hopeful one.
The kind I never thought I’d get with anyone let alone people who weren’t related to me. Yet here I was with a boyfriend and his son, his family and my friend, a community all around me. I wasn’t going to waste it. I was going to cherish each and every one of them, and if I made it through this disease, I’d make a conscious effort to do better for them all.
Something creaked, and I opened my eyes. Azrael stopped dead in his tracks and sighed.
“I’m sorry,” he said, reaching the bed and taking his rightful place next to Max, who was next to me, which was simply how it was. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“It’s okay. It’s not your fault. The drugs are making me sleepy, but it feels like I can only sleep lightly. It’s so annoying.”
“Awww, my baby.” He reached for my cheek, and I closed my eyes, focusing on the sensation of his fingers on my skin. “I wish I could help you.”
“You are helping me, silly. You’re helping me more than I could have ever hoped for.”
He pursed his lips to the side and stared at me.
“You know what I mean. I wish I could do something about your cancer. To make it go away.”
I bit my tongue and rested my hand on his, guiding it to my mouth.
“Well, you can’t. No one can. So don’t beat yourself up about it. You’re here, and that’s enough.” I kissed the back of his fingers, one by one, then did the same with his knuckles. But when I got to his thumb, I opened my mouth and bit the end.
“Hey! What was that for?”
I laughed.
“Because I love you, and I want you.”
Azrael’s eyes widened, and he sat up.
“Max, my boy, I’m afraid you have to sleep in your bed tonight.” He patted Max’s butt a couple of times, and somehow, Max got the message.
He jumped off the bed and went to sleep in the corner where several doggy beds were. One was already occupied by Clover who, upon seeing his larger friend, abandoned his spot and curled up in Max’s bed.
Azrael wasted no time lying back down and resuming our previous position.
He cupped my face and I twisted my hands around the hem of his tank top, pulling him to me, to my lips.
I opened my mouth to receive him, pushing my tongue into his, and a moan erupted from me on impact.
His hand moved to the back of my neck, then my shoulder blade, then the small of my back, each move bringing us closer together until we were pinned against each other. His cock throbbed against mine under his pants.
I slid my hand down and under the waistband, and the heat made my fingers sizzle. Another groan came out of me, causing the air around us to vibrate with our desire.
“God,” he mumbled in my mouth, and I smiled.
He gave my butt a squeeze and tickled my waistline before mimicking me and taking my cock in his hand.
“Azrael. You know I can’t…”
Another stupid side effect of the chemo. While I could still get horny, coming wasn’t easy. Even downright painful if I tried too hard. But that didn’t suppress my desire for him. And it didn’t mean I couldn’t be there for him.
“That’s okay. I still want to play with you,” he whispered, using his other hand to explore the rest of my crotch, cup my balls, rub my taint, and press against my hole.
I twitched and throbbed under his touch, my temperature rising higher and higher by the second until my whole body felt like lava was about to burst from within me and wreck me to pieces.
I pulled his waistband down, and he lifted his hips to slip the pants off completely. Then he helped me do the same. When I was as exposed to him as he was to me, I crawled down, planting kisses on his hairy buff chest along the way. The sight had the ability to drive me over the edge, and I enjoyed the effect it had on him. How he pulsed in my hand with each kiss, each lick.
I reached my destination, and he jerked as a greeting, but I tightened my hand around him and wrapped my lips around his crown, gently, softly, ghostly even, and used my tongue to tease his slit.
“Oh my God, Duke. You’re making me blaspheme, but I don’t care. Don’t stop.” He put his hands on either side of my head and held me but didn’t guide my moves.
I looked up at him. He was smiling from ear to ear while the rest of his face was strained, alight. It might be dark, but I could see him. I could see all of him clearer than I’d ever seen him. And I wanted him. I wanted him more than anything I’d ever wanted before.
He’d chosen me. Out of all the people in the world, he’d chosen me to love, to touch, to kiss, and to protect. I knew it probably made more sense to keep him at bay, to deny him so that if he lost me, he could move on with his life, but the truth was, I couldn’t deny him any longer. I didn’t want to. I was selfish because I wanted him. All of him, pain and grief be damned.
I watched him as I continued licking his head. I opened wider so I could guide more of his cock into my mouth, watching him as I got into a rhythm, both with my mouth and my hand, and when savoring every time his body seized under my influence. I enjoyed making him feel this way, making him lose control. It tasted so sweet and felt so damn good to know I had that much power over the man. I’d never had power before. But now, in that moment, I felt indestructible.
“Oh my God, Duke. I’m close. I’m…so…close,” he gasped, and I slowed down. I relished the man under me for a moment that turned to two, then to more, and then, when I’d had my fix, I brought him higher and higher to absolution. To the best height of both our lives.
And that, too, tasted oh so heavenly.
“I love you, Duke. I love you so much,” he panted as I helped him come back down to reality, placing kisses on his skin, anywhere but the sensitive area I’d spent so much time admiring and lavishing with my affection.
I climbed back up to him, and he held me as I whispered, “I love you so much, Azrael. You’ll never know.”
“I do know, silly. Because I love you just as much.”
I shook my head.
“Impossible,” I said and kissed him.
And kissed him and kissed him and kissed him until my lips were raw, my eyes heavy, and our bodies one.
I woke up to my ringtone on my bedside table, and even though I felt like hell, I snatched it and slid my finger across the screen before it woke Azrael up.
“Hey,” I whispered.
“Duke. It’s me. It’s Penny. It’s your sister.”
“I know who you are, Penny,” I answered, crawling out of bed and into the en suite.
“I need you, Duke. Something happened, and I need you.”
“What?” My eyes went wide, and I looked in the mirror. The bags under my eyes looked dreadful, but I didn’t care about that right now. “What happened?”
“I…I can’t over the phone. I…I need you here.” There was a whimper to her voice, and if her plea for help hadn’t woken me up already, that did.
“I’ll be right over.” I hung up and slipped into my clothes from last night before sneaking out the door.
It was only six in the morning. I didn’t know why Penny was up so early and what could be so wrong, but if she was calling me in such distress, it must be bad.
I drove to her house and didn’t even notice the extra car in her driveway when I knocked on the door.
Someone opened it, but it wasn’t Penny. It was Derek, the guy who delivered the medicine to me.
“Der—” I started when he raised his hand and pointed a gun at my chest.
“Get in, pretty boy,” he said and yanked me inside.
Well…fuck !